what is a fantasy
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Scarlett_t2
Gone with the Wind
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What do you think about when you masterbate? Do you ever have dreams that leave you wet and wishing when you wake up that you could just do whatever you were dreaming about?
I am lucky in the fact all the dark little things I have thought about or seen my hubby is more than willing to give it a shot. I am still shy about some things and i think what a perv I am but so far he hasnt said no to anything. I think that is a big part of it having someone your not afraid to share your dark side with. Acting upon anything you think about should excite you, not make you feel awkward or guilty. I hope this helps alittle.
S
I am lucky in the fact all the dark little things I have thought about or seen my hubby is more than willing to give it a shot. I am still shy about some things and i think what a perv I am but so far he hasnt said no to anything. I think that is a big part of it having someone your not afraid to share your dark side with. Acting upon anything you think about should excite you, not make you feel awkward or guilty. I hope this helps alittle.
S
Bobmi357
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Heather,
There are two types of fantasy. Those which you can fufill, and those you can't. You can have a sexual fantasy and STILL not be able to fufill it. IE watching your husband try to have anal sex with a sheep is kinda hard if (a) you don't own any sheep, and (b) he's not interested in fufilling your fantasy.
For example, Me with Nicole Kidman is one of those fantasies which can never be fufilled. Some people have way out fantasies, others have more mundane fantasies. A fantasy needn't be sexually arousing to be a fantasy. It could be something which tickles your fancy, but doesn't necessarily arouse you.
Your husband is right, it isn't normal for someone to have no fantasies. BUT he is wrong in as much as all fantasies are sexually oriented. I know some people that could kill to live in a Star Trek world. Myself include, but its still a fantasy.
Sexual fantasies do not have to be very complex or involved. They can involve yourself, you and your husband, you and someone else. It can be indoors or outdoors. It can be something as simple as trying to have a dinner with friends while your husband does his best to make you orgasm unbeknownst to the friends (under the table) or as involved as role playing.
The big point with fantasies is IF you have one or more, share them with your mate. They will NEVER become fufilled without help, and your mate is the best person to turn to.
Another issue you'll need to deal with is, its your fantasy, it may turn you on, but turns off your mate. Then it will never be fufilled. Its something you need to understand. Your fantasy may not be a turn on for your lover. At that point you either relegate it the unfufilled category or figure out a way of fufilling it without your lover knowing. (Not recommended).
For example I'd love to have a "slave" for a day game with my wife. But she's not interested, so that goes to the "never happen" pile. Its just a fantasy, no big deal, and certainly not worth endangering my relationship with her over.
Hopefully some of this will help.
There are two types of fantasy. Those which you can fufill, and those you can't. You can have a sexual fantasy and STILL not be able to fufill it. IE watching your husband try to have anal sex with a sheep is kinda hard if (a) you don't own any sheep, and (b) he's not interested in fufilling your fantasy.
For example, Me with Nicole Kidman is one of those fantasies which can never be fufilled. Some people have way out fantasies, others have more mundane fantasies. A fantasy needn't be sexually arousing to be a fantasy. It could be something which tickles your fancy, but doesn't necessarily arouse you.
Your husband is right, it isn't normal for someone to have no fantasies. BUT he is wrong in as much as all fantasies are sexually oriented. I know some people that could kill to live in a Star Trek world. Myself include, but its still a fantasy.
Sexual fantasies do not have to be very complex or involved. They can involve yourself, you and your husband, you and someone else. It can be indoors or outdoors. It can be something as simple as trying to have a dinner with friends while your husband does his best to make you orgasm unbeknownst to the friends (under the table) or as involved as role playing.
The big point with fantasies is IF you have one or more, share them with your mate. They will NEVER become fufilled without help, and your mate is the best person to turn to.
Another issue you'll need to deal with is, its your fantasy, it may turn you on, but turns off your mate. Then it will never be fufilled. Its something you need to understand. Your fantasy may not be a turn on for your lover. At that point you either relegate it the unfufilled category or figure out a way of fufilling it without your lover knowing. (Not recommended).
For example I'd love to have a "slave" for a day game with my wife. But she's not interested, so that goes to the "never happen" pile. Its just a fantasy, no big deal, and certainly not worth endangering my relationship with her over.
Hopefully some of this will help.
Scarlett_t2
Gone with the Wind
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Darlin your not a loser...everyone is different....is there not one thing you can think of you would really like to do....the one I really want to do that I havn't is to be taken in the woods, against a big tree hard and fast... Is there not a movie that you have seen where you just thought in your head...damn I would like to do that. It dosn't have to be about other people it can be just about you and you alone.
