thewritegirl
Virgin
- Joined
- Nov 21, 2002
- Posts
- 10
hey - just submitted my first story and wondering what happens next... can anyone help me out? also would anyone like to read it? i'm kinda proud 
what happens when you submit a story?
- Thread starter thewritegirl
- Start date
Octavian
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Jun 17, 2002
- Posts
- 601
your submission
If your submission is still showing as pending, nothing will happen.
Wait until it is approved and then you will find it in the list of new stories.
At this point you can announce your story, but remember you've got to create a link to it as well. Then we can all read it!
_______________________________________________
I'm terrifically popular. If I had any friends you could ask them.
If your submission is still showing as pending, nothing will happen.
Wait until it is approved and then you will find it in the list of new stories.
At this point you can announce your story, but remember you've got to create a link to it as well. Then we can all read it!
_______________________________________________
I'm terrifically popular. If I had any friends you could ask them.
thewritegirl
Virgin
- Joined
- Nov 21, 2002
- Posts
- 10
thanks octavian!
damppanties
Tinkle, twinkle
- Joined
- May 7, 2002
- Posts
- 16,276
thewritegirl said:hey - just submitted my first story and wondering what happens next... can anyone help me out? also would anyone like to read it? i'm kinda proud
What happens after your story's approved - you get a number of feedback emails (some of them related to your story and the rest all going 'can you send me a nude pic'
). Now the number depends upon where you submit your story. If it's in the incest category then you get something like 40 mails the first day... so beware!After you recover from the email onslaught... you come here and ask us nice people to read your story and give you some nice feedback. We do.
thewritegirl
Virgin
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- Nov 21, 2002
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- 10
i'm going to ask you nice people right now, before it's approved (how long does it take usually?)
but i'll warn you - it's a little post-modern...
but i'll warn you - it's a little post-modern...
damppanties
Tinkle, twinkle
- Joined
- May 7, 2002
- Posts
- 16,276
nice person here...
Hi writegirl,
I went through your story and love the way you describe things. I enjoyed reading it too much and the first time I didn't even bother to be critical... just read it. That's really good.
Now some specifics -
made her have to think consciously about breathing
Great line. Is 'have to' necessary? It complicates the sentence.
could make it - (she didn't want him to know what it was doing. not yet.) -
I hate things in parenthesis while reading a story and I think many other people here share that thought.
she could feel the wet warmth get wetter.
mmm... delicious!
she inhaled him,
err... 'his scent' would be better.
the angle was graceless... she wanted grace every time. perfection...
Lovely!
I just realised I loved the way the whole of the first paragraph has turned out but I can't C & P the whole thing here... so I did my favourites.
The ellipsis (...) which are at the end of the first paragraph and at the beginning of the second - can you do that? I mean... can you separate paragraphs that way and still attempt a continuation? I don't think so but I may be wrong.
she was on her stomach which meant she could secretly grind her pelvis into the mattress and he wouldn't notice - which had been working for the past ten minutes except she was moving so much now that he was noticing - and then when she sighed she felt him notice that sound - his cock stirred against her leg.
Too much information in one sentence. I would have cut it into 3 or maybe 4 sentences.
slid his hand around her back and under her tit, felt it squished against his fingers and roughly rubbed her nipple.
Had to read this sentence 3 times. First of all, it's a continuation of the previous sentence and shouldn't be a separate sentence, a dash (-) or semicolon (would have worked between the two OR simply add a "he" in the beginning. Then when you mention 'it' in the second half of your sentence, I thought you're referring to his hand. Confused me. Ok, I know it's too easy to confuse me but, well...
and she murmured no, no,
I couldn't decide if this was direct speech or not. No quotes... not even single ones. I have a feeling there should have been something.
The second paragraph is too big. There's not much variety in your sentences in that paragraph. Almost all start with 'he' or 'she' followed by a verb and it gets boring.
they fucked each other hard.
