SpicySpirit
Sexual Artisan
- Joined
- Aug 31, 2025
- Posts
- 110
After the click of the door knob, it felt as if the rest of the world had disappeared and it was just the two of us. I locked eyes with Paul and kept his gaze as I walked around the bed slowly to meet him where he was standing. For the first time, it felt like we had all the time in the world and I wanted to take advantage of every moment of it.
“So… “ I placed my hands on his chest, my voice soft and playful, leaning in close so my lips just brushed his lightly. A part of me knew we needed to talk, but the desire in my core wanted me to ignore it.
“So…” Paul echoed as I felt his hands find the slope of my lower back, pulling my body in so my hips were pressed against his. I moved my hands to the back of his neck, where my fingers were able to run through the hair at the nape.
I stalled before verbalizing my thoughts, licking my lips and buying time by pressing them to his again. This time my tongue darted to meet his, which eagerly returned my advances.
The air felt thick with the anticipation of this moment we had been building towards with each text, each phone call, and each meeting since that first introduction. While we had shared many intimate moments over the last two weeks that had felt surprisingly effortless and simple, I couldn’t bring myself to not overthink this next step in our relationship.
I had been thinking about this milestone all week knowing we would have tonight alone together. Before Paul, I hadn’t really given this much thought since there wasn’t anyone actively in my life that would have made it a reality to consider.
However, the discussion of my tattoo in Paul’s jacuzzi and Derek’s reactions to my reentering the romantic world again had prompted me to do some research. I didn’t know what to expect and how I might react, but I had wanted to be at least a little prepared. Apparently, “widow virginity” was an actual term and as with any topic related to grief and healing, every person reacts in their own way. I did believe I was ready for this, but I also hadn’t expected to be sobbing in Paul’s bathroom that day.
Part of me had hoped it would be like riding a bike, that just jumping back on would be enough, but deep down I knew it may not be as easy as speeding down a hill on smooth pavement. Deep down I knew there might be potholes and uneven concrete, so I couldn’t just close my eyes and hope for the best. That wasn’t fair to me or to Paul.
I pulled away from the kiss and sat down on the edge of my bed, taking Paul’s hand to pull him down next to me. I placed my head on his shoulder, so I could at least start without having to look directly at him. I kept my fingers intertwined with his as I finally continued after a deep breath.
“So, there was a part of me just wanted to jump right in and ignore all the messy parts of this, but I think it would be irresponsible of me to do that. I know you know I haven’t been with anyone else since…” I didn’t finish the sentence, but also knew I didn’t need to. “I haven’t been on birth control and things have moved so fast that I haven’t gotten around to it. I did pick up some things in case…” I nodded towards my nightstand drawers before finally looking up again.
“So… “ I placed my hands on his chest, my voice soft and playful, leaning in close so my lips just brushed his lightly. A part of me knew we needed to talk, but the desire in my core wanted me to ignore it.
“So…” Paul echoed as I felt his hands find the slope of my lower back, pulling my body in so my hips were pressed against his. I moved my hands to the back of his neck, where my fingers were able to run through the hair at the nape.
I stalled before verbalizing my thoughts, licking my lips and buying time by pressing them to his again. This time my tongue darted to meet his, which eagerly returned my advances.
The air felt thick with the anticipation of this moment we had been building towards with each text, each phone call, and each meeting since that first introduction. While we had shared many intimate moments over the last two weeks that had felt surprisingly effortless and simple, I couldn’t bring myself to not overthink this next step in our relationship.
I had been thinking about this milestone all week knowing we would have tonight alone together. Before Paul, I hadn’t really given this much thought since there wasn’t anyone actively in my life that would have made it a reality to consider.
However, the discussion of my tattoo in Paul’s jacuzzi and Derek’s reactions to my reentering the romantic world again had prompted me to do some research. I didn’t know what to expect and how I might react, but I had wanted to be at least a little prepared. Apparently, “widow virginity” was an actual term and as with any topic related to grief and healing, every person reacts in their own way. I did believe I was ready for this, but I also hadn’t expected to be sobbing in Paul’s bathroom that day.
Part of me had hoped it would be like riding a bike, that just jumping back on would be enough, but deep down I knew it may not be as easy as speeding down a hill on smooth pavement. Deep down I knew there might be potholes and uneven concrete, so I couldn’t just close my eyes and hope for the best. That wasn’t fair to me or to Paul.
I pulled away from the kiss and sat down on the edge of my bed, taking Paul’s hand to pull him down next to me. I placed my head on his shoulder, so I could at least start without having to look directly at him. I kept my fingers intertwined with his as I finally continued after a deep breath.
“So, there was a part of me just wanted to jump right in and ignore all the messy parts of this, but I think it would be irresponsible of me to do that. I know you know I haven’t been with anyone else since…” I didn’t finish the sentence, but also knew I didn’t need to. “I haven’t been on birth control and things have moved so fast that I haven’t gotten around to it. I did pick up some things in case…” I nodded towards my nightstand drawers before finally looking up again.