What am I doing wrong?

[oggbashan]

I looked through some other Novels and Novellas for consistently high scoring authors. I hoped that I would find a clue to improve the rating of my stories.

Here is a quote from one piece: (I will not name the author because, to be fair to him, it is not one of his best works)

"Yessssss!!!! Yesssssss!!!" Heidi cried when she felt Tim's torrid fluids bathing her insides, transporting her into paroxysms of absolute joy. "Come!!! Commmeeeee!!! Filll meeeeeee!!! Take meeeee!!! Yesssss!!!! Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!! Yesssssssssssssssssssssss!!!!!"

I don't think I can write like that nor do I want to.

I think I have found the clue to high ratings: Sex in paragraph one, three and every other paragraph. Orgasms and ejaculations that happen so often that the people involved must be inhuman.

I think it is something like the early Western films when the hero fires a six-shooter eighteen times without reloading. The hero of the highly rated story appears to cum twelve times an hour and the heroine has multiple orgasms from just a smouldering look.

I think I will stick to writing sex every Lit page and f**k the ratings.

Og

 

[Guest]

"Tim's torrid fluids" ? Gracias, no!

You're not doing anything wrong, Ogg; you're doing yourself right. It's why I won't finish NaNo on time, but I will finish my novel right.

Perdita

 

[Guest]

I think I will stick to writing sex every Lit page and f**k the ratings.

Og

Yep, I think that would be very wise, Og. I think it is a matter of quality over quantity, especially in a novel or novella. That excerpt you posted makes me cringe, there's no way I could read a page of that, let alone a whole novel.

You have got some pretty good ratings on your chapters though, haven't you?

My NaNo novel wouldn't go down well, then. It is an erotic horror, but it's by no means sex, sex, sex. It's more like:
Chapter 1, contains one scene of erotic, arousing sex.
Chapter 2, contains one scene of very naughty lesbian sex.
Chapter 3, contains a slight hint at sex and a scene involving a romantic kiss.
Chapter 4, no sex.
Chapter 5, contains one scene of erotic lesbian sex.
Chapter 6, no sex.
Chapter 7, contains one scene of something bad.
Chapter 8, contains one scene of something naughty.
Chapter 9, contains one scene of something shocking.
Chapter 10, contains one scene of something very sensual.
Chapter 11, contains one scene of something very sick.
Chapter 12, no sex.
Chapter 13, no sex.
Chapter 14, not written yet, but probably will contain sex.

And, considering each chapter is between 3,500 and 5,000 words long there isn't that much sex. However, what there is of it is sometimes very hard hitting.

All that said, I doubt very much I will submit it to Lit.

Lou

 

[Guest]

Loulou, I love your chapter headings as is, and if you don't submit to Lit. I want to know how to read your novel.

cheers, Perdita

 

[Guest]

Loulou, I love your chapter headings as is, and if you don't submit to Lit. I want to know how to read your novel.

cheers, Perdita

Hehehe! The chapter headings are a little more obscure than that, if possible! I'll let you know when and how you can read my novel.

Lou

 

[OldnotDead]

Og,

It doesn't sound to me like you are doing anything wrong. I think you should think of your work in comparison to say,Star Wars, Raiders of the Lost Ark, For Your Eyes Only (I think) and all the other films that were in theatres in teh meantime.

Those three films put 'fannys in the seats' as they like to say. Lucas did the industry a huge favor and showed that exciting, fun could draw in people without sex or tawdriness. But if you listen to the interviews with he and Speilberg they talk about FUN and fantasy and totally unrealistic adventure action. They are the first to point out that the source of their inspiration is not the great films of Hollywood's glory days. They wanted to recreate the Republic Serials.

Those films never let you get off the edge of your seat and if you did sit back you would realize that almost everyone in the film should really be dead by the end of the first scene. But that's what they are all about, supsension of belief.

Write what you want and how you want. Go read Morgan Hawke's thread about writing for money. She points out that you cannot write what you want if you are writing for a paycheck. Writing for votes is another form of pay.

I think you need to write and tell us what is in you.

 

[Black Tulip]

I looked through some other Novels and Novellas for consistently high scoring authors. I hoped that I would find a clue to improve the rating of my stories.

Here is a quote from one piece: (I will not name the author because, to be fair to him, it is not one of his best works)

"Yessssss!!!! Yesssssss!!!" Heidi cried when she felt Tim's torrid fluids bathing her insides, transporting her into paroxysms of absolute joy. "Come!!! Commmeeeee!!! Filll meeeeeee!!! Take meeeee!!! Yesssss!!!! Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!! Yesssssssssssssssssssssss!!!!!"

I don't think I can write like that nor do I want to.

Og

I would not call that writing. It seems to me the author was stringing vowels and consonants like beads on a very loud necklace.

