What did I do wrong?

[JuanSeiszFitzHall]

I thought I had advanced beyond my Literotica apprenticeship a while ago, but maybe I haven’t. If someone is willing to read four stories that total about 21k words, I’d appreciate any feedback that could lead me to an understanding of what I’ve done wrong. As background, I’ve been a professional writer for decades, I make my living writing and editing non-fiction, and I’ve had fiction published in paying markets that are not specifically erotic. In short, I have many times received money from strangers for what I’ve written.

In late September I posted this story in Erotic Couplings:

https://www.literotica.com/s/ruths-experiment

In terms of votes, it was well received, and got a red H. I would have been okay with letting that be the end of it, because the story had a clear conclusion. The characters, however, could continue to be involved with one another, so I would also have been okay with writing more about them. No other erotic story ideas had occurred to me, so I returned to these characters.

I finished all three subsequent stories, with all cross-checking and editing, before I posted any of them. They all went into Erotic Couplings, with notes to the effect that each one could stand alone and (in my view) had enough catch-up references so that it wasn’t absolutely necessary to read what had gone before. Thus I didn’t title them as parts 2, 3, and 4 of the original story.

https://www.literotica.com/s/gregs-project

https://www.literotica.com/s/ruth-and-greg-go-to-plan-r

https://www.literotica.com/s/the-trending-of-greg-and-ruth

Maybe I should have let well enough alone. Not only did these three get a tepid reception, based on votes, but the original story was downvoted below the red-H line. I believe (wrongly?) that the extra stories took the college sophomore characters through some emotional coming-of-age (with the addition of first-person accounts by the other character), and made them more interesting and relatable. Yet not one of the three stories has received a 5* from anyone, and the final story (as I write this) has no votes at all.

I have any number of theories about why this has happened, but I guess I need someone else to tell me that I messed up (at least in terms of satisfying readers), and why. In my overall defense, my earlier “Laura and Don” series has ratings above 4.3 on all five parts, which is why I believed that I’d gone from apprentice to journeyperson.

https://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=5116173&page=submissions

 

[jaF0]

I have any number of theories about why this has happened,

Why what happened?

 

[ElectricBlue]

You've seen the typical drop off in a multi-part story, where the later chapters get about 20 - 25% the views of the first. Your preambles make it obvious it's a multi-parter, even in the absence of chapter numbers.

You've got a medium level response, not strong, not piss-poor, it's okay. Your style is a little bland, prosaic, it's technically competent... but it's a bit of a plod. I didn't finish, because I wasn't grabbed.

Why isn't there a stronger response? My guess, to be brutal, is your characters are too everyday, too ordinary, they remind the readers of themselves. Pudgy, unattractive, not very exciting.

Erotica is fantasy; readers want a bit of glamour, a bit of wow, a bit of, "My God, I wish I wasn't me." You've given them themselves, but folk don't always want that, it's too close to home (I hasten to add I'm not short and pudgy ).

 

[LesDesirable]

What you have tried to do, is to write a story about a person researching and writing a blog about a fetish type of sexual activity. What you have ended up with is a bit of a mishmash of semi-related events tied together with the segue of the blogosphere, but what you have not done is create a flowing and fun to read story experience. You did not provide the blog, even while you provided some of the blog material. You repeated some of your material nearly verbatim in more than one story.

The original story - where the blog was not yet formed, and the encounter was a meeting encounter between two people, was deservedly higher rated than the others, which tried but in my opinion missed at what you were hoping to achieve.

Some of your writing is very passive, which in any sexual writing is almost impossible to read. Some of it is very clinical, which if carried through like a true scientific paper, might have been fun, but you did not do that either.

I just felt that it fell flat on most of the sex, despite having a good idea to start with.

 

[JuanSeiszFitzHall]

OK, thanks all.

 

[jsmiam]

OK, thanks all.

I confess, I didn’t read, nor do I bash stories or even rate stories.

Just as a matter of taste, though, my personal opinion, I fall into the “I hate series and I count on the title to help me avoid them.” Do I avoid commitment in my erotica? Yes! Do others love series? Some certainly do.

I would be annoyed if I clicked on a story to learn it was part of a set though. I would feel that you wasted my time. No, I wouldn’t bomb you with a low score. But some would.

Disclaimer: For the humorless, let me say clearly, this next paragraph is said in jest to be funny, even if it’s partly true: this is the same reason I never watched any of the Lord of the Rings movies on cable or streaming. Now, years later, even if I wanted to, I would have to take extra effort to figure out which is first, second, third. Because no numbers. What the hell is wrong with them? Easy as one-two-three! Literally!!

 

[DryLips]

I have found that readers respond best to chapters/stories with hot sex scenes and good content. You’ll draw the readers for the category you place your story in and if it if it’s that category well, and has good sex, the response is good. I have one chapter without any sex and it went above 4.5. I thought that was odd, so it shows that content matters, not just sex.

My first story I’m putting up in chapters is quite long (#16 just posted and there are two more to go). The beginning received a lot more views and votes but it was incest, which is very popular. Once I hit the middle and changed to romance, the views and votes dropped but seem stable. I made the mistake in one of my chapters of mixing the genre, and the response was okay but not great. In a chapter I thought would be very well received, the voting didn’t hit 4.5 - I missed the mark in it somehow.

I am starting to get hate mail though. In the last chapter the girlfriend of my protagonist got in a serious car accident. My readers don’t want me to kill her off. I’m told this is a good thing that they’re so passionate about keeping her in the story. We’ll see what the response is when #17 posts (I’m submitting it today). I’m hoping they’ll stick around for the last chapter #18) which ties and concludes everything.

Just thoughts on how your story may draw more views and higher votes.