What do you get from it?

[Little Bird]

First thing: My english basics are from school, the rest is mostly from reading at the internet, so if some sentences (like the title ) doesn't sound really right, be understanding...

I think I do very well what I feel I need and desire (and it definately submissive), but hadn't really much opportunity to try it and do also not have much insight into what other people think about Domincance and submission. Taking a look at fiction is a start, but I think this is a topic where fantasy and desire to do things can be more apart like everywhere else. Some people seem to very much formalize things and have great demands in everything, while other do not, but keep quiet about it.

I think to really understand "the truth" about Dominance and submission beside practices, is to know why people like it and what the feelings are that they enjoy about it and make them yearn for it to happen again. It would be really kind when as much of you as possible can try to describe not what they do but why they do it and why they like it, and I think it would be much more informative than try to explain what submission really is.

 

[adette84]

a burning ember

I first noticed my submissive inclinations as a very young girl, maybe 6 or 7. It was something I fantasized about early on, and then learned to keep hidden from others as I grew through adolescence and teen years because of the snickers the subject always seemed to elicit. I was 19 (I am now 22) when I first allowed another person to know that I wanted to explore this dimension of my sensuality. He was my landlord, and a friend, and became an individual I slowly opened up to. As my confidence and trust in him grew, my willingness to expose such feeling to him emerged. I crave a certain attention--specifically, I yearn to be handled (I refer to him as my Handler rather than Master--both of us like Handler better) by someone to whom I can surrender all of my own will and who will take delight in my endurance of what he does to (or FOR) me. We do not, nor never have, lived together. Our sessions happen about once a month or so, and last about a day and a half, but there is no set schedule. We are both always exhausted afterwards because of the intensity. We play hard. Although a session is very much sexual in nature, we do not actually have sex (that is, vaginal intercourse--I am a virgin and he respects that). We play. I give him myself and he takes that gift and turns it over and over in his hands (handles me) in multiple and ever-increasing imaginitive ways, and then gives me back to myself. I yearn to endure for him, and he in return takes great delight in my enduring. I don't know what else to say--I hope this is helpful to your question.

 

[Lord_Stormy]

It may just be my personality, but I don’t see what a sub receives from the relationship.
What do they get out of being controlled?

It seems to me that being a sub is really just an illusion; after all they don’t really have to submit. Logically, if you choose whether or not to submit, you are still in control and the Dominant merely has the illusion of being in control. As best as I can tell, it seems that a D/s relationship is creating the illusion in order to share a fantasy, each filling their respective rolls.

I would really like hear someone else’s take on this, anyone care to share?

 

[Ebonyfire]

It seems to me that being a sub is really just an illusion; after all they don’t really have to submit. Logically, if you choose whether or not to submit, you are still in control and the Dominant merely has the illusion of being in control. As best as I can tell, it seems that a D/s relationship is creating the illusion in order to share a fantasy, each filling their respective rolls.

I would really like hear someone else’s take on this, anyone care to share?

I have to disagree. It is an illusion if it is not real.


If it is fantasy in your head then it could be seen as an illusion. But submissives and dominants are real people, and they do real things with and to each other They share activities that are synergistic in some way.

If you choose to submit, then you control your submission. If you choose your dominance then you control your dominance.

A Dominant chooses his or her submissive by the criteria they have set for their relationship. The submissive can obey or not, but if they do not, they will probably be released and replace with someone who will obey.

They do not have to submit, but if they want a relationship with Me, they have no choice.

BTW, if what you say is true, then marriage is an illusion also. A wife or husband does not have to be married. The piece of paper that they have and the vows they make means nothing unless they each decide to honor the contract.



Eb

 

[Ebonyfire]

It may just be my personality, but I don’t see what a sub receives from the relationship.
What do they get out of being controlled?

I am not surprised you to not see it. You are not a submissive.

 

[littlegirlslut]

It may just be my personality, but I don’t see what a sub receives from the relationship.
What do they get out of being controlled?

It seems to me that being a sub is really just an illusion; after all they don’t really have to submit. Logically, if you choose whether or not to submit, you are still in control and the Dominant merely has the illusion of being in control. As best as I can tell, it seems that a D/s relationship is creating the illusion in order to share a fantasy, each filling their respective rolls.

I would really like hear someone else’s take on this, anyone care to share?

I have to say that I am on the same page but from the other side. I don't get what a Dom gets out of it. Yes I do choose to give myself to my Master - however once that choice was made (because I don't sub to just anyone) - I am HIS. My body is His. And yes I may protest or object, but He'll ask me why. And occasionally we disagree and it is up to Him to make a final decision.

He knows me better than I know myself at times and while it's scary it's exhilarating. He controls me in so many ways - yes we are long distance now - not an internet relationship though. We see each other at least once a month. He has taken so much control I dind't know I wanted to give but I do.