 

[MathGirl]

Originally posted by oggbashan "Yessssss!!!! Yesssssss!!!" Heidi cried when she felt Tim's torrid fluids bathing her insides, transporting her into paroxysms of absolute joy. "Come!!! Commmeeeee!!! Filll meeeeeee!!! Take meeeee!!! Yesssss!!!! Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!! Yesssssssssssssss!!!!!"
I don't think I can write like that nor do I want to.
Og

Dear Og,
Thank you for citing a paragraph from one of my stories. I thought that was one of my finer efforts.
MG
Ps. You're just jealous.
Pps. When does your cake on the head AV come back?

 

[Quasimodem]

. . . Heidi cried when she felt Tim's torrid fluids bathing her insides, transporting her into paroxysms of absolute joy. . .

Maybe a trip to the Thesaurus:

Heidi screamed as she perceived Tim's blistering douche hosing her interior, dispatching her into detonations of infrangible cheerfulness.

Er . . . No. I guess not.

 

[Guest]

Quas, I must say I prefer your version.

Perdita

 

[McKenna]

.

 

[LorriLove]

hiya

if that stuff gets votes, there's hope for me yet

just goes to confirm my opinion of the average literotica reader

 

[LeatherCandle]

I wondered this for a really long time too. I have a role play character that's gay and so I had to research the whole gay sex scene and decided that reading some stories from here would be beneficial.

Now, I've only been with one guy my entire life, but I met him when we were young and I've NEVER seen him "spew his goods" several times over the course of what could only be an hour.

I actually had to ask all of my guy friends to see if it was possible. The idea of a guy ejaculating several times over, as thick and easily as the first stunned me.

I've read a lot of your stories; I like them. I like anticipation and emotion more than gobs of goo all over someone's chest, face, stomach...you get the idea.

 

[SlickTony]

I do think it's possible to get verbal and vocal and all without stringing too many vowels together. I don't think I'm guilty of that, myself--at least, not too much.

 

[Svenskaflicka]

How do you pronounce a word like

Commmeeeee!!!

?????????

 

[LadyJane]

Don't think there's much rhyme or reason for most of the ratings. It could just be a matter of luck (good or bad) that you get a reader who gives every story he/she likes a 4 and never anything higher, or you get lots of readers who never bother voting at all. I've read great stories with mediocre ratings and satisfactory stories with very high ratings. Who knows? Can't figure it out. But hey, that's democracy. What are you going to do, limit voting only to those readers who were English Lit majors?

As far as good novels/novellas, Rolling the Bones by Mad Mike is very good AND highly rated (or at least it used to be) and there is not sex/orgasms/spewings/etc on every page. In fact, I'd advise the writer to try to get this published under the Paranormal/Time Travel/Fantasy romance genre in the real world.

 

[LadyJane]

P.S. Could Commmeeee be dialogue in a story set in the 50's during the Red Scare and he/she really is screaming "Commie" (as in "you Communist Red Bastard!")? Just a thought.

 

[Icingsugar]

"Yessssss!!!! Yesssssss!!!" Heidi cried when she felt Tim's torrid fluids bathing her insides, transporting her into paroxysms of absolute joy. "Come!!! Commmeeeee!!! Filll meeeeeee!!! Take meeeee!!! Yesssss!!!! Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!! Yesssssssssssssssssssssss!!!!!"

What's wrong with that dude's keyboard is what I wanna know. Don't the author know that he can get a functional one for $15 at Wal-Mart?

Please, Og. Don't ever write like that, or I'll go find myelf another venerable king.

/Ice

 

[Dirty Slut]

Dialoge, and sex...

Anyone who has ever had sex knows that very few, if any, words are spoken during intercourse. We're just too busy having sex to talk about it at the time. LOL A moan here, a groan there, but that's about it. But if we could hear our thoughts OH MY!


DS

 

[oggbashan]

Thank you for your posts above.

I'll stick to what I know and avoid strings of exclamation marks and machine-gun ejaculations.

I'm resurrecting last year's incomplete Christmas story. I had 27 A4 pages and no coupling yet. That's if I can find it. I have a copy of the first 12 pages on floppy. I think the rest might have gone with the crashed hard drive. Never mind, I can write the missing 15 pages in a few hours. Then I might get to the physical sex.

My NaNo chapters are scoring better than I hoped. Most are above 4.5 which is amazing for my output. Perhaps the ones under 4.5 will improve after editing.

Og

 

[Svenskaflicka]

Re: Dialoge, and sex...

Anyone who has ever had sex knows that very few, if any, words are spoken during intercourse. We're just too busy having sex to talk about it at the time. LOL A moan here, a groan there, but that's about it. But if we could hear our thoughts OH MY!


