What do you tell the kids

[leeroy jenkins]

I was thinking about one of the gals I went with to Tucson walking home tonight from the store. She did some of the fire play stuff and her kid say the after effects of it. I am not quite sure how she explained the injury to the kid. So I ask the parents that post here what do you or would you tell your kids about why mommy and daddy are hurt. Is this a time where being less then truthful with your sons and daughters is ok??

 

[graceanne]

Me and K are very careful not to leave marks where the kids can see them. On the other hand if we ever get the money I'm gonna get my nipples pierced. I told my daughter that, cause to do otherwise would seem like I had something to be ashamed of, or hide. She comes in while I bathe and stuff, I wouldn't have been able to keep a secret of it. She thinks it's weird, but other than that doesn't care.

 

[Kajira Callista]

Why would she let her kid see. Either get marked where they cant see or cover it and no lies need to be told. *shrug*

 

[leeroy jenkins]

Why would she let her kid see. Either get marked where they cant see or cover it and no lies need to be told. *shrug*

It was on her upper arm, I am not sure how the kid saw it, she just said that her kid did.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Lying is never a good option. It depends on how old the children are as to how and how much you tell them. For me it would also be essential to outline the risks to try and minimise the risk of their thinking it wsa cool for them to try with their best friend.

Catalina

 

[gingermango]

We're in the "never leave marks where the kids can see" camp and for that matter the only thing that might be visible might be a small bruise from biting (hickeys are NEVER classy anyway ) and a mark from cropping across the bottom or upper thighs - and my kids don't need to see my bottom or upper thighs anyway.

On the other hand if we ever get the money I'm gonna get my nipples pierced.

Mine weren't that expensive - like $40 per nipple or maybe even less, and that was from a very clean, reputable piercing place. They also hurt less than having my ears done, for what that's worth.

 

[graceanne]

We're in the "never leave marks where the kids can see" camp and for that matter the only thing that might be visible might be a small bruise from biting (hickeys are NEVER classy anyway ) and a mark from cropping across the bottom or upper thighs - and my kids don't need to see my bottom or upper thighs anyway.



Mine weren't that expensive - like $40 per nipple or maybe even less, and that was from a very clean, reputable piercing place. They also hurt less than having my ears done, for what that's worth.

Yeah and that $40 will pay my water or my electricity or get grocery's. *shrugs* We don't normally have an extra $40.

 

[gingermango]

Yeah and that $40 will pay my water or my electricity or get grocery's. *shrugs* We don't normally have an extra $40.

It also won't even fill up my car with gas these days, is about 2/3 of my water bill, and a quarter of my summer electric bill. Sheesh.

I was just trying to help out with some info. You don't have to be so touchy.

 

[graceanne]

It also won't even fill up my car with gas these days, is about 2/3 of my water bill, and a quarter of my summer electric bill. Sheesh.

I was just trying to help out with some info. You don't have to be so touchy.

I didn't mean to. Sorry. I'm a bit stressed about money this morning - you hit a nerve.

 

[John Doe]

I don't believe in lying to kids about anything.

 

[Vixandra]

I didn't mean to. Sorry. I'm a bit stressed about money this morning - you hit a nerve.

*HUGS*
Trust me, I understand.
My financial life is a hellacious rollercoster.

I have the important things though- a man who loves me, good friends, a cat that puts up with me and a home. Now if I could just find the woman I seek... *sighs*

 

[graceanne]

*HUGS*
Trust me, I understand.
My financial life is a hellacious rollercoster.

I have the important things though- a man who loves me, good friends, a cat that puts up with me and a home. Now if I could just find the woman I seek... *sighs*

I've got all that, for now I'd jalso like some cat litter and the money to get to the airport this evening. lol

 

[FurryFury]

Well let's see, I walk around naked often. The kids do too. There isn't a place a mark wouldn't be seen but then again they notice very little. Also I'm accident prone and bruise easily. So since the walls and furniture are always "jumping in front of me" that might just explain a lot without them having to ask.

We have talked about why they hear thumpy sounds coming from the bedroom.
I explained that whatever Mom and Dad are doing it's what they both agree too and want. I told them that when you are an adult, anything both adults want to do and agree to is okay in the bedroom.

