Were you molested as a child?

[bored1]

Were any of you molested as children? If so what do you think were/are the long term consequences?I was molested by cousins<male> at an early age,It lasted until I was old enough to say no.As I have gotten older I see that I was sexualized at an early age but didnt become oriented until my teens.<I like women>And Im male, Do you think people who molest can be reformed?<I dont think so>

 

[Guest]

I was molested by my grandfather at age 12. It was only the one time andhe only touched me. I soon found out he had done that to other women in the family when they were about my age. I don't think that they can be reformed. He sure wasn't. I didn't ahve any lasting affects from that one time except that I am very leery of old men. SOrry to hear that happened to you.

 

[Aaron26]

.....

 

[Idle_Hands]

i was

When i was in fifth grade a teacher initiated what can only be called a relationship with me. He was incredibly nice, and taught me a lot of things i still value to this day. He helped me with my photography, took me backpacking (in groups with other kids), and treated me like an equal. Unfortunately he seemed to have been doing it because he had to have sex with little boys. We got together at least once a month for a few years, but the more I matured the more I saw that it was a very taboo situation, and started to see him less and less.

Eventually he got caught with another kid and it came out that he had done this with a bunch of kids at the school over the years. There was a huge fuss (i was interviewed by lawyers and detectives), and he wasn't seen around any more.

This is something i've struggled with for the rest of my life (I'm in my late 30's now). I didn't really like the sexual side of our relationship, but the friendship was very valuable to me. As an adult i can see that he was completely taking advantage of me, but I also feel like he left me with good things. I've worked as a professional photographer, and I still have a great love of the outdoors. Just last month I was out hiking with my six-year-old son and I realized that I was telling him things about the environment around us that I had learned from this teacher. My wife doesn't understand how it is that i don't just hate him completely for what he did.

The other thing I've wondered about over the years is what this experience did to influence my sexual desires. I'm very into women, have a strong sex drive and an incredible thirst for pornography. I like all sorts of topics, but when i really want to get off i basically like it as hardcore as i can find, almost with an emphasis on being as demeaning to women as possible.

This is probably more of a question for a shrink than a message board...

 

[Idle_Hands]

After re-reading that, I'd like to add that I think I'm basically a good, open-minded guy, with a lot of respect for women. My wife and I have a very sharing relationship, although I do turn to the internet for all the extra sex drive she doesn't satisfy. I just find that all this goes out the window when I'm getting turned on. Then I want my women to be trashy sluts.

 

[SempreAngela]

I have never known a child molester that could be truly reformed. It takes MAJOR therapy and then there is only a 30/70 chance.

Yes, I was molested as a child. The long term effects are trust issues and self esteem. It took a long time for me to be able to trust a male enough to want to be intimate with him. I have found, for me at least, the best way to conquer the demon was to talk about it and I often give speeches regarding molestation as well as other subjects close to this one. If I can help to prevent just one child from being molested then what happened to me was worth it.

 

[SweetBrat73]

Do you think people who molest can be reformed?<I dont think so>

Sure they can be reformed...put em into a meat grinder and then reform them any way you wish.


Now seriously...no I don't think they can be reformed...and should never be let out into the world ever again. People who do that kind of thing are sick and twisted!!! Personally I could shoot them all and never feel bad about it. I haven't been molested, but I've known ppl who have been, and I have 3 (almost 4) children now...and I swear if anyone ever harmed them...that would be the very last thing they would EVER do!!! It may not help anything that I go kill them...but it sure as hell ain't gonna hurt my feelings any.


Brat

 

[KillerVanity]

I was never molested, but it seems that every one of my friends has been. It's awful, and I've seen the long-lasting effect it has on people. As far as reforming those who do molest, I think it would be a very difficult endeavor, but possible.

 

[petrel]

Re: Re: Were you molested as a child?

Sure they can be reformed...put em into a meat grinder and then reform them any way you wish.


Now seriously...no I don't think they can be reformed...and should never be let out into the world ever again. People who do that kind of thing are sick and twisted!!! Personally I could shoot them all and never feel bad about it. I haven't been molested, but I've known ppl who have been, and I have 3 (almost 4) children now...and I swear if anyone ever harmed them...that would be the very last thing they would EVER do!!! It may not help anything that I go kill them...but it sure as hell ain't gonna hurt my feelings any.


