What if your dom who you really love, had second thoughts?

[Kendras_babygirl]

We started a relationship 20 months ago, it got pretty hott quickly. We are now living together after getting away from our parents house. I'm 23 he's 24, and recently becoming transsexual. Or rather recently made the decision to transition. He's having doubts about everything right now, and I think alot of that has to do with things not going the way he thought they would. I guess I should be saying she right now, but it doesn't really matter. The point is that just recently she said she wasn't sure she wanted to be in the lifestyle anymore, and just the other day said she wasn't sure she was a very good Dom/ wanted to continue being a dominate.

I don't know what to think, or do. Because I have very submissive tendencies and desires.

But at the same time I love her so very much, that I know I couldn't bear to part with her.

Kendras Babygirl

 

[incubus'_sub]

Bear in mind that this answer is from someone with absolutely no experience with transsexuals.

My feeling is that his dominant desires reside with his male persona & he sees his female side as being more girly, submissive. Whether or not you can cope with that is up to you. I know I couldn't.

It's probably wonderful to be the sort of person who can continue to love someone & desire them even if they completely change their sex & their orientation, but for me that would change what I was wanting from the relationship, the things that brought us together in the first place.

Maybe he/she is the same loving person underneath, but the reality is that the relationship has changed & will no longer satisfy your desires & needs. Think carefully about what you want & need too.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

i agree completely with incubus'_sub and couldn't have said it better myself. just make sure you communicate clearly with your partner what it is exactly that you want, and what it is exactly that he/she wants and go from there. i hate to be a spoiler but it just may not work out, especially if you are not fully happy in the 'new' relationship. good luck.....

 

[SweetErika]

We started a relationship 20 months ago, it got pretty hott quickly. We are now living together after getting away from our parents house. I'm 23 he's 24, and recently becoming transsexual. Or rather recently made the decision to transition. He's having doubts about everything right now, and I think alot of that has to do with things not going the way he thought they would. I guess I should be saying she right now, but it doesn't really matter. The point is that just recently she said she wasn't sure she wanted to be in the lifestyle anymore, and just the other day said she wasn't sure she was a very good Dom/ wanted to continue being a dominate.

I don't know what to think, or do. Because I have very submissive tendencies and desires.

But at the same time I love her so very much, that I know I couldn't bear to part with her.

Kendras Babygirl

As i_s said, perhaps she's changing her mind as she discovers who she is. Or, maybe she'll find her dominance going strong as/after she transitions and just needs time to figure that out.

As simple and difficult as it is, it seems like you have three main choices:
1) Wait it out, doing nothing different, and see if she finds her dominance again
2) Try to come up with an acceptable compromise, like you expressing this side of yourself with someone(s) else
3) Get out of this relationship

If the relationship had a thoroughly strong foundation, I'd likely seek a compromise that met my needs while waiting for my partner to work through it, but that's just my style. You two have to decide what will work for each of you and your relationship, and I wish you both the best of luck in finding that, and happiness.

 

[Netzach]

Whether she's sub or not is complete conjecture. I do know that my interest in *dominating* fluctuates downward when I'm having a major life change or crisis. That's just normal, I think, if you are going through massive flux, your sense of control is really going to wane.

But Erika laid out the options, really. I also know that I was much happier to pick up playing when the D/s dynamic could be "shelved" a little, still talking about it, but without pressure on me from outside or eventually from myself -- I know it's hard not to feel like a shitty Domme in these cases, but that's where your support can come in, too.

 

[Kendras_babygirl]

Thanx

I want to say thank you to everyone for their input and advice... I don't know what I/ We are going to do about things right now, but I thought I would give her a few weeks to see how my Domme feels then. She still talks to other subs and wants to add them to "our family" so I think it is more just being stressed out and kind of a pre-mid life crisis period. The best thing I can think to do at this time, is to stand by and support her.

I will also be talking things over with her, in the next few days, so we can both understand where each other are at in our thoughts and feelings regarding D/s and our relationship.

Kendras Babygirl

 

[liberatedslave]

You have been incredibly loving & loyal to stick by your Domme through such major changes. It sounds as though she's just at a low ebb right now but I'd be wary of 'adding to your family' or making big plans. Your lady must still be working out who she truly is & envisaging herself in the future must be difficult at times. As I_S said, you had needs when you got together with this person & in the long term they won't go away. Be supportive & give her time but don't push your own happiness completely aside.

 

[catalina_francisco]

so I think it is more just being stressed out and kind of a pre-mid life crisis period.

I'm a little confused....pre mid-life crisis at 24?!! I would hope you both planned to live a little longer than this would indicate.

Catalina

 

[Etoile]

I'm a little confused....pre mid-life crisis at 24?!! I would hope you both planned to live a little longer than this would indicate.

Catalina

Perhaps she has an old soul. http://www.amanita.net/images/smilies/redshocked.gif

 

[Kendras_babygirl]

my mid-life crisis comment

Pre- can be any time before something, not necessarily directly preceding it. So saying a pre mid-life crisis; I am saying that I know we're not in the middle of our lives, or hopefully even close to that, but it seems like the Mid-life crisis that people often begin going through in their thirties (even if they then live to be like 100)

The pre-historic era lasted for thousands of years, So pre-midlife can occur any time after one is born before they hit "midlife."

Thanks for your comments though. I really do appreciate them.

 

[MasterPhoenix]

wish you the best...