Maybe your just now starting to want to explore this side of yourself. Give it time and just let it flow naturally.
S
Maybe your just now starting to want to explore this side of yourself. Give it time and just let it flow naturally.
S
Bobmi357
Knit one, Perl two...
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While you might be fantasy challenged. YOU ARE NOT A LOSER. 
Might I suggest you read over the categories of stories here on lit and pick one that you normally never would pick and read a story. What I think you need is some exposure to other ideas to get you thinking yourself.
Might I suggest you read over the categories of stories here on lit and pick one that you normally never would pick and read a story. What I think you need is some exposure to other ideas to get you thinking yourself.
Burrish, everyone has fantasies. You do to! Your fantasy is fuck your husband in a porno theater. It may never happen, but get the lube out your favorite dildo or what ever you use to get off with and have a nice fantasy about getting banged in front of a bunch of horny guys. Or while hubbys is doing you in bed pretend your in that porno theather.
I do this with my wife all the time. I may fantasize that she is a whore I am fucking, or were making a porno movie, were having a threesome or I am doing one of her sister's among other things. These are my fantasies not hers. She is unaware of them, and would probally not like them.
As for her fantasies I have no clue. We've done lots of kinky unaverage kind of sex but she claims not to have fantasies. She says she just doesn't think that way. Perhaps she is right or maybe she is too embarressed to share.
Don't worry about how little you fantasies and how much others do. Just enjoy sex the way you do.
LDLarry52
I do this with my wife all the time. I may fantasize that she is a whore I am fucking, or were making a porno movie, were having a threesome or I am doing one of her sister's among other things. These are my fantasies not hers. She is unaware of them, and would probally not like them.
As for her fantasies I have no clue. We've done lots of kinky unaverage kind of sex but she claims not to have fantasies. She says she just doesn't think that way. Perhaps she is right or maybe she is too embarressed to share.
Don't worry about how little you fantasies and how much others do. Just enjoy sex the way you do.
LDLarry52
Mstrskey
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Lots of good points here hun
and allow me to restate that you are in NO WAY...NO SHAPE....OR NO FORM!! a loser.
When my husband and I first became intimate with each other we were both very young- tho for Lit purpouses we were of course over the age of legal consent. - and inexperienced. I didn't have much of a fantasy life because I was to young to know about anything other then what I was experiencing with him. I was happy with what I had, and I didn't take the opportunity to explore and learn anything else for a while. Well, as all to often happens our sexual lives became pretty boring and predictable. It wasn't that we were any less sexually interested in each other, in fact we wanted each other even more, but we were stuck in a sexual rut. We both had grown and matured. The appetites we had as adolescents were different and the things which had once turned us on had lost some of their ability to drive us each wild. We had developed other interests and curiosity as we matured. I suddenly found myself curious about all sorts of things that I had never considered before, sex with multiple partners, toys, scenes, sex with women. For a while I didn't mention my new interests and neither did he. I think we were afraid that the other would think we weren't happy with what we had, but eventually we decided to sit down and talk about why things had gotten so boring in the bedroom and the floodgates opened.
I am certain that you have fantasies although you may not realize it. I have a friend who swore she never had a single sexual fanatasy. I later found out that she was under the mistaken impression that in order for it to be sexual it had be somehow deviant, kinky, or out of the norm. She was looking for something ' naughty" or " taboo" to qualify when in reality the dreams she would have about her husband spending a quiet romantic evening with her were her fantasies. For her the thought of something as simple as a quiet dinner at home and an evening in his arms in front of the fire was enough to turn her on, but because it didn't involve any blatant sexuality she never considered it.
Even if you say all you think about when you're sexual is getting off, you have a fantasy. Maybe you like the idea of a man focusing solely on pleasuring you without any concern for his own gratification. A selfish indulgence for your own sexual pleasure?
Even if you say you don't get aroused without being touched, maybe you'd like the idea of being in a crowded elevator surrounded by men who as the elevator gets full have no choice but to anonymously rub up against you?
Like everyone has said, I'm sure if you stop and think and let go of any preconcieved ideas about what fantasy is you'll find you have a fertile imagination.
and allow me to restate that you are in NO WAY...NO SHAPE....OR NO FORM!! a loser.
When my husband and I first became intimate with each other we were both very young- tho for Lit purpouses we were of course over the age of legal consent.