Brat

there are two reasons why someone becoems a child molester
1 they have a lust for power and in my head that is part and parcel of all the other abuses that go on. i personally htink there is nothing much wrong with a couple of kids one 15 and one 16 /17 messing around or even getting seriuos. however a 30+ year old dating/fucking a 17 yr old even if legal feels wrong and abusive to me.

2 the child molester is mentally ill, in which case surely we shoudl be looking at our system; this covers all the instances of those who were abused as kids and then grow up to carry on the cycle of abuse. Even without an 'explanaiton' of childhood abuse behind an abuser remember that people can get screwed up royally by parents, society etc

I hate the thought of any form of abusive relationship - one person using the fact that they are older/stronger/have moer money/influence etc to persude the other into doing something and to keep them quiet about it.

I reckon i would feel the same way if it was my kids but i do hate the way western (UK and USA) society makes it so hard for men to be around kids, surely then we are putting out a message to all kids that no male can be trsuted - i want my kids (when i have some) to grow up knowing that things can happen and you need to tell someone if they do but that on the whole you can trust your parents, teachers etc.

when i was growing up there where some pretty widely publicised cases of child abuse within families - i became parinoid that someone would accuse my family - because we were unusually happy and close. It seemed that everyone was saying to me if you are a 13 yr old girl you can't possibly have a good close relaitonship with your father - what do you mean he hugs you if you are upset he must be abusing you and you are blocking it - I actually had a counsellor say this to me when i was depressed later in my teens.

sorry this turned into a rant, i guess i feel strongly about it in a slightly different way

 

[SweetBrat73]

Well I don't see how we're making it hard for men to be around kids. Most of the abuse you hear about is done by men to children, but there are alot of women out there that do the same thing...to little boys and girls. By little I do mean anyone under the age of 18. I see nothing wrong with 15 yr. old and a 16/17 yr. old experimenting with sex...well I don't want my kids to do such a thing...but there is a difference between 2 kids experimenting with sex and an adult tricking/conning/forcing a child to have a sexual relationship.

My children are taught that they can trust me. If a teacher or some other adult touches them or makes them uneasy in any way they can always come to me. They understand that I will not think it is their fault, that they are in any way to blame, and that I will take care of things and make sure that that person won't bother them again. They also know that they can always tell a teacher or police officer that too, or if they don't want to tell anybody but me then that's fine too. I've taught them that both men and women can hurt children. It's not just something men can do.

People also get too hung up on this and think that if you have any kind of relationship with an adult that there's "something" going on that shouldn't. I don't believe that. These ppl need to get off their high horse and try to see what's really going on.

I can't really think of how I want to word this reply...I'll stop here and add more later if I can.


Brat

 

[Ebonygrrl4you]

I was molested by my momma boyfriend and my father, and i have just started to realize taht there is something to live for, its hard for me to get arracted to men, espically black men. I have not had sex since I was molested, but I want to, I hate child molestors

 

[Guest]

I was molested by my momma boyfriend and my father, and i have just started to realize taht there is something to live for, its hard for me to get arracted to men, espically black men. I have not had sex since I was molested, but I want to, I hate child molestors

I can understand how you feel,It took me a long time to learn how to trust anyone when it came to intimate relations.I too hate molesters,They steal a part of your soul.Hang in there.

 

[girllazarus]

i was "molested" as a child, and always think that it wasn't what happened to me that was "bad," but the fact that I was surrounded by so much information telling me that it was wrong etc. Sometimes I think that if I had not been taught that this was wrong, I would not have been psychologically tortured by the guilt etc. of the fact that it kinda felt good. Does anyone understand what I mean?

 

[bored1]

i was "molested" as a child, and always think that it wasn't what happened to me that was "bad," but the fact that I was surrounded by so much information telling me that it was wrong etc. Sometimes I think that if I had not been taught that this was wrong, I would not have been psychologically tortured by the guilt etc. of the fact that it kinda felt good. Does anyone understand what I mean?

