What does she need? I'm clueless!!!

[marcus70339]

Hello all,

I am in search of advice. I recently returned from a year long job I took out of the country. In the last 6 months that I have been home my wife has had interest or curiosity in trying new things sexually which was not typical of her. We are both 38 and have been married for 19 years, not in any type lifestyle other than having a regular sex life. Over the last 6 months the following have occurred causing me to try and piece this all together.

1. She wants me to slap her ass when we doing doggy. It seemed normal so I always do this. But....
2. One day she wanted me to spank her pussy. We both liked
3. She texted me "I want to suck your dick, blindfolded". (Not happened yet)
4. The last 2 times we did it doggy style, I reached around gently but firmly and grabbed her by the neck. I didn't squeeze or cut off her airway at all. She has never really made any noise during sex except for orgasm, but when I did this she began moaning and groaning. She later told me it was the best sex ever.

So I ask your opinion. Is she gradually breaking the ice? Just experimenting? What do I do next? I am open to almost anything?

Thanks in advance for your input!!!

 

[Heavenlybodiesa]

Hello all,

I am in search of advice. I recently returned from a year long job I took out of the country. In the last 6 months that I have been home my wife has had interest or curiosity in trying new things sexually which was not typical of her. We are both 38 and have been married for 19 years, not in any type lifestyle other than having a regular sex life. Over the last 6 months the following have occurred causing me to try and piece this all together.

1. She wants me to slap her ass when we doing doggy. It seemed normal so I always do this. But....
2. One day she wanted me to spank her pussy. We both liked
3. She texted me "I want to suck your dick, blindfolded". (Not happened yet)
4. The last 2 times we did it doggy style, I reached around gently but firmly and grabbed her by the neck. I didn't squeeze or cut off her airway at all. She has never really made any noise during sex except for orgasm, but when I did this she began moaning and groaning. She later told me it was the best sex ever.

So I ask your opinion. Is she gradually breaking the ice? Just experimenting? What do I do next? I am open to almost anything?

Thanks in advance for your input!!!

Sounds like some symptoms of dipping into the Lady Pond while you were gone....

 

[redslady]

The best advice any of us can give you is...

Communicate, communicate, communicate.

Sit down together and talk. The only person that really knows what she needs is her.

 

[honeybee_345]

Hello all,

I am in search of advice. I recently returned from a year long job I took out of the country. In the last 6 months that I have been home my wife has had interest or curiosity in trying new things sexually which was not typical of her. We are both 38 and have been married for 19 years, not in any type lifestyle other than having a regular sex life. Over the last 6 months the following have occurred causing me to try and piece this all together.

1. She wants me to slap her ass when we doing doggy. It seemed normal so I always do this. But....
2. One day she wanted me to spank her pussy. We both liked
3. She texted me "I want to suck your dick, blindfolded". (Not happened yet)
4. The last 2 times we did it doggy style, I reached around gently but firmly and grabbed her by the neck. I didn't squeeze or cut off her airway at all. She has never really made any noise during sex except for orgasm, but when I did this she began moaning and groaning. She later told me it was the best sex ever.

So I ask your opinion. Is she gradually breaking the ice? Just experimenting? What do I do next? I am open to almost anything?

Thanks in advance for your input!!!

I think this is fantastic! Good for you two exploring new options! I think you two are on the right track. Starting with spanking and blindfolds can be a wonderful place to begin. In my experience this is where most couples begin. I reccomend researching kink and endorphins to better help you understand why your wife gets off on these things chemically. There is a lot of information about this for free on the web.

Kudos to your wife for stepping up and telling you what she needs! Rock on! I think researching new kinky ways to play in bed and ALWAYS talking about what you want/like/dislike/need sexually as well as in your everyday life is a great path to be on.

I would caution you to look up what 'subspace' is. In play scenes (as the BDSM community calls them) the submissive partner can goin to a type of trance that leaves then vunerable when play is over. This is where (from what I've read) lots of cuddling, hydration, chocolate/ bannanas to rebalance blood sugar and potassium levels, hot baths and general support/encouragement and love is shared.

I wish you two the best of luck with your new journey. Know that the lit community is always here to answer questions and provide support.

Love and best wishes,
Honey_beeeeee

 

[BabblingBrooke]

This sounds like the beginning of a lot fun. You'll need to talk to her, though. None of us know what she's thinking.

 

[desertslave]

My very first thought is to ask your wife! During foreplay whisper "tell me what you want."

Seriously, talk to her. She has taken the initiative so ask her, not a bunch of strangers on the internet. You can share with her, too. Either simply communicate (again) or find a story on here that interests you and share it with her. Or a sexy pic...plenty of chances for good old-fashioned conversation.

 

[SpunThings]

She's obviously very good so far at making her wants clear, and what I enjoy might not necessarily mesh with what she enjoys. I like post-sex talk about what went great, what I'd like more of, what a specific act made me think of that would be fun. It's a good idea to get at least some of your communication done when you're not in the throes of passion.

