What the Rules of Life REALLY are

[Isabella Thorne]

1. Never give yourself a haircut after three margaritas.

2. You need only two tools. WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn't, use the tape.

3. The five most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship: "I apologize" and "You are right."

4. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

5. When you make a mistake, make amends immediately. It's easier to eat crow while it's still warm.

6. The only really good advice that your mother ever gave you was, "Go! You might meet somebody!"

7. If he/she says that you are too good for him/her ... believe them.

8. Learn to pick your battles; ask yourself, 'Will this matter one year from now? How about one month? One week? One day?'

9. Never pass up an opportunity to pee.

10. If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You have another chance!

11. Living well really is the best revenge. Being miserable because of a bad or former relationship just might mean that the other person was right about you.

12. Work is good, but it's not that important.

13. And finally ... Be really nice to your friends. You never know when you are going to need them to empty your bedpan.

psssst - can you think of any more to add?

 

[Andreina]

WD-40 ????

 

[bluespoke]

Don't have any more to add, but could you post number 8 on this Board every day.

 

[MidnightAngel]

LOL.......I like #2 & 4.

Thanks....I needed a smile this morning!

 

[cellis]

The only thing I can think of is that one should never pass up the opportunity to say "I love you" to those you matter in your life... you never know when it will be the last time...




The Beginning

 

[Wiggles]

1. Never give yourself a haircut after three margaritas.

Let's revise this to:
1. Never dye your hair or give yourself a haircut after three margaritas.



14. If you're a woman, and you live with a man, and you get up in the middle of the night to use the restroom, just assume the toilet seat's up, and you won't get any wet suprises.

 

[Jersey Citizen]

2. You need only two tools. WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn't, use the tape.

Okay, I'm thinking this one is from Red Green--got any snow up there at the Possum Lodge?

 

[Weird Harold]

WD-40 ????

A silicon based spray lubricant that works on just about anything.

I'll add, "Nothing in this world has only one purpose or use."

 

[LukkyKnight]

More? Sure.

Trust, but verify.

Give more than you take.

Learn the difference between wisdom and knowledge.

If you get to sleep in a wet spot, realize those who don't have that opportunity are worse off.

Many hands make light the work.

Trust that guy about the sunscreen.

 

[Isabella Thorne]

If you get to sleep in a wet spot, realize those who don't have that opportunity are worse off.

.... now that is fucking brilliant .... thank you darling

 

[Isabella Thorne]

oooooo .... here are some more ...

1. There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example, I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.

2. When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog that barks all the time run to the end of his chain and gag himself.

3. If you can't be kind, at least be vague.

4. A penny saved is a government oversight.

5. The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends.

6. The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

7. He who hesitates is probably right.

8. If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

9. The purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.

10. How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.

11. If ignorance is bliss, why aren't a lot more people happy?

12. Most of us go to our graves with our music still inside us.

13. If Wal-Mart is lowering prices every day, how come nothing is free yet?

14. You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to one person.

15. Some mistakes are too much fun to make only once.

16. Don't cry because it's over: smile because it happened.

17. We could learn a lot from crayons: some are sharp, some are pretty, some are dull, some have weird names, and all are different colors. But they all have to learn to live in the same box.

18. Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler.

19. A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.

20. Happiness sometimes comes through doors you didn't even know you left open.

21. Once over the hill, you pick up speed.

22. I love cooking with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food.

23. If not for STRESS, some days I'd have no energy at all.

24. Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.

25. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

26. I know God won't give me more than I can handle. I just wish He didn't trust me so much.

27. You don't stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing.

28. Dogs have owners. Cats have staff.

29. We cannot change the direction of the wind, but we can adjust our sails.

30. If the shoe fits, buy it in every colour.

 

[sch00lteacher]

Cellis

Excellent addition...never pass up the opportunity to say "I love you" to those you matter in your life... you never know when it will be the last time...

Very true. I missed my chance with my brother.


Another rule, when all else fails, RUN!

 

[LadyDarkFire]

Some things exsist whether you believe in them or not.

When caught with your pants down, pull them up, deny everything, and ask for your lawyer.

Nosy mothers serve some purpose. I'll give alot of money to find out what it is.

Aunts who try to set you up are looking out for your best interests, in their own way. It does help if you have cousins nearer the age of 30 than you are, however.

"Such a Nice Boy" is never a good thing. If you're a guy, it means kiss all hope of getting laid good bye. If you're a girl, it means someone's plotting a wedding.

"And a Doctor. . ." is even worse than "Such a Nice Boy" if you're a female.

"And he takes such good care of his mother. . ." is even worse than "Such a Nice Boy" for either sex. It means that you better look good in white, or a Tux, depending on which one you are.

If the father says "I don't keep a shotgun behind the door" it generally means he either keeps it in his hands, or can't make room for it with the Mother's ax there.

 

[Isabella Thorne]

Be thankful for . . .

The partner who hogs the covers every night, because he/she is not out with someone else.

The teenager who is not doing dishes but is watching TV, because that means he/she is at home and not on the streets.

For the taxes that you pay, because it means that you am employed.

For the mess to clean after a gathering, because it means that you have been surrounded by friends and loved ones.

For the clothes that fit a little too snug, because it means you have enough to eat.

For a lawn that needs mowing, windows that need cleaning, and gutters that need fixing, because it means you have a home.

For all the complaining you hear about the government, because it means that we have freedom of speech.

For your huge heating bill, because it means you are warm.

For weariness and aching muscles at the end of the day, because it means you were capable of working hard.

For the alarm that goes off in the early morning hours, because it means that you are alive.

 

[Nogard]

Be careful of whose toes you step on on the way up............They might be connected to the ass you have to kiss on the way down

 

[estevie]

Everything can be forgiven, nothing can be forgotten.