What Does The Average Woman Look For In A Guy?

[dcraz]

Man, DC, I wish I could go to the pub with you sometime. I bet if I had you around giving me pointers before approaching Woman A or Woman B that I'd have confidence coming out my ass. Great stuff and I think I'll try that....mind you my heart will probably be wanting to beat out of my chest when I do, I clam up at the mere thought of approaching a stranger.

Thanks everybody for the help, I know I sound like a broken record saying that but I mean it. Hopefully I can at least get some more friends out of this, I could always use more friends.

What is everyone's opinion on meeting/talking with people online (ie - dating sites and stuff?)

Nice,

Any time you want to head to the pub, you just let me know. I'll even buy the drinks! Honestly though, trying some of the techniques I mentioned above with a supportive friend is not a bad idea. Now I don't know if I would a pub for the first outing, but having someone to encourage you and support you if things don't go as planned could be very helpful. Again, practice with someone you know you are not trying to pick up. The waitress, the teller at the bank, etc. It will go a long way in taking the pressure off and putting you more at ease. As with most things, the more you practice, the more comfortable you will be later when you need/want it. And in case you have not read this a thousand times elsewhere on the threads, ladies really warm up to a man that exudes confidence. Especially if he can do so without coming across as arogant, crude or a player. This is not to say that y ou need confidence, only that it will help in the long run.

Friends are indeed a great asset. Especially those that will be honest and loyal to you. Not everyone that claims to will, but I digress a bit. Suffice to say, friends are a good thing and I think you are well on your way to finding some.

As for meeting or talking with people online, I would say go for it. Just be sure you are clear on your own expectations. Remember, you are trying to learn to meet people, not looking to make a llife long commitment by the end of the week. If you try it once and it does not work out, try it again. You never know, you just might find a great friend for life. Or maybe more! The nice thing about online is it affords both parties a certain degree of anonymity. Which might help you be a little more comfortable when learning to meet people. A skill you can develop that will help you when you move up to trying to meet someone in real life.

Good luck, keep us posted and as always, don't be afraid to ask for a little help along the way. There are plenty here who have some wonderful advice. And we are all rooting for you!

 

[whatdoesthi]

i'd be wary of citing richard feynman because he was a quantum physicist and i mean what sane woman wouldn't want to jump one of those damn scientists

 

[smy3th]

i'd be wary of citing richard feynman because he was a quantum physicist and i mean what sane woman wouldn't want to jump one of those damn scientists

According to his book: Any woman he asked.

 

[whatdoesthi]

yeah but only after an insufferable 'am I erect or flaccid? well, i actually exist in both states at once until you pull down my zipper' joke.

 

[dcraz]

Was still a very entertaining book. And I would much rather drink beer with Richard Feynman than half the customers or co-workers I see on a regular basis.

 

[smy3th]

yeah but only after an insufferable 'am I erect or flaccid? well, i actually exist in both states at once until you pull down my zipper' joke.

Quantum erections? LOL.

 

[Xectxny19X]

I think everyone has their own type of guy. As for me, I'll basically date anyone who I feel really likes me. Most just make me feel like I'm just another girl they're asking out...that large numbers game...to which I reject from the get go.

 

[venuslvr69]

Personality, nice ass, beautiful eyes, good hygene, nice hands, creative, good vocabulary, funny, respectful (to me and himself), generous, courtious, fun the be around.

 

[niceguys1st]

Well things for me have just gotten a bit interesting in the past few weeks. Bear with me, this might take a while.

I met a girl few weeks ago from this one dating site. We've been getting to know eachother a bit and things were going insanely well until a couple of days ago.

While getting to know her she told me that she was kinda casually seeing somebody at the moment but that it was nothing serious. Having already been in this situation before I didn't want to play things safe and do the "slow" thing because everytime I do that the other guy always swoops in and steals the girl away for himself because I was too nervous to make my intentions clear. She said that as exciting as things have been that we need to tone it down a notch and take things slower because she's worried of falling back into a similar pattern but she admitted to me that she's interested in me and thinks that I have potential and she wants to get to know me.

