Well, a kinfolk person died this week. Funeral was today.

[KillerMuffin]

He's one of those kinfolk people deny having. He drank, he stole, he was the first person knockin on the door when the rumors that you won the lottery circulated. He borrowed things and they ended up in pawnshops. He promised to go straight, straight to the bar he meant. Guess who getst he bar tab? He mooched off the family for as long as he physically could, then had a stroke of luck, according to him, and drew disability for the rest of his shortened life.

Then he died.

Now he's that warm, wonderful guy with a great sense of humor who really knew how to have a good time and brought great joy and happiness to all whose lives he touched. We'll all miss him greatly. In life, no one wanted him. Now everyone mourns this great man's passing.

People are fucked up. I mean really. Just cause he's dead doesn't mean he was the reincarnation of the Saint Francis and his arrows. He was the same person two weeks ago, no matter how much blather we add to his eulogy. He was just a guy who was doing what he thought was best to get by. He had great moments and he had piss poor moments. More of the piss poor kind than great, but hey, he was who he was.

He found god a month or so before his death, this makes relative number 12 in the past 9 years who has found god a month or so before passing onto their great reward. Praise Jesus Hallelujah.

This whole kith and kin business is a pain in the ass come funeral time. I'm with that athiest chick. Crawl off and die where no one knows me. Good freaking gawd. We have our own trailer trash version of Tammy Faye before AA holding a graveside revival. The graveside service was full of plastic floral offerings and several nearby graves had been noticeably denuded. I swear I'm related to Jerry Springer rejects.

As for my departed, I liked the guy drunk or sober. Mostly drunk. He was a happy one and never drove when he was sloshed. I never lent him money either, but he liked the bottle of vodka we gave him for his birthday. It touched him. I think I'll remember him fondly for who he was, one of the numerous black sheep, not the trumped up martyred christian saint who never got a fair knock at life that they all made him out to be. I think the presiding minister at the funeral would have convulsions if she knew how many lies she told during the service.

He may have been an inveterate "borrower," a person unfamiliar with sobriety, and a happy freeloader, but he was honest. I think he would vastly have preferred a quiet, short service followed by a really good wake. It's a shame, really. I'm not blood kin, but I knew him better than most of them did.

I'm pissy, I'm going to go sulk now.

 

[Guest]

Members of my extended family use funerals and wakes as excuses to have a family social event. The body is in the next room....but you'd never know it. Everyone is so happy and just yabbering away......

Maybe I shouldn't be bothered by it........ but it gets to me. I always thought of a funeral as a way to honor and remember the dead...... not a place to catch up on gossip and have a nice chit chat with cousin Billy Bob from way down south....


I am sorry to hear of your loss. I think people should be remembered the way they were.... nothing added... nothing taken away.

 

[Weevil]

I actually love Wakes. The tradition in my family is that when one of your beloved passes away that you celebrate their life the way they would have wanted you to. Usually that involves getting together, drinking the deceaseds favourite drink and looking back at their life, remembering all the good things you shared and the moments you had. I understand the more solemn deah ceremonies a lot of people have but they aren't for me.

AS to KM's general point I see what you mean but when someone dies, loutish though they may be, you have to remember them for what you will be it good or bad. There are some people in my life who, when they die, I'll have no feelings of sadness for. No tangible grief. But I can't think that other people will see them the same way I do. I'm sure there are some people in the world who have fond memories and experiences with my father and while I most certainly don't I can't assume my view of him is going to be everyone elses.

 

[Problem Child]

ah, the Killermuffie.

She do speak the truth.

I want a viking funeral. Just set my old dead rotting corpse on the funeral pyre, fueled with thousands of Lit dollies.

Then open the bar. EBW can bartend.

 

[Guest]

Thats just the thing...

the deceased isn't even MENTIONED.....its like we were at a family reunion.... well minus the food....

I have no problems celebrating someone's life..... but it helps if you talk about the person a little instead of talking about what 'Aunt so and so' did to her ex husband.

