what do u do

[Guest]

sorry for posting unregistered, i have my reasons.....

what do you do when someone you care deeply about,:exchanged emails every day with, spent hours in IM with, run up huge phone bills talking with, spent quality time with and even exchanged bodily fluids with, suddenly and for no reason whatsoever starts ignoring you, and goes about making sure you know they are ignoring you.?

i have sent this person one simple email, explaining how i feel and left it at that, i'm not about to bunny boil.. but this silence hurts more than any word or physical act could and i don't know how to walk away.

every breath in me says it is his loss and i can hold my head up and move on, but there is this part of me that still hopes for some form of contact. i'm not ready to block him on IM so i'm jumping everytime i get messaged, hoping it is word from him, i'm checking my inbox repeatedly and feel like a pathetic desperado

i could handle this if i knew why but as far as i can see it is just another knotch on the bed post for this person and i want to rant at him, sign his email addy up to every possible junk mail site going and any other silly revengful ideas i can think of that won't necessarily make me feel any better but might just piss him off abit.

so what do i do?? any suggestions for a new hobby??

 

[Flagg]

Hey listen - I thought you realised it was all just a bit of fun.

 

[metal_minx]

shit i've been in similar situations...its so hard not to want to just call and call, send email...etc... its so hard to play his game and ignore him but really the best thing is to try and move on, to where ever...whether it be another relationship or pick up a new activity...or just hanging out with your friends more...i know its much easier said than done so good luck

 

[calypso_21]

shit i've been in similar situations...its so hard not to want to just call and call, send email...etc... its so hard to play his game and ignore him but really the best thing is to try and move on, to where ever...whether it be another relationship or pick up a new activity...or just hanging out with your friends more...i know its much easier said than done so good luck

The game is so seductive, don't be drawn in. I agree with minx...go and be, have fun and live. Life's an adventure go out and live it up!

 

[Mischka]

so what do i do?? any suggestions for a new hobby??

I am so sorry you're going through this. It sucks, and no matter how much you try to rationally deal with it, your heart will still hurt.

As silly as it sounds, whenever I was trying to get over someone and fight that urge to call again, I would go exercise. An hour on the treadmill, or in a boxing class, or just walking through my neighborhood. Anything that keeps you moving for an extended period of time. As my body worked up a physical exhaustion, I would mentally replay all the things I wanted to say (or do) to the guy, over and over and over again. By the time I was done working out, I'd perfected the speech I knew I'd never give. In some small way, it helped. After a dozen times, I would get bored with the idea of thinking about him, and start concentrating on a new guy, usually one I spotted while at the gym.

 

[amelia]

it's the not knowing that sucks. i've been in a situation like this in real life. the person is a coward for not telling you how he feels one way or the other. :hug:

 

[just pet]

I am so sorry to hear you are going through this. Been there, done that. It was a sad experience but I learned so much from the experience. One being that a R/L relationship that begins with bodily fluid exchange rarely continues, even after exhaustive online exchanges. I also realized I hung on waiting because I wanted to know what was wrong with me, or what I did wrong to deserve this being ignored. Finally realized, that there was nothing wrong with me ...or him. We just weren't good for each other. And that's OK. Now when I look back there were issues I overlooked about him and I am grateful for being ignored. He was impotent, small detail. Before we ever met in person, I should've realized that when he asked me if he should be taking viagra.....

Anyway, keeping busy is great. If you are unable to release the pain, write him a letter pouring out all your questions and feelings. Whether you send it is optional. Allow yourself to grieve over the loss. The letter may show you you haven't lost as much as you thought.

Although we probably don't know each other, feel free to PM me if it would help to talk.

 

[Hamletmaschine]

Like the others, I'm sorry you're in this situation. Been there myself. . . .

No excuse for what the other person is doing, and no help for you but time.

Good luck.

 

[sufisaint]

I had someone give me advice once on this same kind of situation before that made a lot of sense. Allowing yourself to be in a constant state of anger, no matter what they did to you or didn't, it is really only you punishing yourself. Your the one carrying around the bad feelings all day not them. Stop beating yourself up...my advice would be to create....do some art work, write, even rearrange your house or just do anything that makes you feel good thats unrelated to the situation....I know its hard to do....but eventually we all see the light and move on....speed up the process and be forgiving to yourself!!!!!!!!!

