what is cheating?

[mrtnmoon]

I can almost always be a ramblin' sumbitch, but I will try to briefly describe my situation and question.

I work with a girl I was almost instantly smitten with when I met her 3 years ago. she was briefly my "gf", then she went back to the area she's originally from to visit her grandparents and while there took up with her ex. she dumped me, went back to him and now they're engaged.

he lives and goes to school a couple of hours away so they don't see each other much. between school and work he's very busy, but if she's being competely honest with me about what he says/does, he doesn't make nearly enough effort to spend time with her when he does have time, in my opinion. he also doesn't satisfy her sexually. he'd never made her cum and she loves to have her pussy eaten and he doesn't like to do that.

eventually she turned to me for what she wasn't getting from him. I was only too happy to oblige, because I still have a great deal of feeling for this girl (and I looooove to eat her pussy.... she loves it when I do, too. she told me I could get paid for it ). we started going to motels 2 or 3 times a week for usually a whole day of sex and cuddling, and due to my "abilities" and something I picked up on the "how-to" boards, I absolutely rocked her world sexually (thanks, mr. ggg).

I should point out that since I have "primed the pump" so to speak, he has made her cum but he still doesn't like going down on her. she's also told me it would probably freak him out if she squirted at any time but especially if he ever decided to go down on her and she did it. I love when she squirts..... two of the things I miss the most are the feeling of her juices squirting out all over my hand and soaking her pants (when I do her in my car), and her squirting in my mouth as I swallow every drop.

I knew going into this thing it would have to end eventually, but she always said stuff like "somewhere down the road". even after the fiancee came to visit her for a weekend for her birthday she told me she wasn't done with me yet, and we also made tentative plans to spend a night together sometime in april. however.... not too long after that she spent another weekend with him (his birthday), decided she felt guilty about what we were doing and has distanced herself from me a little.

distanced herself a lot, actually.... we still talk but she's very resistant to me even hugging her now although she has allowed that a couple of times when we walk to our car. she also let me rub her back for her when she hurt it in a car wreck, the last time resulting in us cuddling in my car a little bit and me playing with her until she'd cum 3 times. that was a couple of weeks ago.

I should just let her go, I know. even under normal circumstances it would be hard, but I see her almost every day at work and my heart just fucking melts.... not to mention that even though I don't think she fits the standard definition of beautiful, she's still the cutest girl I've ever been with (and the smallest... until then, all the women I had dated were on the large side, as am I).

add to that the fact that things were just cut off.... if there had been some warning and some notice that, "ok, this is going to be our last time together," I'd have some closure and might not have so much trouble getting over her. dunno if it matters or not (it does to me), but I also bought her a toy for valentine's day and we never got to use it together..... so I keep thinking about that, too.

I know, I'm failing miserably at being brief. sorry. I think I am finally ready to pose my question(s): what is "cheating"? I keep wondering if I should talk to her and try to convince her we could still spend time together and just do certain things.... I loved fucking her (to me it was making love), but I made her cum as good or better with my finger as I did with my dick. can she really have been able to put those days of 20 - 30 orgasms (no, I am not exaggerating...thanks again mr. ggg) out of her mind completely? if we just got together for some kissing, cuddling and mutual masturbation, would she be cheating on him? what about going down on each other?

I know it really is according to how an individual feels..... I guess I'm looking for what the consensus here might be.

 

[Cathleen]

It is up to the couple to define what cheating is for them. If I was in that situation I would consider myself cheating. Once I commit to someone that's it and I'd want the same of him too. It would be something we'd discuss and agree to together.

 

[wicked woman]

If they didn't agree it was ok...it's cheating. And since she's feeling guilty, I'm assuming he doesn't know.

She's engaged to him...she's having sex with you. Seems to me that's the difference and it's a big difference. And no I don't think you should be encouraging her to cheat...that's got to be her call.