- and inexperienced. I didn't have much of a fantasy life because I was to young to know about anything other then what I was experiencing with him. I was happy with what I had, and I didn't take the opportunity to explore and learn anything else for a while. Well, as all to often happens our sexual lives became pretty boring and predictable. It wasn't that we were any less sexually interested in each other, in fact we wanted each other even more, but we were stuck in a sexual rut. We both had grown and matured. The appetites we had as adolescents were different and the things which had once turned us on had lost some of their ability to drive us each wild. We had developed other interests and curiosity as we matured. I suddenly found myself curious about all sorts of things that I had never considered before, sex with multiple partners, toys, scenes, sex with women. For a while I didn't mention my new interests and neither did he. I think we were afraid that the other would think we weren't happy with what we had, but eventually we decided to sit down and talk about why things had gotten so boring in the bedroom and the floodgates opened.I am certain that you have fantasies although you may not realize it. I have a friend who swore she never had a single sexual fanatasy. I later found out that she was under the mistaken impression that in order for it to be sexual it had be somehow deviant, kinky, or out of the norm. She was looking for something ' naughty" or " taboo" to qualify when in reality the dreams she would have about her husband spending a quiet romantic evening with her were her fantasies. For her the thought of something as simple as a quiet dinner at home and an evening in his arms in front of the fire was enough to turn her on, but because it didn't involve any blatant sexuality she never considered it.
Even if you say all you think about when you're sexual is getting off, you have a fantasy. Maybe you like the idea of a man focusing solely on pleasuring you without any concern for his own gratification. A selfish indulgence for your own sexual pleasure?
Even if you say you don't get aroused without being touched, maybe you'd like the idea of being in a crowded elevator surrounded by men who as the elevator gets full have no choice but to anonymously rub up against you?
Like everyone has said, I'm sure if you stop and think and let go of any preconcieved ideas about what fantasy is you'll find you have a fertile imagination.
Burrish, as the others have stated, you are certainly not strange or a loser! It could be that you don't fantacize, or it could be you don't recognize it as such. You are not the first woman I've heard say they do not fantacize.
As Bobmi says there are fantasies that may come true and some that are best left in the farthest recesses of your mind. His example with Nicole Kidman is a good one. As for me, when I fantacize, I never do so with an actual person in mind. It's more of a situation, and all the people in it are usually faceless/nameless. They simply have genders - male or female. My fantasies may come from a picture I've seen, or a story I've read, or something that some one I know actually did. My fantasies change frequently. My latest? Being on a stage on Bourbon St in New Orleans with another woman and a man performing various sexual acts for an audience. Okay, not something I would ever actually do, and so far the fantasy has never played itself completely out, but it does the trick.
Also, for me personally, I really only have fantasies when I masturbate. I've actually tried to fantacize while having sex, but I find my concentration is too much on my partner and what he is doing to and for me to even try to think of something else. So, if my partner were to ask me what I was fantacizing about when we are having sex, I would have to say "nothing." And that would be the truth. It may be you are the same way.
You do mention that you are more aroused through touch. That can be significant. There are people who, though they think of sex, cannot become fully aroused unless they have touching involved.
I wouldn't worry about it. But, what you can do is try to read some of the stories here at Lit or perhaps pick up one or two books of erotica. Read through them and see how you feel after you've read them. If you find yourself aroused, those stories (or snippets of action from them) might be what you keep in your mind as you are masturbating.
As Bobmi says there are fantasies that may come true and some that are best left in the farthest recesses of your mind. His example with Nicole Kidman is a good one. As for me, when I fantacize, I never do so with an actual person in mind. It's more of a situation, and all the people in it are usually faceless/nameless. They simply have genders - male or female. My fantasies may come from a picture I've seen, or a story I've read, or something that some one I know actually did. My fantasies change frequently. My latest? Being on a stage on Bourbon St in New Orleans with another woman and a man performing various sexual acts for an audience. Okay, not something I would ever actually do, and so far the fantasy has never played itself completely out, but it does the trick.
Also, for me personally, I really only have fantasies when I masturbate. I've actually tried to fantacize while having sex, but I find my concentration is too much on my partner and what he is doing to and for me to even try to think of something else. So, if my partner were to ask me what I was fantacizing about when we are having sex, I would have to say "nothing." And that would be the truth. It may be you are the same way.
You do mention that you are more aroused through touch. That can be significant. There are people who, though they think of sex, cannot become fully aroused unless they have touching involved.
I wouldn't worry about it. But, what you can do is try to read some of the stories here at Lit or perhaps pick up one or two books of erotica. Read through them and see how you feel after you've read them. If you find yourself aroused, those stories (or snippets of action from them) might be what you keep in your mind as you are masturbating.
