What a mess we are

[rashid]

I can't help noticing the disparities in the posts here and elsewhere. One "recently deflowered virgin" gets 300+ replies and a young guy looking for his first older woman gets 2. Men want to have sex, women want to talk about it.
A woman advertises she is interested in no strings sex - gets 200 responses in the first two hours and a guy advertises the same thing and gets zip. What is going on here? I'm stunned at the continued optimism of my male bretheren. I'm stunned at my own. I continue to think there may be some woman out there who really DOES want sex for the fun of it. Problem is she has 5000 toads surrounding her house trying to get a lick before the popsicle melts. What the hell is wrong with us? No wonder women would rather have sex with each other and the men sit in the bar watching strippers while imagining they have a shot at getting some relief for the raging hormone blues. What scares me is I'm tall, dark and almost handsome and I still don't get any unless I'm willing to lie through my teeth which I'm not. Must be male menopause - my brain hurts.
Am I nuts or is this as real for the rest of you as it is for me? I'd really like to hear from both sides of the coin. Something is desperately wrong with this picture. Let's see if it's possible to tell the truth in here.

 

[HARDKOREBJ]

true

yes so true.i post just tring to get my first taste of sex.i get nothing.maybe its me.nice guys gets the shaft.while rest of them get sex.they don`t care abot the women.i would please her in every way possible.

 

[Guest]

amazing

How men do not get it at all! You think you could look at figures and wonder why the male and female paradox is so complex. Hmmm, let me not waste anymore time, but, all was stated and all is known that the balnace will always be off kilter.

 

[Guest]

Well...

I have to admit, being a bi-woman myself, that it's scary meeting a man through the internet, is it real for me? yes it is! Is it less stressful and scary to meet a woman from online in person? yes it is! I'd also just like to add here that every single man I have ever 'talked' to online involving a semi real relationship has tried to cyber first! Why is this? Is it not possible to have a real relationship off-line just because we met on-line? Is it neccessary to have cyber sex before meeting or after one date? I have given up on men, if I ever find one that's the right one for me then hoooray, if not there's plenty of 'fish' in the sea for me!

 

[Phalanx]

why cyber first?

i think it's primarily an age situation. I think the younger crowds have very little patience with life... everything is instant gratification. This may also be why more young men are experimenting with homosexuality. They do not want to wait for the right woman to come along. They just want to have carnal pleasure, and they want it now.

Ladies, do older men who reply to your personal adds also want the cyber-sex as much, or are they more interested in just correspondance?

One last thing... there ARE probably more men perusing the personals than women. Just a guess, and a pair of pennies

 

[friskyguy69]

it should be fun, right?

It's important to reflect on the conditioning and training that many of both sexes experience from a very young age...

no matter what anyone says, women who are permiscuous are veiwed negatively and men who have the "means", be they physical, financial, or otherwise are expected to be successful with women because of their stature. Men can, and do, sleep around because they are not shamed for their actions, they are celebrated.

Women who are free with their sexualitry are denigrated, even by those who exhibit the same or similar behavior. The media may pretend otherwise but you don't see any sexaully open famous women (except porn stars, and that is the breakthrough of sub-culture) who are taken seriously.

Of course, there's also the animalistic side of the coin, and that's where's society's desires move away from the reality of human nature. Women's biological imperative is to give birth to children, to propogate the species. Men's biological imperative is to spread the seed, also to propogate the species. But in society, these roles don't apply. Women can and should have careers in a modern society, and perhaps that means that women can be sexually free without the intention of motherhood. But that is not a role endorsed by society, so she is looked down upon. One could say this is where Catholic views actually dovetail with evolution, since it could be inferred that both endorse the theory that a woman's role is to bear children and a man's is to bring home the bacon, literally or metaphorically.

