What do you all think of my second story?

[SUPERUGLyZ4]

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[SUPERUGLyZ4]

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[dr_mabeuse]

You're probably not getting many responses because there's just not that much to this story, and what there is is just pretty damned crude. There's not much in the way of plot, no characterization, very little description, the writing is just passable, and just not much of interest outside of this girl slapping and shaking her huge ass every chance she gets, which makes it all kind of silly.

Speaking for myself, there's nothing especially attractive or erotic about a big behind on a woman. Since you don't really describe it, I assume it's just a big, fat ass, which isn't my cup of tea at all.

I have no idea what's going on with this note fromhis parents business.

It's just a very crude, undeveloped story. Nothing much to say.

---dr.M.

 

[Pure]

Maybe could be worked into something humorous?

If you spend all of a half hour writing a story, probably readers will spend less than a minute.