What triggers true Female Domination?

[CharleyH]

While some know that I write articles professionally, some do not. Recently, I received a PC from a Litster on an article I wrote on another site (a link I happily gave to him and MANY KISSES TO HIM, BTW) yet, I felt it more appropriate for me to address his PC here.

The topic was regarding female domination.

As part of my summary in the article, I stated "I believe a true femdom is a woman who is born of and knows her nature, and is not made from the fantasies of men."

He strongly disagreed. Which is fine – I enjoy debate and this is why I am bringing it up on Lit.

Whether you are a femdom, maledom, sub, vanilla or simply writing or fantasizing, your spin on the topic is most welcome.

 

[CharleyH]

While some know that I write articles professionally, some do not. Recently, I received a PC from a Litster on an article I wrote on another site (a link I happily gave to him and MANY KISSES TO HIM, BTW) yet, I felt it more appropriate for me to address his PC here.

The topic was regarding female domination.

As part of my summary in the article, I stated "I believe a true femdom is a woman who is born of and knows her nature, and is not made from the fantasies of men."

He strongly disagreed. Which is fine – I enjoy debate and this is why I am bringing it up on Lit.

Whether you are a femdom, maledom, sub, vanilla or simply writing or fantasizing, your spin on the topic is most welcome.

Excuse my vanity - self bump.

 

[3113]

Well, ironically, in a male dominated society, the fantasy of the dominating female has, histoically, been written up by males. Pulply books like "She" and such, with Amazon type queens who enslave some hapless male were all, as I recall, written by men and are certainly indicative of a particular male fantasy.

I suppose the real question would be, in what ways is a women's view of Femdom--what it means, how the genders engaging in it should act, etc.--different from that of a man? What do men want from Femdom, in their most fantastic dreams, that a woman creating her own version wouldn't give them...and vice versa.

Because if the men and women are in prefect agreement, then it would seem to me that Femdom is a mutually satisfying fantasy--one that certainly requires the male's fantasy, as he must be a willing participant, AND the female who feels this is her own, true nature...as she must be a willing participant, not just trying to make the man happy.

How's that for gender neutrality?

 

[CharleyH]

Well, ironically, in a male dominated society, the fantasy of the dominating female has, histoically, been written up by males. Pulply books like "She" and such, with Amazon type queens who enslave some hapless male were all, as I recall, written by men and are certainly indicative of a particular male fantasy.

I suppose the real question would be, in what ways is a women's view of Femdom--what it means, how the genders engaging in it should act, etc.--different from that of a man? What do men want from Femdom, in their most fantastic dreams, that a woman creating her own version wouldn't give them...and vice versa.

Because if the men and women are in prefect agreement, then it would seem to me that Femdom is a mutually satisfying fantasy--one that certainly requires the male's fantasy, as he must be a willing participant, AND the female who feels this is her own, true nature...as she must be a willing participant, not just trying to make the man happy.

How's that for gender neutrality?

Intriguing overall sentiment that is worthy of a thought. However, you don't really say much more than a thought.

 

[jomar]

What level are you talking about Charley - There's a range from mentally healthy folks who like to role play to spice things up to people having truly sadistic personalities. Where along the spectrum are you pointing your question?

 

[Liar]

As part of my summary in the article, I stated "I believe a true femdom is a woman who is born of and knows her nature, and is not made from the fantasies of men."

Do you then mean femdom is something different than, or the same as, true dom in general?

 

[jomar]

Can you provide a link to your article, or post the article?

 

[CharleyH]

What level are you talking about Charley - There's a range from mentally healthy folks who like to role play to spice things up to people having truly sadistic personalities. Where along the spectrum are you pointing your question?

Hm, interesting and I would like to address this some day, Jomar. Here and now my ask was: "I believe a true femdom is a woman who is born of and knows her nature, and is not made from the fantasies of men."

I would enjoy an answer.

 

[jomar]

Hm, interesting and I would like to address this some day, Jomar. Here and now my ask was: "I believe a true femdom is a woman who is born of and knows her nature, and is not made from the fantasies of men."

I would enjoy an answer.

In that case I agree.

Edited out dumb sentence - I was thinking of a lot of variables and simplified it to a "duh" statement.

 

[CharleyH]

Do you then mean femdom is something different than, or the same as, true dom in general?

My article tackled that question ....

 

[oggbashan]

The question has a loaded emotive term "true".

The definitions of "true femdom" and "true dom" could be argued for years.

How much "femdom" is mutually agreed role-play, and how much is genuine domination and submission could vary from 100% role play to 100% reality. The distribution would probably follow the bell-shaped curve. On which point of that distribution is "true"?

