What does a new sub need to know?

[Cirrus]

Talking with a girlfriend tonight who is in a new relationship, we got on the topic of sex (ain't that where it always ends up? ) and she, like me a while ago, has always known herself to be submissive but never had a willing partner.

In her case, it was her boyfriend that brought up the topic of adding some SM type play and she of course is interested. He has played this way before, though not in the D/s sense...just light bondage once in a while, spanking with his hand, that sort of thing. Lighter stuff, mostly, and from my understanding that is where they will begin and take it from there.

If you were to give a sub one morsel of advice, what do you think the most important thing he or she needs to know in this kind of situation. My advice was always, always, ALWAYS, no matter how light the play, have a safeword in place, and make sure your play partner understands that it means stop NOW, no questions asked.

 

[A Desert Rose]

My Advice is....

Don't be afraid to communicate with your Dom. He is not a mind reader and He wants to pleasure you, too.

 

[bunny bondage]

yeah, be expressive, espically in the bedroom. let him know what really gets you wet, and don't be afraid to say no to something way beyond your limits.

*pouts* i was gonna say communicate first....

 

[Pure]

Let's go back one step. She is to meet a possible new domme.

She should take normal precautions in meeting a stranger:

She should have, for the person, a real name and a working phone number and home address

Meeting should be in a public place. A friend of hers should know of the meeting, and the identity of the domme.

Going to his apartment should happen, if she feels secure, on the basis of arrangements for a 'safe call' to be made to her friend, an hour after expected arrival. The content of the call must be able to state danger without saying such words. (I.e., "I'll be staying late" means "I'm in danger, call the cops.") The friend should know, besides the dom/me's name, the address of the apartment.

The issue of consent to sex should be discussed PRIOR to her allowing any bondage, to being 'in role' so that her 'stop' is not viewed as part of the agreed 'play.'

Dangerous play, e.g. with breath, fire, knives, is to be avoided in all early sessions.

 

[Lancecastor]

If you were to give a sub one morsel of advice, what do you think the most important thing he or she needs to know in this kind of situation.

Always excuse yourself to put your undies in your purse once you've made your decision.

 

[lovetoread]

Let's go back one step. She is to meet a possible new domme.

She should take normal precautions in meeting a stranger:

She should have, for the person, a real name and a working phone number and home address

Meeting should be in a public place. A friend of hers should know of the meeting, and the identity of the domme.

Going to his apartment should happen, if she feels secure, on the basis of arrangements for a 'safe call' to be made to her friend, an hour after expected arrival. The content of the call must be able to state danger without saying such words. (I.e., "I'll be staying late" means "I'm in danger, call the cops.") The friend should know, besides the dom/me's name, the address of the apartment.

The issue of consent to sex should be discussed PRIOR to her allowing any bondage, to being 'in role' so that her 'stop' is not viewed as part of the agreed 'play.'

Dangerous play, e.g. with breath, fire, knives, is to be avoided in all early sessions.

All that and always go with your gut instinct.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Set limits

Adding to what everyone has said, I think that limits should be set. It is always better to go slow and beg for more, that to turn someone off or be turned off by trying to do too much at once.


Leave room for growth and expansion of limits.

Err on the side of too little.

Ebony

 

[Richard49]

I think my rspondes are becoming predictable and boring but .....

Honesty, open mindness and willingness

 

[Lancecastor]

Richard, I was thinking you should have said: "A new sub always needs to know....my phone number."

 

[justgem]

.

 

[Cirrus]

Thanks for the advice...I'll pass it on. Keep 'em coming. It's not always so easy for me to help friends on things that should be obvious, so good tips.

Pure, he's not a stranger. They've been seeing each other for a while, actually...just a few months, but they want to add this aspect to their relationship.

 

[Richard49]

Richard, I was thinking you should have said: "A new sub always needs to know....my phone number."

Amen !!!!

 

[Pure]

Cirrus said,

Pure, he's not a stranger. They've been seeing each other for a while, actually...just a few months, but they want to add this aspect to their relationship. //

OK. There's lots posted about up the road. It's worth noting however that 'a few months' might give relatively little knowledge, AND that not a few guys *become* strangers when they start exhibiting their kinks, esp. when the lady in question is tied and gagged.

Indeed, I can conceive a few sorts who would consider a tied female to be appropriately taken in any orifice.

 

[Desdemona]

Go slow. Take your time and let the trust develop.

 

[lassarina]

Have they discussed if they (either one) have any medical conditions that might interfere with any play? ie cardiac-seizures-asthma-etc. Also any allergies especially to food or substances like latex.