I understand what you are saying about being surounded by information telling you it was wrong,especially from the church.as a male i was totally conflicted. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------I feel it was wrong because a 7 / 8 year old can not make a decision on the right or wrong of it,That comes later.To be sexualized at an early age,then oriented at a proper age can be real confusing.-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------I felt extremely guilty because it did feel good,but finally reached an age where I knew it was not right.After going through 2 divorces and then finally researching the subject I came to understand just how the molesting influenced my life.Periods of depression,not being able to be truly open and intimate with my partners, extreme insecurities or always feeling I was not good enough.and believing that for sex to be good it had to be bad and hidden which led to numerous shallow affairs that led to the demise of my marriage,it was then that i learned that others who had been molested experianced the same behaviors.At least I have learned to talk about it now and finally told my family.it was difficult bot worth it.hang in there!

 

[Guest]

An 8 year old is molested. A fifteen year old is just swindled into cheap sex. If it's rape, it's rape, but someone that old should have some clue to what they are doing and what the possible consequences are. You can leave "bad touch" at the door of high school. Rape, sexual assault, sexual harassment, those can definetely happen. But "molestation" is just ridiculous.

Of course, a man conning a woman into bed is pretty shitty thing to do, but it would be so whether shes 17 or 37.

Can a child molester be reformed? That's iffy. On the one hand most child molesters due tend to backslide. On the other they tend to be prejudged by society as irredeemable sickos who will never again find social acceptance, so they don't feel much compulsion to reform. Maybe if they had some form of outlet for their deviance they could keep it from hurting others, or maybe it would push them onward when they would have suppressed it before. Lot of questions, not many answers.

There is a definite prejudice against men in this country. Any man who likes kids is obviously a child molester. I also think sometimes the obssession some people can have that there children might be molested can be as sick as the pedophiles who do it.

 

[Kitte]

Along the same lines....

My little brother was molested so dont get me wrong I despise molestors. But here is my question. MANY child molesters were themselves molested... at what point to the stop being a victem of the crime perpatrated against them... and become themselves the perpatrator. I know there is no excuse... but it is something ive wondered.

 

[Ebonygrrl4you]

An 8 year old is molested. A fifteen year old is just swindled into cheap sex. If it's rape, it's rape, but someone that old should have some clue to what they are doing and what the possible consequences are. You can leave "bad touch" at the door of high school. Rape, sexual assault, sexual harassment, those can definetely happen. But "molestation" is just ridiculous.

Of course, a man conning a woman into bed is pretty shitty thing to do, but it would be so whether shes 17 or 37.

Can a child molester be reformed? That's iffy. On the one hand most child molesters due tend to backslide. On the other they tend to be prejudged by society as irredeemable sickos who will never again find social acceptance, so they don't feel much compulsion to reform. Maybe if they had some form of outlet for their deviance they could keep it from hurting others, or maybe it would push them onward when they would have suppressed it before. Lot of questions, not many answers.

There is a definite prejudice against men in this country. Any man who likes kids is obviously a child molester. I also think sometimes the obssession some people can have that there children might be molested can be as sick as the pedophiles who do it.

What if a man starts molesting an 8 year old and keeps at it until she is 15? IS he still molesting her then? Right now I am so screwed up becaue of what happened to nme as a child, I seriously hate men right now...sorry if I am really mean or so nmething

 

[bored1]

What if a man starts molesting an 8 year old and keeps at it until she is 15? IS he still molesting her then? Right now I am so screwed up becaue of what happened to nme as a child, I seriously hate men right now...sorry if I am really mean or so nmething

Your not mean just angry over something that you had no control over. I was repeatadly molested by cousins beginning at the age of 7/8. Eventually I was old enough to say no more.Im glad that I never molested anyone as I believe its a learned behavior.My biggest regret is that I waited until my late 30s to really begin to acknowledge that these incidents did indeed influence my life as an adult.Try not to hate all men as were not all bad and some of us understsand what you are experiencing.

 

[Guest]

What if a man starts molesting an 8 year old and keeps at it until she is 15? IS he still molesting her then? Right now I am so screwed up becaue of what happened to nme as a child, I seriously hate men right now...sorry if I am really mean or so nmething

No, at 15, he is raping her. Now forgive me if at some point I implied that rape is okay and molestation isn't. I certainly don't hold that to be true. Don't let me say"Oh hey, she knows what the fuck is going on now, so obviously it isn't a crime anymore."

