What is my problem?

[DirkCamacho]

I'm a 57 year old man. Married 20 years to a wife I love very much. She's 61 and still very beautiful. She keeps herself fit, and has a very pretty face, eyes, hair, and body. Our sex life is pretty good but I'm a lot hornier than she is. I think part of it is that she comes from a conservative background and doesn't feel comfortable being frank about sex. I have asked her to talk more openly about things, like give me more feedback about what she's feeling, what she likes to do or have done to her. But she won't use the words. I'm lucky to get some moaning while I lick her pussy, but if there's no moaning I just have to guess what to change. She won't say "Do it like this" or "I don't like that." Just getting her to say the words pussy, cock, clit, are kind of impossible. I want her to be a whore in bed, but no dice. I guess that's pretty normal for men vs. women, right?

I compensate for that by having an active fantasy life. Nearly every woman I see in public I imagine what she looks like naked, what it would be like to fuck her or eat her pussy. And of course, porn. I think if my wife were more of a horndog I would just be happy lovemaking with her most nights.

So now here's the problem. I can't get it up. Two nights ago I was feeling hot. I ate my wife out, and she came. That doesn't usually happen, she's not a frequent orgasm-er. But she did come right in my mouth the other night. That's my #1 turn-on! Usually I'll have a raging hard-on while that's happening. After I lick her pussy I'll fuck her, and if she's had an orgasm the fucking is super hot and she usually comes again. But that night, nothing. I couldn't believe it.

Then last night, same thing. I said I wanted to lick her again. She said yeah, but don't expect an encore performance. I don't mind. I just really enjoy eating her out. She didn't come but she did enjoy it. I had to ask because she was quiet. So after a good long time worshipping her vulva I finally was satiated. But still no erection.

This has happened before. What happens is, I go on long motorcycle rides by myself. Frequently I will have sex thoughts while riding. It used to be when I came home I'd share my thoughts, and ask her to try something different that I had thought of on the road. She's game, and she'll grudgingly talk dirty to me or whatever I ask. But the first few sex events we'll have, I can't get it up.

The last couple of rides I went on, instead of sharing my fantasies with her, I wrote them down. In my fantasies I'm a super lover, better than I actually am in real life. I fantasize about having a huge cock, about lasting as long as I want and fucking my woman to many orgasms, etc. I actually submitted my most recent story to Lit. Am currently waiting for it to pass the moderators and be published. Fingers crossed. And ever since I wrote that last story and came home, no erection.

So the question is, why can't I get it up? Am I just old? Do I need Viagra? Or is it a mental thing that is blocking my cock? Is there something about fantasizing a fantastic sex life that actually inhibits my real sex life? I don't get it. Any armchair psychology is welcomed.

 

[Ann_Tagonist]

Porn is like like heroin for the brain. Any sex therapist would say skip the porn. Reset your brain.

 

[anniebaby10]

I'm a 57 year old man. Married 20 years to a wife I love very much. She's 61 and still very beautiful. She keeps herself fit, and has a very pretty face, eyes, hair, and body. Our sex life is pretty good but I'm a lot hornier than she is. I think part of it is that she comes from a conservative background and doesn't feel comfortable being frank about sex. I have asked her to talk more openly about things, like give me more feedback about what she's feeling, what she likes to do or have done to her. But she won't use the words. I'm lucky to get some moaning while I lick her pussy, but if there's no moaning I just have to guess what to change. She won't say "Do it like this" or "I don't like that." Just getting her to say the words pussy, cock, clit, are kind of impossible. I want her to be a whore in bed, but no dice. I guess that's pretty normal for men vs. women, right?

I compensate for that by having an active fantasy life. Nearly every woman I see in public I imagine what she looks like naked, what it would be like to fuck her or eat her pussy. And of course, porn. I think if my wife were more of a horndog I would just be happy lovemaking with her most nights.

So now here's the problem. I can't get it up. Two nights ago I was feeling hot. I ate my wife out, and she came. That doesn't usually happen, she's not a frequent orgasm-er. But she did come right in my mouth the other night. That's my #1 turn-on! Usually I'll have a raging hard-on while that's happening. After I lick her pussy I'll fuck her, and if she's had an orgasm the fucking is super hot and she usually comes again. But that night, nothing. I couldn't believe it.

