alexander tzara
"Release The Bats!"
- Joined
- Dec 29, 2000
- Posts
- 1,111
Somebody sent me this. (I'm a salmon, BTW)
> > > Which animal does your birthday fall under?
> > >
> > > January 2 to January 11 ........Lion
> > > January 12 to January 24 .......Salmon
> > > January 25 to February 3 .......Bear
> > > February 4 to February 8 .......Rat
> > > February 9 to February 18 ......Fox
> > > February 19 to February 28 .....Ferret
> > > March 1 to March 10 ............Crow
> > > March 11 to March 20 ...........Magpie
> > > March 21 .......................Elephant
> > > March 22 to March 31 ...........Badger
> > > April 1 to April 10 ............Ostrich
> > > April 11 to April 20 ...........Duck Billed Platypus
> > > April 21 to April 30 ...........Goat
> > > May 1 to May 13 ................Salmon
> > > May 14 to May 24 ...............Hyena
> > > May 25 to June 3 ...............Monkey
> > > June 4 to June 13 ..............Giraffe
> > > June 14 to June 23 .............Flamingo
> > > June 24 ........................Frog
> > > June 25 to July 4 ..............Lion
> > > July 5 to July 14 ............. Chimpanzee
> > > July 15 to July 25 .............Racoon
> > > July 26 to August 4 ............Dog
> > > August 5 to August 13 ..........Ferret
> > > August 14 to August 23 .........Elephant
> > > August 24 to September 2 .......Monkey
> > > September 3 to September 12 ....Magpie
> > > September 13 to September 22 ...Warthog
> > > September 23 ...................Badger
> > > September 24 to October 3 ......Bear
> > > October 4 to October 13 ........Frog
> > > October 14 to October 23 .......Duck Billed Platypus
> > > October 24 to November 11 ......Rat
> > > November 12 to November 21 .....Sloth
> > > November 22 to December 1 ......Ostrich
> > > December 2 to December 11 ......Warthog
> > > December 12 to December 21 .....Magpie
> > > December 22 ....................Giraffe
> > > December 23 to January 1........Racoon
> > >
> > >
> > > Badger
> > > Resourceful, loyal and well, small, black, white and
> > > stinking. You, like the badger, spend most of your
> > > time hanging around dark holes, looking for the slugs
> > > of the social strata. You're also a bit of a vicious
> > > fucker, not giving up until you've suitably destroyed
> > > your opponent (like the badger and its "I'm not letting
> > > go till your leg breaks you dick" attitude).
> > >
> > > Bear
> > > Fearless, brave and dignified are things you might
> > > associate with bears but there's no way in hell
> > > they'd be associated with you. No, the things you have
> > > in common with the bear are that you smell like you've
> > > had shit stuck to you for four months, your hair looks
> > > like you've been in the forest for thirty odd years,
> > > and your breath smells of fish.
> > >
> > > Chimpanzee
> > > Chimpanzees are nothing but exhibitionists. Especially
> > > of their bare asses. You're the type of person who
> > > wanders around beaches in the summer, practically
> > > naked, bar one or two pieces of string covering your
> > > genitals. You think you look great, when in fact your
> > > cellulite is clearly showing, and your fake tan is
> > > starting to run down your legs with the amount of
> > > sweat that's pouring off you.
> > >
> > > Crow
> > > You are the type who sings at parties, tries their
> > > hand at karaoke, and loves to hum round the building
> > > site / office. You think this is great and that
> > > everyone loves your voice. You are in fact shit. Your
> > > singing talents are equivalent to that of a real crow.
> > > To top it all off, you've no sense of fashion either.
> > >
> > > Dog
> > > Loyal, friendly and disgusting. You'd give your right
> > > arm to be able to lick your own arse, you'll eat
> > > anything put in front of you and you'll do anything
> > > your mates tell you. Plus you've probably got a hairy
> > > back and you smell like a f*ckin walrus during the
> > > summer.