Everything I do - His choice or mine (He does allow me to make my own decisions) is service for Him. If I think it will disappoint or upset Him I won't do it. Not that I don't screw up or sometimes do things I know He won't approve of - but punishment comes from that. I don't get pain punishments b/c well I like pain - even raw pain. But it kills me to not speak to Him or just even know He's disappointed.

I'm not sure if that let you know or not.

 

[Ebonyfire]

I have to say that I am on the same page but from the other side. I don't get what a Dom gets out of i.

Again I am not surprised. You are not a Dom.

Why don't you ask him?

Eb

 

[Ebonyfire]

Deleted double post.

 

[Ebonyfire]

I get a lot out of it. I do not really post about it, because this is a board that has a majority of Male Doms and Femsubs, and quite frankly I think the dynamic between a male submissive and female dominant is a lot different .

I think that female dominants who dominate women, have more in common with the Male Doms here.

I have always said I am a service oriented lifestyle dominant. Which means that sexual domination is not my main focus.

I get pedicure, manicures, my house cleaned, errands run, among other things.

Being Me means never having to drive and or go unescorted to an event if I do not want to. I do not have to take a vacation alone if I do not want to.

I get nice presents and I give nice presents. I can get my hair washed and my locs re-twisted if I want to. I can get my laundry done if I want to.

Housecleaning? Hell yes!

As for sex, That too, but sex is a complicated proposition in that the possibilities for satisfaction reach far beyond oral service.

Yep, it is pretty good to be me.

Eb

 

[Lord_Stormy]

BTW, if what you say is true, then marriage is an illusion also. A wife or husband does not have to be married. The piece of paper that they have and the vows they make means nothing unless they each decide to honor the contract. Look at the divorce rate lately?

I agree, the ceremonies and vows are just symbolize two people's willingness to join their lives together. And get health insurance.

They do not have to submit, but if they want a relationship with Me, they have no choice.

That's just it, they don't have to submit. And if the submission was real, if they truly gave themselves, why would you need to ask about their limits? Both parties set limits that if violated, normally damages the relationship if not ends it all together.

But submissives and dominants are real people, and they do real things with and to each other

I wasn’t trying to imply that the people, the relationship or what they each receive of the relationship was an illusion, just the concept of controlling someone or not having that control. Baring kidnapping and chaining someone to a wall in a secret room in your basement, you really can’t have anymore control over someone than they allow. What to test it? Tell you sub that the only thing in the world that would make you happy is to amputate some piece of their anatomy that they are fond of…

Let me try to take it out of context. Take a person with an eating disorder, say anorexia. They may believe themselves overweight and unattractive. That is their illusion. It seems real to them, so much so that they will damage their health because of it, but it’s not real, they are not fat (in most cases).

OR

Take a friend of mine for example, he has the illusion that he can dance <shudder> It is really, really sad

Just because you find someone with similar likes/limits doesn't mean that you have control, just that there is no conflict.

 

[littlegirlslut]

I get a lot out of it. I do not really post about it, because this is a board that has a majority of Male Doms and Femsubs, and quite frankly I think the dynamic between a male submissive and female dominant is a lot different .

I think that female dominants who dominate women, have more in common with the Male Doms here.

I have always said I am a service oriented lifestyle dominant. Which means that sexual domination is not my main focus.

I get pedicure, manicures, my house cleaned, errands run, among other things.

Being Me means never having to drive and or go unescorted to an event if I do not want to. I do not have to take a vacation alone if I do not want to.

I get nice presents and I give nice presents. I can get my hair washed and my locs re-twisted if I want to. I can get my laundry done if I want to.

Housecleaning? Hell yes!

As for sex, That too, but sex is a complicated proposition in that the possibilities for satisfaction reach far beyond oral service.

Yep, it is pretty good to be me.

Eb

I can get this mainly because the other female in my poly relationship is a service oriented slave. That does not mean I don't enjoy serving, but it's not my make up as a person and for her it is how she sees to make people happy and it makes her happy.

That being said - she at times is also a Top for me. And it is sometimes sexual and sometimes not. Just depends. She's not quite grasped the fact that she likes it as much as she does I don't think.

Being that I am long distance from Him right now, obviously my servitude is not sexual a majority of the time.

Ebony - what is the desire that drives the service orientedness of your domination? I'm just trying to get a better understanding.

 

[littlegirlslut]

It may just be my personality, but I don’t see what a sub receives from the relationship.
What do they get out of being controlled?

What do you get out of being in control? Sexual? Non-sexual?
Do you give pain?

 

[Lord_Stormy]

What do you get out of being in control? Sexual? Non-sexual?
Do you give pain?

Would you believe that I don't know that?
read this:
https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=446840

 

[littlegirlslut]

Would you believe that I don't know that?
read this:
https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=446840

Nope that's completely understandable in my opinion. I've been going through this journey on both trains - the vanilla and the bdsm. I have deprived myself of BDSM and well... i can't do it.

