Shylady
Not shy as I used to be!
- Joined
- May 25, 2000
- Posts
- 5,724
1st DEGREE:
A married couple was asleep when the telephone rang at two in the morning.
The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the telephone, listened a moment
and said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up.
The husband said, "Who was that?" The wife said, "I don't know; some
woman wanting to know 'if the coast is clear."
2nd DEGREE:
Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the
sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror,
and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar."
The second blonde says, "Here, let me see!" So the first blonde hands her
the compact. The second one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy,
it's me!"
3rd DEGREE:
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes about and
buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the
door, she finds him in the arms of a redhead.
Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the
gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun
and puts it to her head. The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it."
The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!"
4th DEGREE:
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly
says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them."
A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin?"
The blonde replies, "Oh that's easy: W."
5th DEGREE:
What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?
"Is it mine?"
6th DEGREE:
A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously,
she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was
applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived.
"My God!" the trooper gasped. "Your car looks like an accordion that was
stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma'am?"
"Why, yes officer I'm just fine" the blonde chirped.
"Well, how in the world did this happen?" the officer asked as he surveyed
the wrecked car.
"Officer, it was the strangest thing!" The blonde began. "I was driving
along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me.
So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree swerved to the left
and there was ANOTHER tree! I swerved to the right and there was another
tree! I swerved to the left and there was...."
"Uh, ma'am", the officer said, cutting her off, "There isn't a tree on
this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back and
forth."
7th DEGREE:
Returning home from work, a blonde was astonished to see that she had been
robbed. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The
police dispatcher broadcast the call on the channels, and a K-9 unit
patrolling nearby was the first to respond.
As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the
blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his
dog, and then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she
moaned,” I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police
for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND cop!
A married couple was asleep when the telephone rang at two in the morning.
The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the telephone, listened a moment
and said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up.
The husband said, "Who was that?" The wife said, "I don't know; some
woman wanting to know 'if the coast is clear."
2nd DEGREE:
Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the
sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror,
and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar."
The second blonde says, "Here, let me see!" So the first blonde hands her
the compact. The second one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy,
it's me!"
3rd DEGREE:
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes about and
buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the
door, she finds him in the arms of a redhead.
Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the
gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun
and puts it to her head. The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it."
The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!"
4th DEGREE:
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly
says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them."
A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin?"
The blonde replies, "Oh that's easy: W."
5th DEGREE:
What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?
"Is it mine?"
6th DEGREE:
A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously,
she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was
applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived.
"My God!" the trooper gasped. "Your car looks like an accordion that was
stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma'am?"
"Why, yes officer I'm just fine" the blonde chirped.
"Well, how in the world did this happen?" the officer asked as he surveyed
the wrecked car.
"Officer, it was the strangest thing!" The blonde began. "I was driving
along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me.
So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree swerved to the left
and there was ANOTHER tree! I swerved to the right and there was another
tree! I swerved to the left and there was...."
"Uh, ma'am", the officer said, cutting her off, "There isn't a tree on
this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back and
forth."
7th DEGREE:
Returning home from work, a blonde was astonished to see that she had been
robbed. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The
police dispatcher broadcast the call on the channels, and a K-9 unit
patrolling nearby was the first to respond.
As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the
blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his
dog, and then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she
moaned,” I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police
for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND cop!