Of course, this is all way oversimplified, but it would be ten hours of discussion to get to the heart of the matter, since the difference between men and women is the single most intricate aspect of our society; our human conciousness that allows us to contemplate these ideas has it's most drastic division in the difference between how a man thinks and a woman thinks. Neither one is right, it's just different, and that's the fun of the game. It should be fun right? Getting to know new people and figuring out if you can make each other happy, for five minutes or fifty years...who cares....it should be fun. It hink some women just never feel open enough or ree enough to be themselves, and it's probably got a lot to do with how other people look at them.

Just one man's opinion. At one time.

 

[Guest]

Look at some of the messages from guys on this board, though. I'm a woman but I'm not often tempted to answer any of these messages because frankly, no intelligent woman wants a guy whose most complex thought is "I want to cum" (although if that were posted on this board, the message would be a few sentences longer and lots of words would be misspelled. Very few of the personals even try to persuade you that the man is worth getting to know, and I think even if a relationship is going to be mostly sexual, most women aren't looking for a man who's only distinctive characteristic is that he's horny. On this board, that's not a distinctive feature at all.

 

[rashid]

truth in advertising

Yes, certainly, all of the above is valid at one level or another - different standards, different hormones, different expectations all exist. My point however, is that we seem so dismally at cross purposes. Are a young womans sexual motivations so different from a young mans that her purpose is to have a deep, meaningful relationship with a hundred total strangers while his is to get laid and see how it feels? Is the woman who advertises for sex lying about what she wants or is she so rare that the sheer volume of responses scares her back into the nunnery? It's been said that if it wasn't for pussy, men would spend their lives hunting, fishing and hanging out with each other, drinking beer around a campfire and the race would self destruct in a single generation. Perhaps it's true.
I happen to like women - I like women a lot. I'm funny (yes, I really am funny) I'm intellectually somewhat gifted (although my typing skills leave a lot to be desired) I have been blessed with a tall, well shaped body, (it wasn't always thus - as a teen ager I had to run in circles in the shower just to get wet, but Ive gained a few pounds since) etc. etc. etc. So I consider myself lucky in many ways. BUT, if my own experience is anything to go by, good looks and a sense of humor and a gifted intellect are NOT the thing that makes a man desireable to most women. My own mother married a highly educated,
devoted, truely handsome man just out of university, spent a lifetime hating him, and stayed for the pension. Granted she had three children to support but what a waste of a life!!!!!! It was about the money. I see the same thing in here all the time. Men standing in line with their privates in one hand and their wallet in the other BEGGING for some woman to give them a minute of their time. Foreplay in America - Men, there is something wrong with this picture. WE ARE DOING IT TO OURSELVES. Worse yet we're doing it to our sons. We teach them that you have to lie to a woman to get sex. Promise her a new house, a new car, take her to dinner - show her you'll be a good provider and that she can live on easy street so you can get the relief you NEED. Hell son - she'll fall for that shit - they all do. This is what we teach our sons. Women are for sale. No matter what they SAY, what they DO is sell themselves to the highest bidder. But here is what really kills me. YOUR DAUGHTERS ARE PAYING ATTENTION AND BUYING INTO THE GAME.
It's all a sham. yes boys - you've been had. The woman you married? The one you're out having an affair on? Well guess what pally - she's out there looking too. 80% of american males claim to be having sex outside of their marriage and 20% of women admit to doing the same. So are you going to tell me that each of those women is doing four guys at any given time? Or that the other three guys are doing each other? I DON'T THINK SO. DNA testing indicates that as many as 40% of children born to married couples have a father who is not the mothers husband. The little lady you're schlepping around on is doing the same dance you are but you're so busy getting yours you didn't notice or care. And I don't have a problem with people sleeping around - In my humble opinion I think it's healthy. The human race thrives on diversity in the gene pool. NO ladies and germs - it's not the promiscuity I have a problem with. IT'S THE LIES WE TELL. Guys - pick up a Harlequin Romance novel sometime. The biggest sellers on the list. A huge audience secretly wishing to be ravished by Fabio while charging the experience to your visa card and going to church on sunday. All self rightious, and wiggling their finger at you like you're a bad boy while lusting after the neighbours hubby.
So here's the bottom line. Guys, stop begging. Have a little self respect. No one is that ugly but you just may be such an asshole that no woman in her right mind would want you. In that case - take a class or stick to hookers.
In this, I include myself. I too, am guilty of being out of control.
And ladies, If what you REALLY want is to get laid, you're going to have to learn to think like a man - seperate sex and love. If you want sensitive, caring, loving people in your life, get a girlfriend. If you find a man who has those qualities, you'll end up calling him a dreamer and a loser since he'll spend most of his time spending your money and you'll learn to hate that real quick. Don't advertise. The response will scare you and the guy you pick will most likely be a huge disappointment since he'll tell you anything you want to hear to get into your panties and then find an excuse to dump you on your ass. If you're single and using sex to catch a hubby be prepared for the consequenses. He'll be just as shallow and self decieving as you are.
PREDICTION. The ladies will be mortally ofended and insist I'm wrong and the men will wish they had the balls to say screw it and go fishing. Both will send me hate mail but at least we'll be talking about it. So bash away - you can't hurt me; I'm a fictional character and I've already survived more than you could ever dish out.