So I hopped back on the BDSM train and am happier than ever.

 

[Subangel]

Personally

To me personally? A sub gets to feel loved, owned and posessed by her or his dom. To know u are the sole property of that dom and u are protected and cared for. Never wanting to disobey or displease. Dreading the look of anger and dissapointment more than the punishment. Ur only desire to pleasure and be the perfect slave, to surrender and give all. Thats what being a sub means to me at least.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Ebony - what is the desire that drives the service orientedness of your domination? I'm just trying to get a better understanding.

Quite frankly I do not feel the need to intellectualize what is.

Take this example: I am heterosexual and I have never felt the need to examine why I prefer intimate relationships with men as opposed to women.

Let's just say I like to be served because I deserve it.

Eb

 

[catalina_francisco]

To me personally? A sub gets to feel loved, owned and posessed by her or his dom. To know u are the sole property of that dom and u are protected and cared for. Never wanting to disobey or displease. Dreading the look of anger and dissapointment more than the punishment. Ur only desire to pleasure and be the perfect slave, to surrender and give all. Thats what being a sub means to me at least.

Hmmm, I don't believe in perfection anymore and F has been patient in training me to not feel so driven to try and achieve the illusion of perfection at all costs. It is a nice ideal, but not a reality and IMHO has the power to divert too much attention from just doing what is asked for in the manner it is asked for.

Catalina

 

[Ebonyfire]

That's just it, they don't have to submit. And if the submission was real, if they truly gave themselves, why would you need to ask about their limits? .

I ask about their limits because I do not read minds. Do you? Their limits or lack of same is the criteria I use to chose if their submission is right for ME.
I never accept a submissive or slave who's limits do not coincide with Mine.

Both parties set limits that if violated, normally damages the relationship if not ends it all together.

That is not true (for Me). I would never allow to submissive or slave to set My limits. My limits are my own and are not up to negotiation.

Submissives/slaves come to me with their own limits that are already set. I look at those and if they are compatible to me, we go forward. If not, I wish them well, and send them on their way.

I am ready, willing, and able to pass up a submissive if they try to manipulate Me.

Eb

 

[Lord_Stormy]

Let's just say I like to be served because I deserve it.

lol
Spoken like a Dom

 

[Subangel]

Hmmm

To a point i agree with u. Perfection is not being realistic but it is what a good slave must try to be to please her master. If not then she incurs his anger and even worse dissapointment and forces him to discipline her.

 

[catalina_francisco]

To a point i agree with u. Perfection is not being realistic but it is what a good slave must try to be to please her master. If not then she incurs his anger and even worse dissapointment and forces him to discipline her.

LOL, then I must not be a good slave because I seem to have finally accepted his demands I do the best I can and forget about perfection...sheeesh, and I was silly enough to stand still while he branded my butt!!

Catalina

 

[Lord_Stormy]

Submissives/slaves come to me with their own limits that are already set. I look at those and if they are compatible to me, we go forward. If not, I wish them well, and send them on their way.

I am ready, willing, and able to pass up a submissive if they try to manipulate Me.

Eb

But doesn't that still equate to "You can do as you want, as long as you do as I say?"
Doesn't the establishment of any limit effectively control what you can do?
Just because the limit never becomes an issue doesn't erase its existence.

The Sub sets their limits, and trusts the Dom not to violate those limits. If he/she does, what happens? I realize that it changes with the people involved as well as the severity of the transgression; at the very least the relationship has been damaged to some degree, correct?

 

[Subangel]

Lol

LOL, then I must not be a good slave because I seem to have finally accepted his demands I do the best I can and forget about perfection...sheeesh, and I was silly enough to stand still while he branded my butt!!

Catalina

im sure ur master is very pleased with u hun. I just try harder to show my Master i respect him and im worthy of his love.

 

[Ebonyfire]

But doesn't that still equate to "You can do as you want, as long as you do as I say?"
Doesn't the establishment of any limit effectively control what you can do?
Just because the limit never becomes an issue doesn't erase its existence.

The Sub sets their limits, and trusts the Dom not to violate those limits. If he/she does, what happens? I realize that it changes with the people involved as well as the severity of the transgression; at the very least the relationship has been damaged to some degree, correct?

Incorrect. You are looking from a perspective of a married man. My limits control what I am willing to do. I make that choice. My slave has his own limits that control what he will or will not do. Even married people like yourself have limits. You and your wife have things you will or will not do.

And no that does not equate to "You can do as you want, as long as you do as I say." My collared slave has guidlelines that tell him what he can do if he wants to be my slave. What those guidelines are only have to be meaningful to us.

Eb

 

[Subangel]

Hmmm

A sub has to accept tht her dom is in controll nd trust him to not take her past what he knows she can endure. Her dom wud never hurt her unless she was disobedient or disrespectfull.