We are pretty open here. Soon the kids will be dating. I want them to know some of these things.

We've also had a long talk about dominance and submission (in a mostly non sexual context) which they were both really perceptive about and seemed to enjoy.

Fury

 

[shy slave]

I don't believe in lying to kids about anything.

OMG I actually agree with Stup on something.

I never lied to my kids, but sometimes i gave minimal information at a level I thought they could cope with.

Once the hear you having sex and then commenting om what they heard, all lies become pointless.

 

[Bandit58]

*sigh* My 18yo daughter stayed with us for a month recently, she lives with her father in the same rural area I lived in most of my life and she's not been exposed to much of life outside that.....she isn't sexually active and found our lifestyle to be rather foreign I think - we showed affection in front of her (i.e. kissing cuddling non sexual touching) and she was a bit uncomfortable with that.

She really has no idea what a "normal" loving relationship is let alone understanding the Master/sub dynamic. She saw it as me "running after him" and "ignoring" her which is totally inaccurate.......and maybe it was a case of jealousy, not having me all to herself.....*throws up hands* She is coming back again next year I guess I'll have to have a talk with her (that'll be interesting in itself she's quite a junior Domme )

 

[shy slave]

*sigh* My 18yo daughter stayed with us for a month recently, she lives with her father in the same rural area I lived in most of my life and she's not been exposed to much of life outside that.....she isn't sexually active and found our lifestyle to be rather foreign I think - we showed affection in front of her (i.e. kissing cuddling non sexual touching) and she was a bit uncomfortable with that.

She really has no idea what a "normal" loving relationship is let alone understanding the Master/sub dynamic. She saw it as me "running after him" and "ignoring" her which is totally inaccurate.......and maybe it was a case of jealousy, not having me all to herself.....*throws up hands* She is coming back again next year I guess I'll have to have a talk with her (that'll be interesting in itself she's quite a junior Domme )

Hi Bandit

This sounds like a painful situation for you.

Its seems to be hard on kids when they look at parents and realise they have a life that does not directly include them. Not sure its out and out jealously it just needs some adjustment time. Especially if when the parent appears to be acting in a different way to what they remember or are used to.

She is young and I hope she gradually accepts you are happier now than you have ever been

 

[Bandit58]

Hi Bandit

This sounds like a painful situation for you.

Its seems to be hard on kids when they look at parents and realise they have a life that does not directly include them. Not sure its out and out jealously it just needs some adjustment time. Especially if when the parent appears to be acting in a different way to what they remember or are used to.

She is young and I hope she gradually accepts you are happier now than you have ever been

Thanks shy
She rules the roost at home and was a bit dismayed that she couldn't do the same here Master's health did get in the way of us doing things sometimes too which didn't help. She hadn't met Him before although she'd talked to Him a little on the phone so I understand it was quite an adjustment for her, and a month really isn't all that long.

All she really needs to know is that I'm in a happy loving relationship and how I act with Master is just part of it. We hid all the toys and any play was done late at night behind closed doors.....lol lucky she's a sound sleeper.......

 

[gingermango]

Frankly, our biggest concern isn't marks or noises (our bedroom is on the opposite side of the house from the kids' rooms), it's the laundry. Pretty soon our oldest ones are going to realize that dad apparently has no undies and that some of mom's seem kind of large for her . . . Hopefully they'll be too freaked out to give it much thought.

 

[ImSkye]

What do we tell the kids.... Luckily for us our bedroom is downstairs and on the opposite side of the house from their bedrooms, so noise is not a problem. I have talked quite abit about sex in general with my daughter but never specifically about my own sex life and she hasn't asked. My son is 16 and runs screaming from the room if I even say the word uterus in front of him - lol. His Dad handles talking with him. As far as marks on my body go, we lead a very active lifestye - we play rough and so I always have marks here and there. If they ever asked me I would tell them the truth, but I wouldn't volunteer the information. I think we are a little unique in that they both came to us a little older, they were 9 and 5, they were pretty shell-shocked, my husband and I were both really young and between the two of us had no experience with kids. The kids were scared of their shadows when they first came to us and they are both doing fantastic now - I think we've done alright. This is just the way we handle things though, I would never presume to tell anyone else how to raise their children.

