We all crave it.

[Riles]

Validation that is. As a woman I resent wanting it from a man, but admit to needing it from time to time.

No matter how self-aware and self-assured we are, we all at some point need validation from another. So what are the words you would want to hear to give you peace of mind?

Yeah, I'm challenging the PG to something beyond 'fluff'...as fun as the fluff is.

 

[ZipBlockBloodie]

Validation that is. As a woman I resent wanting it from a man, but admit to needing it from time to time.

No matter how self-aware and self-assured we are, we all at some point need validation from another. So what are the words you would want to hear to give you peace of mind?

Yeah, I'm challenging the PG to something beyond 'fluff'...as fun as the fluff is.

Interesting.

 

[DayMaker]

Really words are great, but I always live by the motto "Actions speak louder than words". Say all you want baby, but your actions are what really tell me where I stand. But there is something about the way a certain someone tells me I'm amazing that sends shivers down my spine

 

[SJZ76]

I want to be reassured that what I want isnt out of reach.... That I have the skills and the means to do it. I guess that boils down to being told that I'm good enough?

 

[Mrtenant]

I want to be reassured that what I want isnt out of reach.... That I have the skills and the means to do it. I guess that boils down to being told that I'm good enough?

You don't need anyone to tell you that, you know you are skilled and are definitely good enough, only you can decide if what you want is out of reach

 

[Guest]

Initiative Much more so than validation I feel, that sometimes the nice words, or the nice actions are a result of having actually expressed my desire for the niceties. It would be nice for a change if I didn't have to do anything at all to get the nice words, or the nice details, anything really to make me smile.

 

[DucDestiny]

Validation that is. As a woman I resent wanting it from a man, but admit to needing it from time to time.

Why would you resent wanting it from a Man. I think you just said we all need it from time to time. Do you resent wanting it from a man, more than you resent wanting it from a woman?

Is there something wrong with wanting some validation, even though we may *want* it?

I want to be respected and trusted enough to make my own decisions and follow my own destiny - and when you're partnered up - those decisions frequently require negotiation with your mate.

 

[DaemonOfSin]

how bout I love you for who you are and not who I want you to be.

 

[bondsgirl]

how bout I love you for who you are and not who I want you to be.

My sentiments exactly!

 

[Riles]

Why would you resent wanting it from a Man. I think you just said we all need it from time to time. Do you resent wanting it from a man, more than you resent wanting it from a woman?

Is there something wrong with wanting some validation, even though we may *want* it?

I want to be respected and trusted enough to make my own decisions and follow my own destiny - and when you're partnered up - those decisions frequently require negotiation with your mate.

Because even though I'm pretty well 'in tune' with myself, and generally embrace the differences between the sexes, there is still a part of me that has that 'girl power' drive and need for independance. Seeking validation is in conflict with that and it bugs the hell out of me. I tell myself not to do it. That I don't need it.

...but I do.

It's just my thing. And it bothers me from time to time.

And you are quite right. See...I'm a mess. -wink-

 

[Gyps33boi]

Well, you could look at it from the standpoint of it isn't just a woman needing validation from a man, but you needing validation from someone you think is worth it. No matter how independant of creatures we are, everyone gets some sort of high off someone recognizing those things that set us apart and make us truly amazing (even if we don't believe the words).
For me, it's hearing someone enjoys my attention. That I brighten their day.

 

[Riles]

True. All true.

But there is still a part of me that rebels at the need. I live in a highly male dominated 'world', and for the most part, any sort of 'praise' is hard to come by....big gruff manly men and all that, it's not readily offered. So I work my tail off just to 'measure up'...and the fact that I NEED to bugs me. Or more the reason I FEEL the need to bugs me.

 

[LickYourNips]

I want to be reassured that what I want isnt out of reach.... That I have the skills and the means to do it. I guess that boils down to being told that I'm good enough?

For you THAT question would always be answered with, "No you aren't just good enough, you are spectacularly better. You make every day better than the last."

 

[LickYourNips]

True. All true.

