What a way to start the day...

[Lovepotion69]

Sigh,
My flatmate woke me up because mom had tried to get hold of me. Apparently she was worried I was in a hospital or something.

Last time I spoke to her was last Thursday. I was to call again later this week about more details for a trip home. I haven't because I didn't have any more info. Was going to speak to my friend today & call her after that.

She sent an SMS apparently yesterday which never got to me. Then she left a message last night, but I didn't get it until midnight and figured I didn't want to wake her up.

At night I at times turn off all my phones. Sometimes I forget to turn them on. She called, didn't get hold of me and freaked out. When I called her she's bloody pissed off.

She rants at me for abot 45mins nonstop. Among other things she goes for the recently normal "you don't want us to be close" angle and "It's been 10 ten days since we spoke!".

Fuck. I'm tired, sad, headache after crying on the phone and emotionally drained.

HOW THE HECK DO I PLEASE MY MOM????!!!!!

This is kinda like the Amerliaishornee thread the other night. How do you show your mom you care??? (While still manage to keep your sanity, & not needing to call her every day) I do everything I can come up with, as I know action speaks louder than words, but why do I always feel as if my actions are never good enough???

I call her every week, I text her and the occasional email. There is not one week that passes by without us being in contact. I just don't know what I'm supposed to do, what is expected of me. She says she doesn't expect anything, but of course she does. She wants it to come from the heart, and it does, but apparently not much enough is coming according to her.

I'm sick and tired of feeling like I'm never living up to expectations. That I'm never good enough. I feel that everything I do is always wrong. If I say/do something it turns out wrong. If I don't do/say anything, then that's wrong.

Sorry about the ranting. Needed to get it off my chest. REmind me never to become a parent...

/LP

 

[Bindii]

REmind me never to become a parent...

/LP

And one day when you do become a parent you will know the answer to your question.

I didn't understand why my Mum got so upset when I didn't contact her as often as she would have liked - hell sometimes I still don't understand. Now that my eldest child is reaching adolesence, she is starting to want less and less to do with me I'm finally starting to understand why family ties are so important to mothers (and fathers).
Do yourself a favour, spend more time with your Mum. One day she won't be there.

 

[AusTess]

I started my day by masturbating.



Ha.

 

[Bindii]

I started my day by masturbating.



Ha.

Did you tell your Mum???

 

[AusTess]

*L*
Nope,i didn;t.




But i do speak to my mum about 4 or 5 times a day.
She lives 15 minutes away with my dad,they are both about 70ish.
Mums had 4 strokes,her vision is fucked,her speech is rooted and her left side is weaker than her right.
In January she was diagnosed with lung cancer.

But i love her to pieces.
She still has her sense of humour,she's still a great grandma,and i do as little as possible to worry her.


I love my mum.

 

[juicylips]

Sorry to hear your day started off badly. I hope it gets better.

I'm here if you need to talk.

JL

 

[Lovepotion69]

Re: Re: What a way to start the day...

And one day when you do become a parent you will know the answer to your question.

I didn't understand why my Mum got so upset when I didn't contact her as often as she would have liked - hell sometimes I still don't understand. Now that my eldest child is reaching adolesence, she is starting to want less and less to do with me I'm finally starting to understand why family ties are so important to mothers (and fathers).
Do yourself a favour, spend more time with your Mum. One day she won't be there.

Of course they are important, but do I need to call her all the time and tell her everhything about my life??? And trust me, I've spent 99% of my time at home when I lived in Sweden with my parents. When I went to school in London it was all new to us. It's hard for all parties to break. And yes, spending time is of importance, but does it mean I have to give up growing up?

 

[Bindii]

*L*
Nope,i didn;t.




But i do speak to my mum about 4 or 5 times a day.
She lives 15 minutes away with my dad,they are both about 70ish.
Mums had 4 strokes,her vision is fucked,her speech is rooted and her left side is weaker than her right.
In January she was diagnosed with lung cancer.

But i love her to pieces.
She still has her sense of humour,she's still a great grandma,and i do as little as possible to worry her.


I love my mum.

What a good daughter you are. Mother suffers terribly from Arthritis, she's in hospital more than she's out. She has Felty Syndrome from all the drugs the docs have had her on over the years. She's the most negative person I've ever met.
My Dad also has lung cancer. He doesn't say a lot but what he does is usually worth listening to.
I adore them both...even if we don't actually get on all that well, I still make the effort to see them. I accept them the way they are.

 

[Lovepotion69]

*L*
Nope,i didn;t.


But i do speak to my mum about 4 or 5 times a day.
She lives 15 minutes away with my dad,they are both about 70ish.
Mums had 4 strokes,her vision is fucked,her speech is rooted and her left side is weaker than her right.
In January she was diagnosed with lung cancer.