> > >
> > > Duck Billed Platypus
> > > A rare creature. You like the platypus, are awkward,
> > > goofy looking and spend most of your life hiding your
> > > stupid features
> > >
> > > Elephant
> > > The elephant never forgets or so they say. You wish
> > > you could, cause you're fat, everyone insults you and
> > > when you're old, you're destined to become a wrinkly
> > > wizened old bugger.
> > >
> > > Ferret
> > > Like the rat you are small and furry, but the thing
> > > about you is instead of trying to make friends, all
> > > you do is make enemies. No one likes you, you're a
> > > malevolent bastard, who'll stop at nothing to harm
> > > others. As well as that you're a smelly bastard, who
> > > really should wash now and then.
> > >
> > > Flamingo
> > > Ahhh, the pink flamingo. In male terms the gayest of
> > > all creatures. You are extremely camp. You are prone
> > > to mincing around the place constantly, your voice is
> > > unusual, and you have abhorrent tastes in music. Look
> > > at the way you're sitting right now! Its so gay! For
> > > the females, Flamingoes are vain creatures, you're
> > > constantly looking at yourself in the mirror, and that
> > > spot on your left cheek just won't go away will it?
> > > God it makes you look ugly.
> > >
> > > Fox
> > > What can one say about the fox. You're nothing but a
> > > sneaky little bastard, who spends most of his time
> > > either sleazing around bitches (or vice versa for the
> > > females), thieving stuff and scheming constantly. You
> > > also whine a lot, you're as skinny as heck and you're
> > > hungry most of the time.
> > >
> > > Frog
> > > Amphibious (adaptive). Small and warty. Yup, you're a
> > > small warty runt of a creature. Your eyes bulge out of
> > > your head, and people avoid you like the plague for
> > > fear of catching some sort of ugly disease from you.
> > >
> > > Giraffe
> > > Tall, sleek and gracious. In the wild maybe, but in
> > > human terms you're a lanky awkward whore. Getting in
> > > everyone's way, constantly hurting people by mistake,
> > > and generally making an ass of yourself in public.
> > >
> > > Goat
> > > The goat, rock steady in all situations, firm on its
> > > feet, sure and strong, bold and daring. However when
> > > used as a metaphor for people like yourself, we must
> > > look beyond these qualities to the goats true nature.
> > > The Bastard child of Satan. Close relative to the
> > > sheep, who we all know has no mind of its own and
> > > follows anyone anywhere. Goats stink, so do you. It's
> > > got a manky beard, which is especially true of the
> > > females, isn't it time you thought about electrolysis?
> > >
> > > Hyena
> > > Hyenas are laughing all the time. Because they're
> > > stupid as fuck. If someone kicked you on the arse
> > > you'd probably pass out in a laughing fit. You're a
> > > bit of a pack animal too, spending a lot of your time
> > > hanging round with your equally stupid mates, and are
> > > well known for coming up with such wonderful phrases
> > > as "look at that guy, he's wearing socks with his
> > > shoes, he must be gay" and rolling around laughing at
> > > your cleverness for hours. In the office you're the
> > > type of person that everyone hates. You send people
> > > stuff like this constantly thinking its hilarious when
> > > its really just a pain in the ass. Do us all a favour
> > > and fuck off and die.
> > >
> > > Lion
> > > The lion, king of the beasts, noble and wise. Real
> > > lions are anyway. You however are like the inbred
> > > lion, whos looks are past their best, you'll do
> > > anything to survive including eating your own cubs, or
> > > in your case, stealing from your own mother. Like the
> > > inbred lion you are destined to wander lonely forever
> > > through the plains of life until a hyena comes along
> > > and devours your shell of a carcass.
> > >
> > > Magpie
> > > Ahhh magpies, the veritable dirty thieving knacker of
> > > the sky. You've no morals, anything that glistens is
> > > most certainly gold in your eyes, and definitely worth
> > > a fiver down the local market, so in your pocket it
> > > shall jolly well go. You're also a superstitious
> > > creature. Prone to avoiding ladders and such, because
> > > lets be honest, you're a bit of stupid twat.
