Weather

[Guest]

So blue, cerulean skies
shine bright from your eyes.
From your lips,
murmuring summer breezes
slip sweetly through my mind.

Snow dusted, yes
but it rests gently on you.
Fresh blades of laughter
aren’t hidden by the fall.
Your synapses sparkle
with the buds of spring.

Whisper to me
of growth and blooming
under the heat of your shining smile.
Of the fiery rush of sap
flowing, nourishing
bursting into flower, delicious.

Clouds gather across your brow
I hear thunder grumble,
Your voice rumbling in pain,
emotions windswept, buffeted
by tempests of love.

I sing to you quietly,
birdsong in the rainstorm.
I chatter and burble,
painting invisible rainbows -
yours to illuminate
when the clouds break.

I can forecast your smile
by the barometer
of your countenance.
Tell me - can you see
The storms in my eyes?

 

[Guest]

Bump.

What - Do I have to start taking off my clothes or something?

 

[darkerdreamer]

Bump.

What - Do I have to start taking off my clothes or something?

Couldn't hurt..

Well, what do you want, a weather poem thread? A critique for your weather poem? I wasn't sure what to do so I just read it.

 

[WickedEve]

Well, what do you want, a weather poem thread? A critique for your weather poem? I wasn't sure what to do so I just read it.

ditto

 

[champagne1982]

ditto

If you say ditto with your mouth full, it sounds like dildo. So --

dildo​

 

[WickedEve]

If you say ditto with your mouth full, it sounds like dildo. So --

dildo​

You just moved up my list of special people.

 

[TheRainMan]

looks like you'd better start peeling, babygrrrrrrrrrl.

 

[WickedEve]

The poem:
Some nice lines, like blades of laughter. Definitely some cliché moments but, overall, not bad.

 

[GuiltyPleasure]

Well, apart from some cliche substance, I like this. I think the use of weather related theme is well done and not overly obvious. A better title might be found. Bg_702 uses aliteration to good affect, some far more inferior poems have been recived better.

By now the PFDF allumni should realise not all visitors know how "Things Are Done" - I think you've been pretty rude and unwelcoming....so let me welcome you bg_702.

So blue, cerulean skies
shine bright from your eyes.
From your lips,
murmuring summer breezes
slip sweetly through my mind.

Snow dusted, yes
but it rests gently on you.
Fresh blades of laughter
aren’t hidden by the fall.
Your synapses sparkle
with the buds of spring.

Whisper to me
of growth and blooming
under the heat of your shining smile.
Of the fiery rush of sap
flowing, nourishing
bursting into flower, delicious.

Clouds gather across your brow
I hear thunder grumble,
Your voice rumbling in pain,
emotions windswept, buffeted
by tempests of love.

I sing to you quietly,
birdsong in the rainstorm.
I chatter and burble,
painting invisible rainbows -
yours to illuminate
when the clouds break.

I can forecast your smile
by the barometer
of your countenance.
Tell me - can you see
The storms in my eyes?

 

[WickedEve]

Well, apart from some cliche substance, I like this. I think the use of weather related theme is well done and not overly obvious. A better title might be found. Bg_702 uses aliteration to good affect, some far more inferior poems have been recived better.

By now the PFDF allumni should realise not all visitors know how "Things Are Done" - I think you've been pretty rude and unwelcoming....so let me welcome you bg_702.

"I think you've been pretty rude and unwelcoming"
Because of the rest of your post, I'm thinking you didn't mean to say she was rude and unwelcoming, right?

 

[GuiltyPleasure]

Get Rowdy outta there and pay attention, wench.

 

[TheRainMan]

Get Rowdy outta there and pay attention, wench.

lol . . .

you tell 'er, Tess.

hey, babygrrrrrl is not new, is she?

newbies don't offer to get naked so quick.

 

[WickedEve]

lol . . .

you tell 'er, Tess.

hey, babygrrrrrl is not new, is she?

newbies don't offer to get naked so quick.

You've never offered and some of us are waiting.

 

[TheRainMan]

for what it's worth, i think there is quite a bit of potential in the poem, especially if you are on the newer side of poetry, bg_702.

as has been said, it is cliche-heavy.

it also pushes the metaphor too hard, in my opinion, so it starts to feel like someone whose main purpose is to be poetic, thereby losing the purity of the experience itself.

. . . i can't believe i did that without you at least unbuttoning your blouse.

 

[Guest]

Thanks all.

I suppose I should have asked for something, eh?

Been nakkers before, probably will again..*grin* But not today - sorry, Rain Man.

My regular poetry board is down and yes, I'm new to this forum here. I am one of those asshats who usually hangs on the GB.

Cliches - please note for me? It is a cliche subject. Why don't you love me blah blah blah. And yes, titles aren't my strong point.

I would appreciate any crit - I see a noticable lack of ass-hattery here which is quite refreshing. A little ribbing is welcoming.

Thanks all!

 

[TheRainMan]

You've never offered and some of us are waiting.

i'm playing hard to get.

 

[GuiltyPleasure]

He said "hard"

(stifled giggles)

 

[Guest]

http://img309.imageshack.us/img309/6215/shysx9.jpg

For what it's worth. *grin*

Sorry - imageshack won't hotling here anymore. Bastards.

 

[TheRainMan]

http://img309.imageshack.us/img309/6215/shysx9.jpg

For what it's worth. *grin*

Sorry - imageshack won't hotling here anymore. Bastards.

. . . tease.

 

[TheRainMan]

He said "hard"

(stifled giggles)

you have a naughty mind.

 

[Guest]

OH FFS!

Now I have to find a whole new server, dammit.

 

[darkerdreamer]

Did she say ass-hattery?

 

[WickedEve]

. . . tease.

That's teasing?
Where I live, wearing short sleeves is a tease.