what do u think of this one?

[poetrylady4u]

I've been playing around with erotic poetry for almost a year now and love writing it. Im listening to Chris Ladoux right now by myself while hubby snores in our room..what can i say, romance! LOL..I have an idea for a new poem but not sure if it will work. I've always been obsessed with cowboys and rodeo. My husband is a bull rider and I must say some of my most intense orgasms have come after watching a ride and with Chris Ladoux playing on the cd player. I was thinking about a poem that is set after a rodeo and a girl picking up a cowboy for the first time. You know the saying..wear the bullriders hat and you have to ride the bullrider by the end of the night..that's how I was "taken" by my now hubby. Any comments?

 

[JHolley67]

Hmmm....

His eyes are cold and restless,
His wounds are almost healed.
And she'd give half of Texas
Just to change the way he feels.

She knows his love's in Tulsa,
She knows he's gonna go.
It ain't no woman, flesh and blood,
It's that damned old Rodeo.

- Garth Brooks


Something like that?

Jason

 

[poetrylady4u]

Rodeo by Garth..you have great taste!!! But I must say Chris Ladoux is the best.

Here is one of mine..its a short one and one of my first attempts at cowboy/rodeo poetry..i have many more that are better..but a lot longer!

Cowboy and his girl

Passion fills the night air
desire coursing through myt veins
Wondering how i ended up here
With a man I know I can love forever.
The world continues on around us.
but all we see is each other.
Consumed by an orgasmic desire.
Love fills our hearts.
Just frends out the start,
now love overtaking our lives.
Knowing together we can conquer the world.
Hand in hand, strong as stone..
A cowboy and his girl.

 

[JHolley67]

Nice....

Very nice. I would have gone for a bit more imagery, but you seemed to emphasize the feeling very nicely. I don't write much poetry, mainly because I want my work to paint a vivid picture. It's hard to do.

Truly, I don't feel qualified to critique your work, mainly because I don't specialize in poetry and wouldn't be caught dead in a cowboy bar, rodeo or anywhere else I might run into Tim McGraw. The Garth reference was actually a joke, though I'm glad to see it didn't offend you.

And no, actually, from your standpoint, I'm sure I have horrid taste. I'm more into Type O Negative.


She's in love with herself.
She likes the dark.
And on her milk-white neck,
The devil's mark.

Now it's all hallow's eve.
The moon is full.
Will she trick or treat?
I bet she will.

She's got a date at midnight
With Nosferatu
Ooh, baby, Lily Munster
Ain't got nothing on you.

When I called her evil,
She just laughed.
And cast that spell on me,
Boo bitch craft.


Jason

 

[poetrylady4u]

Try this one on...

Night falls passions ignite
Orgasmic pleasures await me tonight.
slowly he removes my shirt,
begins to nibble, lick, kiss my neck.
His hand running under my skirt.
Fingering me gently at first, then fast and hard.
Scraching the vinyl of the backseat of his car.
Slowly he enters me, I take every inch.
Mons escape, the hunger coursing through my body so intense.
Losing all control my head falls back, eyes close.
My mouth opened slightly, his name softly spoke.
As my back arches ecstasy takes it's hold.
Faster harder, longer more
Taking me as no man has before.
Ramming me, pounding me, making me scream.
Takes me as I've only dreamed.
He thrusts hard, sending me beyond anything I've felt before.
Thrashing, orgasmic pleasures fill me to the core.
I float back down to earth, staring deep into his blue eyes.
Then I ask..what do you think, one more time?

 

[WriterDom]

nice one poetrylady.. you should submit it to the poetry section

 

[Otzchiim]

And if I could mostly point it out, my own "Wild Ride" in the poetry section is also relevant here. Not going to bother to copy it, though.

 

[JHolley67]

Not bad.

The imagery was better, that's for sure, but I didn't see anything to indicate he was a cowboy. Maybe a line about his big belt-buckle?

Jason

 

[totuchu]

There once was a bull rider named Bob Purham
Who met a bull rider groupie in Durham
She wiggled her finger and beckoned
He was able to stay on for 8 seconds
She won even thou she couldn't throw him

 

[JHolley67]

I think I just came....

Oh, YES!!!

Excellent imagery, clearly stated theme, good meter and rhyme.

PoetryLady4U, take note. THIS is quality poetry!




Jason