MayorReynolds
Appropriate Length
- Joined
- Oct 16, 2012
- Posts
- 441
Forgive me if this is covered in the FAQ, but I couldn't find it.
One of the stories I'm working on is a followup to the first piece I wrote for this site. It takes place seven years after the first installment, where my male lead was married, is now divorced, and shares custody of a two-year-old.
This scene happens at the beginning of the story. Leon wakes up from a strange dream to the sound of his screaming toddler. Leon has an odd friends-with-benefits relationship with his ex wife, Jen, who pops by at random intervals to bring over Kara and then sleep with Leon after Kara has been put away for the night. Here, Leon has been forced into "calm the baby" duty for the third time, a job he hates because Kara prefers the other parent over him and goes into screaming hysterics at any time it's Leon and not Jen.
Leon asks Jen for advice on how to quiet the baby and Jen tells him to sing to her. Baffled, Leon decides to try it:
===
Kara’s eyes fill with tears when she sees me.
"No! Not you! Want mama! Want mama!” She punctuates her points by slamming the crib bars with the impact of a goddamned tanker truck.
Hurt strikes my heart. This is the typical situation when I’m sent in for Kara damage control. Actually, it’s typical in nearly every situation. Kara never wants me to fix her food or read her stories, or take her to the park. It has to be Jen, every time.
I'd once asked Jen about it over breakfast.
“Why does she hate me so much, Jen? I just...don't get it.”
Jen shoved a spoonful of Coca Puffs in her mouth. “She doesn't hate you, Leon. Come on, that's ridiculous.”
“Well then explain to me why it's the end of the world every time it's me and not you?”
“You're really upset about this, aren't you?”
I gave her a funny look. “Uh, yes! Wouldn't you be if she treated you the same way?”
Jen returned my gaze and cracked a smile. “Sit down Leon.”
I pulled up a chair at my kitchen table.
"She does not hate you Leon. It's simple. She acts that way because you're a big, tall man. Think of how big you are in contrast to a small person. Honestly, it's probably your voice that scares her more than anything."
"My...voice?"
Jen deepened her own voice to that of some low-pitched space overlord's. “Yes. Your voice. You are a man and your speech makes little girls cower in the bleak night.”
I had to chuckle. “I do not sound like that.”
“Maybe not to you or me, but to a small person...”
“So what do I do? Do I start talking like, like you?”
"Oh? And how do I sound?"
“Softer, I suppose,” I replied, lost in confusion. “Like a woman?”
Jen released my hands and went back to her cereal. “Well, there's one thing you can try. Seems to at least quiet her when I do it.”
“What's that?”
Through a mouthful of Coca Puffs Jen said, “Sing.”
I was baffled. “I'm sorry. Your mouth is full. Did you say sing?”
Jen swallowed her food and drank a swig of orange juice. “Yep.”
“What do I...sing?”
Jen shrugged. “Anything you can think of.” She wagged a finger. “As long as it's language appropriate, mister.”
So here we are again.
“Mama! Want mama! Maaama!”
I struggle to restrain my own tears.
“Kara!” I bite my tongue and try to change my tone. I don’t want to yell at a child, my own child at that.
“Mama's...resting,” I say more carefully.
And damn you for it, Jen.
Kara sniffs. “Want mama.”
I open my mouth. Words don’t come out. I think a minute.
And then:
“You can't...always get...what you want...”
It’s nowhere close to Mick Jagger, but I doubt Kara can pick up tone deafness, and my put-on singing voice is softer and higher-pitched than my usual one.
Kara looks at me, puzzled, still teary eyed.
“You can't...always get...what you want...”
She twists her head, reminding me of a puppy.
“You can't always get...what you want...but if you try sometimes...”
I cautiously move closer to the crib, walking on eggshells.
“You just might find...”
I stand over the crib now. Kara is silent. No longer crying. Just curious.
“You get what you need.”
I hoist Kara over her bars and pick her up. Her head rests on my shoulder.
I sway back and forth. “New boy in the neighborhood...lives downstairs and it's understood...he's there just to—”
"—daddy?" Kara interrupts.
"Mmm?"
“What that?”
“What's what, K?”
She points at something I can’t see. “That.”
I turn to look.
My mouth drops.
Kara is looking at the window.
It’s snowing.
============
Leon's choice of "You Can't Always Get What You Want" here is also important to the story as a whole, because in essence it describes him: he's a man who doesn't get what he wants, but at the end of the story will come to find out that he has what he needs. Eh, probably overdone, but it's within a larger story framework.
But anyway, my question concerns the use of song lyrics. I don't know how Laurel handles using them in stories, whether they're mild like that or word-for-word copy/pasted. I wanted to go ahead and put this question out there lest my story get rejected for copyrighted material and such.