Og

 

[Kev H]

I believe I have a pretty good grip on what triggers false femdom--insecurity (backlash/overcompensation), anger/resentment, and a need to feel superior--in any comparative sense--to males (as stated with all generalizations and prejudices included). If I have a handle on the concept, psychologically, then it stands to reason that all negative, non-noble sentiments spawn false femdom.

Pure confidence in worth-of-self and desire to be the greatest female possible (in complete independence of male input/manipulation) must, therefore, be the root of true femdom, and domination is not as much a description of action as a state of being (for many religious figures, the Virgin Mary embodied this state of perfection, interestingly enough, but the implications and lessons from that behavior could spawn its own thread).

So, I think the short answer is *gasp* that I agree with CharleyH, but that also would depend on the motivation behind the answer as well as some subtle definitions. If a woman aspires toward perfection and is noble (honorable), unfazed by the pressures of society, and in an honest search for truth and strength of character, I truly believe she deserves (having earned and continuing to earn the right) to be placed on a pedestal, and while not idolized in the strict sense of the word ala the Virgin Mary, at least learned-from and fervently respected.

Sadly, I have yet to see a woman who even approaches this ideal (true/pure) version. The best I see are confused, struggling to find their way through the mazes of their feelings and their environment--not unlike most top-tier human beings. Perhaps it is wisest to aspire or yearn for this ideal without actually expecting it to mesh with reality.

Kev

It must also be noted that the perfect femdom should inspire the perfect counterpart, as counter-intuitive as that may seem. Existence in perfect balance would see this as the truth.

 

[CharleyH]

The question has a loaded emotive term "true".

The definitions of "true femdom" and "true dom" could be argued for years.

How much "femdom" is mutually agreed role-play, and how much is genuine domination and submission could vary from 100% role play to 100% reality. The distribution would probably follow the bell-shaped curve. On which point of that distribution is "true"?

Og

Not really Og, at least not really if anyone actually understands concepts of sadism and masochism and feminism as it equates to both (GOADING I KNOW).

 

[starrkers]

Hm, interesting and I would like to address this some day, Jomar. Here and now my ask was: "I believe a true femdom is a woman who is born of and knows her nature, and is not made from the fantasies of men."

I would enjoy an answer.

What do you define as "a true femdom"?

 

[CharleyH]

I believe I have a pretty good grip on what triggers false femdom--insecurity (backlash/overcompensation), anger/resentment, and a need to feel superior--in any comparative sense--to males (as stated with all generalizations and prejudices included). If I have a handle on the concept, psychologically, then it stands to reason that all negative, non-noble sentiments spawn false femdom.

Pure confidence in worth-of-self and desire to be the greatest female possible (in complete independence of male input/manipulation) must, therefore, be the root of true femdom, and domination is not as much a description of action as a state of being (for many religious figures, the Virgin Mary embodied this state of perfection, interestingly enough, but the implications and lessons from that behavior could spawn its own thread).

So, I think the short answer is *gasp* that I agree with CharleyH, but that also would depend on the motivation behind the answer as well as some subtle definitions. If a woman aspires toward perfection and is noble (honorable), unfazed by the pressures of society, and in an honest search for truth and strength of character, I truly believe she deserves (having earned and continuing to earn the right) to be placed on a pedestal, and while not idolized in the strict sense of the word ala the Virgin Mary, at least learned-from and fervently respected.

Sadly, I have yet to see a woman who even approaches this ideal (true/pure) version. The best I see are confused, struggling to find their way through the mazes of their feelings and their environment--not unlike most top-tier human beings. Perhaps it is wisest to aspire or yearn for this ideal without actually expecting it to mesh with reality.

Kev

It must also be noted that the perfect femdom should inspire the perfect counterpart, as counter-intuitive as that may seem. Existence in perfect balance would see this as the truth.

You gasp to agree with me? How... limited. LOL

 

[jomar]

I believe I have a pretty good grip on what triggers false femdom--insecurity (backlash/overcompensation), anger/resentment, and a need to feel superior--in any comparative sense--to males (as stated with all generalizations and prejudices included).

Are you limiting your answer only to women wanting to dominate men? Are they somehow different from women who dominate submissive women?

 

[CharleyH]

What do you define as "a true femdom"?

How dare you ask.

 

[starrkers]

How dare you ask.

Never mind.

 

[JamesSD]

I tend to believe, from what I've read and my own experiences, that a lot of sexual kinks are learned as a result of childhood and teenage experiences. Others are acquired later in life.

