What the scientists didn't tell you about the eclipse

[OldJourno]

When the trajectory is directly over Chugwater, Wyoming, during today's eclipse, Satan's demons will be unleashed on the Earth, bathing almost everyone in a fiery oil.
As the trajectory hovers over South Carolina, Earth will split in two along the path of the eclipse, with one half spiraling off into to deep space while the other races toward the sun. Our atmosphere will vanish and life will cease to exist.







With the world crumbling around him, in his final, desperate post, Phrodeau will blame all of it on global warming.

 

[Colonel Hogan]

This is exactly why I've opted to stay indoors and watch it on TV.

 

[Hypoxia]

I missed it all.

Bad eyes.

Is anything left?

 

[Rightguide]

I saw it with a shoe box some white paper and a few tiny pinholes.

I did note a law professor using 4500 words to explain why the eclipse was a racist event. Science didn't warn us about that either.