> > >
> > > Monkey
> > > Playful, cheeky and inquisitive. In the worst possible
> > > ways. You play stupid practical jokes, you're a bit of
> > > a smart ass and you stick your nose into other
> > > people's business where its obviously not wanted. As
> > > well as that you have a tendency to play with your
> > > genitals far too much, so cut it out or you'll go
> > > blind.
> > >
> > > Ostrich
> > > The ostrich, fast, nimble, quick. In nature.
> > > Metaphorically, compared to people like you, they are
> > > slow, stupid, their eyes are bigger than their brains
> > > and are cowardly bastards. You have a tendency to be
> > > not so quick on the uptake in most situations.
> > > Romantically you are stupid, your eyes see an ugly
> > > f*cka, but your brain cries beauty. At the first
> > > sign of trouble, you'll pack your bags and leggit back
> > > to your mothers place.
> > >
> > > Racoon
> > > Creatures of the forest. Scavengers by nature. Which
> > > is what you are, you're a mean bastard, never buy
> > > rounds when you're out drinking, you'd rather save
> > > money than spend it and you go through dumpsters
> > > looking for old stuff people have thrown out for your
> > > ratty abode.
> > >
> > > Rat
> > > Small, furry and loathed by all. You are the annoying
> > > type who are no less than five meters away from your
> > > new found friends no matter where they go. You try
> > > much too hard to be popular, going everywhere you can
> > > and leaving signatures of your presence. You think
> > > you're cool, when in fact nobody is actually friends
> > > with you, yet you know everyone. More people see you
> > > and tolerate you for a while, then they put out the
> > > poison.
> > >
> > > Salmon
> > > Salmon are sleek, silver, fast and athletic. You're
> > > not. You're stupid, your house stinks and you look
> > > like a fish.
> > >
> > > Sloth
> > > Bone idle. That's all you are. Good for nothing. No
> > > redeeming features at all.
> > >
> > > Warthog
> > > F*ckin ugly. Nothing much else to say about you lot.
Have a nice day everybody.
> > > Which animal does your birthday fall under?
> > >
> > > January 2 to January 11 ........Lion
> > > January 12 to January 24 .......Salmon
> > > January 25 to February 3 .......Bear
> > > February 4 to February 8 .......Rat
> > > February 9 to February 18 ......Fox
> > > February 19 to February 28 .....Ferret
> > > March 1 to March 10 ............Crow
> > > March 11 to March 20 ...........Magpie
> > > March 21 .......................Elephant
> > > March 22 to March 31 ...........Badger
> > > April 1 to April 10 ............Ostrich
> > > April 11 to April 20 ...........Duck Billed Platypus
> > > April 21 to April 30 ...........Goat
> > > May 1 to May 13 ................Salmon
> > > May 14 to May 24 ...............Hyena
> > > May 25 to June 3 ...............Monkey
> > > June 4 to June 13 ..............Giraffe
> > > June 14 to June 23 .............Flamingo
> > > June 24 ........................Frog
> > > June 25 to July 4 ..............Lion
> > > July 5 to July 14 ............. Chimpanzee
> > > July 15 to July 25 .............Racoon
> > > July 26 to August 4 ............Dog
> > > August 5 to August 13 ..........Ferret
> > > August 14 to August 23 .........Elephant
> > > August 24 to September 2 .......Monkey
> > > September 3 to September 12 ....Magpie
> > > September 13 to September 22 ...Warthog
> > > September 23 ...................Badger
> > > September 24 to October 3 ......Bear
> > > October 4 to October 13 ........Frog
> > > October 14 to October 23 .......Duck Billed Platypus
> > > October 24 to November 11 ......Rat
> > > November 12 to November 21 .....Sloth
> > > November 22 to December 1 ......Ostrich
> > > December 2 to December 11 ......Warthog
> > > December 12 to December 21 .....Magpie
> > > December 22 ....................Giraffe
> > > December 23 to January 1........Racoon
> > >
> > >
> > > Badger
> > > Resourceful, loyal and well, small, black, white and
> > > stinking. You, like the badger, spend most of your
> > > time hanging around dark holes, looking for the slugs
> > > of the social strata. You're also a bit of a vicious
> > > fucker, not giving up until you've suitably destroyed
> > > your opponent (like the badger and its "I'm not letting
> > > go till your leg breaks you dick" attitude).