 

[Quoll]

If they didn't agree it was ok...it's cheating. And since she's feeling guilty, I'm assuming he doesn't know.

She's engaged to him...she's having sex with you. Seems to me that's the difference and it's a big difference. And no I don't think you should be encouraging her to cheat...that's got to be her call.

If either of you feels guilty, then it is cheating.

If she feels guilty, to push it could result in both you and him losing her.

 

[GenesisMan]

I have been in a some what similar situation. If she is feeling guilty then you should try to let her go. I know it is tough. If she wants to go back to you for more sex then that is up to you but you need to be prepared that she may end up stop seeing you again.

 

[SlyKitten]

I agree with the previous posts that it’s up to each couple to define what ‘cheating’ is to them. But I think that telling lies is cheating, whatever the agreement on cheating is. If she’s ok with lying, fine. But it doesn’t sound like she is ok with lying.

She told you she felt guilty, she probably lied to her fiancé a lot to cover the times you two spent together… she may not have the strength to let you go, perhaps because she feels something for you or because you make her cum like never before or for whatever other reason. But she did choose him, not you.

And if I read you correctly, she did back off from you a little.

So to answer your questions, yes, I think that what you did was ‘cheating’, as she lied to her fiancé. No, I don’t think you should convince her to do anything with you; if she wants you she’ll come to you. No, I don’t think she put the 20-30 orgasms days out of her mind; she just chose to embrace something else, someone else. Yes, I believe cuddling, kissing, mutual masturbation and going down on each other would be cheating, since I presume her fiancé wouldn’t know about it - if he knows, then it's a very different story.

It all comes down to what you both feel. If it feels ‘wrong’ it probably is. And don’t tell me “but it’s so good to be bad!” It is good to be bad, as long as you don’t hurt anyone. And there is more than 1 person that could get hurt here (you included, I know, and I understand how painful your situation is).

And to quote you: “I should just let her go, I know.”

I wish you peace of mind, whatever your decision is.

 

[Mary Hall]

Ugh, one think i hate with a passion is dirty cheaters, they`re scum of the earth and deserve torture in vile ways. If you don`t want to be with someone leave, don`t be a cunt and cheat behind they`re back because that makes you a no good dirty cheating bastard.

 

[mrtnmoon]

yeah, ok... I get it. I'm scum and I suck.

 

[SweetErika]

I don't think you're scum, but it does seem you're going off of feelings instead of a good mixture of logical thoughts and emotions. She's with someone else. She feels guilty about what you've done. She doesn't want to cheat anymore. You're not going to have any more encounters. In general, if her partner doesn't know and probably wouldn't consent, it's cheating.

Most people make bad choices, mrtnmoon. Maybe she is with a guy who treats her poorly and isn't good in bed. Maybe staying with this guy will be the biggest mistake of her life, but that's her mistake to make. You don't get any input, and that sucks, but you're going to have to let her go and move on with your life. Deep down, I suspect you know all of this and that trying to get involved again will only result in more pain in the future. Grieve the loss, and know you deserve better than someone who is physically and emotionally unavailable.

 

[Mary Hall]

yeah, ok... I get it. I'm scum and I suck.

There`s no excuse to cheat, EVER

 

[MrWolf55calif]

yes its is cheating, period, what your doing together....

BUTT if you care for her or think you love her, get off your ass ask her to marry you, so what she engaged. isn't any ring in her nose yet!!!!!!!
or you going to the wedding and then speak up!! thats only done in Movies or TV..

repeat ask her to marry you! its a yes or no!
if no get on with life, is more then one fish in the sea of life!

 

[SueJ]

yes its is cheating, period, what your doing together....

BUTT if you care for her or think you love her, get off your ass ask her to marry you, so what she engaged. isn't any ring in her nose yet!!!!!!!
or you going to the wedding and then speak up!! thats only done in Movies or TV..

repeat ask her to marry you! its a yes or no!
if no get on with life, is more then one fish in the sea of life!

EXCELLENT advice!