 

[batter]

[
Now he's that warm, wonderful guy with a great sense of humor who really knew how to have a good time and brought great joy and happiness to all whose lives he touched. We'll all miss him greatly. In life, no one wanted him. Now everyone mourns this great man's passing.

i would like to offer my condolences KM.

people seem to still have the belief that when someone does die that you do not speak ill of the dead. it is as though God, will not let them into heaven unless He knows that they have been of good and upstanding character or something.

we are all human and we all have our faults.

 

[*Lazer*]

"If I can stop one heart from breaking,
I shall not live in vain;
If I can ease one life from aching,
Or cool one pain,
Or help one fainting robin,
Unto his nest again,
I shall not live in vain....

Sometimes it helps me put things in perspective......

 

[indyweasel]

I've already told a bunch of people that I dont want them sulking at my funeral. Remember me for who I was. A person who knew how to have fun, lived life to the fullest and kicked ass and took names for as long as he could.

The bar will be open and I'm buying.. kick one back for me, and smile when you remember me. Thats all I ask.

 

[Comshaw]

posted by KillerMuffin:

Then he died.

Now he's that warm, wonderful guy with a great sense of humor who really knew how to have a good time and brought great joy and happiness to all whose lives he touched. We'll all miss him greatly. In life, no one wanted him. Now everyone
mourns this great man's passing.

People are fucked up. I mean really. Just cause he's dead doesn't mean he was the reincarnation of the Saint Francis and his arrows. He was the same person two weeks ago, no matter how much blather we add to his eulogy. He was just a guy who was doing what he thought was best to get by. He had great moments and he had piss poor moments. More of the piss poor kind than great, but hey, he
was who he was.

Not to long ago I had the chance to say a few words at my father funeral. My Dad, the man that put scars on my back when I was a boy, the one who beat my mother until she cracked and shot him, the stubborn, opinionated, alcoholic that loomed large through out my life.
Time with him wasn't all bad though, fishing, learning (he did teach me a thing or two that served me well in my life),talking about family and friends we both knew.
Sometime before he died I read a book by Orson Scott Card called "Speaker for the Dead". The concept was that a speaker didn't canonize the dead, but spoke truthfully and honestly about who they really were.
At my father's funeral I did just that. I mentioned both the good times and the bad; His good points and those that most would have glossed over. Several people after the funeral asked how I could be so crass and stone-hearted as to talk about my dead father that way. Many more came to me to say that they appreciated the candor, the honesty. My dad was who he was. I'll remember him that way. Truthfully, honestly. Warts and all.
And that's what I wanted everyone at the funeral to do, remember him the way he was, not a sanitized mental picture, not a saint, but a man, with all the fallibility, weakness and anger as well as the good things that entails.
Actually it all comes done to one thing, not what my father needed, but what I required.
There is one person in this life I can't afford to lie to, me. So I'll attempt to retain the memory of him exactly as he was, and why. For me.

Comshaw

 

[LustyWench]

ITA with you KillerMuffin. I knew a man who told his family that he wanted no funeral due to the fact that a bunch of people who couldn't be bothered to come and see him while he was still alive would be the first to show up at his funeral weeping and a wailing about what a great guy he was. However the man in my story was gainfully employed, didn't frequent bars and was a nice guy.

 

[Cheyenne]

Funerals are for the living, not for the dead.

The funeral is for the comfort of the loved ones left behind- a chance to say goodbye and to receive sympathy from friends and family. If it wouldn't comfort them to hear bad things about their deceased love one, then I have no problem with the sanitized version talking only about the dead's good points. If the loved ones left behind need to hear or talk about the person's warts to get comfort or closure(Comshaw), then that is just as appropriate.

The only funerals that really bother me are the ones where a pastor gets up to talk about the person and obviously never met him or her before they died. At least have someone who knew the person talk about them. How can a stranger talking about the dead comfort anyone?