end of rant

 

[Crooky]

Hmmm....

I've actually had some luck with these personals and all I can give to you guys who haven't as advice is:

E-personals or relatively annonymous contact of any kind is not really annonymous. Relationships are built on a wink and a smile. I met my latest girlfriend at the freight elevator at work.

All it took to win her over was a helping hand and a few kind words. Be gentlemen and your value to women increases exponentially.

Also, don't be scared to build up friendships that might not go any further than that. You might be surprized sometimes where your latest bedpartner will come from...

 

[rashid]

indeed - and a sense of humor goes a long way

but there is a huge difference between sex for the pleasure of sex and the development of a relationship which may eventually lead to intimacy. My post concerns the offer of sex for the sake of sex by women who really want something else and are then surprised by the response from us brain dead guys who think the lady in question really just wants to get laid because that's what she said. What I'm attempting to do is cut the bullshit and get real. Speak the truth and see what happens.
The fish that takes your hook has no idea that you want it for your dinner; it just wants the bait. If we all told the truth about what we really want what do you think would happen? Or is it possible we really just don't know what the hell is going on in our own brains?

 

[Crooky]

Dangerous territory...

Ah Rashid...

You are treading where many men before you have fallen.
I am not saying I support this view but in line with your discussion, my good friend said this:

"You will never really be able to completely trust a woman. Her entire existence is built on deceit. She wears makeup to hide her age. She wears heels to make herself look taller and she pretends to be helpless to lure you in. You can love a woman, you can make love to a woman but never, ever turn you back on them."

Keep in mind that this friend was recently dumped by his GF of six years.

I think the big issue here is that women are complex and if you think you've met some liberated woman who can "cut the bullshit" and get down to some no-strings sex, you're fooling yourself.

I learned the hard way that when women say "no-strings", they're a lot smarter than you think. You let your guard down and they're in.

Besides, what's so great about sex without the emotional side???

 

[SexyChele]

Ok, I'll dump my .02 worth in here.

Rashid, in our society (western) women have been conditioned that if they want to be noticed by men they MUST be sexy. Which woman gets noticed first:

Woman A: short, tight mini skirt that barely covers her ass, tight tank top, impossibly high heels, talks like a slut, and the personality of a limp frog.

Woman B: long skirt (well below the knee), loose blouse, moderate heeled shoes, refrains from coarse language, has a sparkling personality.

For most men willing to admit it, Woman A would be tops on their list. So.....when women go "advertising" they feel they MUST project that image - or they are passed over. Yes, it DOES happen! And many times that "image" is just that - an image, a mirage. It reflects nothing of her true character, but she has been spoon-fed to believe that that is what men want. And of course, we all know that if a woman can't attract the attention of at least one man, well, then there MUST be something a little "strange" about her.

Now, for the personals here? I placed an ad when I first registered. Didn't get 200+ responses, but wasn't interested in "no-strings sex". The responses? Frankly, I wondered where some of these guys crawled out from. Yes, I admit I was looking to share fantasies. But the guys that got (and kept) my attention were those who had a sense of being a gentleman and respectful. Those who responded crudely got left on the BB - not interested.