But there is still a part of me that rebels at the need. I live in a highly male dominated 'world', and for the most part, any sort of 'praise' is hard to come by....big gruff manly men and all that, it's not readily offered. So I work my tail off just to 'measure up'...and the fact that I NEED to bugs me. Or more the reason I FEEL the need to bugs me.

Seeing "office-bias" first-hand... MOST of the time the ladies bring it on themselves. The ones that whine about it generally aren't the ones that work hard and kick ass. Guys aren't soft on each other, so I think a lot of the ladies expect some sort of softness in that arena, which is in total opposite of what they are trying to achieve.

General Facts: Women have babies. Babies leave to 9 months of gestation which leads to a lot of that time being NOT focused on work. Are there exceptions? Always. GENERALLY this isn't the case. Being pregnant leads to having people and by people mean OTHER women in the office coming by to talk, rubbing bellies, etc., which leads to MORE time not being utilized and then finally... Pregnancy Leave. You are then gone to birth and nurse the baby for a period of a month to three months before deciding whether or not you are even coming back to the work place you started with. One more fact to consider... when the kids are sick... who GENERALLY stays home? The ladies.

I am for equal pay between a man and a woman. I've worked with AMAZING women that kick total butt and if you are one of those women reading this BRAVO! MWAH! I've also worked with women that totally took advantage, sucked, and forced my department to work longer hours to take up the slack. If you are one of those mothers FUCK YOU!

- Jake

 

[DucDestiny]

And you are quite right. See...I'm a mess. -wink-

Not only would I help you clean house.. I do windows in a pinch.

 

[Sensualdreamer]

Validation that is. As a woman I resent wanting it from a man, but admit to needing it from time to time.

No matter how self-aware and self-assured we are, we all at some point need validation from another. So what are the words you would want to hear to give you peace of mind?

Yeah, I'm challenging the PG to something beyond 'fluff'...as fun as the fluff is.

I'll echo the first comment and say "Interesting" - I don't need validation from anyone, I know who I am.

 

[Guest]

Thank you for starting this thread, something intellectual to chew on...

For me it has changed drastically over the years. Not too long ago I recognized that I NEEDED that validation, and that it was my downfall every single time. Why?
Because I would bend over backwards to get it, the effort was not worth the reward. And I ended up jaded, scarred and broken for a while because I felt that I wasn't good enough...then I said, FUCK THAT!

I changed my perspective, do I want that validation? Yes...I'd be lying if I said I didn't, but I don't seek it out anymore hell I don't even expect it. And when I get that pat on the back, high five, hug, kiss, whatever it is...It feels fantastic

I guess what I'm saying is that if I had a wish it would be that people everywhere would realize how awesome they are.

 

[LusterMunky]

Because even though I'm pretty well 'in tune' with myself, and generally embrace the differences between the sexes, there is still a part of me that has that 'girl power' drive and need for independance. Seeking validation is in conflict with that and it bugs the hell out of me. I tell myself not to do it. That I don't need it.

...but I do.

It's just my thing. And it bothers me from time to time.

Validation is essential in a romantic relationship. A bedrock of the love.

And for females in the workplace, validation is required, too - tangible validation through salary, position, etc. And there's little doubt that sexism still exists on the job.

Outside of those two examples . . . I think your awareness that you sometimes need validation is a healthy self-awareness, particularly that it 'bugs the hell' out of you. Some judge themselves almost entirely on validation - what others think of them - and aren't even aware that they do so. If we live to be judged by others, then we cede to them our sense of self-worth. This sometimes 'bugs the hell' out of me, too, as I'd prefer not to give a damn what others think. That would seem the perfect state of independence and self-confidence. But like all perfection, it is probably unachievable.

~ Munky

 

[Riles]

Seeing "office-bias" first-hand... MOST of the time the ladies bring it on themselves. The ones that whine about it generally aren't the ones that work hard and kick ass. Guys aren't soft on each other, so I think a lot of the ladies expect some sort of softness in that arena, which is in total opposite of what they are trying to achieve.

