Krak Monkey
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Aug 7, 2005
- Posts
- 841
The Confused Newbie
The Confused Newbie displays the actions and coherency of somebody who just finished drinking a 12-pack of Shlitz and stumbled into an unmarked room full of nude Satanists. All posts as the Confused Newbie should be somewhat off topic and adhere to no particular topic or mindset. The only real rule in being the Confused Newbie is that there is no rules. Post whatever comes to your mind whenever it comes to your mind, and then proceed to act shocked if somebody flames you for starting 40 topics an hour and going on and on about God knows what.
The Flamethrower Clone
A great choice if you don't have anything of substance to contribute, you really want people's attention, or you simply can't write 10 words without referencing homosexuality / bodily functions. Your posts should vaguely address the subject at hand (copy and paste a random word from the original topic into your post), but it must be cleverly hidden behind a slew of pointless profanities and other remarks which will make you appear to be a rabid 12-year old with Attention Deficit Disorder. Try to flame anybody and everybody; if somebody ever agrees with you, hold off flaming them at least until they post their next message. It's only common courtesy!
The Computer Expert
Want the world to know how computer savvy and technologically literate you are? Write as the Computer Expert and you'll be cramming information down the throats of the ignorant public! Nothing quite reveals that you have a large penis like the speed of your CPU and how much RAM you have, so be sure to construct an elaborate sig file which lists every single component in your computer case, ranging from what brand / model floppy drive and CPU fan you're using. After all, there's nothing more exciting than reading about somebody else's computer!
The MENSA Troll
The MENSA Troll shares many characteristics of The Flamethrower Clone, but this style of poster refrains from writing as many blatant homosexual overtones. The general gist of all the MENSA Trolls' posts should hint at the idea that the MENSA Troll is the smartest creature in the world, and every time he posts a message, it is for the sole purpose of manipulating others on the forum. It doesn't matter what reaction he gets from anything he writes because the MENSA Troll can justify anything he wants. If, for some reason he is not able to justify it, he should ignore it completely and avoid the subject. Under NO circumstances should the MENSA Troll respond to anybody's criticisms of him; he should instead continue to criticize everybody else and avoid engaging in a two-way conversation.
Mr. Aggressive
Mr. Aggressive is the perfect personality for anybody who is attempting to get over beatings they suffered from school bullies during 5th grade. By acting like an all-out asshole and threatening physical violence on people you'll clearly never meet, you can benefit from a wonderful stress reducer! Plus people will think you're a tough guy, and they won't be aware you're actually an anemic 14-year old who has to be home schooled because you have a phobia of sunlight and trees. When posting, it helps to remind yourself that you're hidden behind an IP address and Hotmail account, and nobody's ever been able to track down somebody online because it's nearly impossible thanks to tools like Norton Crashguard and Microsoft Notepad.
Cute Gurl v2.0
By donning the mask of Cute Gurl v2.0, one is given the freedom to write whatever they like while avoiding all traditional forms of grammar and punctuation. Cute Gurl v2.0 is best not used on forums inhabited by males under the age of 20, or else other forum members have a high chance of changing into Mr. Aggressive when responding to posts. Use of emoticons and other ASCII art is highly encouraged, as is the act of referring to everybody as "hunny", "sweetie", and "cutie." In other words, try to be an online slut who's entire diet consists of pig troughs full of sugar. Whenever another Cute Gurl v2.0 comes online, the sheer idiocy in the forums will increase at least twelvefold. The Cute Gurls v2.0 should greet each other with outrageously annoying phrases like "hey baybee!!!!!!!!" and "luv u hunny!!!!!!"
The Sensitive Artist
If you're ever posting on a goth / poetry board, you'll definitely want to adopt this persona. The Sensitive Artist has the freedom to place in his sig file as many depressing poems or goth lyrics as they want. If using this personality, be sure to never capitalize anything or use any verb than infers more activity than blinking. Feel free to get into arguments with anybody else on the forum, as long as they're writing about racism, politics, music, or literature. You don't really have to know anything about those topics, just enough to to fill a few sentences with your opinion.
The Elite, Highly Advanced Forum Regular With 15 Million Posts
Many scientists can't quite figure out how the Elite, Highly Advanced Forum Regular With 15 Million Posts finds time to respond to every single thread while still being able to eat and sleep. In addition to being able to post his opinions on every single topic that enters the forum or newsgroup, the Elite, Highly Advanced Forum Regular With 15 Million Posts is able to insult all newbies and people with less posts than him (ie, everybody else). You see, a true measurement of how cool you are can be linked to your bulk number of posts, not the quality of those posts. Plus, nothing says "hip dude" quite like somebody who spends all their day refreshing a forum page and posting one-line replies just so they can watch their post count increase.
Doctor Conspiracy / Man With a Grudge
Able to suspend all rational thought and brush off any opposing arguments in repeated acts of deliberate ignorance, Doctor Conspiracy / Man With a Grudge has a total of just seven ideas in his mind, and each of them are set in stone. Usually his anger and aggression are directed at large companies or giant organizations that he feels have wronged him in some inexplicable way. Doctor Conspiracy / Man With a Grudge will never change the subject or write about things that don't have anything to do with his preconceived enemies. If you attempt to argue with him and inject any form of logic or reasoning into his threads, they will either be ignored or met with incoming flames. Doctor Conspiracy / Man With a Grudge doesn't care about your opinion or the truth, he just cares about voicing his paranoid delusional theories over and over until he is either banned or everybody leaves the forum.
