What Real Women Do With Duct Tape

[cymbidia]

...

 

[WriterDom]

Yep, good idea. Thank god I'm a man and look before I sit.

 

[Cirrus]

Good one Cym...I have to show that to my (male) room mate.

 

[JenJ]

Yes that is a good one I've considered doing that myself

 

[Guest]

Personally, I like this one better...

Try this one on for size!

 

[TN_Vixen]

not so sure this is advantageous

I mean, if they don't lift the seat, they pee all over it. I used to threaten to wipe my brother's pee off with his face if he didn't learn how to put the f'n seat UP before peeing. Now I have the same problem with my son. I swear. ~sigh

 

[cymbidia]

OUCH!!!!

OUCH! Ouch!!! Ooooouch!!
Owwww. Ow. Ouch. Ouch ouch ouch ouch...

Ever tried to get duct tape off skin????
Hope they've got a good layer of lotion or vaseline or something on under that tape.



(someone sent me the taped up seat pic in email this morning. i thought it very funny. we've all had an irritated flash of just taping the fucking seat down, haven't we, sometime along the way - say, middle of the night when you basically fall in cuz the seat is up?)

 

[Skibum]

That's great, Cymbidia, but what do you do when his aim is off and you wind up with a wet seat?

 

[Guest]

For formal occasions ...

Something for him, and her --

 

[cymbidia]

Skibum - i suppose it depends on how many bathrooms are in the house. I think men need one all to themselves so they can pee all over the place if they must. Course, shouldn't they have to clean it up, too? Only fair...

I've aimed one of those things while it was peeing. It's not THAT difficult to hit the hole!

(Mid-month, hmmm? We're all excited for you.)


Happy?
Ummm...
Do you have a thing for duct tape?
I mean, is it some kinda fetish you've got going?
Are you holding the good stuff back?

 

[Guest]

Fetish for ducttape? No Cym, just some funny shit I ran across at another site I like to visit --

Here's a shot of a friends beaver, < snicker >

 

[willywanker]

Skibum - i suppose it depends on how many bathrooms are in the house. I think men need one all to themselves so they can pee all over the place if they must. Course, shouldn't they have to clean it up, too? Only fair...

Cymbidia, I did design one home where the lady of the house demanded that the master bath have a urnial and that was part of her arguement. She wasn't using the 'damn thing so she wasn't cleaning it either'.

Oh, and cymbidia, ever aim one that was trying to spray in more than one direction? It happens sometimes.

Guess everyone has seen the little sign for over the john.

"We aim to please. You Aim too, please." andIf you sprinkle when you tinkle, please be a sweetie, and wipe the seatie.

 

[Skibum]

(Mid-month, hmmm? We're all excited for you.)

Not half so excited as I will be when the big day finally arrives! And we have already discussed how we'll keep the seat positioned...

 

[cymbidia]

ever aim one that was trying to spray in more than one direction?

Yeh. But i thought that was an unintended side effect of what i was doing with my fingers while i was, umm, aiming it.

 

[willywanker]

This could be a stand alone thread, but it fits in here very well.

I recieved this in an e-mail a while back and saved it as it is so true.

Leaving The Toilet Seat Up

Response to a woman who accidentally walked into the men's
restroom:

Please don't feel bad. It wasn't you entering the men's washroom that caused that guy to pee on the guy next to him. Hell, we do that all the time. It's rare for us guys to ever hit what we were aiming for. Sometimes I go into the washroom, start to pee, and then just start spinning around -- just so I'll make sure I hit something.

You see, something you ladies should understand by now is that
men's penises have a mind of their own. A guy can go into a
bathroom stall (because all the urinals are being used), take
perfect aim at the toilet, and his penis will still manage to pee
all over the roll of toilet paper, down his left pant leg, and
onto his shoe. I'm telling 'ya those little buggers can't be
trusted.

After being married 28 years, my wife has me trained. I'm no
longer allowed to pee like a man -- standing up. I am required to
sit down and pee. She has convinced me that this is a small price
to pay. Otherwise, if she goes to the toilet one more time at
night and either sits on a pee-soaked toilet seat, or falls right
into the toilet because I forgot to put the seat down, she's
going to kill me in my sleep.