So my advice is to keep on keepin' on.

 

[subwannabe]

I've been hoping my wife would break out of her shell. Maybe I should go out of the country for a year. I think that's the only thing I haven't tried yet.

 

[Tech_Director]

I'm going to basically say the same thing everyone else is saying because it can't be said enough. SHE is the best one to tell you what she needs and wants from here on in. Listen to her and above all else, make sure that you're enjoying things as well as she is.

There is TONS of information on BDSM and toys and ways to spice up your sex lives, check them out and experiment with her a little. Surprise her a bit one day and see how it goes. BIG caution on pain play though because you don't want to accidentally hurt her. SO, if you're planning on doing something like cropping her or flogging her, start REALLY slow and gentle....take your time with anything new because to be blunt....you don't know what you're doing and you won't be an expert overnight in anything. Hope this helps.

 

[LadyVer]

She probably read 50 Shades while you were gone, along with reading Lit stories. Talk to your wife.

 

[cryingalien]

She probably read 50 Shades while you were gone, along with reading Lit stories. Talk to your wife.

Communication.....

 

[Dyslexicea]

I've been hoping my wife would break out of her shell. Maybe I should go out of the country for a year. I think that's the only thing I haven't tried yet.

I'd advice you communicate but according to you you've already done so over and over and over again. Maybe the problem is she's just not interested in what you want, maybe it's something she can't do. Communication is a two way street, it isn't just communicating what you want, it's also listening to your partner.

If my wife wanted XYZ and for whatever reason I just couldn't go there and she kept on and on about it, it wouldn't take me very long to not want to do ABC with her either. Of course my wife isn't like that she listens to me as I do her, we actually communicate. The other thing about my wife, she wouldn't go on the internet and constantly degrade and complain about me to a bunch of strangers.

Maybe, just maybe that shell around your wife is something you helped create!

 

[DaddyFrank]

I agree that communication is the most important thing. I also know that it can be difficult to be that open with someone else, even a wife.
Two suggestions I really like are, asking her what she wants you to do to her. When passion is high is the best time to ask, but you can't be afraid to do as she asks. Don't be shocked or ask her "Really?!", just do it. You will not be disappointed.
The other suggestion is photos. Find some sexual images that you like and show them to her, ask what she thinks about them, would she like to try something like that?
My sub and I often look at photos together, bondage and D/s images usually. We talk about what we like about an image, or don't like. She's interested in collars right now, so we spend hours looking at different collars to give me ideas as to what to make for her. Being a leather worker comes in handy.
Best of luck, now go talk with your wife.

 

[subwannabe]

Even though I still try "communicating" every once in a while it's slowly dawning on me that brick walls don't listen and they don't communicate back either to listen to them. Sometimes a brick wall is just a brick wall.

 

[Strangebuddy]

Not sure if OP is returning but once again, a little communication goes a long way. I mean, if she's being straightforward with what she wants, I think she'd be up for a talk.

Maybe after making love one day, you talk with her about how it's made you feel having these new experiences with her. Make sure to be supportive about the changes to your all's routine (unless they make you uncomfortable at all in which case you need to have a different conversation) but ask if there's anything that helped spark this change (be careful how you probe, you don't want to come off as accusatory) and where you and her would like to see things go from here.

Good luck and I hope you two crazy lovebirds have fun.

 

[marcus70339]

Thanks everyone for the input. After this weekend I will be back on here to chat.

 

[Cicca_Jai]

Sounds like some symptoms of dipping into the Lady Pond while you were gone....

Please, for the love of all things holy, tell me I misread that comment....

Because if not all I have to say is: WOW... I take offence at this. Because a woman finally says, this is just not working for me; I want more. She has to be stepping out?
WTF!?


Dear OP, I was married for a long time... nearly 10 yrs, and while it recently ended, (yes I know,) I can tell you some things for sure that I learned.
A) You don't get what you need or want by reading minds....
B) She is laying it all on the line. Don't get all judgy on her.
C) COMMUNICATION IS KEY! I can't stress that enough...
Talk to her, listen with both an open mind AND an open heart. Your relationship will be far stronger for it...
Otherwise, you both will end up in the same boat where I sit, sad, frustrated and in divorce court wondering how things got so bad...
I don't wish that kind of pain on anyone. We all have needs darling, you and she both. I wish you the best of luck.
~C~

 

[yourkinkygirl]

Sounds like she wants to be dominated a bit more from you... but as other have said, COMMUNICATE!

She's obviously open to talking because she brought up the ideas. Let her suggest more and try what she suggests. Maybe you should think about something you'd like to try.

If you have issues talking, maybe you can try something like www.mojoupgrade.com.

 

[snoopydaddy59]

The best advice any of us can give you is...

Communicate, communicate, communicate.

Sit down together and talk. The only person that really knows what she needs is her.

Couldn't have said it better, myself!!!!