DS

I beg to differ. Me and Hubby yap constantly.

 

[Gary Chambers]

Ogg,

I haven’t been posting stories to Literotica for long, but I think you may be onto something with the decision to strengthen your leads, although if my experience so far is anything to go by, it may not have to include graphic sex.

My first story at Literotica had graphic sex in the lead paragraphs. It very quickly earned a hot label. After about three weeks it wound up with 31 voters, a vote average of 4.45 and an 11,886 visitor count.

The second one was posted to its category page on the 26th, but didn’t appear on the new stories list until the 27th. It received a hot label today (the 28th), with a 1,119 possible reader count, 10 votes and a 4.7 average. This story doesn’t have any graphic sex in the lead. It briefly mentions an uninspiring sexual encounter in about the third paragraph, but then spends a large part of the first Lit page providing back story and setting the scene. That doesn’t sound like a formula to grab votes. What it has, however, is a fairly strong romantic lead. It was written as a homage to those women who teach young men how to satisfy them, and it makes that purpose clear in the first sentences. My conscious plan was to grip the little darlings by their egos.

No matter what one writes, I’ve always believed it’s imperative to grab the reader by the pubes in the first sentences and hang on like a bulldog. I’ve got a long way to go to become familiar with everyone’s work at Literotica, but since you seem very highly thought of among other wordsmiths here I made a point of reading one of yours, Oggbashan, and found it well crafted and entertaining. I suggest you shouldn’t change that, but if you feel you need stronger leads then there's no question that you do. A lead can never be too strong, but I’m sure you know that.

Don't forget, most of your readers are probably women. They may like to play trashy sometimes, and if they are your fellow writers they probably play that role all the time because they're sexy jokers. But at the end of the day they all want to be loved, appreciated, adored. I read your hill walking story. You obviously like women or you couldn't have allowed Sarah to humiliate your first person hero so casually, and still end with a convincing humorous punchline. Yes, they love to be licked, stroked, squeezed, sucked and reamed, but the odd tender kiss on an eyelid never went amiss either. One of the nicest things about women is that when they know you love them, they love you back tenfold. On Literotica that translates into votes.

I don’t like to insult readers. Why would I want to share my sexual fantasies with people I don’t even like? If I call them ‘strokers’ it’s always with an appreciative grin, but as far as grabbing their attention goes, I could happily subject them all to extreme bondage. They’d all be tied to their chairs, given hot wax treatments, weights clipped to every nipple, foreskin and labia, and no food or water until they convince me they have read my latest story and voted. Since I can’t do all that, I settle for strong leads.

Another consideration is competition. I’m happy that my work so far seems fairly well received by readers, but I don’t assume that means I’ll be heading to the bank with a Literotica prize cheque any time soon. I see this place more as a promotional venue for the novel I'm working on. The competition here is stiff. It’s encouraging to see a story start out with a hot label and 4.7 average, but I know it will probably drop over the next few weeks. Oh sure, there’s some trash on the list too, but there’s also a lot of very gripping and spell binding work. It means you’ll be pipped to the post most of the time, like the rest of us, but would you really want your effort to stand in lesser company? I’m happy to have my work share a stage with most of the writers I’ve so far read here. Sacrificing your literary quality to the cynical belief that all erotica readers want is a good wank probably wouldn’t help you much, and would reduce the quality of this overall experience for the rest of us too. Take heart man. Strengthen those leads, and keep pitching it at them.

Don't mean to lecture, just to inspire at a time when you seem to need it.

 

[Icingsugar]

More sex earlier on is the key? I can't really see it as being that simple. My highest rating story so far here (4.78, 4.79, something like that) is four Lit pages long. There as no sex until the bottom of page three. Up until that there is light innuendo, intrigue and a quite non-erotic 'almost sex' scene.

Write yo shit yo way. There ain't no formula.

 

[reohoko]

hehehe, its so ironic Og, I was thinking about that when I started writing my newest novel (novella, whichever I am always confused).

I have decided to give my readers what they want, however, I am hiding the story line in it . I'll let you know how it turns out. So, far, no bites; but then the story line isn't clear at all yet.

I kinda figure, if they are here to read sex, then sex they can have. In exchange, I am stuffing a few hints to the real story. However, the hidden aspect is making this a lot longer than it probably had to be, LOL.

 

[reohoko]

Re: Re: Dialoge, and sex...

I beg to differ. Me and Hubby yap constantly.

Us too, actually, I complain:

"NO!, back where you were, that was perfect! Why do you spend two hours teasing me???? I swear if you don't let me I will never ever ever give it to you again!"

He doesn't understand that I need a min. of 7 hours sleep a night. (that isn't the every day argument, but that is the funniest one we ever had)

hehehehehe