"Well, it's simple. Fucking is the last resort for a man who feels impotent."

[ReadyOne]

"Well, it's simple. Fucking is the last resort for a man who feels impotent."

This quote comes from the movie The Man from Elysian Fields.

Byron is a well educated critically acclaimed writer who's first book didn't sell and no publisher wants his second. He's out of money to feed his family, been turned down for the many jobs he's applied for, and even his well off businessman father-in-law won't help.

In desperation, he reluctantly accepts an offer from a passing acquaintance to work as a gigolo, and destroys his marriage by hiding his job assignments as meetings with his publisher.

The quote comes when Byron's wife, trying to understand why Byron felt it was worth his marriage to hide this from her, asks another gigolo why gigolos do what they do.



Conventional wisdom says that males are always horny and always ready to fuck because that's what a man does naturally.

But can anyone explain the situation where a man isn't particularly horny but just has a generalized urge to fuck something?

He doesn't say to himself, "Oooo that looks sooo good! I gotta fuck this one I am sooo hot!" Instead he thinks something like "sex with someone, anyone has got to make me feel better and can everything all right... if only I can get laid with someone."

So what can be happening to the man here? And does this ever happen to women?

 

[LadyJeanne]

Re: "Well, it's simple. Fucking is the last resort for a man who feels impotent."

He doesn't say to himself, "Oooo that looks sooo good! I gotta fuck this one I am sooo hot!" Instead he thinks something like "sex with someone, anyone has got to make me feel better and can everything all right... if only I can get laid with someone."

So what can be happening to the man here? And does this ever happen to women?

I can't speak for the male perspective, but I think lots of women have had sexual encounters that were primarily motivated by a need to feel desirable, to feel accepted, to escape from a depressing state of mind, or to feel less lonely. It rarely works to truly make things better, but it happens.

 

[Eritz]

If you aren't having sex for long periods of times it tends to make you fall into depressing spirals of self loathing and feeling worthless. Having the occasional fuck helps get around this as you now that at least for a while someone did want you and you don't feel worthless.

 

[homunculus]

mystery

There is also the idea, among certain psychologists and theory people, that men see woman as so mysterious and strange that sex for them is a last resort, that they concede to a threatening impulse...They would rather fuck themselves--i.e., jerk off, have sex with someone who mirrors themselves. But when they are denied an outlet with a partner then the mystery and power of women grows, and the man feels even more diminished, left out, etc. Challenging ideas, but notice how popular masturbation is in Lit, though few people can spell it...I wonder how often men, and women, masturbate when they aren't horny. I bet fairly often...

 

[Raimondin]

Re: mystery

There is also the idea, among certain psychologists and theory people, that men see woman as so mysterious and strange that sex for them is a last resort, that they concede to a threatening impulse...They would rather fuck themselves--i.e., jerk off, have sex with someone who mirrors themselves. But when they are denied an outlet with a partner then the mystery and power of women grows, and the man feels even more diminished, left out, etc. Challenging ideas, but notice how popular masturbation is in Lit, though few people can spell it...I wonder how often men, and women, masturbate when they aren't horny. I bet fairly often...

Thank goodness for masturbation. It's sex when you're Not having sex, which is more often. It's there for a reason...

 

[homunculus]

The point

"It's there for a reason..."



The point is, what reason? When you have people on Lit, admittedly an anonymous sex-oriented site, readily admit that they masturbate several times a day, or every day, or many times a week, then this isn't to relieve pent-up desire. The desire hasn't had a chance to build up. I think jerking or jilling off is sometimes a way of keeping yourself company, of relieving psychic or emotional (not sexual) tension, and maybe sometimes of saying, hey, I'm in charge... So, again, I'd be interested to know if people masturbate when they are not horny, and if this hardly ever happens, or isn't that rare, and so on.

 

[Raimondin]

Re: The point

"It's there for a reason..."



The point is, what reason? When you have people on Lit, admittedly an anonymous sex-oriented site, readily admit that they masturbate several times a day, or every day, or many times a week, then this isn't to relieve pent-up desire. The desire hasn't had a chance to build up. I think jerking or jilling off is sometimes a way of keeping yourself company, of relieving psychic or emotional (not sexual) tension, and maybe sometimes of saying, hey, I'm in charge... So, again, I'd be interested to know if people masturbate when they are not horny, and if this hardly ever happens, or isn't that rare, and so on.

Well, that's exactly what my point was, for all the very reasons you mentioned. "A way of keeping yourself company, relieving psychic or emotional tension...or saying, I'm in charge." Sex comes in many ways, shapes, and forms for different people. So what your trying to say or ask is if people masturbate for nonsexual reasons. Perhaps. Also remember that there are those that have a sexual addiction to masturbating or having sex irregardless of whatever the reason. Why would you masturbate if you're not horny? Almost makes no sense. So,"My" point is that masturbation is there for a reason. And that reason is to relieve sexual tension. Other than that, then your question is confusing...

 

[homunculus]

odd

"So what your trying to say or ask is if people masturbate for nonsexual reasons. Perhaps.
So,"My" point is that masturbation is there for a reason. And that reason is to relieve sexual tension. Other than that, then your question is confusing..."

How do the two statements above go together? Am I missing something?
Masturbation isn't "there." And the 'reason' or purpose for masturbating is what you make of it. I suspect, but I don't know and that's why I ask, that sometimes people masturbate in response to things other than arousal, or pent up desire.

 

[MagicFingers]

Sex and Jobs

A man's self worth is closely tied to his job or life's work, and also to his manhood. So, In the same vein that makes a man feel good when he is doing productive work, when he has sex, he feels more like a MAN, in control, in demand, wanted, needed, satisfied, relieved.

Why do we have sex when we're not horny? Why not?
We learn to get it when we can, to prevent the horns from knocking at the door and interrupting our lives by driving us insane with lust. We wouldn't want that, now would we?

Masturbating when we're not horny is for similar reasons: Relief, stress reduction, making us feel like a man. I like the feeling I get when someone can make me hard just from thinking about them, or seeing their sexy pictures, or reading their erotic stories. I love the feel of my hard cock in my hand. Next best thing to a real person, and a lot cheaper and a lot less hassle.

 

[homunculus]

Fascinating how the responses keep sliding away from the point at hand. I refer to masturbating when one is NOT horny, you refer to masturbating in response sexy pictures and stories...I.e., you look at a photo of a nude beautiful woman and you take that hard manly tool in your hand...

Consider a DIFFERENT scenario: no photo, no story, no stimulus of any sort, just an empty room and no one around, and time. So what is one responding to? Time, being alone, maybe certain anxieties about time and being alone, maybe a desire to reaffirm that manly man thing you referred to in the simplest, most easily manipulated way...If that is the case, then one engages in the activity knowing, on some level, that it has the opposite effect, that it diminishes one... That's the trap, because to admit such a thing would be to deprive yourself of this supposedly reaffirming support...

 

[MagicFingers]

I was responding to the original question

by ReadyOne, not your reply to it, even though I did address that too.