What does online training usually consist of?

[nytemist]

Sorry for the silly question, and I realize of course it's different for each person. But as I said in my intro post, I'm a curious sub who's considering beginning by exploring things online, and I guess I just want to learn as much as possible about it before I jump in, because I am kind of new and nervous and stuff.

So I was wondering what some different things are that online training might consist of? If you've been involved in it as either a sub or Domme/Dom, what were some of the different methods involved, and how effective do you feel it's been toward your BDSM journey?

Thanks in advance.

Sincerely,
nytemist

 

[Kylan]

Hi nytemist and welcome to 'Lit'.

Not a silly question at all, IMO a very wise one, but as you so rightly say everybodies experience of what makes a sucessful relationship varies.

There are quite a few thread's floating about here on 'Lit' with some excellent information/opinions on online relationships.

WriterDom's thread - The Online Predator

JamieFraser's thread - Online D/s...fave orders for subs

naxalite0906's thread - Are online d/s relationships a good thing?

Are discussions which I enjoyed a lot and would recommend.

I wish you a safe journey on your voyage of discovery.

 

[hotblooded]

When Master and I began our "journey" online, we spent as much time together as possible. We would have ICQ open and then he would direct me to a certain web site with whatever article we chose to read and discuss at that time. We were both pretty new at this training thing. Unfortunately many of "those" articles are no longer available, but I would think there is plenty of new material available on the web. Remember, much of what you read out there are articles written by people who are/were RT.

Mind you many D/s couples learning/training/doing their thing online are scoffed at, since online can never be like the "real thing", and RT is completely different, but online is as real as you make it and it's a safe place to begin, especially when you live thousands of miles apart. So get creative!

I would read as much about the lifestyle as I possibly could on my own, especially about submission and print them off for later reading.
Over time things begin to click into place, meaning there was usually a common element to be found in most of the writing...ie. standards of behaviour for a submissive, slave positions etc. Most people will tell you that a Master will train his sub/slave according to his own wishes. While that is true, I think it wise to know what's what before you dive in. Get an inkling of your own desires and expectations as a submissive and what you need from him as your Dominant. Do a web search on BDSM, D/s, for that matter anything pertaining to this lifestle and go from there.
I was part of a submissive chat room in Excite.com which had a strict code of behaviour in the room, as well as a roleplay slave in a Gorean room (so boring at times) but learning a "serve" is delicious! Each had its good points in terms of "training" Take what you need and leave the rest.
If your Dom allows it, I would also recommend going to Bondage.com and see what's available there. Things may have changed drastically in the last 6-8 years, likely for the worse....I suppose it all depends on the people frequenting the rooms as well as the sanity of it's host. *s

I hope I've helped even a little.

 

[hotblooded]

Chuckle..I had to scroll back and see if I've answered your question and I see that I haven't.

I will say that all knowledge is helpful, so read, read, read.

Was what I experienced online helpful to me/Us as a couple who eventually went RT? Yes and no.
Often RT does not allow the couple the freedom and focus required for extensive training...not the way you might have planned originally, but you learn to work your way around these issues. The process is ongoing, often slow, requires discipline and dedication...and is definitly not as easy as I thought. It takes years...sigh.

 

[FurryFury]

My first time around it consisted of a great deal of communication, a training schedule, some tasks and once cyber all of which I enjoyed a great deal. I learned a LOT about myself and my relationship with my husband which was made better by doing all of the above. Of course every Dom/me and for that matter sub are different, therefore the relationship and elements will be different as well.

HTH,

Fury

 

[VelvetDarkness]

I underwent some online training and really enjoyed it. It consisted of a series of tasks, some physical and some psychological e.g.

Physical - Investigating my tolerance to ice and clamps

Psychological - Writing 'slut' and 'slave' on my breasts and reporting how this affected me during a normal day - knowing it was written beneath my clothes.

I would carry out the task and then write a report to my online Dom who would give me feedback. As others have said, it's a safe way to begin. I found that I learned a lot from carrying out tasks alone, discovering how I responded and what my boundaries were without the added pressure of the Dom being present and having an agenda and desires of his own going on. It felt quite a selfish, decadent thing to do. I would happily recommend it.

Velvet

 

[nytemist]

Thanks, I don't feel quite as embarrassed now for asking as I did when I posted that!

I've read through a couple of those threads...when I first got here, I asked if people felt online was a good way of easing into things, and some people were kind enough to link me to those threads, which there was a lot of great info in, so again, thanks.

This time I guess I was just more curious about what online training might actually consist of, so that I'd have a better idea of what I was getting involved in before giving it a try.