When I first started dating my Man, I asked Him what fantasies He had, in hopes that I could fulfill them. Aside from regular sex with me, He had none. There wasn't a certain position He wanted that He'd never tried, there wasn't bondage, there wasn't like, sex in a tree, or in front of people, or mulitple partners, NOTHING. And I will admit, I thought that *I* was the strange one, then. Here I was, with naughty little images running through my head 24/7, and He never thought about anything but me. A little disconcerting for me.
What I've learned, though, is that there are MANY kinds of people in this world. I am one of those slutty people. I am monogamous but in my mind, I'm the biggest slut this side of the Rockies. In my mind, I have gangbangs, vampire fantasies, etc, but in person, many of those things I wouldn't try (anymore). My Honey, however, is very different from me, and very like you.. He doesn't fantasize about like, some hot chick He's seen in a movie, He doesn't dig porn, He doesn't have dreams about people that make Him hard... only thoughts of me do that for Him.
It makes me feel really special that He only wants me. Your partner, I think, should feel the same. Once I got over my own self-consciousness that I'm a mental slut, I realized that He fantasizes only about me because He loves me so much. I love Him with all my heart, but sometimes, need a little more spice than He can give me. Rather than go outside the relationship, I go into my head.
You are in no way a loser, and in no way abnormal. You merely know what you like and stick to it. And kudos to you for it!
What I've learned, though, is that there are MANY kinds of people in this world. I am one of those slutty people. I am monogamous but in my mind, I'm the biggest slut this side of the Rockies. In my mind, I have gangbangs, vampire fantasies, etc, but in person, many of those things I wouldn't try (anymore). My Honey, however, is very different from me, and very like you.. He doesn't fantasize about like, some hot chick He's seen in a movie, He doesn't dig porn, He doesn't have dreams about people that make Him hard... only thoughts of me do that for Him.
It makes me feel really special that He only wants me. Your partner, I think, should feel the same. Once I got over my own self-consciousness that I'm a mental slut, I realized that He fantasizes only about me because He loves me so much. I love Him with all my heart, but sometimes, need a little more spice than He can give me. Rather than go outside the relationship, I go into my head.
You are in no way a loser, and in no way abnormal. You merely know what you like and stick to it. And kudos to you for it!
Mstrskey
Nicely Naughty
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Heather this worries me
Vix is very lucky in that she has a man in her life that only has eyes and lusty thoughts for her. It is my opinion however that the majority of men out there do- and I don't think it's a bad thing in moderation- think of or become aroused by something other then their partner at times. Hubby for example has a thing for redheads. I could be a goddess physically and sexually but if he sees a redhead he'll still get turned on. Does that mean I'm gonna invest in red dye? Nah, so long as he keeps his redheads in his own head and doesn't disrespect me by trying to make me what I'm not I just chuckle and move on.
I don't think it's abnormal for your hubby to be aroused by sexual images or ideas so long as he is respectful of you in the process. I know from your prior posts that this isn't the case! If his sexual fantasy life has made you feel so insecure that you feel you must take on roles you are not comfortable with in order to keep him from straying then there's a big problem.
Heather you are only one person and you can only be the best you possible. If that isn't enough for hubby then that's his loss. I've learned the hard way that you can't be everything to everyone without giving up yourself and that's not fair to you. Wanting to try and turn hubby on with a little role playing is one thing so long as you're BOTH into it! Trying to be " everything he's ever wanted" is unrealistic and unfair.
I know I must sound like a hardass hun, and I don't mean to be bitchy. I've been in a similar position myself where I was so desperate to make someone I loved happy that I gave up myself to become some fantasy image. In the end he didn't want what I'd worked so hard to become because I wasn't his fantasy I was still me and I hated myself for letting go of my own identity.
I know things are hard for you right now, and that you're fighting very hard to hold on to your marriage and your sanity but hang in there. It can get better if you both work on it and want it bad enough, but the emphasis there is on BOTH of you not just you!
Vix is very lucky in that she has a man in her life that only has eyes and lusty thoughts for her. It is my opinion however that the majority of men out there do- and I don't think it's a bad thing in moderation- think of or become aroused by something other then their partner at times. Hubby for example has a thing for redheads. I could be a goddess physically and sexually but if he sees a redhead he'll still get turned on. Does that mean I'm gonna invest in red dye? Nah, so long as he keeps his redheads in his own head and doesn't disrespect me by trying to make me what I'm not I just chuckle and move on.