 

[Rubyfruit]

There are no excuses for what he has done. Your ex-lover is a coward sweetheart. The silence he left you with is far more cruel than anything he could have said to end it properly.

I'm sorry you're going through this. I know, it sucks.

 

[glamorilla]

Sometimes we fall more in love with being in love than the person were with.

Sometimes it's better being the one saying goodbye.

 

[Dixon Carter Lee]

It's rarely personal, and more often has to do with the insecurities of the other person.

Only you can make you feel small.

 

[calypso_21]

It's rarely personal, and more often has to do with the insecurities of the other person.

Only you can make you feel small.

Vereeee good point!

 

[patient1]

Having "The Most Important Person in the World " procede with their life without so much as a backward glance as you implode
Sucks Ass , (but in a bad way )!

I'm not dealing with it gracefully, but I'll survive it.

Don't judge yourself by their standards & values.

 

[SailorC272002]

I am so sorry to hear you are going through this. Been there, done that. It was a sad experience but I learned so much from the experience. One being that a R/L relationship that begins with bodily fluid exchange rarely continues, even after exhaustive online exchanges. I also realized I hung on waiting because I wanted to know what was wrong with me, or what I did wrong to deserve this being ignored. Finally realized, that there was nothing wrong with me ...or him. We just weren't good for each other. And that's OK. Now when I look back there were issues I overlooked about him and I am grateful for being ignored. He was impotent, small detail. Before we ever met in person, I should've realized that when he asked me if he should be taking viagra.....

Anyway, keeping busy is great. If you are unable to release the pain, write him a letter pouring out all your questions and feelings. Whether you send it is optional. Allow yourself to grieve over the loss. The letter may show you you haven't lost as much as you thought.

Although we probably don't know each other, feel free to PM me if it would help to talk.

A very rational and realistic post. It is no wonder you have many friends here.

I know I am going to sound old fashioned and preaching but I will risk it. Unregistered is an example of holding off exchanging those body fluids until much furhter in a relationship, perhaps married. Aids, Herpes, pregnancy, other bad stuff can last long after the sex.

Just my opinion.

 

[T.H. Oughts]

Bite the bullet and move on honey. It just goes to show there are jerks out there for sure.

Get stuck into some art work.

 

[Traveler32]

I had someone give me advice once on this same kind of situation before that made a lot of sense. Allowing yourself to be in a constant state of anger, no matter what they did to you or didn't, it is really only you punishing yourself. Your the one carrying around the bad feelings all day not them. Stop beating yourself up...my advice would be to create....do some art work, write, even rearrange your house or just do anything that makes you feel good thats unrelated to the situation....I know its hard to do....but eventually we all see the light and move on....speed up the process and be forgiving to yourself!!!!!!!!!

I agree wholeheartedly with sufisaint and the succinct sayings of Dixon Carter Lee.

Short term, however, get active! Let the endorphins flow! It's a mechanical approach to a spiritual question, but it'll help you integrate yourself.

Allow yourself this and more experiences, always keeping in mind that others are always willing ready and able to catch you when you fall.... if you allow it.

For me, it's always been about time.

 

[WhiteRose]

I pretty much agree with what everyone's said here, and like most of them I've "been there, done that", and I'm sorry you're going through this now. Try not to spend too much time alone with your thoughts (late at night alone was always the worst for me).

Go out with your friends and spend time with your loved ones or just go out and do something by yourself, but something that will take your mind off it. Even find a new hobby or try something you've always been afraid to try. Do something you've never done before, read a good book (not a romance, it'll only remind you.) Go to the mall and force yourself to walk through every store there (it'll take up a lot of time and you'll be tired enough to sleep well that night, and who knows, you might find a good bargain...this is hard for me since I HATE shopping.). Go out and rent a caseful of funny/action/scary/drama videos and spend all evening watching them. Again, no sad movies or romances.

Do something special for yourself, get a new haircut, get a manicure, get a tattoo (it worked for me ) get a tan, or go to the gym. Whatever it takes to remind yourself that YOU are special and you are worth it, and that if the relationship didn't work out, for whatever reason, it just wasn't the right relationship for YOU. You don't want a guy who treats you like this. You deserve much better.

 

[Sandia]

Unregistered

**edited in the interest of discretion**

<Pats Unreg on the shoulder> I feel for you.

Sandia.