General Facts: Women have babies. Babies leave to 9 months of gestation which leads to a lot of that time being NOT focused on work. Are there exceptions? Always. GENERALLY this isn't the case. Being pregnant leads to having people and by people mean OTHER women in the office coming by to talk, rubbing bellies, etc., which leads to MORE time not being utilized and then finally... Pregnancy Leave. You are then gone to birth and nurse the baby for a period of a month to three months before deciding whether or not you are even coming back to the work place you started with. One more fact to consider... when the kids are sick... who GENERALLY stays home? The ladies.

I am for equal pay between a man and a woman. I've worked with AMAZING women that kick total butt and if you are one of those women reading this BRAVO! MWAH! I've also worked with women that totally took advantage, sucked, and forced my department to work longer hours to take up the slack. If you are one of those mothers FUCK YOU!

- Jake

Since I'm feeling in a good mood today, I am going to ignore the overall bitterness of this post, and also NOT zero in on just how incredibly asinine it sounds when you use MOTHERHOOD as an example of a woman just not pulling her weight. Because of course if I WAS, I would take exception to your suggestion that women will generally 'waste time' bonding on work time, whereas men would NEVER let discussions of...ohhh, say sports, 'chicks', and cars get in the way of being their productive, multitasking selves!

-smile-


The rest of it has no relevance to my situation - I'm not in an office, and the MEN I work with, though very, very harsh given the breed, have never, EVER used my being a woman against me. And do I feel the fact that I choose to bare children while slugging it out in the barns at midnight during calving season, or haul my new born baby around in a pack while baling hay in the summer, deserves a "good job" now and then? Yeah, I do. And does it bug me that I want it? Yeah, it does. And THAT brings us back to the thread.

Validation.

Clearly we know where you stand. Thanks.

 

[SJZ76]

For you THAT question would always be answered with, "No you aren't just good enough, you are spectacularly better. You make every day better than the last."

Just saw this.... AAAAAAAAAW! You're so fabulous!

 

[Riles]

Validation is essential in a romantic relationship. A bedrock of the love.

And for females in the workplace, validation is required, too - tangible validation through salary, position, etc. And there's little doubt that sexism still exists on the job.

Outside of those two examples . . . I think your awareness that you sometimes need validation is a healthy self-awareness, particularly that it 'bugs the hell' out of you. Some judge themselves almost entirely on validation - what others think of them - and aren't even aware that they do so. If we live to be judged by others, then we cede to them our sense of self-worth. This sometimes 'bugs the hell' out of me, too, as I'd prefer not to give a damn what others think. That would seem the perfect state of independence and self-confidence. But like all perfection, it is probably unachievable.

~ Munky

Excellent.

I'm sure I'll come back with something with a little more depth when I've had time to digest this....but thank you. This was what I was looking for when I started the thread.

Nicely put.

 

[DucDestiny]

Validation is essential in a romantic relationship. A bedrock of the love.

*bingo* Well said.

 

[Riles]

*bingo* Well said.

I accept the need easier as a partner in a 'romantic relationship'. Workwise...not so much. And as you know, for ME, the two are combined and it makes for a volatile situation at times.

 

[Needfull Thing]

Trust me when I say that men crave validation as much, if not more than women. Especially from those we are attracted to in some fashion or another.

 

[AuralFix]

My two cents...

The fact that we are all on Lit shows we seek some form of emotional acknowlegement, be it for fun or finding the comfort in validation of a kink...or just a void that needs filling.

I came on Lit to explore and express desires, find a muse for my unfinished stories and sometimes just linger over Erotic Pictures (thank you Pervy) I lurk more than I post, but what I read gives me a measure of comfort and assurance that I'm not alone or deviant in seeking largely cerebral fulfillment that I otherwise (not for lack of trying) do...not...get. A response to a thoughtful/funny post or an unsolicited PM is more 'validating' to me than a following on Amateur Pics (not knocking the thread at all). Between the help I've gotten with my AV, the hello-hugs I get from those I know on here and keeping up with IHateClowns rants and ramblings...I'm better than good with what I experience here...

But I'm still not on anyone's list, dammit...