I don't think it's abnormal for your hubby to be aroused by sexual images or ideas so long as he is respectful of you in the process. I know from your prior posts that this isn't the case!
If his sexual fantasy life has made you feel so insecure that you feel you must take on roles you are not comfortable with in order to keep him from straying then there's a big problem.Heather you are only one person and you can only be the best you possible. If that isn't enough for hubby then that's his loss. I've learned the hard way that you can't be everything to everyone without giving up yourself and that's not fair to you. Wanting to try and turn hubby on with a little role playing is one thing so long as you're BOTH into it! Trying to be " everything he's ever wanted" is unrealistic and unfair.
I know I must sound like a hardass hun, and I don't mean to be bitchy. I've been in a similar position myself where I was so desperate to make someone I loved happy that I gave up myself to become some fantasy image. In the end he didn't want what I'd worked so hard to become because I wasn't his fantasy I was still me and I hated myself for letting go of my own identity.
I know things are hard for you right now, and that you're fighting very hard to hold on to your marriage and your sanity but hang in there. It can get better if you both work on it and want it bad enough, but the emphasis there is on BOTH of you not just you!
Carnus
Reality, yours or mine?
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To me a fantasy is the dream you would do if you felt there was no consequences. From sex with your favorite star while you significant other was still there to take care of you later ranging to, jjust what does it feel like to be tied down and taken by a huge breasted woman with a vibrating strap-on. There are huge ranges of things we would dream of and never do and to me that is a fantasy. After all if you could have any fantasy I would be traveling the world to meet and seduce all the wonderful women on here.
Never give up dreaming, it makes your heart soar and your mind come down to earth.
carnus
Never give up dreaming, it makes your heart soar and your mind come down to earth.
carnus
wicked woman
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Re: Heather this worries me
Mstrskey...I agree with your concerns. In all of Heather's posts I don't recall ever hearing how he was trying to please her, make her feel special, fulfill her needs. Heather..*****'s a give and take...you may not be able to control his actions...but you have a right to determine how you will let someone treat you. Wanting to please your husband is one thing...ignoring your identity and your needs and wants to do it just isn't healthy. No one can be everything to another person.
Originally posted by Mstrskey
Vix is very lucky in that she has a man in her life that only has eyes and lusty thoughts for her. It is my opinion however that the majority of men out there do- and I don't think it's a bad thing in moderation- think of or become aroused by something other then their partner at times. Hubby for example has a thing for redheads. I could be a goddess physically and sexually but if he sees a redhead he'll still get turned on. Does that mean I'm gonna invest in red dye? Nah, so long as he keeps his redheads in his own head and doesn't disrespect me by trying to make me what I'm not I just chuckle and move on.
I don't think it's abnormal for your hubby to be aroused by sexual images or ideas so long as he is respectful of you in the process. I know from your prior posts that this isn't the case!
Heather you are only one person and you can only be the best you possible. If that isn't enough for hubby then that's his loss. I've learned the hard way that you can't be everything to everyone without giving up yourself and that's not fair to you. Wanting to try and turn hubby on with a little role playing is one thing so long as you're BOTH into it! Trying to be " everything he's ever wanted" is unrealistic and unfair.
I know I must sound like a hardass hun, and I don't mean to be bitchy. I've been in a similar position myself where I was so desperate to make someone I loved happy that I gave up myself to become some fantasy image. In the end he didn't want what I'd worked so hard to become because I wasn't his fantasy I was still me and I hated myself for letting go of my own identity.
I know things are hard for you right now, and that you're fighting very hard to hold on to your marriage and your sanity but hang in there. It can get better if you both work on it and want it bad enough, but the emphasis there is on BOTH of you not just you!
Mstrskey...I agree with your concerns. In all of Heather's posts I don't recall ever hearing how he was trying to please her, make her feel special, fulfill her needs. Heather..*****'s a give and take...you may not be able to control his actions...but you have a right to determine how you will let someone treat you. Wanting to please your husband is one thing...ignoring your identity and your needs and wants to do it just isn't healthy. No one can be everything to another person.
TirelessTongue
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A fantasy to me is something that I'd love to see, do, or have happen to me in the past, present, or future that is within realizm.
One of my fantasies is to be seduced by an older attractive lady. That is within realizm. A lady with 3 tits is out of realizm....although it will keep my mouth pretty busy
One of my fantasies is to be seduced by an older attractive lady. That is within realizm. A lady with 3 tits is out of realizm....although it will keep my mouth pretty busy
