We must clean up our act

[oggbashan]

This is the Author's Hangout, not a garderobe.

We have sunk to scatalogical depths, hitherto unplumbed.

So back to the sex and leave historical architecture and zoological phenomena to other more suitable sites.

Now who needs some plumbing?

Og

 

[KillerMuffin]

I'm afraid you've lost me.

 

[wildsweetone]

This is the Author's Hangout, not a garderobe.

We have sunk to scatalogical depths, hitherto unplumbed.

So back to the sex and leave historical architecture and zoological phenomena to other more suitable sites.

Now who needs some plumbing?

Og

i am trying to keep it out of the bog heap y'know. but heck, some days it's a heck of a struggle.

 

[MathGirl]

We have sunk to scatalogical depths, hitherto unplumbed.

Dear Og,
I'm afraid this whole thing started when I INNOCENTLY mentioned that I'd heard a radio talk show. The guest was a man who had written a book purporting the theory that the key to good health was a daily four foot BM.

Later, I was reading one of Terry Pratchett's novels, and the fictional castle had a garderobe. I'd never heard of such a thing but thought it was sort of cool. I INNOCENTLY mentioned this while making a somber and cogent reply on one of the threads here.

Now there are at least two threads devoted entirely to garderobes, an epic poem as a paean thereto is in preparation, and a miniseries is sure to follow.

About two weeks ago, I INNOCENTLY made a trip to the zoo, witnessed a singular phenomenon, and INNOCENTLY shared it with my friends here.

In re this whole damn mess we've gotten ourselves into, please note that I am entirely INNOCENT. INNOCENT is my middle name.

Yr Rspctfl Svnt,
M. Innocent Girl

Ps. You may be right when you say, "We need to clean up our act." I'll send one of the serfs around in the morning to muck out the garderobe pit.

Pps. Your reference to plumbing in the quote I used did not go unnoticed.

Ppps. I, for one, believe there is no problem here except the perception of a problem. Therefore, I voted the 4th option because I like the pink color of the bar on the graph.

Pppps. Anyone on here ever heard of a group of outlaw perverts known as "Curly Browns?"

 

[Guest]

Innocence

Dearest Ogg,

I'm confused given the number of threads you started or posted to of scat-wit. Yes, this is LitEROTICA but the best of the bunch seem to enjoy wordplay, from whatever depths it erupts. I don't believe we need to worry about a lack of sexual themes.

I truly have not found offence at anything recently posted ref. your concerns. (I do offend easily over bad or thoughtless writing.)

I'm with MG, and her innocence. It's a tough sensibility to keep fresh and she does it extremely well.

I voted no. 4 because she did and because I really didn't get the two 'no' options.

Let's squat soon. Affectionately, Perdita

 

[oggbashan]

Loaded Questions

This was an example for MG on how to have a poll.

Just load the questions to get the answers you want and get dumped all over.

Do I say what I mean? O mean what I say?

Pg

 

[dr_mabeuse]

I'm with Ogg

There's a lot of interesting crap to be learned about waste, but I'm afraid we're venturing very close to fart territory, and that's where I draw the line.

And is it just me, or is there a paucity of interesting topics on the board these days?

How about if I start a meta-thread: "What was the last interesting topic we've had here?"


---dr.M.

 

[oggbashan]

Interesting ...

I think we have covered many subjects in the last few months and some of us are obsessed with Harry Potter.

Although I am as much (no, you are not, you are more) to blame for the scatalogical tone of the board recently I think we have temporarily run out of serious subjects.

The revised Editor programme might be worth discussing from the authors' point of view.

For example, I don't want grammar criticism. I want advice on plot structure and development. I spent a long time looking through the list of previous volunteer editors trying to find someone whose work I admired. I started by ignoring anyone with fewer stories posted than me. That reduced the number by 99%. Then I started looking at what the volunteer was offering to do. That cut the 1% down to about 0.1 when I'd removed grammar editors.

I never found the volunteer editor that I wanted to review my work. It ain't perfect. It could be better but self criticism is not always valid.

Now I've been diverted to writing c**p for The Worst Chain Story Ever and the Garderobe. Writing c**p is easy and addictive. I need to start the withdrawal process soon or pollute my Muses' advice for ever.

So what is serious?

Og

 

[Svenskaflicka]

I'm very serious about my Harry. BUT, I promise that as soon as I've come back from London, I'll just rant about him for about a week, and then control myself... atleast so much that I'll only post HP-related stuff on threads that are clearly marked Harry Potter. That way, those who don't share my fetish, can stay out!

 

[mrmxy]

MG,

Reading all the times you used the word "innocent" in your post has filled my irony quota for the day. Thanks a lot.

