What rules work in your house?

[Suzins]

Hi everybody. I'm wondering what kind of internet and telephone rules other parents have in place at their homes for kids.

I'm a single parent of 1 daughter (9 yrs old), and don't have anybody around me in the same situation. My friends children are still younger and they aren't having these problems yet.

I need to set up some rules about the amount of time she spends online and on the phone. I've been using these privilidges as a bagaining chip, but she's a pretty good kid and doesn't lose them very often. She's an A student so it's not even an issue about her not doing her school work.

She is on the computer ALOT, she chats with other kids from all over the world, as well as some of her local friends. If she's not on the phone or on the internet, she's waiting to get on it.

Now, I do want to be fair about the rules I set, because she doesn't have any kids that live close by, and it's her socializing tool, as well as keeping her out of my mother's hair when I'm at work.

I just think 9 is pretty young to be this driven by the phone and internet. I don't want to be contributing to the problem by not establishing some rules. We've been over the security issues and sharing of personal information, all that stuff. Still not sure if she's fully comprehending the gravity of it all, but I'm trying.

If anybody can tell me what they're doing in their house that works, I would really appreciate it.

 

[Maiden-hunter]

got two kids and they nomaly get about 90 mins each per night each when the weather is bad in winter but when its fine we encorage them to be out side.

same thing with distance for the eldest (13) at the mo think you got to play it by ear though

as for secruity get somthing like norton pgp (prity good protection ) as you can set what info is alowed out of your pc eg you can block a phone number being sent out

 

[Weird Harold]

I need to set up some rules about the amount of time she spends online and on the phone. I've been using these privilidges as a bagaining chip, but she's a pretty good kid and doesn't lose them very often. She's an A student so it's not even an issue about her not doing her school work.

I didn't have to deal with the internet, but I bought an egg-timer for my Oldest daughter to limit the time of any single call to three minutes. That solution was prompted by her setting up a three-way call with a couple of friends -- which locks out the call-waiting tone -- and completely tying up the only phone line when I was trying to call home.

My grandaughters are of an age with your daughter, but they aren't a problem with tying up the phone or computer for long periods.

Essentially, they get about an hour a day to check and answer e-mail and whatever time they need to do research for school or a project.

I don't think they have any specific time limits on the phone, but since their Mom is an Avon Lady and needs the phone available for her customers they've been conditioned from the beginning that the phone is a business tool and not a social venue.

 

[peachykeen]

I don't have any kids yet so I am aware, I do not speak from experience. It seems to me though that if your daughter is really focused on being on the computer or phone, and these are pretty sedentary activities. I imagine it would worry me if I thought my kids weren't getting enough physical exercise.

What about giving her some sort of 'minutes' program? You know how you get with cell phones, a certain number of minutes per week? And then she can earn more by doing physical exercise, like an extra five minutes for every 10 sit-ups, or for a jog around the block, or 10 runs up and down the stairs, etc. Whatever you thik is fair and reasonable. That way, she's guaranteed a certain amount of time, but it's under her control to potentially gain more - and to gain more, she has to do something that is healthy for her. Does that make any sense?

 

[Hotred911]

My kids aren't at this age yet either, but I think Peachykeen is on to something. Have your daughter help you set the rules, that way it's something you both can at least some what agree on. This also seems to make it easier to follow the rules for the child, and enforce them for the parent(s).

 

[Myopic One]

It helps to explain reasons as well as set limits

More important than the time spent online is to make sure she understands what she needs to do to be safe online. Perhaps parents are more aware of the importance of this now, but that wasn't the case when we first started using the Internet.

My daughter was 11 when we first got connected 11 years ago. There weren't a lot of resources online for children then, so she wasn't terribly interested in it. This changed the following year, when she discovered chat sites. She thought that it was cool to be able to correspond with people all over the world, and it greatly expanded her horizons.

While my wife and I were pleased with the opportunity this provided, we quickly had to come up with some ground rules for safety, since stories about predators were beginning to surface about that time.

The first rule was never to use here real name online, especially in the chat sites, but also in e-mail. To this end, we came up with an online nym for her to use. (This backfired a little bit, though; by her sophomore year in high school, all her close friends were calling her by her nym, and still do, when the get together.) We also cautioned her about giving out specific personal information, such as the name of our town, her school, and her soccer team. We worked out a "cover story," a town and school about 15 miles away, close enough so that she could still talk about the area to someone who lived elsewhere, yet making it difficult, if not impossible, for anyone to deduce her actual whereabouts.

