What Don't you Get?

[Bob Peale]

I've been thinking (and apparently, so has *bratcat*).

A lot of us have notions about who are what we are.

But worse, a lot of us think that OTHERS think we're "something", and often it turns out that nothing could be farther from the truth. In fact, we do a lot of fucking damage to ourselves because we behave as if others have assigned a trait/quality/limitation on us when, in fact, the only person placing it on us is us!

Do you find yourself thinking of yourself as:

Fat
Skinny
Rich
Poor
Dumb
Smart
Loud
Shy
Gay
Straight
Black
White
Tall
Short
Fat
Rude
Polite
Small
Big
Etc.

only to find out later that others don't see you that way at all?

Why do you still do it? Do you think you could stop even if you wanted to?

I know that lately, I've been reading books and watching movies where all of the characters have a common impediment that I always thought I had. I'm starting to realize that I don't have it - people don't treat me the way these characters are treated because of it; I'm coming to the realization, after all this time, that maybe I've had it wrong all along.

It's very weird to proceed having to learn NOT to think of yourself a certain way when that's all you've ever known, right or wrong.

 

[Shaq]

Interesting thoughts....but I would still contend the opposite.....in the end all you really have is yourself....isn't it more important to understand and appreciate what you think of yourself than how others perceive you?


I would use the opinions of others as a guide to how I feel about me....if we disagree then whether or not I change my opinion because of that tells me something about myself...but I don't think the way others perceive me defines who I am....because they are facets of me that no one but me could ever know....

 

[Bob Peale]

Interesting thoughts....but I would still contend the opposite.....in the end all you really have is yourself....isn't it more important to understand and appreciate what you think of yourself than how others perceive you?


I would use the opinions of others as a guide to how I feel about me....if we disagree then whether or not I change my opinion because of that tells me something about myself...but I don't think the way others perceive me defines who I am....because they are facets of me that no one but me could ever know....

I think you missed my point.

This isn't as much about overcoming people's perceptions/misperceptions as much as about overcoming your own.

Specifically, I was wondering, when you think really hard, if maybe you may be holding yourself back because you don't see yourself as others do.

Like not applying for technical assignments because you don't think you have the skills, yet you are the first person people call when they hit a technical troublespot.

Or not going out in a bathing suit because you think you are physically unattractive only to find out that half of your friends hope to look like you someday.

There is always going to be a disconnect; I'm just realizing that there are thing sI didn't do, or more importantly, I carried myself a different way because on some level that's how I thought people saw me - only to realize that I was the only one that saw me that way.

 

[MissTaken]

As I grow older, I am trying not to rely on what other's perceptions are of me to dictate my behavior. It isn't easy.


Yes, I thought I was unattractive and have found that is not true. In so finding this, I find that I walk more confidantly, am more likely to meet someone for drinks or whatever and am rather enjoying my attractiveness. A Sex Goddess? No...but attractive ...yes.

Intelligence: I used to be easily intimidated by overtly bright people. I now realize, that my depth of cognitive skills isn't lacking, in fact, what I know, I know well. What I don't know, I am eager to learn.

Stepping back, I am finding that my self confidence is only growing as I become less involved with what other's perceptions are and look into my mirror on my own. What do I think? Then...act.

 

[perks]

I think you missed my point.

This isn't as much about overcoming people's perceptions/misperceptions as much as about overcoming your own.

Specifically, I was wondering, when you think really hard, if maybe you may be holding yourself back because you don't see yourself as others do.

Like not applying for technical assignments because you don't think you have the skills, yet you are the first person people call when they hit a technical troublespot.

Or not going out in a bathing suit because you think you are physically unattractive only to find out that half of your friends hope to look like you someday.

There is always going to be a disconnect; I'm just realizing that there are thing sI didn't do, or more importantly, I carried myself a different way because on some level that's how I thought people saw me - only to realize that I was the only one that saw me that way.

mmmm hmmmmmm, preach it brothah.

 

[riff]

In a field
I am the absence of field.

--Mark Strand

Think about it.

 

[Saint Peter]

There is a thin line between what I want others to think about me and what others really do think about me. If I ask them what the perceptions are I am as likely to get a line of crap as the real deal. It is tough to look a guy in the face and say "what i get from you is a fat, good for nothing, backstabbing maroon."

 

[perks]

is that like a macaroon but different?

 

[riff]

is that like a macaroon but different?

Oh, shut up and sit on my face.

 

[perks]

Oh, shut up and sit on my face.

you say all the right things, smoothtalker.

 

[Bob Peale]

you say all the right things, smoothtalker.

And with such poise and elegance, no less

 

[perks]

And with such poise and elegance, no less

<grin> you noticed that, huh?