 

[snneze]

I was molested as a child and unfortuneately it has tarnished my relationship with my own daughter. Due to my fear of being close to anyone, I am never affectionate with my 8 yr old. I know this confuses her but I am not affectionate with anyone except lovers. I truly believe that is a direct result of being molested from the time I was 4 until about 14 by several members of my family.(Uncles, cousins, etc) I hope someday to get over this as of right now I am 30 and am still affected.

 

[Guest]

Shoud I ask?

This post really touched my heart (no pun intended). Recently, I have been having flaskbacks of a housekeeper touching me inappropriately. I don't remember when she was let go but the housekeeper who followed noticed that I displayed forward sexual behavior. I don't remember any particulars, but a man who I think may have been her boyfriend was in the room as well at the time. I was only about 5 or 6 years old when I think it happned and even I'm wondering if it was all bad dreams. My relationship with my parents is shaky at best and I feel they will think I'm crazy. But should I ask them anyway?

 

[sexylilmissie]

I love this site! I was actually having a conversation with my best friend two days ago about this subject.

I was molested from age eight to age thirteen, I actually wasnt penetrated until eleven but the entire ordeal was still traumatic to me. It tooka diferent format than most in that it didnt turn me away from men but tossed me in the other direction instead. To this day I still dont know why.

The conversation i had with my friend dealt with the moral issues of so called child molesting, and then went on to explore the relationship between the molester and the molestee. I am the first to jump on the soap box over child molestation after being subjected to it myself, but the grey area came in when the conversation was dealing with the concept of consentual sex between a person over eighteen and a person between the ages of fifteen and eighteen.

A difficult line to draw is when is a young person mature enough to make his/her own decisions about their sexuality. The government has decided that age is eighteen in this province. Because of a lack of others my own age to associate with, I matured well beyond my years and others in my peer group when I did have to opportunity to interact.

I found myself at age sixteen being allowed to date but my parents put the restriction that I could not date more than two years age difference either way. Having the mentality of a twenty-five year old I naturally found that a little repugnant. I was soon sneaking around with a man twice my age.

Now acording to the laws of society, I was being molested again but I did and still do not think so. so where do you draw that line? i suppose it all boils down to the cionsent issue again combined with the age. Everybody matures at different rates and I realise the logistics of creating a system based on maturity levels, but sometimes it would sure make lifes little questions easier to deal with.

(stepping off the soap box now)

 

[darkscribe]

I was molested at a really young age by mother. I really don't remember much of it cause I seemed to have blocked it out. But as recovering alcoholic she tells me that she has flashbacks of it. I was also molested as a child from the time that I 6 until I was almost 9. It was one of my friends. I seriuosly think after all these years that his mother had molested him alot as a kid. He would just lay on top me and hump me. I used to hate it so much, but he always said he wouldn't be my friend anymore. I finally had moved a couple of blocks away when I was 8 and new friends. That was when I was finally able to say no to him. It has serious reprecussions though, because I find it tough to get intimate with someone from time to time.

 

[bored1]

Re: Shoud I ask?

This post really touched my heart (no pun intended). Recently, I have been having flaskbacks of a housekeeper touching me inappropriately. I don't remember when she was let go but the housekeeper who followed noticed that I displayed forward sexual behavior. I don't remember any particulars, but a man who I think may have been her boyfriend was in the room as well at the time. I was only about 5 or 6 years old when I think it happned and even I'm wondering if it was all bad dreams. My relationship with my parents is shaky at best and I feel they will think I'm crazy. But should I ask them anyway?

I see no harm in asking your parenst why the housekeeper was dismissed and I see no reason to keep what your clouded memorues from your parents.I finally told my parents about what happened to me about 4 years ago.It was difficult at first as they wanted to know why I hadnt spoken up when it happened. They just didnt have a clue to what I had experienced and why a young person of 7/8 etc who felt shame and quilt wouldnt talk. Im now in my 40s and just now have come to the point where I feel ok about the past.

 

[Prime]

I almost wish that I was molested rather than what really happened when i was a kid. instead of being molested, or god-forbid, have a normal life, my entire family died in a house fire on new years eve. i was at a friends house, but they were all down in the basement with no way out. entire extended family. gone.