I'm definitely intrigued, so thanks a lot for taking the time to answer my questions.

 

[FurryFury]

I underwent some online training and really enjoyed it. It consisted of a series of tasks, some physical and some psychological e.g.

Physical - Investigating my tolerance to ice and clamps

Psychological - Writing 'slut' and 'slave' on my breasts and reporting how this affected me during a normal day - knowing it was written beneath my clothes.

I would carry out the task and then write a report to my online Dom who would give me feedback. As others have said, it's a safe way to begin. I found that I learned a lot from carrying out tasks alone, discovering how I responded and what my boundaries were without the added pressure of the Dom being present and having an agenda and desires of his own going on. It felt quite a selfish, decadent thing to do. I would happily recommend it.

Velvet

I know what you mean Velvet, indulging in something you really desire to do can feel very selfish to me too, even when I'm giving up the power over exactly what I do to another.

I'm not used to feeling selfish but my Jungian dream interpreter, who I miss horribly, told me I was sending messages to myself through dreams that I needed to be MORE selfish! *sighs*

Fury

 

[VelvetDarkness]

I'm not used to feeling selfish but my Jungian dream interrupter, who I miss horribly, told me I was sending messages to myself through dreams that I needed to be MORE selfish! *sighs*

Fury

Wow! Freaky interrupted dreams!

I agree that although as subs we give our power away, we are actually being self-seeking in doing so. Of course, the D/s relationship wouldn't function if the sub wasn't completely consensual and enjoying her submission.

So, basically, selfishness is good.

Sorry nytemist, I promise not to hijack your thread

Velvet

 

[FurryFury]

Wow! Freaky interrupted dreams!

I agree that although as subs we give our power away, we are actually being self-seeking in doing so. Of course, the D/s relationship wouldn't function if the sub wasn't completely consensual and enjoying her submission.

So, basically, selfishness is good.

Sorry nytemist, I promise not to hijack your thread

Velvet

Damn I hate it when I make typos! I meant dream interpreter, interuptions are terrible unless it's a nightmare!

Fury

 

[altec]

As someone who has always had aninterest in bdsm, but never explored it, I don't know if I can really say anything of substance on this. But it's always seemed to me that at the very least, an online relationship would be a good introduction, to judge whether or not you'd be comfortable with taking things offline and into the real world.

The only problem with that is, where do you look for a suitable online Dom(me) who isn't just looking to get their rocks off?

 

[FurryFury]

As someone who has always had aninterest in bdsm, but never explored it, I don't know if I can really say anything of substance on this. But it's always seemed to me that at the very least, an online relationship would be a good introduction, to judge whether or not you'd be comfortable with taking things offline and into the real world.

The only problem with that is, where do you look for a suitable online Dom(me) who isn't just looking to get their rocks off?

Unless your goal is to take it into RL at some point it might not matter if he or she is just trying to get their rocks off. Hell it might not matter anyway, I mean that's probably what you both want right, to get your rocks off? I think if how you both are into that coincides well, it's all good. Still finding one that you do have that symbiotic relation to isn't all that easy. There are places to look though, here, alt.com, collarme and so on.

We call it frog kissin' until the right one seems to come along.

Fury

 

[altec]

Unless your goal it to take it into RL at some point it might not matter if he or she is just trying to get their rocks off. Hell it might not matter anyway, I mean that's probably what you both want right, to get your rocks off? I think if how you both are into that coincides well, it's all good. Still finding one that you do have that symbiotic relation to isn't all that easy. There are places to look though, here, alt.com, collarme and so on.

We call it frog kissin' until the right one seems to come along.

Fury

Frog kissin', I've never heard that before but it seems to fit so well . I mean I'm curious, and I wouldn't mind putting the word out that I'm completely inexperienced in that but is willing to experiment.

I suppose you're right, if we're both just looking for fun and fantasy, it really might not matter so much. One big thing is, I'm wary of spending money on sites like alt.com and whatnot, for fear that it'll just be a big waste of money.

Thanks for your input though, you made some good sense .

 

[FurryFury]

Frog kissin', I've never heard that before but it seems to fit so well . I mean I'm curious, and I wouldn't mind putting the word out that I'm completely inexperienced in that but is willing to experiment.

I suppose you're right, if we're both just looking for fun and fantasy, it really might not matter so much. One big thing is, I'm wary of spending money on sites like alt.com and whatnot, for fear that it'll just be a big waste of money.

Thanks for your input though, you made some good sense .