Most of all, we tried to instill in her a sense of healthy skepticism, and explained how things might not always be what they were made out to be. We also explained how the Internet is a public place, even though it may not seem like it, and that she couldn't expect privacy. Even from us. Or especially from us. We wouldn't necessarily go snooping through everything, but we made her understand that we'd be shirking our responsibility if we didn't check through the logs from time to time, to make sure that we were satisfied that she was conducting herself in a safe manner.

As for time limits, she had her grades to keep up, chores to do, music to practice, and helping out as needed. Other than that, we let her decide for herself what to do with her free time. In eighth grade, she was spending two hours or more online each day. On the other hand, she didn't watch television or use the telephone overmuch, because she'd converse with her friends in the chat rooms, so we figured it was a better than even trade. I was pleased to see that she'd explained our ground rules to her friends (her face-to-face ones, not her online ones), and that some of them also adopted them.

My wife and I were surprised, though pleasantly so, when she voluntarily cut way back upon entering high school. She had an ambitious courseload and a lot of extracurricular activities and decided that she just didn't have time to spend on chats..

Kids will surprise you, sometimes even in a good way. I guess there's hope for the future yet.

 

[wicked woman]

Not the question asked but people might find this email I received recently useful.

THIS IS A MUST READ IF YOU OR SOMEONE YOU KNOW HAS KIDS THAT USE ACOMPUTER.

Footsteps On Line

Shannon could hear the footsteps behind her as she walked
toward home. The thought of being followed made her heart beat faster. You're being silly," she told herself, "no one is following you." To be safe, she began to walk faster, but the footsteps kept up with her pace. She was afraid to look back and she was glad she was almost home.

Shannon said a quick prayer, "God please get me home safe." She saw the porch light burning and she leaned against the door for a moment, relieved to be in the safety of her home. She glanced out the window to see if anyone was there. The sidewalk was empty.

After tossing her books on the sofa, she decided to grab a snack and get on-line. She logged on under her screen name ByAngel213. She checked her Buddy List and saw GoTo123 was on. She sent him an instant message:

*****
By Angel213:Hi. I'm glad you are on! I thought someone was following me home today. It was really weird!

GoTo123:LOL You watch too much TV. Why would someone be following you? Don't you live in a safe neighborhood?

ByAngel213:Of course I do. LOL I guess it was my imagination cuz' I didn't see anybody when I looked out.

GoTo123:Unless you gave your name out on-line. You haven't done that have you?

ByAngel213:Of course not. I'm not stupid you know.

GoTo123: Did you have a softball game after school today?

ByAngel213:Yes and we won!!

GoTo123:That's great! Who did you play?

ByAngel213:We played the Hornets. LOL. Their uniforms are so gross! They look likebees.LOL

GoTo123:What is your team called?

ByAngel213:We are the Canton Cats. We have tiger paws on our uniforms. They are reallycool.

GoTo123: Did you pitch?

ByAngel213:No I play second base. I got to go. My homework has to be done before myparents get home. I don't want them mad at me. Bye!

GoTo123:Catch you later. Bye

*****

Meanwhile......GoTo123 went to the member menu and began to search for her profile. When it came up, he highlighted it and printed it out. He took out a pen and began to write down what he knew about Angel so far.
Her name: Shannon
Birthday: Jan. 3, 1985
Age:13
State where she lived: North Carolina
Hobbies: softball, chorus, skating and going to the mall.

Besides this information, he knew she lived in Canton because she had just told him. He knew she stayed by herself until 6:30 p.m. every afternoon until her parents came home from work. He knew she played softball on Thursday afternoons on the school team, and the team was named the Canton Cats. Her favorite number 7 was printed on her jersey. He knew she was in the eight grade at the Canton Junior High School. She had told him all this in the conversations they had on-line. He had enough information to find her now.

Shannon didn't tell her parents about the incident on the way home from the ball park that day. She didn't want them to make a scene and stop her from walking home from the softball games.

Parents were always overreacting and hers were the worst. It made her wish her parents wouldn't be so overprotective.

By Thursday, Shannon had forgotten about the footsteps following her. Her game was in full swing when suddenly she felt someone staring at her. It was then that the memory came back. She glanced up from her second base position to see a man watching her closely.