Then last night, same thing. I said I wanted to lick her again. She said yeah, but don't expect an encore performance. I don't mind. I just really enjoy eating her out. She didn't come but she did enjoy it. I had to ask because she was quiet. So after a good long time worshipping her vulva I finally was satiated. But still no erection.

This has happened before. What happens is, I go on long motorcycle rides by myself. Frequently I will have sex thoughts while riding. It used to be when I came home I'd share my thoughts, and ask her to try something different that I had thought of on the road. She's game, and she'll grudgingly talk dirty to me or whatever I ask. But the first few sex events we'll have, I can't get it up.

The last couple of rides I went on, instead of sharing my fantasies with her, I wrote them down. In my fantasies I'm a super lover, better than I actually am in real life. I fantasize about having a huge cock, about lasting as long as I want and fucking my woman to many orgasms, etc. I actually submitted my most recent story to Lit. Am currently waiting for it to pass the moderators and be published. Fingers crossed. And ever since I wrote that last story and came home, no erection.

So the question is, why can't I get it up? Am I just old? Do I need Viagra? Or is it a mental thing that is blocking my cock? Is there something about fantasizing a fantastic sex life that actually inhibits my real sex life? I don't get it. Any armchair psychology is welcomed.

Could be medication you are taking. Could be a medical problem. Can you get it up elsewhere like watching porn or is this just with your wife? If you cannot get it up at all, then you need to see your internist.

 

[neci]

all the armchairs around here are electric.

 

[Rosa2019]

...I compensate for that by having an active fantasy life. Nearly every woman I see in public I imagine what she looks like naked, what it would be like to fuck her or eat her pussy.........in my fantasies I'm a super lover, better than I actually am in real life. ...

Welcome to this wonderful fantasy land. Use your mind to fuck the women right here yearning for men. In public. Suck one here and fuck another one there. The scintillating thrill will give rise to what you hope for. Then you grab your wife by her pussy. You'll be ready.

 

[Elite_Goblin]

I'm a 57 year old man. Married 20 years to a wife I love very much. She's 61 and still very beautiful. She keeps herself fit, and has a very pretty face, eyes, hair, and body. Our sex life is pretty good but I'm a lot hornier than she is. I think part of it is that she comes from a conservative background and doesn't feel comfortable being frank about sex. I have asked her to talk more openly about things, like give me more feedback about what she's feeling, what she likes to do or have done to her. But she won't use the words. I'm lucky to get some moaning while I lick her pussy, but if there's no moaning I just have to guess what to change. She won't say "Do it like this" or "I don't like that." Just getting her to say the words pussy, cock, clit, are kind of impossible. I want her to be a whore in bed, but no dice. I guess that's pretty normal for men vs. women, right?

I compensate for that by having an active fantasy life. Nearly every woman I see in public I imagine what she looks like naked, what it would be like to fuck her or eat her pussy. And of course, porn...

Wow! Me too for this part.

For the other part, consider Viagra or Levitra. Also, not sure how much you are wanking it, but maybe too much? Lastly, maybe too much porn? Real life is not like the porn vids. At least not for the majority of peeps.

 

[dagdag]

Could be medication you are taking. Could be a medical problem. Can you get it up elsewhere like watching porn or is this just with your wife? If you cannot get it up at all, then you need to see your internist.

I agree with the annie above!

If it is up with porn but not with wife; give it a break with porn!!! obviously.

You may give both porn and sex some break 4-5 days and try it after that to see if it makes a difference.

if you can not get it up at all, please see your doctor to see if there are any other issues. Getting viagra etc may circumvent the underlying problem, and you may end up having bigger problems.

This may be simply your mind not being at it since it all starts with the brain!!! or Erectile dysfunction issues and could be related to your heart, clogged vessels, high cholesterol, high blood pressure, diabetes, obesity, anxiety, depression etc.

 

[dolf]

"my wife doesn't behave sexually the way I think women are supposed to behave sexually. I've tried telling her to behave in a way that doesn't come naturally to her, so that I can pretend I've fixed the problem, but for some reason she's resistant and wants to be herself in bed.

Now, being 57, I sometimes get an unwanted visit from Mr floppy. Instead of going to the doctor, I'm posting about what I see as my wife's flaws in the hope that everyone agrees that's the real issue."

Go to the doctor. Obviously.