> > >
> > > Bear
> > > Fearless, brave and dignified are things you might
> > > associate with bears but there's no way in hell
> > > they'd be associated with you. No, the things you have
> > > in common with the bear are that you smell like you've
> > > had shit stuck to you for four months, your hair looks
> > > like you've been in the forest for thirty odd years,
> > > and your breath smells of fish.
> > >
> > > Chimpanzee
> > > Chimpanzees are nothing but exhibitionists. Especially
> > > of their bare asses. You're the type of person who
> > > wanders around beaches in the summer, practically
> > > naked, bar one or two pieces of string covering your
> > > genitals. You think you look great, when in fact your
> > > cellulite is clearly showing, and your fake tan is
> > > starting to run down your legs with the amount of
> > > sweat that's pouring off you.
> > >
> > > Crow
> > > You are the type who sings at parties, tries their
> > > hand at karaoke, and loves to hum round the building
> > > site / office. You think this is great and that
> > > everyone loves your voice. You are in fact shit. Your
> > > singing talents are equivalent to that of a real crow.
> > > To top it all off, you've no sense of fashion either.
> > >
> > > Dog
> > > Loyal, friendly and disgusting. You'd give your right
> > > arm to be able to lick your own arse, you'll eat
> > > anything put in front of you and you'll do anything
> > > your mates tell you. Plus you've probably got a hairy
> > > back and you smell like a f*ckin walrus during the
> > > summer.
> > >
> > > Duck Billed Platypus
> > > A rare creature. You like the platypus, are awkward,
> > > goofy looking and spend most of your life hiding your
> > > stupid features
> > >
> > > Elephant
> > > The elephant never forgets or so they say. You wish
> > > you could, cause you're fat, everyone insults you and
> > > when you're old, you're destined to become a wrinkly
> > > wizened old bugger.
> > >
> > > Ferret
> > > Like the rat you are small and furry, but the thing
> > > about you is instead of trying to make friends, all
> > > you do is make enemies. No one likes you, you're a
> > > malevolent bastard, who'll stop at nothing to harm
> > > others. As well as that you're a smelly bastard, who
> > > really should wash now and then.
> > >
> > > Flamingo
> > > Ahhh, the pink flamingo. In male terms the gayest of
> > > all creatures. You are extremely camp. You are prone
> > > to mincing around the place constantly, your voice is
> > > unusual, and you have abhorrent tastes in music. Look
> > > at the way you're sitting right now! Its so gay! For
> > > the females, Flamingoes are vain creatures, you're
> > > constantly looking at yourself in the mirror, and that
> > > spot on your left cheek just won't go away will it?
> > > God it makes you look ugly.
> > >
> > > Fox
> > > What can one say about the fox. You're nothing but a
> > > sneaky little bastard, who spends most of his time
> > > either sleazing around bitches (or vice versa for the
> > > females), thieving stuff and scheming constantly. You
> > > also whine a lot, you're as skinny as heck and you're
> > > hungry most of the time.
> > >
> > > Frog
> > > Amphibious (adaptive). Small and warty. Yup, you're a
> > > small warty runt of a creature. Your eyes bulge out of
> > > your head, and people avoid you like the plague for
> > > fear of catching some sort of ugly disease from you.
> > >
> > > Giraffe
> > > Tall, sleek and gracious. In the wild maybe, but in
> > > human terms you're a lanky awkward whore. Getting in
> > > everyone's way, constantly hurting people by mistake,
> > > and generally making an ass of yourself in public.