We agreed on a phone date for Thursday night. When I called her though she seemed distracted by EVERYTHING, I could hear typing in the background, she was talking to her roomie, watching TV etc. and wasn't really talking to me at all so I asked her if I should call her back later but she said, no it's ok. After a little while of awkward silences and futile attempts by me to draw a conversation out of her she said that she wanted to finish bathing her daughter and eat dinner and put her daughter to sleep and she would call me back in a little while. An hour and 15 minutes later she finally called me back but the same disinterest was shown so I finally asked her "you told me last night that you were still interested in me, exactly how interested are you?" She responded by telling me I was an interesting person but I told her that's not what I asked. She said "well, I did." (as in did have interest) So I responded by saying "Did, as in you don't anymore?" There was a long pause and she sighed and proceeded to tell me how she figured I was a person she would need to be constantly reassuring (that's partly true but if she didn't make me feel like I was a bother by ignoring me for lack of a better term it wouldn't be an issue because for somebody who says they're interested in you she sure has a strange way of showing it) and constantly be holding up emotionally and that she needed somebody who could help hold her up from time to time too. I told her that I would if she gave me the chance. I was having a bad day to begin with, just one of those days that I get from time to time, I'm sure you're all familiar with them, but they don't happen as often as they used to and I told her that it was unfair for her to flip flop on her word not even 24 hours after she assured me left right and center that she was very interested in me. I asked her to please not let one bad day make a lasting impression of what I'm like as a whole. She agreed with me and said that it was kinda unfair and that she was just confused about things but said that I still had a lot of potential and she wanted to get to know me.

We both agreed though that nothing better would come from continuing to talk but that tomorrow was a new day and she told me that we would talk again tomorrow and that I could call her. Well tomorrow (Friday) came and she got back from work and we talked for a bit online and I asked her if she'd like me to call. She said not right now because she was busy helping her friend with some directions (she had a friend coming to visit from Vancouver and she needed to go and pick him up from the ferry around 8) but that I could call in a little while. I waited patiently but she was still "busy doing stuff," she was on the phone with sister now and was looking online for some information. I said, well I guess it looks like we're not going to get to talk tonight then because it was nearly 7 and she had to leave in less than an hour. She appologized and said she didn't realize how late it was. I said it was alright and said something else to her and figured I'd wait to see how long it would take her to respond. I waited 45 minutes before I finally got fed up and said that I should go. She asked, "are you sure?" and I said to her, well, you haven't said anything to me in nearly an hour so yeah. She said that she was so sorry and said that she was sorry I thought she was such a bitch. I told her that I didn't think that at all. She appologized for "being weird" and for us not getting to talk and said that she would try to call me on Sunday night.

After that though I was pretty upset because I felt like I had just been treated like the most unimportant person ever. But I figured that she was just having a bad day herself, she tends to isolate herself when she feels like that so I didnt' hold it against her and I'll make sure to tell her that if we talk tomorrow, but I was hurt nonetheless.

A couple hours later a good friend came online and asked me how I was doing. I said not too good and she asked why, I said "girl trouble." "Talk to me," was her response but I wasn't really saying much to her so she offered to call and I agreed.

Now, this is a girl I was supposed to have a date with back in April but this crush that she's had for a long time suddenly reappeared and told her that he wanted to try to see how things would work. I was pretty interested in her but after finding this out I took a step back but continued talking to her on a friendly basis.

As we talked last night she admitted to me that things with her crush have been going sour and she was really confused about what he was doing because he's been ignoring her too. I took a deep breath and thought to myself and figured I needed to take a leap of faith and I told her that I was interested in her as more than just a friend, she had told me before when I was first getting to know her that she liked to be pursued so I told her "I'm not really sure what to do or say right now exactly, but for what it's worth, this is me pursuing you."

I think I caught her off-guard but then she returned the favor and told me that she was interested in me as well but that she wanted to lay a foundation of friendship before we attempted to date or to consider the prospect of dating but that I was doing a good job so far and to keep it up and said that one of these days we will meet and if our meeting went well then we would continue to see what happens.

I couldn't really find the right words last night on the phone so after we hung up I sent her a very heartfelt email and put everything on the table. I admitted in that email that I knew I was taking a risk by saying this to her but that I've come to realize that if you ever hope to get what you want in life you need to be willing to take risks. I told her in the email that in my past I have always been too shy, too nervous and too self-conscious to ever admit any kind of interest in another person and I've seen many oppurtunities wasted as a result, I don't want to keep letting things slip through my fingers because I've been too scared about a person's reaction. I continued by saying that knowing that she's interested has given me a big boost of confidence and has made me feel better about telling her what I feel and that I was completely willing to take things as slow as she would like and to really get to know her but that this was all very new to me and that it was scary and I asked for her patience if I make mistakes along the way but that I look forward to seeing how it plays out because I value the friendship that we've built to this point. I told her that I believed I had a lot to offer her in terms of romance, affection, warmth and friendship. (how's that for confidence inspiring?!)