Now another thing us guys don't usually like to talk about, but
because you and I have become such good friends and you think I'm a classy guy, I might as well be candid with you because it's a
real problem and you ladies need to be more understanding. It's
the dreaded "morning wood."

Most mornings we guys wake up with two things: a tremendous
desire to pee, and a penis so hard you could cut diamonds with
it. Well, no matter how hard you try, you can't get that thing to
bend, and if it don't bend you can't aim.

Well hell, if you can't aim you have no choice but to pee all
over the wallpaper and that damn fuzzy toilet seat cover you
women insist on putting on the toilet. And by the way, when you
use those damn fuzzy toilet seat covers, the stupid toilet seat
won't stay up by itself. So that means we have to use one hand to hold up the toilet seat and the other hand to try to achieve that perfect aim.

Now sometimes, when you're newly married, (and I know the guys in here will back me up on this) you think you can get the toilet seat with that damn fuzzy thing to stay up. You jam it back and compress that fuzzy thing until the seat stays there. OK, so you start to pee, but then that compressed fuzzy starts to decompress and without warning that damn toilet seat comes flying down and tries to whack off your weenie. So us guys will not lift a toilet seat with a fuzzy, it's just not safe.

I tried to delicately explain this morning situation to my wife.
I told her, "Look, it won't bend." She said, "Sit down like I
told you to do all the rest of the time." OK. I tried sitting
down on the toilet with "morning wood."

Well, it's is very hard to get it bent under the toilet seat, and
before I could manage to do it, I had peed all over the bath
towels hanging on the wall across the room. Now, even if you are
sitting down and you can get it forced down under the toilet
seat, when you start to pee the pee shoots out from the crack
between the bottom of the toilet seat and the top of the bowl.
You pee all over the back of your knees and it runs down the back of our legs on to that damn matching fuzzy horseshoe rug you women keep putting on the floor in front of the toilet.

I have found the only effective maneuver to deal with this
morning urinary dilemma is to assume the flying superman position by simply laying over the toilet seat. This takes a great deal of practice, perfect balance, and split time precision but it's the only sure way to get all the pee in the bowl during the first
morning pee.

So you ladies have to understand that us men are not totally to
blame. We are sensitive to your concerns about hygiene and
bathroom cleanliness, but there are times when things just get
beyond our control.

It's not our fault, it's just Mother Nature. Now, if it was
Father Nature... there wouldn't have been a problem!!!

 

[Starfish]

Re: not so sure this is advantageous

I mean, if they don't lift the seat, they pee all over it. I used to threaten to wipe my brother's pee off with his face if he didn't learn how to put the f'n seat UP before peeing. Now I have the same problem with my son. I swear. ~sigh

They piss everywhere anyway...

That is what the yellow is on your rag when you wipe the floor around the toilet.

 

[Valdimer]

Looking at cymbidia's pic, Damn, thats not right.........*shakes head* Looks agian, Thats just not right! lol

 

[Silverlily]

rotflmao!! (Seriously, I can't breathe)

"We aim to please. You Aim too, please." andIf you sprinkle when you tinkle, please be a sweetie, and whip the seatie.

OMG! I am going to have to put that up in the restroom at work.

 

[SweetCherry]

"We aim to please. You Aim too, please." andIf you sprinkle when you tinkle, please be a sweetie, and whip the seatie.

I grew up reading that from the age of 4 when I figured out how to. My mom still has those little plaques on her bathroom wall!

 

[Jessy]

I must agree I've thought to do that with the toliet seat myself.

 

[april-wine]

billy dressed in his finest suit, he really wanted to make a good impression on his first date with laura....his mom spent weeks making it for him and tonight was the night for love......

 

[morninggirl5]

"We aim to please. You Aim too, please." andIf you sprinkle when you tinkle, please be a sweetie, and wipe the seatie.

The sign in our bathroom said "Stand closer, it's shorter than you think."

 

[Guest]

This years duct tape fashion design summer business attire, Sergio Adhesive presents...

 

[cymbidia]

Okay, that doesn't look at all like duct tape!
Someone had WAY too much time on his hands when this thing was crafted.

Still... wonder how it breathes? ~g~ Bet a person would sweat buckets inside that suit.

 

[Guest]

Course, there's our line of decorative woodland creatures, cym. Excellent for decorating the den...