But i love her to pieces.
She still has her sense of humour,she's still a great grandma,and i do as little as possible to worry her.


I love my mum.

I'm sorry to hear Tess about your mom. It's good you live so close to her. I am sure she appreciates all you're doing for her.

This is also one of my dilemmas, I want to stay in London, but at the same time my parents are getting older, and if anything happens, when they're sick, who will be there for them? I'm the only child, so they only have me. Torn between wanting to start my own life, and wanting to take care of them & be there for them.

/LP

 

[Bindii]

Re: Re: Re: What a way to start the day...

Of course they are important, but do I need to call her all the time and tell her everhything about my life??? And trust me, I've spent 99% of my time at home when I lived in Sweden with my parents. When I went to school in London it was all new to us. It's hard for all parties to break. And yes, spending time is of importance, but does it mean I have to give up growing up?

Of course not! You are still entitled to your life. All I'm trying to say is that if your mother is pressuring you to spend more time with her then its important to her that you do.
You can talk about a lot of things about your life - that aren't actually all that important to you...but it would mean a lot to her.

Where there's love, there's always a compromise.

 

[AusTess]

My dad is SO fucking cute.
And wise.
He always says the right thing.
And listens when he needs too.
He takes a lot of shit off my mum,she's pretty dependant on him an she gets a bit nasty occasionally.
Dad bites his tongue and smiles his way through it.
He has my son every Friday night to gimme a night off.
He sits through Harry Potter over and over and over again.
He'll watch the Simpsons when he REALLY wants to be watching the footy.
He's pretty wonderful my dad.
He's only about 5'5,a shock of snow white hair.
And these sparkly blue eyes that always seem to be smiling.

Yep,Pretty wonderful.







Can we get back to the sex stuff now please?

 

[Lovepotion69]

Re: Re: Re: Re: What a way to start the day...

Of course not! You are still entitled to your life. All I'm trying to say is that if your mother is pressuring you to spend more time with her then its important to her that you do.
You can talk about a lot of things about your life - that aren't actually all that important to you...but it would mean a lot to her.

Where there's love, there's always a compromise.

I never went out when I lived at home, I hardly had friends. I spent most nights in my room drawing and listening to music. Coming to London and starting Uni has meant basically catching up on all the teenage things I have 'missed'. I enjoy being able to go out with friends and do things without restraints. No worrying it is too late, no worrying how to get home, not to get home too late etc. It's nice, my first taste of 'freedom'. I keep in touch with her, and it's more that which means a lot to her. When at home the whole family does stuff together, and I hardly meet my friends apart from once or twice.

I need to go through that stage of breaking free, but it's bloody hard on both of us. I'm her only child, and her only daughter. She's my only mom and I love her to death, and being the only kid makes it even harder to let go. I'm used to having her there, and I like it, but at the same time I need to break free because I know I can't rely on her being there all the time. And well, at times I wonder if it's harder for me or her to let go.

 

[markb325]

Lovepotion,

I wish I could tell you why some parents do that. Mine consider themself lucky if they here from me every month. I hope the day goes better for you and get those spirits up.

 

[DevilBoy79]

there is no way to please your mother trust me, seems like no matter what you do their always going to nag at you, over nothing most of the time

 

[Lovepotion69]

Lovepotion,

I wish I could tell you why some parents do that. Mine consider themself lucky if they here from me every month. I hope the day goes better for you and get those spirits up.

Hi Mark,
All my friends call whenever they feel like it. I had to do it every week on a certain day and time throughout my first year at Uni. When I couldn't keep the time, they got worried and pissed of. I finally managed to negotiate that I'd love to call, but I can't promise exact times. They've accepted that, so nowadays I call whenever during the week. Whenever convenient for me, but I know they're a bit angry they have to go after MY times.

All my friends hardly ever call their parents, in a stupid way when I get really angry with them about nagging me about not phoning or communicating, or whatever, I yell out to myself "For god's sake, count yourself lucky, others don't hear from their kids for weeks or months!" It doesn't mean you don't love each other.

 

[AnnaB]

LovePotion69...When I first read your post I wondered if your mom and mine are related. I went through a lot of the same thing after I finally left home but mine was for different reasons...that was when my mother decided she wanted to be a mother to me as well as my baby sister. But that is a different story...in time it may get better but it sounds like you were close growing up and she is having trouble letting you grow up and live your life. Have you thought about trying to sit down and talk to her about this? Just a thought about the whole situation coming from someone that has been around for a lot of years.

I do hope things get better for you in the coming years and if you ever want to vent just give me a yell...can't say I will have the answers but I do listen real well!