I sent that to her and now I'm waiting. She said that she was going to be out at her Dad's all day doing laundry but that she would be back tonight and that if it wasn't too late she would call me again.

Anyways, that's what's beeing going on lately. I had no idea this was going to be so long I appologize for posting a novel but I knew that if I left out any details that you wouldn't be able to get a really good idea of the situation.

I don't know if it's right for me to be doing what I'm doing but I've made no promises to anybody and being interested and dating are two different things. I feel right now that I'm just keeping my options open and that if they're both considering other people that I'm allowed to as well. I've just never had this happen to me before, having one woman interested in me is one thing, but to have two at the same time is terrifying and yet very exciting, but what excites me the most is the fact that I've been more willing to take chances which I would never do before. I feel like a completely different and much more confident person that I'm taking risks I never would have taken before.

 

[BigM]

Nice Hands??

....nice hands.....

I've heard women say this before: they like 'nice hands.'

What in the hell constitutes nice hands?? You want something more than clean fingernails?

 

[SCdude]

Well things for me have just gotten a bit interesting in the past few weeks. Bear with me, this might take a while.

I met a girl few weeks ago from this one dating site. We've been getting to know eachother a bit and things were going insanely well until a couple of days ago.

While getting to know her she told me that she was kinda casually seeing somebody at the moment but that it was nothing serious. Having already been in this situation before I didn't want to play things safe and do the "slow" thing because everytime I do that the other guy always swoops in and steals the girl away for himself because I was too nervous to make my intentions clear. She said that as exciting as things have been that we need to tone it down a notch and take things slower because she's worried of falling back into a similar pattern but she admitted to me that she's interested in me and thinks that I have potential and she wants to get to know me.

We agreed on a phone date for Thursday night. When I called her though she seemed distracted by EVERYTHING, I could hear typing in the background, she was talking to her roomie, watching TV etc. and wasn't really talking to me at all so I asked her if I should call her back later but she said, no it's ok. After a little while of awkward silences and futile attempts by me to draw a conversation out of her she said that she wanted to finish bathing her daughter and eat dinner and put her daughter to sleep and she would call me back in a little while. An hour and 15 minutes later she finally called me back but the same disinterest was shown so I finally asked her "you told me last night that you were still interested in me, exactly how interested are you?" She responded by telling me I was an interesting person but I told her that's not what I asked. She said "well, I did." (as in did have interest) So I responded by saying "Did, as in you don't anymore?" There was a long pause and she sighed and proceeded to tell me how she figured I was a person she would need to be constantly reassuring (that's partly true but if she didn't make me feel like I was a bother by ignoring me for lack of a better term it wouldn't be an issue because for somebody who says they're interested in you she sure has a strange way of showing it) and constantly be holding up emotionally and that she needed somebody who could help hold her up from time to time too. I told her that I would if she gave me the chance. I was having a bad day to begin with, just one of those days that I get from time to time, I'm sure you're all familiar with them, but they don't happen as often as they used to and I told her that it was unfair for her to flip flop on her word not even 24 hours after she assured me left right and center that she was very interested in me. I asked her to please not let one bad day make a lasting impression of what I'm like as a whole. She agreed with me and said that it was kinda unfair and that she was just confused about things but said that I still had a lot of potential and she wanted to get to know me.

We both agreed though that nothing better would come from continuing to talk but that tomorrow was a new day and she told me that we would talk again tomorrow and that I could call her. Well tomorrow (Friday) came and she got back from work and we talked for a bit online and I asked her if she'd like me to call. She said not right now because she was busy helping her friend with some directions (she had a friend coming to visit from Vancouver and she needed to go and pick him up from the ferry around 8) but that I could call in a little while. I waited patiently but she was still "busy doing stuff," she was on the phone with sister now and was looking online for some information. I said, well I guess it looks like we're not going to get to talk tonight then because it was nearly 7 and she had to leave in less than an hour. She appologized and said she didn't realize how late it was. I said it was alright and said something else to her and figured I'd wait to see how long it would take her to respond. I waited 45 minutes before I finally got fed up and said that I should go. She asked, "are you sure?" and I said to her, well, you haven't said anything to me in nearly an hour so yeah. She said that she was so sorry and said that she was sorry I thought she was such a bitch. I told her that I didn't think that at all. She appologized for "being weird" and for us not getting to talk and said that she would try to call me on Sunday night.

