What Are You Thinking? Continued 14

I am an emotionally masochistic fucking idiot who will beat himself against a wall until I fall apart, long after the guards stop mocking me for it and start just ignoring me.
 
Thinking (sort of superstitiously) that my oldest friend has a way of intuitively sensing when I am at my most vulnerable and proposing to visit me, after which we exchange threats to shoot each other on sight until I finally relent and tidy up the guest room and scrub its toilet (I'd rather get shot, at least in the ass, by a small caliber bullet). Our porn passwords have wound up on each other's devices, so we have some interest in keeping each other alive until one of us is befallen by an act of elderly over-confidence in our past capabilities and fall off a roof or some such. Or we kiss. I guess there is a gentler and more poignant side to masculinity. But starting a war just strikes me as easier than expressing my feelings. :unsure:
 
If I found out my 18 yo granddaughter was on here I'd kick her ass at the least. And my gd can't stop talking. :)
 
Yep, or an erase function. "White Out For Life"
Sometimes yep. Though I guess those are the ones where hopefully I learn and I grow. I think that's what's got me so frustrated. I just can't seem to move on. I want to but it's not happening. My heart and my thoughts and my desire is still there. Even when I'm aware it's not good for me....it's not even what I really want. I'm trying to make space for it and let it pass but it is taking its time and it hurts.
 
Back
Top