 

[CandiCame]

I'm a 57 year old man. Married 20 years to a wife I love very much. She's 61 and still very beautiful. She keeps herself fit, and has a very pretty face, eyes, hair, and body. Our sex life is pretty good but I'm a lot hornier than she is. I think part of it is that she comes from a conservative background and doesn't feel comfortable being frank about sex. I have asked her to talk more openly about things, like give me more feedback about what she's feeling, what she likes to do or have done to her. But she won't use the words. I'm lucky to get some moaning while I lick her pussy, but if there's no moaning I just have to guess what to change. She won't say "Do it like this" or "I don't like that." Just getting her to say the words pussy, cock, clit, are kind of impossible. I want her to be a whore in bed, but no dice. I guess that's pretty normal for men vs. women, right?

I compensate for that by having an active fantasy life. Nearly every woman I see in public I imagine what she looks like naked, what it would be like to fuck her or eat her pussy. And of course, porn. I think if my wife were more of a horndog I would just be happy lovemaking with her most nights.

So now here's the problem. I can't get it up. Two nights ago I was feeling hot. I ate my wife out, and she came. That doesn't usually happen, she's not a frequent orgasm-er. But she did come right in my mouth the other night. That's my #1 turn-on! Usually I'll have a raging hard-on while that's happening. After I lick her pussy I'll fuck her, and if she's had an orgasm the fucking is super hot and she usually comes again. But that night, nothing. I couldn't believe it.

Then last night, same thing. I said I wanted to lick her again. She said yeah, but don't expect an encore performance. I don't mind. I just really enjoy eating her out. She didn't come but she did enjoy it. I had to ask because she was quiet. So after a good long time worshipping her vulva I finally was satiated. But still no erection.

This has happened before. What happens is, I go on long motorcycle rides by myself. Frequently I will have sex thoughts while riding. It used to be when I came home I'd share my thoughts, and ask her to try something different that I had thought of on the road. She's game, and she'll grudgingly talk dirty to me or whatever I ask. But the first few sex events we'll have, I can't get it up.

The last couple of rides I went on, instead of sharing my fantasies with her, I wrote them down. In my fantasies I'm a super lover, better than I actually am in real life. I fantasize about having a huge cock, about lasting as long as I want and fucking my woman to many orgasms, etc. I actually submitted my most recent story to Lit. Am currently waiting for it to pass the moderators and be published. Fingers crossed. And ever since I wrote that last story and came home, no erection.

So the question is, why can't I get it up? Am I just old? Do I need Viagra? Or is it a mental thing that is blocking my cock? Is there something about fantasizing a fantastic sex life that actually inhibits my real sex life? I don't get it. Any armchair psychology is welcomed.

My advice is to talk to your wife. Like... not about sex, about your relationship.

I can't give a lot of advice because this is something that is complex and multifaceted, and there's no way to get all the information here, but it really sounds like you're feeling a relationship incompatibility.

When I talk about open communication, I don't mean, "Here's what I feel like I need sexually." I mean, "I feel like recently something has changed in our relationship and I'm concerned about it. It might be just age or a medical problem, but it's concerning enough that it's changing my behavior. You've been my life partner for years and I trust you implicitly so I would like some feedback."

Fantasies and porn are fine, but they can become issues if they're causing behavioral changes. Like, you say that you used to feel comfortable talking about your fantasies with your partner and now you don't. What changed to cause that discomfort? Open and honest communication is important.

Also, the erection thing really might be a medical issue. Dicks are weird and I'm not a urologist. I'm not gonna sit here and pretend like I am. Considering the age, this might not be a mental thing. This might be a physical thing. I can't tell you whether or not it's a "I get hard with porn because I have become reliant on porn" or if it's just, "dicks are weird, sometimes they work and sometimes they don't". Like I'm young enough to remember it the other way with the random boners for no good reason and you're like, "Yo, dick, we can't have this right now, we got shit to do today." Dicks don't know what the fuck they're doing.

But being sexually incompatible is pretty common. Almost no couple has the exact same sex drive. So sometimes you just deal with it. Sex isn't a need, at the end of the day. You're not going to die if you don't get as much sex as you want. So the issue isn't really the incompatibility, it's the sudden change. If there's a fantasy or porn dependency, that doesn't seem to have been there from the beginning. The lack of communication doesn't seem to have been there from the beginning. So my best advice is to just remember that open and honest communication, without judgement, is important in relationships.