Skye

 

[Chicklet]

I don't have children, but I do have parents. They may not have been kinky, but it occurs to me that I had absolutely no idea that they had any sex life at all while I was growing up, and I'm perfectly comfortable with that.

I don't feel like it's necessary for them to share any details of what their dynamic is together, kinky, vanilla, swinger, etc.

My mom *did* share an intimate detail of their sex life once, and the only feeling I got was one of extreme discomfort.

With that in mind, I don't think I'd ever feel it was necessary to bring my sexual life up to my kids, as long as I could keep the noise and marks out of their sight. I don't think it's necessary for parents to be open to their kids about these lifestyle choices... at the same time, I would say not to lie up front about it, but to try to keep it discrete.

 

[shy slave]

What do we tell the kids.... Luckily for us our bedroom is downstairs and on the opposite side of the house from their bedrooms, so noise is not a problem. I have talked quite abit about sex in general with my daughter but never specifically about my own sex life and she hasn't asked. My son is 16 and runs screaming from the room if I even say the word uterus in front of him - lol. His Dad handles talking with him. As far as marks on my body go, we lead a very active lifestye - we play rough and so I always have marks here and there. If they ever asked me I would tell them the truth, but I wouldn't volunteer the information. I think we are a little unique in that they both came to us a little older, they were 9 and 5, they were pretty shell-shocked, my husband and I were both really young and between the two of us had no experience with kids. The kids were scared of their shadows when they first came to us and they are both doing fantastic now - I think we've done alright. This is just the way we handle things though, I would never presume to tell anyone else how to raise their children.

Skye

I like the last line of this post.

Its impossible to tell other people how to bring up their children and be right about it.

I admire you for bringing up two children who were older than cute babies when you got them. That can't always be easy.

If only children arrived with blue prints on how to handle each stage of their lives it would be much easier.
I am nearly 40 and my parents still struggle to figure out what to say to me

 

[leeroy jenkins]

Frankly, our biggest concern isn't marks or noises (our bedroom is on the opposite side of the house from the kids' rooms), it's the laundry. Pretty soon our oldest ones are going to realize that dad apparently has no undies and that some of mom's seem kind of large for her . . . Hopefully they'll be too freaked out to give it much thought.

With so much demends on our time they might not even make a connection or they might think its how all families are.

 

[leeroy jenkins]

I am going to assume that all of you have or will talk to your kids about sex at some point. Lets say after your kids become adults would you ever talk about bdsm or let them find it on their own. Given the fact that you have found so much joy and pleasure in it yourselves would you tell them about it so they too might share some of that joy?? I have way to much time at work to think this stuff up.

 

[Masters_aphrodite]

Well let's see, I walk around naked often. The kids do too. There isn't a place a mark wouldn't be seen but then again they notice very little. Also I'm accident prone and bruise easily. So since the walls and furniture are always "jumping in front of me" that might just explain a lot without them having to ask.

We have talked about why they hear thumpy sounds coming from the bedroom.
I explained that whatever Mom and Dad are doing it's what they both agree too and want. I told them that when you are an adult, anything both adults want to do and agree to is okay in the bedroom.

We are pretty open here. Soon the kids will be dating. I want them to know some of these things.

We've also had a long talk about dominance and submission (in a mostly non sexual context) which they were both really perceptive about and seemed to enjoy.

Fury

This sounds very much like our household.

 

[O'Mac]

This may come as a shock to some of you...

OUR KIDS REALLY DON'T WANT TO KNOW!!



Seriously, if I were i the situation of having to explain the marks left on my partner, all I would do is say that's it's from the intimate things we do as a couple and that we both consent to it. Nothing more, nothing less really needs to be said in this matter.

And no, Leeroy. I would NOT think it would be appropriate of me to advocate a lifestyle choice to my children. On the contrary, I think it would be rather irresponsible of me. I think kids are under enough pressure today to experiment with their sexuality. I doubt they need their parents to pressure them anymore as well. If they become adults and never gave any thought to the lifestyle, who am I to tell them what they should or should not do in their relationship?

And yes, this subject hits a nerve with me at times.