After that though I was pretty upset because I felt like I had just been treated like the most unimportant person ever. But I figured that she was just having a bad day herself, she tends to isolate herself when she feels like that so I didnt' hold it against her and I'll make sure to tell her that if we talk tomorrow, but I was hurt nonetheless.

A couple hours later a good friend came online and asked me how I was doing. I said not too good and she asked why, I said "girl trouble." "Talk to me," was her response but I wasn't really saying much to her so she offered to call and I agreed.

Now, this is a girl I was supposed to have a date with back in April but this crush that she's had for a long time suddenly reappeared and told her that he wanted to try to see how things would work. I was pretty interested in her but after finding this out I took a step back but continued talking to her on a friendly basis.

As we talked last night she admitted to me that things with her crush have been going sour and she was really confused about what he was doing because he's been ignoring her too. I took a deep breath and thought to myself and figured I needed to take a leap of faith and I told her that I was interested in her as more than just a friend, she had told me before when I was first getting to know her that she liked to be pursued so I told her "I'm not really sure what to do or say right now exactly, but for what it's worth, this is me pursuing you."

I think I caught her off-guard but then she returned the favor and told me that she was interested in me as well but that she wanted to lay a foundation of friendship before we attempted to date or to consider the prospect of dating but that I was doing a good job so far and to keep it up and said that one of these days we will meet and if our meeting went well then we would continue to see what happens.

I couldn't really find the right words last night on the phone so after we hung up I sent her a very heartfelt email and put everything on the table. I admitted in that email that I knew I was taking a risk by saying this to her but that I've come to realize that if you ever hope to get what you want in life you need to be willing to take risks. I told her in the email that in my past I have always been too shy, too nervous and too self-conscious to ever admit any kind of interest in another person and I've seen many oppurtunities wasted as a result, I don't want to keep letting things slip through my fingers because I've been too scared about a person's reaction. I continued by saying that knowing that she's interested has given me a big boost of confidence and has made me feel better about telling her what I feel and that I was completely willing to take things as slow as she would like and to really get to know her but that this was all very new to me and that it was scary and I asked for her patience if I make mistakes along the way but that I look forward to seeing how it plays out because I value the friendship that we've built to this point. I told her that I believed I had a lot to offer her in terms of romance, affection, warmth and friendship. (how's that for confidence inspiring?!)

I sent that to her and now I'm waiting. She said that she was going to be out at her Dad's all day doing laundry but that she would be back tonight and that if it wasn't too late she would call me again.

Anyways, that's what's beeing going on lately. I had no idea this was going to be so long I appologize for posting a novel but I knew that if I left out any details that you wouldn't be able to get a really good idea of the situation.

I don't know if it's right for me to be doing what I'm doing but I've made no promises to anybody and being interested and dating are two different things. I feel right now that I'm just keeping my options open and that if they're both considering other people that I'm allowed to as well. I've just never had this happen to me before, having one woman interested in me is one thing, but to have two at the same time is terrifying and yet very exciting, but what excites me the most is the fact that I've been more willing to take chances which I would never do before. I feel like a completely different and much more confident person that I'm taking risks I never would have taken before.

I don't know how things worked out for you but hope this helps. The first woman you were talking about doesn't respect you. She knows you're desperate and she's just playing you. She wants to see just how far she can take this and the sad part is she's enjoying it. Next time you talk to her, make her aware that your happiness doesn't depend on her and that your time is important to you. She knows you've gotten clingy and she's taking advantage of you. Next time she seems disinterested in you just say something like "it's obvious that you don't respect my time as I respect yours. If you wanna be a bitch, go ahead, but I'm not taking this anymore. When you decide to treat others with respect give me a call. You have my number." She's definitely gonna call you back.
The second one, you probably have a chance. It's good that you're taking risks but make sure you don't become too clingy cause you may scare her. Just take your time and have fun.

 

[frisky]

Would anyone else agree that the people replying in this thread, or who are likely to could be considered above average?

I just never see these types of people 'in the real world' within my age bracket (18-25). Perhaps it is simply a sign of immaturity? Just about everything is based on possession and status. I do find however that the older ladies I chat with are much more like what has been posted here, but as luck would have it are all married with kids.

It's as if I'm about 5-10 years out of whack. I'm sure there are quite a few people who share a similar frustration. I'd rather spent $200 on an investment or something meaningful than a brand spanking new pink shirt that I'll wear twice (note: I don't wear pink shirts. Perhaps this is my ultimate failing!).

I remember an ex-girlfriend where I had a stronger friendship with her parents than I did her. I didn't realise this until after I left her, and it made me take a step back and reassess the type of person I now get involved with.