He was leaning against the fence behind first base and he smiled when she looked at him. He didn't look scary and she quickly dismissed the fear she had felt.

After the game, he sat on a bleacher while she talked to the coach. She noticed his smile once again as she walked past him. He nodded and she smiled back.

He noticed her name on the back of her shirt. He knew he had found her.Quietly, he walked a safe distance behind her. It was only a few blocks to Shannon's home, and once he saw where she lived he quickly returned to the park to get his car.

Now he had to wait. He decided to get a bite to eat until the time came to go to Shannon's house. He drove to a fast food restaurant and sat there until time to make his move.

Shannon was in her room later that evening when she heard voices in the living room.

"Shannon, come here," her father called. He sounded upset and she couldn't imagine why.She went into the room to see the man from the ballpark sitting on the sofa.

"Sit down," her father began, "this man has just told us a most
interesting story about you." Shannon sat back. How could he tell her parents anything? She had never seen him before today!

"Do you know who I am, Shannon?" the man asked.

"No," Shannon answered.

"I am a police officer and your online friend, GoTo123."

Shannon was stunned. "That's impossible! GoTo is a kid my age! He's 14 and he lives in Michigan!"

The man smiled. "I know I told you all that, but it wasn't true.

You see, Shannon, there are people on-line who pretend to be kids; I was one of them. But while others do it to find kids and hurt them, I belong to a group of parents who do it to protect kids from predators. I came here to find youto teach you how dangerous it is to talk to people on-line. You told me enough about yourself to make it easy for me to find you. Your name, the
school you went to, the name of your ball team and the position you played. The numberand name on your jersey just made finding you a breeze."

Shannon was stunned. "You mean you don't live in Michigan?" He laughed."No, I live in Raleigh. It made you feel safe to think I was so far away, didn't it?"She nodded.

"I had a friend whose daughter was like you. Only she wasn't as lucky.

The guy found her and murdered her while she was home alone. Kids are taught not to tell anyone when they are alone, yet they do it all the time on-line. The wrong people trick you into giving out information a little here and there on-line. Before you know it, you have told them enough for them to find you without even realizing you have done it. I hope you've learned a lesson
from this and won't do it again" "Tell others about this so they will be safe too?"

"It's a promise!"

That night Shannon and her dad and Mom all knelt down together and thanked God for protecting Shannon from what could have been a tragic situation.

*****NOW*****
Please send this to as many people as you can to teach them not to give ANY information about themselves. This world we live in today is too dangerous to even give out your age, let alone anything else.


EVEN FORWARD THIS TO PEOPLE WITHOUT KIDS SO THEY CAN SEND IT TO FRIENDS THAT DO HAVE CHILDREN OR GRANDCHILDREN..

 

[Suzins]

You people are awesome. I totally wasn't expecting these problems to start until she was a teenager. My god she already needs a bra LOL I have to keep reminding myself she is only 9.

Peachykeen: That minutes program sounds perfect. I'm almost thinking I should put myself on the same program LOL I'm definitely going to use that.

Wicked woman: That footsteps online....should be included in all new internet user manuals.

I know the blurb was suggested reading for parents, but I'm almost thinking the kids should be reading it as well.

I can't wait to see the look on her face when I bring up the minutes program LOL She's going to look at me like I've been smoking crack or something LOL

As for the phone LOL I didn't even know we had three way calling, but she found that two weeks ago by accident.

Any more suggestions are greatly welcomed...thanks everybody.

 

[Mogwai7]

[Removed]

 

[SensualCealy]

I may be a bit uncool for saying this but dont tell my son.

He isnt allowed to go into chat rooms and he is 13 today.

He does have messenger and can add as many of his school friends as he wants, same with my daughter. They both have their own users to keep their privacy.

Our rules are that the dishes have to be done before they get time on the computer and the one that does the dishes that night gets first crack at it.

They are limited to an hour, unless its for school, a project etc. If I see them chatting while they are to be researching , they have to log out of messenger right then and there.

One thing I would recommend is a pop up eliminator ( or what ever they are called). Some have some pretty crude pictures for kids to see, and it doesnt seem to matter what it is they search, they still pop up. Thats all I need is a question about " Mom why does that guy have his penis in that girls mouth?" It doesnt end! lol

One thing that we made a point of doing, keep the computer in site at all times, ours is in our living room. This way they can be on and we can look back and see whats on the screen.

Good luck and be honest with her, you are only trying to keep her safe.

Cealy