I know i forgot a few. What other types do we have at Lit?
The Confused Newbie displays the actions and coherency of somebody who just finished drinking a 12-pack of Shlitz and stumbled into an unmarked room full of nude Satanists. All posts as the Confused Newbie should be somewhat off topic and adhere to no particular topic or mindset. The only real rule in being the Confused Newbie is that there is no rules. Post whatever comes to your mind whenever it comes to your mind, and then proceed to act shocked if somebody flames you for starting 40 topics an hour and going on and on about God knows what.
The Flamethrower Clone
A great choice if you don't have anything of substance to contribute, you really want people's attention, or you simply can't write 10 words without referencing homosexuality / bodily functions. Your posts should vaguely address the subject at hand (copy and paste a random word from the original topic into your post), but it must be cleverly hidden behind a slew of pointless profanities and other remarks which will make you appear to be a rabid 12-year old with Attention Deficit Disorder. Try to flame anybody and everybody; if somebody ever agrees with you, hold off flaming them at least until they post their next message. It's only common courtesy!
The Computer Expert
Want the world to know how computer savvy and technologically literate you are? Write as the Computer Expert and you'll be cramming information down the throats of the ignorant public! Nothing quite reveals that you have a large penis like the speed of your CPU and how much RAM you have, so be sure to construct an elaborate sig file which lists every single component in your computer case, ranging from what brand / model floppy drive and CPU fan you're using. After all, there's nothing more exciting than reading about somebody else's computer!
The MENSA Troll
The MENSA Troll shares many characteristics of The Flamethrower Clone, but this style of poster refrains from writing as many blatant homosexual overtones. The general gist of all the MENSA Trolls' posts should hint at the idea that the MENSA Troll is the smartest creature in the world, and every time he posts a message, it is for the sole purpose of manipulating others on the forum. It doesn't matter what reaction he gets from anything he writes because the MENSA Troll can justify anything he wants. If, for some reason he is not able to justify it, he should ignore it completely and avoid the subject. Under NO circumstances should the MENSA Troll respond to anybody's criticisms of him; he should instead continue to criticize everybody else and avoid engaging in a two-way conversation.
Mr. Aggressive
Mr. Aggressive is the perfect personality for anybody who is attempting to get over beatings they suffered from school bullies during 5th grade. By acting like an all-out asshole and threatening physical violence on people you'll clearly never meet, you can benefit from a wonderful stress reducer! Plus people will think you're a tough guy, and they won't be aware you're actually an anemic 14-year old who has to be home schooled because you have a phobia of sunlight and trees. When posting, it helps to remind yourself that you're hidden behind an IP address and Hotmail account, and nobody's ever been able to track down somebody online because it's nearly impossible thanks to tools like Norton Crashguard and Microsoft Notepad.
Cute Gurl v2.0
By donning the mask of Cute Gurl v2.0, one is given the freedom to write whatever they like while avoiding all traditional forms of grammar and punctuation. Cute Gurl v2.0 is best not used on forums inhabited by males under the age of 20, or else other forum members have a high chance of changing into Mr. Aggressive when responding to posts. Use of emoticons and other ASCII art is highly encouraged, as is the act of referring to everybody as "hunny", "sweetie", and "cutie." In other words, try to be an online slut who's entire diet consists of pig troughs full of sugar. Whenever another Cute Gurl v2.0 comes online, the sheer idiocy in the forums will increase at least twelvefold. The Cute Gurls v2.0 should greet each other with outrageously annoying phrases like "hey baybee!!!!!!!!" and "luv u hunny!!!!!!"
The Sensitive Artist
If you're ever posting on a goth / poetry board, you'll definitely want to adopt this persona. The Sensitive Artist has the freedom to place in his sig file as many depressing poems or goth lyrics as they want. If using this personality, be sure to never capitalize anything or use any verb than infers more activity than blinking. Feel free to get into arguments with anybody else on the forum, as long as they're writing about racism, politics, music, or literature. You don't really have to know anything about those topics, just enough to to fill a few sentences with your opinion.
The Elite, Highly Advanced Forum Regular With 15 Million Posts
Many scientists can't quite figure out how the Elite, Highly Advanced Forum Regular With 15 Million Posts finds time to respond to every single thread while still being able to eat and sleep. In addition to being able to post his opinions on every single topic that enters the forum or newsgroup, the Elite, Highly Advanced Forum Regular With 15 Million Posts is able to insult all newbies and people with less posts than him (ie, everybody else). You see, a true measurement of how cool you are can be linked to your bulk number of posts, not the quality of those posts. Plus, nothing says "hip dude" quite like somebody who spends all their day refreshing a forum page and posting one-line replies just so they can watch their post count increase.
Doctor Conspiracy / Man With a Grudge
Able to suspend all rational thought and brush off any opposing arguments in repeated acts of deliberate ignorance, Doctor Conspiracy / Man With a Grudge has a total of just seven ideas in his mind, and each of them are set in stone. Usually his anger and aggression are directed at large companies or giant organizations that he feels have wronged him in some inexplicable way. Doctor Conspiracy / Man With a Grudge will never change the subject or write about things that don't have anything to do with his preconceived enemies. If you attempt to argue with him and inject any form of logic or reasoning into his threads, they will either be ignored or met with incoming flames. Doctor Conspiracy / Man With a Grudge doesn't care about your opinion or the truth, he just cares about voicing his paranoid delusional theories over and over until he is either banned or everybody leaves the forum.
I know i forgot a few. What other types do we have at Lit?
