What make a lesbian a lesbian.. Visually?

[missymoomoo]

Slightly odd question maybe? Just lately I have found that women are hitting on me left, right and centre. Not that I mind. Though having said that it would be nice if the occasional man would hit on me.

I want out to a pub to watch a band on Saturday night and the girl started to rub my arm in a very friendly manner. Not that I feel uncomfortable with it. I danced with her for ages as she had the energy! But at the end she wanted to take me home and I had to tell her I was not interested.

This happens a lot and I mean a lot! I do not want to go round stereotyping anyone that comes up to me and say sorry I am not a lesbian, I mean that seems really bloody stupid not to mention I would seem full of myself.

How do women seek out other women in a bar setting?

Could it have something to do with body language? The way I dress? The way I talk?

Any thoughts? On anything that would come under this massive umbrella would make me very

 

[Programmer Cat]

I'm not sure there is a look that says, "Yes, I'm a lesbian" or "Yes, I am bisexual." But I'm a bisexual male who lacks gaydar, and I suspect that alcohol screws up other people's gaydar along with their judgment.

 

[missymoomoo]

I'm not sure there is a look that says, "Yes, I'm a lesbian" or "Yes, I am bisexual." But I'm a bisexual male who lacks gaydar, and I suspect that alcohol screws up other people's gaydar along with their judgment.

I guess so but for women to just brazenly go up to me all the time leaves me quite confused. Thanks for replying anyways!

 

[Safe_Bet]

Slightly odd question maybe? Just lately I have found that women are hitting on me left, right and centre. Not that I mind. Though having said that it would be nice if the occasional man would hit on me.

I want out to a pub to watch a band on Saturday night and the girl started to rub my arm in a very friendly manner. Not that I feel uncomfortable with it. I danced with her for ages as she had the energy! But at the end she wanted to take me home and I had to tell her I was not interested.

This happens a lot and I mean a lot! I do not want to go round stereotyping anyone that comes up to me and say sorry I am not a lesbian, I mean that seems really bloody stupid not to mention I would seem full of myself.

How do women seek out other women in a bar setting?

Could it have something to do with body language? The way I dress? The way I talk?

Any thoughts? On anything that would come under this massive umbrella would make me very

Very odd question, actually.

If a guy came on to you, "danced with you for ages" and then asked to take you home would you be wondering if you were sending out the wrong signals?

You are asking us to help you stereotype a group of people and , and even if meant with the best intentions, I'm not going to try (not to mention it being impossible).

Instead of asking what the elusive "secret queer signal is", you might accept them as people first. If a PERSON hits on you (regardless of gender) and you don't find them attractive you should politely let them know that you aren't interested in anything more than dancing and leave it at that.

If it bothers you or it happens a LOT, you might choose to go to bars that aren't as popular with the queer community (although I think that would be your loss because we are just regular people after all)

 

[HarlotMinx]

Slightly odd question maybe? Just lately I have found that women are hitting on me left, right and centre. Not that I mind. Though having said that it would be nice if the occasional man would hit on me.

I want out to a pub to watch a band on Saturday night and the girl started to rub my arm in a very friendly manner. Not that I feel uncomfortable with it. I danced with her for ages as she had the energy! But at the end she wanted to take me home and I had to tell her I was not interested.

This happens a lot and I mean a lot! I do not want to go round stereotyping anyone that comes up to me and say sorry I am not a lesbian, I mean that seems really bloody stupid not to mention I would seem full of myself.

How do women seek out other women in a bar setting?

Could it have something to do with body language? The way I dress? The way I talk?

Any thoughts? On anything that would come under this massive umbrella would make me very

By any chance do you wear any jewelry with interlocking female symbols or a inordinate amount of rainbow clothing? Ohhh does your hair part on the left side or the right? because lesbians totally have left hand parts! In all seriousness, unless the answer to the first two is yes than it's either the signals you're sending or you need to stop going to lesbian bars.

 

[Safe_Bet]

By any chance do you wear any jewelry with interlocking female symbols or a inordinate amount of rainbow clothing? Ohhh does your hair part on the left side or the right? because lesbians totally have left hand parts! In all seriousness, unless the answer to the first two is yes than it's either the signals you're sending or you need to stop going to lesbian bars.

I could be wrong, but it might be the shirt!

http://img18.imagevenue.com/loc392/th_07293_89902256v7_350x350_Front_Color-Black_123_392lo.jpg

 

[HarlotMinx]

I could be wrong, but it might be the shirt!

http://img18.imagevenue.com/loc392/th_07293_89902256v7_350x350_Front_Color-Black_123_392lo.jpg

That seems too subtle a message though.

 

[emap]

Oh be nice you two.

You should be happy they are taking an interest in you. There is no special signal that says I am lesbian, there isn't a style of dress, well there is but that's for the butch lesbians. Unless you have short hair and wear pants all the time, they are simply thinking god she is so hot and not here with someone. If you wish to avoid that completely, well you can't unless you turn into a wallflower maybe, or go everywhere attached to your boyfriend.

Going someplace alone being open and friendly to everyone is going to get you hit on. The only way to avoid it is to not be open and friendly to everybody, or have your boyfriend there. If he is there and you are open and friendly to everybody, you may get hit on anyway, he can watch.

 

[Etoile]

You cannot tell a lesbian on sight, period. Unless a woman is wearing a double woman symbol, labrys, blah blah - you can't tell. If you're not wearing those things, then the women trying to pick you up are just making guesses. You can't fault them for that - just politely tell them you're not interested.

 

[Safe_Bet]

You cannot tell a lesbian on sight, period. Unless a woman is wearing a double woman symbol, labrys, blah blah - you can't tell. If you're not wearing those things, then the women trying to pick you up are just making guesses. You can't fault them for that - just politely tell them you're not interested.