The desire to be sexually sumissive seems most common in people who feel compelled to be in control in their "normal" life. The stereotypical client of a professional Domme is a successful, rich, powerful buisiness man, who has a lot of pressure on him. Being powerless, it seems, is the ultimate taboo for them, and taboo can lead to arousal. Couple that with the relaxed euphoria of not having to make any decisions and merely follow orders, and you can see where the appeal comes.

In my experience, a lot of sexually submissive women are those who feel compelled to control their lives; Type A, straight A student types. For them, letting go, being out of control and powerless is a deep rush. Also, for feminist women, allowing a man to physically overpower you, smack your ass and order you around, is also taboo, and hence, exciting.

Being Dominant sexually myself, I don't think I can be objective, although I do imagine the converse is true, where feelings of powerlessness can encourage an attraction to being in charge and control.

In short, I disagree with the "born of" portion of CharleyH's statement, because I believe that sexual desires are forged throughout one's life. Anecdotally, I know there are Dommes and Doms out there who never gave the idea much thought, but when their partner asked them to tie them up or spank their ass, discovered a new part of their sexuality, something they enjoyed and were good at. Semantic arguements aside, I do agree that Dom/sub desires are innate to a person, however, I feel that in our culture of sexual repression they can go undiscovered and unknown to the person who has them.

 

[Kev H]

Are you limiting your answer only to women wanting to dominate men? Are they somehow different from women who dominate submissive women?

Did you read for content, or read for nitpicking? Do really care about concepts and philosophies or are you only interested in belittling yourself? Prove that you are worthy of wasting my time and I will answer your all-too-obvious questions.

As for CharleyH, you misinterpret the entire meaning when I state I am surprised that we agree. Assuming you are as you act, and I am as I act, then we are wired from opposite ends of the spectrum (in more ways than one)--being (pleasantly) surprised is no sign of close-mindedness, I assure you.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Not really Og, at least not really if anyone actually understands concepts of sadism and masochism and feminism as it equates to both (GOADING I KNOW).

First of all, I separate the physical kinks of sadism/masochism from the mental kinks of dominance/submission. It's true that many women equate wanting to be spanked with a betrayal of their feminist ideals. I did too, for a long time- and I was pretty uncomfortable with dom/sub dynamics as well. I would not allow a top to order me around in any way other than the scene we were in, and I could not bring myself to give orders to my bottom.

That lasted for quite a while, in fact- during most of the time that I played publicly, but nowadays, fuck it. If I want my ass spanked, I request it.

I always consider myself the dom, no matter what the scene is. And I'm becoming a better sub as a result- because I know I am enjoying it. It's a personal journey that has to do with many other aspects of my life besides my crossed wires.

In any case, no one talked me into topping or domming, it was always my own idea.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Are you limiting your answer only to women wanting to dominate men? Are they somehow different from women who dominate submissive women?

I see what Kev is saying, and from my experiences, Jomar, and talking with a lot of leatherfolk- I'd say it holds true more or less, for most women who top, no matter what their sexual preference is.
I'd guess this is environmental, really, and who knows how things would be if we didn't live in a male-dominated society...

 

[lightsaver]

While some know that I write articles professionally, some do not. Recently, I received a PC from a Litster on an article I wrote on another site (a link I happily gave to him and MANY KISSES TO HIM, BTW) yet, I felt it more appropriate for me to address his PC here.

The topic was regarding female domination.

As part of my summary in the article, I stated "I believe a true femdom is a woman who is born of and knows her nature, and is not made from the fantasies of men."

He strongly disagreed. Which is fine – I enjoy debate and this is why I am bringing it up on Lit.

Whether you are a femdom, maledom, sub, vanilla or simply writing or fantasizing, your spin on the topic is most welcome.

Good evening Charley,
Your definition is correct. Why?
Because I say so.

 

[jomar]

Did you read for content, or read for nitpicking? Do really care about concepts and philosophies or are you only interested in belittling yourself? Prove that you are worthy of wasting my time and I will answer your all-too-obvious questions.

Edit original reply to: I'm going to assume your kidding because you can't be serious. Please tell me you're not.

 

[gauchecritic]

"I believe a true femdom is a woman who is born of and knows her nature, and is not made from the fantasies of men."

Which, whilst agreeing and supporting the common myth (yes I said myth) that women are classically subordinate to men, dismisses entirely the fact (yes I said fact too) that male/female relationships are far too complex, emergent and dynamic to state that any type of behaviour is at the behest of men's fantasy.