Women do have a tendency to shy away from the "overly-sensitive" type of guy, yes. But there is still a desire, deep down, to be treated with respect, to be in the presence of a gentleman - even if you have one physical encounter and never see him again.

You seem to think that men can only be one of 2 things: overly-sensitive, insipid, "dreamers", or beer-belching, crude, "he-men". No, there is a man who is inbetween - he's called a gentleman. He is courteous, kind, respectful, sensual (as opposed to blatantly sexual - ask me what I mean if you don't know), humorous, friendly, confident. Is he well off? Maybe, maybe not. Is he gorgeous? Maybe, maybe not. Is he a certain age - god, I hope not. But he does command the attention of women....and women want to be around him.

So, my advice for men posting here who want to "get noticed"? Try being a gentleman. And please, please, PLEASE, guys (begging here) learn how to spell......PLEASE????? It conveys so much about you. Look, you place an ad here. What does a woman have to go on other than your written word? If it is full of bad grammar and misspellings, what is she supposed to think YOU are like? And, hey, you DON'T have to be an English major to put together a 4 line paragraph and make sure the spelling is correct!

Also, Rashid, don't always go by the number of postings you see responding to ads placed here by men. I have responded to men here - but I ALWAYS do so privately, via email. It's just more discrete that way.

 

[Guest]

SexyChele is absolutely right

SexyChele's right, and let me put another woman's vote in for ads that sound a little more thoughtful than "come fuck me." If a guy can't put his thoughts together, express himself clearly for at least a tiny paragraph that he knows lots of women may read, what are the chances that he will be a thoughtful, sensual, intelligent or creative lover? Stupid men make bad lovers. Look stupid in an ad and I will pass you over. Lots of other women will too, regardless of whether we are looking for something short term or a more serious relationship.

 

[Guest]

What else is new?

You're just discovering this? Go out to any personals site and you will see the same thing. One of the largest personals sites is Adult Friendfinder. Go to listings for any state and you will find roughly 15 men for every woman posting on the site. As far as what women want...Who the hell knows? I think that roughly 95% of women who post on these sites are only seeking attention and have no intention of ever "hooking up" with a guy. On the other hand, the large majority of men posting on these sites are total idiots. Once, just to see what would happen, I posted a profile that described a horny 45 year old woman. In the first week, "she" received 29 photos of penises in various states of erection. Jeez, it was embarassing, particularly given that most of those morons really had nothing of substance to show. Bottom line, these sites are long shots at best, but they aren't totally bogus. You just have to keep trying.

 

[SexyChele]

Can't you just stand more of this??

The, ah, thread that you mentioned, Rashid? About the recently deflowered virgin and all? That thread first appeared back in Feb - that's right, folks, FEBRUARY! PLUS, the girl is a sham - no such creature. AND that has been posted multiple times IN THE THREAD ! Yet, what happens? Men still continue to post to it, asking this phantom woman for a picture! I mean, truly now, does stupidity know no bounds?

And, once more, if one just casually glances at the responses that were posted - misspellings, misuse of gramar, crude language abound. (SIGH) Same old, same old is sometimes correct.

And these men expect a response? Personally? If I saw a man post an ad and I read it and he sounded interesting, the next thing I would do is a search. If he posted to the "Recently Deflowered Virgin" thread - cross him off my list!