Oh you can to! They are the ones trying to pick up the confused straight chicks!

 

[emap]

Can not, they could be bisexual or bi curious with liquid courage.

 

[HarlotMinx]

Can too! All lesbians have the 'lesbian part'!

 

[Safe_Bet]

Can too! All lesbians have the 'lesbian part'!

Ooooooh, good one!

No arguing that, now is there!

 

[emap]

Oh dangit I feel cheated, I didn't get a lesbian part.

 

[Safe_Bet]

Oh dangit I feel cheated, I didn't get a lesbian part.

You might have one... bend over and let me check, K?

 

[gloriann]

There used to be a look, at least for butches, but not so much anymore.

 

[Safe_Bet]

There used to be a look, at least for butches, but not so much anymore.

Yea... ever since the lumberjacks started copying them...

 

[emap]

You know it just occurred to me, I wouldn't have a lesbian part anyway, I'd have a bi part, what do those look like?

 

[co1029]

You know it just occurred to me, I wouldn't have a lesbian part anyway, I'd have a bi part, what do those look like?

I'd guess a squiggly part.

 

[Freefall_mc]

Great! All the self-aware, confident women are in here; replying with such sincerity and sensitivity too.

Quite frankly, it is a good question. Many women are just friendly or flirt for fun. It is up to you to blaze a clear boundary for them, between playful curiosity and what might be construed as true interest during any innocent flirtations.

In RL, I have always been cautious about showing any signs of sexual interest in women, due to circumstances. And yet… Most women who suggestively flirt with immediately stop when it is unreciprocated. In my experience, those that continue to “work it” seeking a response are ones I do have an attraction for, and they can obviously detect it. Body language, facial expressions, vocal tones…are all clues. And if they load you with overzealous flattery and subtle exhibitionism, take it serious and let them know where you stand.

And then, I suspect, there are those few straights, who just want to “test a suspected”, or desire the attention of another woman hitting on them. Sorry, not happening. Who wants to waste time with someone just gaming.

Recently, now that I have become more observant, it is a lot easier to pick up on hints of interest. Given the correct place and circumstances, I would now have no hesitations to returning a good serve.

 

[missymoomoo]

Very odd question, actually.

If a guy came on to you, "danced with you for ages" and then asked to take you home would you be wondering if you were sending out the wrong signals?

You are asking us to help you stereotype a group of people and , and even if meant with the best intentions, I'm not going to try (not to mention it being impossible).

Instead of asking what the elusive "secret queer signal is", you might accept them as people first. If a PERSON hits on you (regardless of gender) and you don't find them attractive you should politely let them know that you aren't interested in anything more than dancing and leave it at that.

If it bothers you or it happens a LOT, you might choose to go to bars that aren't as popular with the queer community (although I think that would be your loss because we are just regular people after all)

Thanks for you reply! I come from a family that has gay members in it so please disregard you statments about not accecpting people as people! It is not just in bars I rock climb in a club and I mentioned my boyfriend and two people said that they never knew I was straight thay alays thought I was a lesbian. I am a little offended that know you think I am not accecpting of gays/lesbaians! Probably because I am a little tired. It was not because one or two girls hit on it it is more like 3-5 everytime I go out! That's all. My girlfriend and her partner think it is funny. I don't care at all it was just a question to women asking what they look for in a woman in a bar setting. That's all. I am proud of where I live, eat and drink. It has always been an area where everyone lives happily together. I would not move, eat elswhere or drink in other bars EVER! Thanks for replying!

 

[missymoomoo]

By any chance do you wear any jewelry with interlocking female symbols or a inordinate amount of rainbow clothing? Ohhh does your hair part on the left side or the right? because lesbians totally have left hand parts! In all seriousness, unless the answer to the first two is yes than it's either the signals you're sending or you need to stop going to lesbian bars.

They are not lesbian bars! he he he lesbians do go there! But that is about it I live in a place called Newtown! I have most of my life, big gay and lesbain community but everyone lives happy in newtown!

 

[Etoile]

I don't care at all it was just a question to women asking what they look for in a woman in a bar setting.

In a lesbian bar, it is generally assumed that the women there are interested in women. You don't "look for" anything in particular in a lesbian bar. In a straight bar, there might be clues...can be anything from haircut to the way she sits or carries herself or none of the above. But the answer to your question is that in a lesbian bar, most women are expected to be lesbian or bisexual. If you're not, you have to do a lot of rebuffing. No one says you can't be there, but since everybody else will assume you're gay, it's up to you to deal with it.

ETA: I see you mentioned they're not lesbian bars. Sorry, that wasn't clear before.

 

[missymoomoo]

Thanks for that . I was actually in my local sex shop the other night and was talking to a girl who was just a little bit older than I. We started talking about things in relationships and she then mention her sexuality. She had also assumed that I was a lesbian She said it was my confidence that gave off a certain vibe.

I have been feeling unwell the last week and I have not had the energy to post back to everyone.

But I have learnt A LOT! and I am thankful to all the replies.

 

[missymoomoo]

Oh be nice you two.

You should be happy they are taking an interest in you. There is no special signal that says I am lesbian, there isn't a style of dress, well there is but that's for the butch lesbians. Unless you have short hair and wear pants all the time, they are simply thinking god she is so hot and not here with someone. If you wish to avoid that completely, well you can't unless you turn into a wallflower maybe, or go everywhere attached to your boyfriend.

Going someplace alone being open and friendly to everyone is going to get you hit on. The only way to avoid it is to not be open and friendly to everybody, or have your boyfriend there. If he is there and you are open and friendly to everybody, you may get hit on anyway, he can watch.

We do go out to the bars together, he thinks it is great! For two reasons and the main one is being not many men hit on me. And well........ you know boys