What makes a guy crappy in bed?

[EarnestImp]

In yet another penis size thread, it was once more mentioned that dicksize isn't the most important thing, and that big dicked guys can be really crappy in bed.

So what I want to know is What makes a guy crappy in bed?

Examples, please. Behaviours, attitudes, physiology, psychology, actions, athletics, or lack thereof. What disgusts you, turns you off, exasperates you, tires you.

This is really important. I'm taking notes with colored pens on graph paper. Thank you.

 

[Eilan]

I responded to this question when you posted it in the other thread, so I'm just gonna quote myself:

I'd have to say that the biggie (for me, anyway) would be not communicating/listening.

Assuming that women are cut from the same mold and therefore all like the same things.

Assuming that porn star sex=real person sex. Porn is fun, but it ain't necessarily meant to instruct.

I don't have any personal experience with this, but I've heard that some men who are larger than average (not ALL, so please don't flame me!) tend to think that because they're well-endowed, they don't have to do anything but show up, thrust a few times, get off, roll over, and go to sleep (or leave).

In general, selfishness, which applies to most of what I've said.

 

[amraam840]

edited

 

[Lust Engine]

I think being un-communicative can be rotten for either gender.

 

[SweetErika]

I responded to this question when you posted it in the other thread, so I'm just gonna quote myself:
I'd have to say that the biggie (for me, anyway) would be not communicating/listening.

Assuming that women are cut from the same mold and therefore all like the same things.

Assuming that porn star sex=real person sex. Porn is fun, but it ain't necessarily meant to instruct.

I don't have any personal experience with this, but I've heard that some men who are larger than average (not ALL, so please don't flame me!) tend to think that because they're well-endowed, they don't have to do anything but show up, thrust a few times, get off, roll over, and go to sleep (or leave).

In general, selfishness, which applies to most of what I've said.

Yeah, what she said!

I'll add three more to the list too...
People who aren't confident. When someone feels inadequate in his/her size or abilities, it can become more of a self-esteem building/motivational experience than a fun, pleasureable one. I don't care to have sex with someone who is constantly berating themselves or is so caught up with what they can't do that they forget/ignore what they can. It's a balance, but you can definitely be a caring, receptive, AND confident lover.

The "notch in the bedpost" attitude also makes it crappy. For me, this is defined by selfishness...being focused on your own pleasure, disregarding safety, not caring about your partner's needs or feelings, etc.

On Eilan's idea of communication...a "cold fish"...a partner who doesn't really show any excitement or give feedback. If you're not really making any sounds, it's easy to assume I'm not doing anything right (and I'm completely guessing which isn't a fun game when you never find out if you're correct or not!), and that makes it bad for me.

 

[Bandit58]

I'll go with the selfishness thing too. Impatience is another. My ex was guilty of both.

Someone else I was with was too rough and did not seem to care if he hurt me. Now I do like to be spanked but he assumed that because I am a submissive that I like to be hurt. There is good pain and bad pain, what he did was bad I was sore and swollen for 3 days. I dumped him after that episode

 

[Quoll]

Being in love...................................with themselves.

 

[TirelessTongue]

Being in love...................................with themselves.

Very true. Thinking about themselves first always makes a man "bad" in bed.

I'd devote almost all of my time pleasing my woman in bed. Hearing her moan, watching her squirm, all while tasting and touching her is a big enough reward within itself. She should not worry about my needs, my orgasm will come in due time. Pun intended

 

[Munachi]

agree about the selfishness...

hm, any sex that is preceded by a long argument about the use of condoms i can't really enjoy anymore...

anything that seems just mechanical like he memorized this is what sex is supposed to be like, this is how one is supposed to do things...

and i suppose it goes pretty much the same way the other way around...

 

[Eilan]

Here's something that applies to men AND women:

Failure to use that big sex organ between the ears.

 

[curiousjen]

Here's something that applies to men AND women:

Failure to use that big sex organ between the ears.

I agree wholeheartedly. For me the biggest turn off is lack of imagination. Nothing is worse than the same old routine again and again. I like things new and challanging, things that help me, ahem, expand! I'm not saying it has to be dramatic and lifechanging everytime but variety is the spice and all that!

 

[hausfrau]

Selfishness.

 

[Noor]

not paying attention

being clumsy

not being clean all over

intentionally farting

dirty nails

sloppy kisses

asking "have you come yet?"

only having one move

only being able to do missionary position intercourse

just going through the motions of foreplay

checking the clock

lying

not cuddling and/or talking afterwards

(not that anyone currently in my life does any of the above)

 

[Travelintheways]

^ I agree with all of these but particularly with asking 'have you come yet'? It IS a legitimate concern, and while I'm touched that he asked... it kind of spoils the mood. No, I have not, but if I were unhappy with the sex, believe me, I would tell you.

Just going through the movements of foreplay is another big one. I love foreplay, especially the really early parts of it; light touching, kissing, whispering. Not only do I love it, but I need it for the intercourse itself to be pleasurable.

 

[Iriadne]

A guy is bad in bed if...

-he squishes me while in missionary position - while breath play can be entertaining broken ribs are not.
-I end up with saliva in my ear during foreplay.
-he doesn't respond to feedback (i.e. "We've been going at it like rabbits all day and I'm kinda sore so could you go slow?" gets no consideration.)

 

[YinandYang]

The inabilty to really 'listen' to their partner, not just in a verbal sense but seeing the body language, the responses and reacting to them. Guess that equates to selfishness.

 

[YinandYang]

Also..forgot to add, that I think mens sexuality is more physical, ie what they can see. But a womens is more mental, as in they need to be turned on in the mind first, then the body follows, in my experience lol