 

[rashid]

Chele - you are a love

Grins - see..... it's working - we have a dialogue going here. Chele, given the choice you offered let me say this about that. I love a short skirt, long legs, heels etc. I also love sparkly eyes and attitude. Given a side by side choice, I would instantly choose the sparkly eyes and hope the skirt was hiding even better legs. I'm still male and legs do matter ;-) but I admit to being greedy. I want it all and, without feeling piggy, I think I'm worth it. I AM a gentleman, I do have a sense of humor, I also have a brain and I'm not afraid to use it. You may, of course dispute that, but I'll challenge you to defend the allegation. ;-) At least one of my lady friends calls me yummy.
Truth be told, the knuckle draggers amongst us embarrass me as much as the overly sensitive types who are afraid to change a light bulb. I don't guzzle beer or, for that matter, sip "fine wine". I'd rather play sports than watch them and I'd rather make the news than read about it. I do believe I have the ability to string words together in reasonably coherent fashion. I can carry a tune in a bucket. I know the purpose of a bar of soap and have a tendency towards exhibitionism and voyeurism. In my less than humble opinion, you should at least find me amusing.
Dialogue Chele, dialogue, and please be a love and help me correct my grammar and spelling. I tend to write in stream of consciousness so usually my brain goes faster than my fingers can type.
Oh, and another thing (he said, feeling a bit like Columbo going out the door),
.........................just what is your cup size? (kidding - don't hit - couldn't help myself - the ten year old me got out )




ya can't win if ya don't play

 

[rashid]

lol - you sneaked in

and posted again while I was composing - I didn't bother to read more than three of the 300 posts our infamous 19 year old virgin solicited. I just noted the total number and instantly concluded I was in the wrong line. What got me was the fact that there WAS a line, and that, just around the corner so to speak, an obviously sincere young man was apparently being totally rejected.
It just flat bothered me so I wanted to see if it bothered anyone else.

I'm grateful to discover that I'm not alone, but I'm terribly saddened to hear that so many women feel they need to be deceitful to win the man of their dreams. It seems to me that if you have to trick him in the first place he'll resent you and dump you the second he realizes he's been had. Alternativly, if he doesn't dump you, you'll eventually dump him because he was dumb enough to fall for the deceipt in the first place and you can't help but lose respect for him.
There - and I corrected most of the punctuation before I posted.




Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive.........

 

[SexyChele]

Dialogue? Well, ok. I'm on my break anyway.

Rashid, I hope you didn't read my comments as such that you needed to defend yourself. I'm not "looking" for anything on this board. Your comments just jumped out at me.

Now, for the "side by side comparison" idea. I have a real life example on that one. There has been once or twice that I've agreed to meet a couple of girlfriends after work for a couple of drinks. Now, on my job I need to dress conservatively and I can sometimes be called upon to work past the time I would normally get off from work. This means my girlfriends have usually gone home and changed, and I wind up arriving barely on time wearing what I wore to work. Now, my girlfriends don't have the personalities of limp toads. Nor would I consider myself to be better looking than my girlfriends. We are probably all about equal in looks and personality. Yet, we go to a bar or club after work, and guess who the guys flock to? And guess who gets to sit there simply watching the action, usually making up an excuse to leave early?

Yes, I know - men are visual. I've heard that over and over. I'm also not a slouch in the looks department and, though dressed conservatively, my clothes are well put together and flattering to me. Seems personality means nothing in this situation, for the most part. (there has been, on occasion, men who have actually talked to me in these situations, and I've enjoyed their company. They are usually what society terms the "nerds" and "geeks" who turn out to be really nice guys - and not in the hated sense of those words)

Women pick on this very early in life. And that is what I meant by the "false advertising". I can be the very same person inside, but if I have a chance to change into a short skirt, tight top, etc, then I, too, receive the male attention. But then, most of us women over the age of 25 have determined that if we want a strictly "girls night out" we dress conservatively and the guys leave us alone.

This sense of false advertising seeps into personal ads. Just read some from your local paper sometime. (I find them hysterical, but I feel sad for the people involved) Most women will post physical attributes, and men will consistently talk about how "sucessful" they are. By the way, I've dated a couple of guys who were incredibly wealthy. Trust me, it's not worth it. These guys are usually very high maintenance.