No problem. I hate to spend money too. Collarme if free but there are even more asshats or frogs IMO. I like Lit best but even here, well you know.

Just remember no matter how good or bad or how long it lasts, enjoy what you can of it and be glad for the journey, that's my advice.

I have to run now. I'll bbl



Fury

 

[altec]

No problem. I hate to spend money too. Collarme if free but there are even more asshats or frogs IMO. I like Lit best but even here, well you know.

Just remember no matter how good or bad or how long it lasts, enjoy what you can of it and be glad for the journey, that's my advice.

I have to run now. I'll bbl



Fury

Thanks for the advice, I really appreciate it. I've honestly never heard of collarme, I'll have to check it out, and I'll definately try to enjoy the journey.

I'll try to hang around and make myself known on the lit boards, hopefully it won't be too overwhelming .

 

[nytemist]

Unless your goal it to take it into RL at some point it might not matter if he or she is just trying to get their rocks off. Hell it might not matter anyway, I mean that's probably what you both want right, to get your rocks off? I think if how you both are into that coincides well, it's all good. Still finding one that you do have that symbiotic relation to isn't all that easy. There are places to look though, here, alt.com, collarme and so on.

We call it frog kissin' until the right one seems to come along.

Fury

Well that's the thing. I don't know anything for sure being inexperienced, you know? Which makes it a little harder to pursue things in RL, not knowing exactly what I'm pursuing yet. All I know for sure is that I'm extremely curious about submission. I could end up finding out that I'm more of a bottom than an actual sub, or I could end up finding out that I loved it and wanted to be in a full time RL bdsm relationship one day, or I could end up finding out that I liked the fantasy of being a sub more than the reality of it...I mean realistically, it could go any number of different ways.

That's why I thought it'd be best to start out exploring my submissive curiosities with someone online who could help guide me and teach me, because really all I have to go on right now is "Wow, I'm really intrigued by and interested in learning to be a sub." Outside of that I don't know much else yet.

So I guess it wouldn't matter so much if she were just "getting her rocks off," just so long as I'm gaining something from the experience and she takes it seriously enough to take me seriously about wanting to learn, because I genuinely do.

Which is why I asked about training methods, how online bdsm might work, etc. I like what I've heard so far about tasks and things...I think I just may have to take the plunge soon and put my nervousness aside and try to give it a shot.

 

[FurryFury]

Thanks for the advice, I really appreciate it. I've honestly never heard of collarme, I'll have to check it out, and I'll definately try to enjoy the journey.

I'll try to hang around and make myself known on the lit boards, hopefully it won't be too overwhelming .

Do that and enjoy!

*smiles*

Well that's the thing. I don't know anything for sure being inexperienced, you know? Which makes it a little harder to pursue things in RL, not knowing exactly what I'm pursuing yet. All I know for sure is that I'm extremely curious about submission. I could end up finding out that I'm more of a bottom than an actual sub, or I could end up finding out that I loved it and wanted to be in a full time RL bdsm relationship one day, or I could end up finding out that I liked the fantasy of being a sub more than the reality of it...I mean realistically, it could go any number of different ways.

That's why I thought it'd be best to start out exploring my submissive curiosities with someone online who could help guide me and teach me, because really all I have to go on right now is "Wow, I'm really intrigued by and interested in learning to be a sub." Outside of that I don't know much else yet.

So I guess it wouldn't matter so much if she were just "getting her rocks off," just so long as I'm gaining something from the experience and she takes it seriously enough to take me seriously about wanting to learn, because I genuinely do.

Which is why I asked about training methods, how online bdsm might work, etc. I like what I've heard so far about tasks and things...I think I just may have to take the plunge soon and put my nervousness aside and try to give it a shot.

The honest truth is you will learn more by going to a munch, or demo in RL and there is NO obligation to do anything but be polite.

However it feels safer to learn online. I certainly did that for a long while. I learned a lot from role play and research and then some online D/s.

I also tried the BDSM Academy online but, though I haven't left yet, and I did learn a lot there too, I found for me, submission only works if I give a fuck about the person I am submitting to or if the activity itself or some other force makes me avid to simply experience that thing.

Fury

 

[VelvetDarkness]

I think I just may have to take the plunge soon and put my nervousness aside and try to give it a shot.

You basically have nothing to lose nytemist. It's difficult (though I wouldn't say impossible) to be persuaded into things you don't want to do or are not ready for online.

It's easier, on the whole, to end an online relationship if you are unhappy with where it's going.

Of course it will never be RL but it can help give you an insight into how YOU tick, which is where everybody needs to start.

All the best honey x