Weird Gay Question

[dr_mabeuse]

For male and female homosexuals: what is it that attracts you more about your own sex, their bodies or their M or F "character"?

I already know what the answer's gong to be (both. Just like with heteros) but I was curious about this anyhow, wondering if the two aspects are weighted the same way they are for heterosexuals.

 

[minsue]

If ya know the answer, Doc, why do you ask?

Edit to add: Any differences between the how much weight is given one aspect would be based on the person not their sexual orientation, IMO.

 

[NoJo]

Answer I got from a female gay (Fat Freddy quote: I thought they were already gay.). Softness. Take that anyway you want.

 

[Quiet_Cool]

For male and female homosexuals: what is it that attracts you more about your own sex, their bodies or their M or F "character"?

I already know what the answer's gong to be (both. Just like with heteros) but I was curious about this anyhow, wondering if the two aspects are weighted the same way they are for heterosexuals.

Um... And how per se do we heteros weigh them, Doc?

Q_C

 

[CharleyH]

Not such a weird question, Doc. Here is my take after years of both sexes and soul searching. The answer is multi-layered, and I realize different answers for each individual, and this is mine, so:

I have always found men to be much softer than the women in my life, perhaps it is the way I choose my lovers. Extremely macho and aggressive men have always been a turn off to me, I think because I am strong myself, and so a relationship with these men is generally one of constant struggle in the power dynamics. I like a balance in men when it comes to their character. Men who are too soft are often clingy, and whiney in a not good, bitchy way, and I generally tire of that very quickly.

I have had a few male lovers who have struck that balance in character that I love so much. In these relationships honesty, trust, the ability to be both assertive and emotional, to share, to be open has led the relationships in a direction of openess, which in the end has never worked because one or the other of us has always desired monogomy, which the other is not ready for, or does not want.

In these men, their physical prescence, their masculinity (not machoness) has always been as important to me as their creativity, intellect and overall personality. Their sensuality and adventure, in fact, is what I desire in sex, but I find men more possessive, generally, than women.

I desire the same things in women, with the exception that I love women who pride in their femininity, not masculinity.

Women seem to be more jealous than possessive in my experience, which I prefer. Additionally, I am a hard one to settle down, and women, more than men bring out a nurturing and loyal quality in me, which I enjoy.

There are things to be said for both sexes when it comes to their bodies. Certainly, I do not gag when going down on a woman,which is always a good thing. lol

Second, there is an intimacy in being inside another woman's body that I do not achieve with men, and while some men are sensual, the way that their bodies move during sex is never as sensual as the way a woman moves her body.

Hope this makes sense.

 

[dr_mabeuse]

If ya know the answer, Doc, why do you ask?

Edit to add: Any differences between the how much weight is given one aspect would be based on the person not their sexual orientation, IMO.

Well, I know that a lot of hetero men are turned on by nothing more than a woman's appearance. They respond to the body. I was curious as to whether gay men respond the same way to pictures of men, or women to pictures of women.

I was also curious as what aspect of sexuality a gay person responds to. Is it the looks or the character of the same sex, or is it something else? Is there just something especially appealing about being wjth the same sex or something off-putting about being with the opposite sex.

I said I already knew the answer, because I figured I'd get a knee-jerk response that homosexuals respond to exactly the same things as heterosexuals respond to, which can't be true, otherwise there wouldn't be any difference. There must be something about a woman that appeals to a gay woman, and likewise for a gay man. I was wondering what that was. Is it visual or emotional or something else entirely.

 

[minsue]

Well, I know that a lot of hetero men are turned on by nothing more than a woman's appearance. They respond to the body. I was curious as to whether gay men respond the same way to pictures of men, or women to pictures of women.

I was also curious as what aspect of sexuality a gay person responds to. Is it the looks or the character of the same sex, or is it something else? Is there just something especially appealing about being wjth the same sex or something off-putting about being with the opposite sex.

I said I already knew the answer, because I figured I'd get a knee-jerk response that homosexuals respond to exactly the same things as heterosexuals respond to, which can't be true, otherwise there wouldn't be any difference. There must be something about a woman that appeals to a gay woman, and likewise for a gay man. I was wondering what that was.

I guess I misunderstand the question, Doc. I have trouble following why homosexuals can't respond to exactly the same things heterosexuals respond to, mainly because responses from heterosexuals will vary widely person to person. For some, it is simply appreciation for a person's body be they male or female. For others, it is solely character. For most, I dare say, it is a combination of the two that can't be nailed down in a nice neat equation.

I'm not meaning to be argumentative. I just don't get it, I guess.

 

[Colleen Thomas]

Hmmmm.

There is a duality to the question, no doubt. For me, there is a strong physical reation to some women's apprearance that I don't get with guys, no matter how fit or clean cut. I suppose, at the very upper limit of the physical beauty scale, I apprecite both sexes, but I rarely run into anyone who lives in that rarified air. As you come down the scale, towards normal and even as you move away towards unattractive, I find there is much more leeway with a woman's appearance than a man's. In the place where I reside, towards the middle of the scale leaning towards unattractive, I just find more women that do something for me than men.