And if you're worried about your dick, go to a doctor. Even if they just tell you it's normal it can give you piece of mind.

 

[Kalamain]

I cannot stress this enough... Go see a doc and make sure everything is OK with the plumbing.
At that age you can have a number of issue creep up. Even if you are not having any pain or anything you should still get it checked.

The other thing is that, if you fail to get an erection for some reason you MAY not get one next time because you are... stressed is probably a bit too strong a word... But "concerned".

Even if nothing is wrong you then get to cross something off the list.

BTW... If your lover is silent... Can you not get hints on what works or what doesn't by moans, breathing changes, twitches or any other physical responses?

Have you tried TELLING her what you are thinking or doing while doing it?
Don't expect responses at all... In a way talk AT her but pay attention to any and all responses, physical or verbal.

Good luck.
Hope the doctors trip says you are good to go. B-)

 

[user1455]

I'm a 57 year old man. Married 20 years to a wife I love very much. She's 61 and still very beautiful. She keeps herself fit, and has a very pretty face, eyes, hair, and body. Our sex life is pretty good but I'm a lot hornier than she is. I think part of it is that she comes from a conservative background and doesn't feel comfortable being frank about sex. I have asked her to talk more openly about things, like give me more feedback about what she's feeling, what she likes to do or have done to her. But she won't use the words. I'm lucky to get some moaning while I lick her pussy, but if there's no moaning I just have to guess what to change. She won't say "Do it like this" or "I don't like that." Just getting her to say the words pussy, cock, clit, are kind of impossible. I want her to be a whore in bed, but no dice. I guess that's pretty normal for men vs. women, right?

I compensate for that by having an active fantasy life. Nearly every woman I see in public I imagine what she looks like naked, what it would be like to fuck her or eat her pussy. And of course, porn. I think if my wife were more of a horndog I would just be happy lovemaking with her most nights.

So now here's the problem. I can't get it up. Two nights ago I was feeling hot. I ate my wife out, and she came. That doesn't usually happen, she's not a frequent orgasm-er. But she did come right in my mouth the other night. That's my #1 turn-on! Usually I'll have a raging hard-on while that's happening. After I lick her pussy I'll fuck her, and if she's had an orgasm the fucking is super hot and she usually comes again. But that night, nothing. I couldn't believe it.

Then last night, same thing. I said I wanted to lick her again. She said yeah, but don't expect an encore performance. I don't mind. I just really enjoy eating her out. She didn't come but she did enjoy it. I had to ask because she was quiet. So after a good long time worshipping her vulva I finally was satiated. But still no erection.

This has happened before. What happens is, I go on long motorcycle rides by myself. Frequently I will have sex thoughts while riding. It used to be when I came home I'd share my thoughts, and ask her to try something different that I had thought of on the road. She's game, and she'll grudgingly talk dirty to me or whatever I ask. But the first few sex events we'll have, I can't get it up.

The last couple of rides I went on, instead of sharing my fantasies with her, I wrote them down. In my fantasies I'm a super lover, better than I actually am in real life. I fantasize about having a huge cock, about lasting as long as I want and fucking my woman to many orgasms, etc. I actually submitted my most recent story to Lit. Am currently waiting for it to pass the moderators and be published. Fingers crossed. And ever since I wrote that last story and came home, no erection.

So the question is, why can't I get it up? Am I just old? Do I need Viagra? Or is it a mental thing that is blocking my cock? Is there something about fantasizing a fantastic sex life that actually inhibits my ⁴real sex life? I don't get it. Any armchair psychology is welcomed.

I could've written this myself. In my case, I'm 65, have high cholesterol and blood pressure, take Flomax, and had lumbar fusion surgery last summer. Net result is ED, I have dry orgasms, and I'm usually half-cocked cool when I cum. My wife's vagina produces only a small amount of lubrication and her vagina walls are really sensitive since menopause, and the thought of me causing her pain just to get off is a no-go for me. I do need to lay off of the porn...

It can absolutely be a mind game though. I remember 10/20/30 years ago there were times when for example I'd be eating her pussy or fingering her and having a raging hard-on, but put of the blue I'd have the thought "What if my cock goes soft?", and it would shrivel before I could spin around and slide it in her. She was nice enough to stroke or or suck on me to get me hard again. Sometimes they've just got a mind of their own.