So, would here be any different? Now, if I were to think of posting an ad here looking for some "possibles" (first of all I wouldn't do it HERE, but that's another story) what might I say? Well, the first thing I would probably state is that I love sex - whatever that means to somebody is purely in their own mind. Then I would also describe my best physical attributes, and not be overly concerned about personality. Oh, and possibly throw in the hint that I have a nude picture of me as well. I would almost guarantee I'd have a minimum of 50 responses by the end of the day. Now, if I were to post a more truthful portrait of myself? I'd be lucky to have 3 guys interested, because I don't tend to see myself in the physical, but more emotional/personality.

So that "false advertising" is a way for women to get noticed - and using it usually works. The same is NOT true for men, however. The more crude men are, the less responses they are likely to garner. Now, if I'm wrong, I ask anyone to correct me. So, do you blame the women for trying to live up to a certain standard set for them? Or do we blame men who keep that standard alive and well? Or do we simply concentrate on who we are, and to hell with societal standards in this regard. (and be prepared for many a lonely Friday and Saturday evening?) It can be tough - as well as an ancient argument, that "battle of the sexes"!

You, Rashid, have very good grammar and spelling. You don't need correction in that department. But you are also on the SRP board which can really help a lot of folks with writing skills. And I don't feel comfortable posting a response to a man I've never met just to tell him he should rewrite his post this way - - We are all adults here (or should be), and we should all have completed the basic rudimentary schooling necessary to enable us to be contributors to society. That would include basic English writing skills. (that is, if you are from an English speaking country. If you are not, than you are the exception to what I've said here)

Hmmmm, my bra size, Rashid? Now, that is classified information, only given out to those men truly deserving of knowing that kind of intimate information about me.

Now.....just what were we dialoguing about?

 

[Paradox]

I have been fortunate enough to make connections with several interesting people as a result of these personals. Some who responded to me, others to whom I responded. Enjoyable relationships are possible.

Of course, there are cases where you are enjoying a wonderful dialogue then the other party just disappears leaving you wondering how the story will end

Bottom line--this place really isn't all that different than the real world. There are people, both male and female, who enjoy the trash talk and inuendo. Then, there are others who like to have their mind stimulated. I think you've discovered the better way, Rashid.

 

[rashid]

playing hooky

Damn - you nailed it - nude pic + BS = 50 responses by mid-afternoon; truth =three responses by nightfall. Would you not prefer the three honest ones to the 50 BS ones? And if not - why not? Quality vs quantity - you'll only pick one at a time to play with anyway, so why not cut the crap and get to the good ones without having to don hipwaders?

and Paradox - smooches to you. I actually like to have my mind stimulated by trash talk and innuendo as long as it's GOOD trash talk and innuendo so at this moment I'm mentally slapping you on your (hopefully) tight hard ass and imagining you in Chele's long skirt standing in an open doorway with the sun behind you shining through the filmy material, outlining your lovely legs in brilliant gold; exploding like a silken star in the breathtaking space between your thighs and turning my brain to mush.

But I digress - what about the hipwaders ladies and germs? any comment?

 

[SexyChele]

Quality vs Quantity

Rashid,
First, I wouldn't post at Literotica for any sort of encounter. I know it has worked for some, and I wish them well with it. Just not for me.

BUT - IF I did, I would most certainly go for the honesty. I might only get 2 - 3 responses, but at least I would know they might be more willing to look at the woman I truly am, rather than an image.


Second, while your description of what you would be doing to Paradox in my skirt is certainly erotic, it might help you to know that Paradox is, I believe, a man. But then, that might be even more erotic.....

 

[Paradox]

Sorry to disappoint you, Rashid, but I'm a guy. No tight skirt...lol.

 

[Paradox]

Right now, I'm picturing Chele in that long, red skirt slit to the hip. Sitting there so cute on the ledge...

 

[SexyChele]

Keep picturing, Paradox. Always did have a thing for you mid-west guys!

 

[rashid]

lmao

No wonder you're called paradox - WEG - I'd switch the comment to Chele (who richly deserved it) but you brought it up so.............
Thank you Chele for the honesty. Now tell me true................how representative do you think you are of the rest of your fair sex?
Paradox - what do you think? Are women really trained to deceive?
and BTW when do I stop being a virgin around here?
I'm getting a complex