One of the stories I'm working on is a followup to the first piece I wrote for this site. It takes place seven years after the first installment, where my male lead was married, is now divorced, and shares custody of a two-year-old.
This scene happens at the beginning of the story. Leon wakes up from a strange dream to the sound of his screaming toddler. Leon has an odd friends-with-benefits relationship with his ex wife, Jen, who pops by at random intervals to bring over Kara and then sleep with Leon after Kara has been put away for the night. Here, Leon has been forced into "calm the baby" duty for the third time, a job he hates because Kara prefers the other parent over him and goes into screaming hysterics at any time it's Leon and not Jen.
Leon asks Jen for advice on how to quiet the baby and Jen tells him to sing to her. Baffled, Leon decides to try it:
===
Kara’s eyes fill with tears when she sees me.
"No! Not you! Want mama! Want mama!” She punctuates her points by slamming the crib bars with the impact of a goddamned tanker truck.
Hurt strikes my heart. This is the typical situation when I’m sent in for Kara damage control. Actually, it’s typical in nearly every situation. Kara never wants me to fix her food or read her stories, or take her to the park. It has to be Jen, every time.
I'd once asked Jen about it over breakfast.
“Why does she hate me so much, Jen? I just...don't get it.”
Jen shoved a spoonful of Coca Puffs in her mouth. “She doesn't hate you, Leon. Come on, that's ridiculous.”
“Well then explain to me why it's the end of the world every time it's me and not you?”
“You're really upset about this, aren't you?”
I gave her a funny look. “Uh, yes! Wouldn't you be if she treated you the same way?”
Jen returned my gaze and cracked a smile. “Sit down Leon.”
I pulled up a chair at my kitchen table.
"She does not hate you Leon. It's simple. She acts that way because you're a big, tall man. Think of how big you are in contrast to a small person. Honestly, it's probably your voice that scares her more than anything."
"My...voice?"
Jen deepened her own voice to that of some low-pitched space overlord's. “Yes. Your voice. You are a man and your speech makes little girls cower in the bleak night.”
I had to chuckle. “I do not sound like that.”
“Maybe not to you or me, but to a small person...”
“So what do I do? Do I start talking like, like you?”
"Oh? And how do I sound?"
“Softer, I suppose,” I replied, lost in confusion. “Like a woman?”
Jen released my hands and went back to her cereal. “Well, there's one thing you can try. Seems to at least quiet her when I do it.”
“What's that?”
Through a mouthful of Coca Puffs Jen said, “Sing.”
I was baffled. “I'm sorry. Your mouth is full. Did you say sing?”
Jen swallowed her food and drank a swig of orange juice. “Yep.”
“What do I...sing?”
Jen shrugged. “Anything you can think of.” She wagged a finger. “As long as it's language appropriate, mister.”
So here we are again.
“Mama! Want mama! Maaama!”
I struggle to restrain my own tears.
“Kara!” I bite my tongue and try to change my tone. I don’t want to yell at a child, my own child at that.
“Mama's...resting,” I say more carefully.
And damn you for it, Jen.
Kara sniffs. “Want mama.”
I open my mouth. Words don’t come out. I think a minute.
And then:
“You can't...always get...what you want...”
It’s nowhere close to Mick Jagger, but I doubt Kara can pick up tone deafness, and my put-on singing voice is softer and higher-pitched than my usual one.
Kara looks at me, puzzled, still teary eyed.
“You can't...always get...what you want...”
She twists her head, reminding me of a puppy.
“You can't always get...what you want...but if you try sometimes...”
I cautiously move closer to the crib, walking on eggshells.
“You just might find...”
I stand over the crib now. Kara is silent. No longer crying. Just curious.
“You get what you need.”
I hoist Kara over her bars and pick her up. Her head rests on my shoulder.
I sway back and forth. “New boy in the neighborhood...lives downstairs and it's understood...he's there just to—”
"—daddy?" Kara interrupts.
"Mmm?"
“What that?”
“What's what, K?”
She points at something I can’t see. “That.”
I turn to look.
My mouth drops.
Kara is looking at the window.
It’s snowing.
============
Leon's choice of "You Can't Always Get What You Want" here is also important to the story as a whole, because in essence it describes him: he's a man who doesn't get what he wants, but at the end of the story will come to find out that he has what he needs. Eh, probably overdone, but it's within a larger story framework.
But anyway, my question concerns the use of song lyrics. I don't know how Laurel handles using them in stories, whether they're mild like that or word-for-word copy/pasted. I wanted to go ahead and put this question out there lest my story get rejected for copyrighted material and such.