In personality, I find women easier to understand, relate to and find common ground with. I guess, it breaks down to this. I find more in common with the most butch woman than I can with the most feminine man. While I have a wide range of interests I can share with either sex, on the emotinal level, I find men to be a chinese puzzle, one which I have never been able to solve to my satisfaction. It's very hard to envision a relationship that is warm and fulfilling, when you know from square one, you will never be able to be sure of what your partner is feeling.

 

[shereads]

If ya know the answer, Doc, why do you ask?

Min, Zoot's question is not original. He lifted it almost word-for-word from an article in last month's Esquire magazine: "Induce Lesbians To Describe Their Relationships In Explicit Detail."



It's a guy thing.

 

[Liar]

From my experience, there isn't much M or F character that isn't a social construct when it really gets down to it. If I just take the time to listen, I find that I can understand and relate to men and women pretty much equally. So what does that leave? Physical attraction? There I feel I'm not quite mandated to answer, since attraction very rarely springs out of recognitition of shapes for me.

 

[BlackShanglan]

From my experience, there isn't much M or F character that isn't a social construct when it really gets down to it. If I just take the time to listen, I find that I can understand and relate to men and women pretty much equally. So what does that leave? Physical attraction? There I feel I'm not quite mandated to answer, since attraction very rarely springs out of recognitition of shapes for me.

What he said.

Liar, you sexy beast you.

 

[Dar~]

I finally found that I can be both. Fora long itme I thought that bi-sexuals were just lazy, or out only for the sex. Then when I found myself married and sexually interested in one of my best friends, I realized (after almost leaving my husband) that I can have sexual and intimate feelings towards anyone. It was very liberating.

 

[minsue]

Min, Zoot's question is not original. He lifted it almost word-for-word from an article in last month's Esquire magazine: "Induce Lesbians To Describe Their Relationships In Explicit Detail."



It's a guy thing.

*slaps forehead*

Now it all makes sense


And Shanglan, if you haven't yet noticed, agreeing with Liar is almost always the best course of action.

 

[shereads]

Hmmmm.

There is a duality to the question, no doubt. For me, there is a strong physical reation to some women's apprearance that I don't get with guys, no matter how fit or clean cut. I suppose, at the very upper limit of the physical beauty scale, I apprecite both sexes, but I rarely run into anyone who lives in that rarified air. As you come down the scale, towards normal and even as you move away towards unattractive, I find there is much more leeway with a woman's appearance than a man's. In the place where I reside, towards the middle of the scale leaning towards unattractive, I just find more women that do something for me than men.

In personality, I find women easier to understand, relate to and find common ground with. I guess, it breaks down to this. I find more in common with the most butch woman than I can with the most feminine man. While I have a wide range of interests I can share with either sex, on the emotinal level, I find men to be a chinese puzzle, one which I have never been able to solve to my satisfaction. It's very hard to envision a relationship that is warm and fulfilling, when you know from square one, you will never be able to be sure of what your partner is feeling.

Colly's reply to Dr. M has me curious about something:


How many of us are like Colly, in that sexual attractiveness and emotional compatibility are inseparable or strongly connected?

How many are more attracted to our opposites, and to what extent?

Are you ever/often sexually attracted to people with whom you have so little in common that you know a long-term friendship is out of the question?


I have one friend who admits that he is only attracted to men with whom he has almost nothing in common. (He's gay, athiest, intellectual, loves ballet and the opera, is a member of Amnesty International, and finds Pres. Bush "incredibly sexy because he's primitive, like an animal." Sorry for introducing the idea of sex with GWB, but it had to be done to illustrate a point.)

In my own experience, I can't love someone unless there's compatibility in a few key areas, but the initial sexual attraction is an attraction of opposites: he is or seems to be more sexually experienced, less hesitant, more certain of what he wants and more confidant that he can have it. Those aren't things that would sustain a relationship, but they have to be there for me to feel that first magnetic tug.

The stereotype will have male heterosexuals believing that fabulous sex is possible when there's zero emotional compatibility, men being visually driven creatures who can fall in lust with someone based strictly on how she looks. Women, stereotypically, require cues of personality and character before they feel a strong compulsion to sleep with someone. Most of us probably fall somewhere in between, but which way do we lean?

 

[Liar]

*slaps forehead*

Now it all makes sense


And Shanglan, if you haven't yet noticed, agreeing with Liar is almost always the best course of action.

Most sig-worty quote I've ever had, I think.

 

[minsue]

Most sig-worty quote I've ever had, I think.

It's the least a good groupie could do

 

[Liar]

Are you ever/often sexually attracted to people with whom you have so little in common that you know a long-term friendship is out of the question?

No, but the opposite apply. I've had emotional and intellectual (or whatever you should call it) attractions and relationships where sex was out of the question. Or at least not on our minds as any kind of factor other than an occational alternative to masturbation.

 

[shereads]

No, but the opposite apply. I've had emotional and intellectual (or whatever you should call it) attractions and relationships where sex was out of the question.

My people call it "marriage."