> > >
> > > Goat
> > > The goat, rock steady in all situations, firm on its
> > > feet, sure and strong, bold and daring. However when
> > > used as a metaphor for people like yourself, we must
> > > look beyond these qualities to the goats true nature.
> > > The Bastard child of Satan. Close relative to the
> > > sheep, who we all know has no mind of its own and
> > > follows anyone anywhere. Goats stink, so do you. It's
> > > got a manky beard, which is especially true of the
> > > females, isn't it time you thought about electrolysis?
> > >
> > > Hyena
> > > Hyenas are laughing all the time. Because they're
> > > stupid as fuck. If someone kicked you on the arse
> > > you'd probably pass out in a laughing fit. You're a
> > > bit of a pack animal too, spending a lot of your time
> > > hanging round with your equally stupid mates, and are
> > > well known for coming up with such wonderful phrases
> > > as "look at that guy, he's wearing socks with his
> > > shoes, he must be gay" and rolling around laughing at
> > > your cleverness for hours. In the office you're the
> > > type of person that everyone hates. You send people
> > > stuff like this constantly thinking its hilarious when
> > > its really just a pain in the ass. Do us all a favour
> > > and fuck off and die.
> > >
> > > Lion
> > > The lion, king of the beasts, noble and wise. Real
> > > lions are anyway. You however are like the inbred
> > > lion, whos looks are past their best, you'll do
> > > anything to survive including eating your own cubs, or
> > > in your case, stealing from your own mother. Like the
> > > inbred lion you are destined to wander lonely forever
> > > through the plains of life until a hyena comes along
> > > and devours your shell of a carcass.
> > >
> > > Magpie
> > > Ahhh magpies, the veritable dirty thieving knacker of
> > > the sky. You've no morals, anything that glistens is
> > > most certainly gold in your eyes, and definitely worth
> > > a fiver down the local market, so in your pocket it
> > > shall jolly well go. You're also a superstitious
> > > creature. Prone to avoiding ladders and such, because
> > > lets be honest, you're a bit of stupid twat.
> > >
> > > Monkey
> > > Playful, cheeky and inquisitive. In the worst possible
> > > ways. You play stupid practical jokes, you're a bit of
> > > a smart ass and you stick your nose into other
> > > people's business where its obviously not wanted. As
> > > well as that you have a tendency to play with your
> > > genitals far too much, so cut it out or you'll go
> > > blind.
> > >
> > > Ostrich
> > > The ostrich, fast, nimble, quick. In nature.
> > > Metaphorically, compared to people like you, they are
> > > slow, stupid, their eyes are bigger than their brains
> > > and are cowardly bastards. You have a tendency to be
> > > not so quick on the uptake in most situations.
> > > Romantically you are stupid, your eyes see an ugly
> > > f*cka, but your brain cries beauty. At the first
> > > sign of trouble, you'll pack your bags and leggit back
> > > to your mothers place.
> > >
> > > Racoon
> > > Creatures of the forest. Scavengers by nature. Which
> > > is what you are, you're a mean bastard, never buy
> > > rounds when you're out drinking, you'd rather save
> > > money than spend it and you go through dumpsters
> > > looking for old stuff people have thrown out for your
> > > ratty abode.
> > >
> > > Rat
> > > Small, furry and loathed by all. You are the annoying
> > > type who are no less than five meters away from your
> > > new found friends no matter where they go. You try
> > > much too hard to be popular, going everywhere you can
> > > and leaving signatures of your presence. You think
> > > you're cool, when in fact nobody is actually friends
> > > with you, yet you know everyone. More people see you
> > > and tolerate you for a while, then they put out the
> > > poison.
> > >
> > > Salmon
> > > Salmon are sleek, silver, fast and athletic. You're
> > > not. You're stupid, your house stinks and you look
> > > like a fish.
> > >
> > > Sloth
> > > Bone idle. That's all you are. Good for nothing. No
> > > redeeming features at all.
> > >
> > > Warthog
> > > F*ckin ugly. Nothing much else to say about you lot.
Have a nice day everybody.
