ShimmerSwim
Virgin
- Joined
- Jan 23, 2024
- Posts
- 4
Hope this is appropriate here.
I've been here forever, as a lurker, living vicariously through folks here and never having enough courage to dip my toes in the waters. When I did (as many of you probably run in to), there was never a real fit. One offs and conversations that never really clicked.
Years. A conversation over Skype here and there. Nothing memorable. I could not tell you a details of a single one of any of those talks or explorations.
Then I met the one here. It was exactly what I needed in my life at *exactly* the wrong moment in my time. Looking back, I probably knew somewhere deep down that the marital bliss I had and was proud of (other than sexually) was a facade, or else why would I have stepped my toes in these waters in such a way? I met this amazing woman, married as well, and just didn't know how to handle it like a reasonable human being. I once told her meeting her and talking with her was like that moment when the Wizard of Oz turned from black and white to color. I was in a new world and wanted more. Things I saw each day were suddenly vibrant, the world was like a new one to me. All sorts of cliches come true.
But I lost perspective. Always, always wanting more. Not caring about consequences or morality, or even myself. A door was opened by meeting her, and I blew through it in the worst ways.
It sounds cryptic, I honestly don't even know if it makes sense to anybody reading. These words are to her, hopeful that one day she may stumble across this.
I miss her more than I can ever describe.
Since then, I have experienced loss, a divorce, a change of scenery. Massive life events that shook me to the core were honestly were far easier than losing her. Everything is different in my life, the only constant is that ache for her. I think I am far different now, but who knows if that is just due to losing her. I get why she cut it off, and don't blame her a bit.
She once told me to "find her earlier on in the next life". Maybe that was her way of buffering what she knew she had to do. She probably realized the need to do so a lot earlier before she ended it, and stuck it through to see if there was any way that maybe I would correct my course. I never did, and just pushed and pushed.
If anybody has read this, apologies for the ramblings. Maybe look at me as as both inspiration and a cautionary tale. You absolutely can find someone here that you were meant to. That will rattle you to the core and re-wire your heart and mind in ways that are indescribable. You can also fuck it up beyond belief.
Maybe one day you'll read this. Probably not. But in the event you run across this, I hope that every day you are smiling and know how absolutely incredible of a woman you are. I was lucky to cross paths with you, and would be even luckier to do so in that next life we talked about.
I've been here forever, as a lurker, living vicariously through folks here and never having enough courage to dip my toes in the waters. When I did (as many of you probably run in to), there was never a real fit. One offs and conversations that never really clicked.
Years. A conversation over Skype here and there. Nothing memorable. I could not tell you a details of a single one of any of those talks or explorations.
Then I met the one here. It was exactly what I needed in my life at *exactly* the wrong moment in my time. Looking back, I probably knew somewhere deep down that the marital bliss I had and was proud of (other than sexually) was a facade, or else why would I have stepped my toes in these waters in such a way? I met this amazing woman, married as well, and just didn't know how to handle it like a reasonable human being. I once told her meeting her and talking with her was like that moment when the Wizard of Oz turned from black and white to color. I was in a new world and wanted more. Things I saw each day were suddenly vibrant, the world was like a new one to me. All sorts of cliches come true.
But I lost perspective. Always, always wanting more. Not caring about consequences or morality, or even myself. A door was opened by meeting her, and I blew through it in the worst ways.
It sounds cryptic, I honestly don't even know if it makes sense to anybody reading. These words are to her, hopeful that one day she may stumble across this.
I miss her more than I can ever describe.
Since then, I have experienced loss, a divorce, a change of scenery. Massive life events that shook me to the core were honestly were far easier than losing her. Everything is different in my life, the only constant is that ache for her. I think I am far different now, but who knows if that is just due to losing her. I get why she cut it off, and don't blame her a bit.
She once told me to "find her earlier on in the next life". Maybe that was her way of buffering what she knew she had to do. She probably realized the need to do so a lot earlier before she ended it, and stuck it through to see if there was any way that maybe I would correct my course. I never did, and just pushed and pushed.
If anybody has read this, apologies for the ramblings. Maybe look at me as as both inspiration and a cautionary tale. You absolutely can find someone here that you were meant to. That will rattle you to the core and re-wire your heart and mind in ways that are indescribable. You can also fuck it up beyond belief.
Maybe one day you'll read this. Probably not. But in the event you run across this, I hope that every day you are smiling and know how absolutely incredible of a woman you are. I was lucky to cross paths with you, and would be even luckier to do so in that next life we talked about.