 

[pop_54]

Hmmmmmmmmmm

Just the opposite Ogg old chap, if we stopped all the innocent banter and silly little joke threads this hangout would periodically grind to a halt with lack of anything to say to each other.

As a bunch of reasonably intelligent folks with a lot of pent up OTT and strange humour we need the odd silly thread to release this urge to be bloody daft for a change, (or in my case daft all the time).

Anyway must go, need a crap, haven't been for a while and I'm expecting a 4 footer judging by the huge fart I just released.

pops..............

 

[MathGirl]

Re: Hmmmmmmmmmm

Anyway must go, need a crap, haven't been for a while and I'm expecting a 4 footer judging by the huge fart I just released.

Dear Pop,
I love the way you always bring us back to the Old World values of elegance and good taste.
Cheri Ann

 

[oggbashan]

Fundamental voting

The poll at the head of this thread shows it all.

As of now 8 for the c**p to 3 for less of it.

Carry on sh*tting seems to be the message.

Og

 

[Guest]

Sir Daft

. . .we need the odd silly thread to release this urge to be bloody daft for a change, (or in my case daft all the time).

Pops, in my book daftness is a virtue, however antithetical it may seem to your AV image. Gee I love the way you cross those burly arms.

xo's, Perdita

 

[MathGirl]

I'm afraid we're venturing very close to fart territory, and that's where I draw the line.

Dear Dr M,
I think you are being unnecessarily narrow minded.
Karen

 

[Guest]

noeurve

Dear Dr M, I think you are being unnecessarily narrow minded. Karen

Man, Karen - you've got more cheek than Earl and Svenska combined. I'm outta here fast. Purd

 

[pop_54]

Re: Re: Hmmmmmmmmmm

Dear Pop,
I love the way you always bring us back to the Old World values of elegance and good taste.
Cheri Ann

Hmmmm!! Cat didn't think it was good taste, he was sitting behind me when I broke wind, only just revived him and that was four hours ago.
Only did a bloody three footer anyway, it broke off too soon.

 

[pop_54]

Re: Sir Daft

Pops, in my book daftness is a virtue, however antithetical it may seem to your AV image. Gee I love the way you cross those burly arms.

xo's, Perdita

Bless you darling , I really must find a recent real pic of me displaying my burly arms, not so sure about the dimensions of the other hanging apendage these days though, hehe!!!!!!!


pops..........

 

[MathGirl]

Re: Re: Re: Hmmmmmmmmmm

Only did a bloody three footer anyway, it broke off too soon.

Dear Pop,
Only a three footer? Hope you have your health insurance paid up.
Shirley

Dear Og,
Re your pole: I'm sure you designed it and expected much different results than you got. I guess it just shows that toilet humor does not respect social or intellectual strata.
Bonita

 

[gauchecritic]

Gotta agree with Ogg. (or not, I'm not sure about the irony quotient here) Toilet humour is shit.

Gauche

If you think that's funny because it mentions shit and toilets in the same sentence and therefore qualifies as crap then you misunderstood.

 

[dr_mabeuse]

I understand exactly what Ogg is saying, and I agree and sympathize, and can attest to what wallowing in crap can do for you: it makes you feel like crap.

There are those of us who are here to try and learn something about writing (W), and there are those of us here who just want to fuck around(F), and probably the largest segment of us want todo a little of both (W/F).

If a W posts to an F thread, no harm done. The F's just get to F around with the poor W.

However if an F posts to a W's thread, the whole thread gets F'd up, and there's nothing the W can do about it, because there's nothing you can say to a Clown.

So it does get very disheartening and discouraging and finally fucking infuriating and depressing for people who are trying to start serious discussions to be F'd up by people who are only trying to prove their wit.

So for you F'ers, F away. But please give a little thought to the tenor and purpose of the thread you're fucking up.

And I know: F me. There. I saved you the trouble.

---dr.M.

 

[MathGirl]

Remember your place, woman!

Hmmmm. It seems that I'm being told to shut up. In a nice way, of course. I'll take that under advisement.
Carolyn

 

[dr_mabeuse]

Dear Jeanine

I'd just like to point out the little known fact that air raid spelled backwards is almost diarrhea.


---dr.N.

 

[TheEarl]

Women! Know your limits.

Old Harry Enfield joke for those who don't know.

The Earl

 

[oggbashan]

W/F proportions

Like most on this board, I'm a W and an F.

I like being both but there was just too much F-ing around and the smell was offending my cat.

She's OK now. She's found the new tom on the block so doesn't care.

Back to the W-ing but I still like to F. I just do it more slowly because of my age like mating turtles:

In.

Wait ten seconds.

Out.

Wait ten seconds.

Repeat from In to end in three hours.

Og