Uhh noooo... you can do better than that. You 've been coming up with wonderful words and descriptions all the while till here and I want more than this now. C'mon, I'm expecting more!
he arched himself ... ... from his fingers
VERY long sentence. Cut it. I counted eleven 'and's in it! Really... a little too much.
she came. hard. and it seemed to last a really long time.
Sheesh... no. More detail here too.
it felt like mini replicas of her orgasm
Tee hee. Loved this.
Hmmm... finished the story. Now some general points I noticed -
There are no caps in there. Don't tell me you submitted it like that... it might get rejected. Or has it somehow turned out like that as I downloaded it? Anyone else has this problem? There are no capital letters in the story. Even at the start of a sentence it's a small letter.
The story needs to be longer. Really. With your writing skill its a sin to write such short things. I wanted it to last more. It's not even 1000 words!
Long sentences I already covered... some other grammatical problems too about commas and such but nothing major that cannot be fixed.
It was a lovely bit of writing. I hope you come up with much more next time. Looking forward to more from you.
Keep writing.
Hi writegirl,
I went through your story and love the way you describe things. I enjoyed reading it too much and the first time I didn't even bother to be critical... just read it. That's really good.
Now some specifics -
made her have to think consciously about breathing
Great line. Is 'have to' necessary? It complicates the sentence.
could make it - (she didn't want him to know what it was doing. not yet.) -
I hate things in parenthesis while reading a story and I think many other people here share that thought.
she could feel the wet warmth get wetter.
mmm... delicious!
she inhaled him,
err... 'his scent' would be better.
the angle was graceless... she wanted grace every time. perfection...
Lovely!
I just realised I loved the way the whole of the first paragraph has turned out but I can't C & P the whole thing here... so I did my favourites.
The ellipsis (...) which are at the end of the first paragraph and at the beginning of the second - can you do that? I mean... can you separate paragraphs that way and still attempt a continuation? I don't think so but I may be wrong.
she was on her stomach which meant she could secretly grind her pelvis into the mattress and he wouldn't notice - which had been working for the past ten minutes except she was moving so much now that he was noticing - and then when she sighed she felt him notice that sound - his cock stirred against her leg.
Too much information in one sentence. I would have cut it into 3 or maybe 4 sentences.
slid his hand around her back and under her tit, felt it squished against his fingers and roughly rubbed her nipple.
Had to read this sentence 3 times. First of all, it's a continuation of the previous sentence and shouldn't be a separate sentence, a dash (-) or semicolon (
would have worked between the two OR simply add a "he" in the beginning. Then when you mention 'it' in the second half of your sentence, I thought you're referring to his hand. Confused me. Ok, I know it's too easy to confuse me but, well... and she murmured no, no,
I couldn't decide if this was direct speech or not. No quotes... not even single ones. I have a feeling there should have been something.
The second paragraph is too big. There's not much variety in your sentences in that paragraph. Almost all start with 'he' or 'she' followed by a verb and it gets boring.
they fucked each other hard.
Uhh noooo... you can do better than that. You 've been coming up with wonderful words and descriptions all the while till here and I want more than this now. C'mon, I'm expecting more!
he arched himself ... ... from his fingers
VERY long sentence. Cut it. I counted eleven 'and's in it! Really... a little too much.
she came. hard. and it seemed to last a really long time.
Sheesh... no. More detail here too.
it felt like mini replicas of her orgasm
Tee hee. Loved this.
Hmmm... finished the story. Now some general points I noticed -
There are no caps in there. Don't tell me you submitted it like that... it might get rejected.
Or has it somehow turned out like that as I downloaded it? Anyone else has this problem? There are no capital letters in the story. Even at the start of a sentence it's a small letter.The story needs to be longer. Really. With your writing skill its a sin to write such short things. I wanted it to last more. It's not even 1000 words!
Long sentences I already covered... some other grammatical problems too about commas and such but nothing major that cannot be fixed.
It was a lovely bit of writing. I hope you come up with much more next time. Looking forward to more from you.
Keep writing.
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