ways to change my way of thinking?

[Little_Kitten]

Hi... I dunno if this place is right for this kind of problem, but I really really want help with this issue, and I gotta start somewhere...

Anyway, i really have a problem that depresses me and stands in my way alot. I cant pinpoint it exactly. But I often find myself overthinking. Like.. i'm too analytical and I doubt myself too often. I also get irrational thoughts very often.
I have noticed it when i draw, or when i have to confront people. Also I get it when I have to make choices... i suck at making choices.
But what bugs me the most is that it kills my creativity. Drawing is my passion. I love drawing and i want to make a career out of it in the future. And I wanna be able to express myself with my art. But my drawings often turn out average cos im trying to replicate a figure rather than just let my artistic thoughts flow on to the paper. It's just that I think too much about the shapes, and what to put on paper rather than doing.
And... Well... it just hurts me so much that i cant just go on doing something without overthinking it, ending up with all kinds of stupid irrational thoughts... I've been thinking about seeing a therapist about it or something, but then I think that it's just not worth it and... well.. that might be an irratinal thought too. I don't know, but I'd like to get some other people's opinions on this. Is there anything to do? Any good sources of information on how to improve myself? Is a therapist or something needed?

Thanks to any of you willing to help. o.o

 

[FurryFury]

You might want a therapist.

It sounds a little like my daughter or me we are perfectionists on some things. It sounds like a good thing but it can be almost crippling at times.

If you google it up you can come up with a few web sites that offer advice on it.

Such as:

http://www.isma.org.uk/stressnw/perfect1.htm

Just recognizing you have something that you do that makes you unhappy is a great start!

Fury

 

[Little_Kitten]

You might want a therapist.

It sounds a little like my daughter or me we are perfectionists on some things. It sounds like a good thing but it can be almost crippling at times.

If you google it up you can come up with a few web sites that offer advice on it.

Such as:

http://www.isma.org.uk/stressnw/perfect1.htm

Just recognizing you have something that you do that makes you unhappy is a great start!

Fury

Hm.. but I dunno if im much of a perfectionist... I mean... I just doubt myself alot, and stuff.. Probably the only thing I try to be perfect at is drawing... the rest.. i don't know. I'm really not sure what it is, but I just know that it's bad for me.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I'm not sure it is a bad thing. I have noticed in recent years that there is a definite movement in life and work toward downskilling, not doing your best, while still thinking you are doing a terrific job most especialy because you do not do it well. I can't relate to that, and thankfully nor can F...for us we always believe we can do better, can improve on things, even when in the eyes of others we do exceptionally well at them already, and in the long term it is that quality which has led us to self improvement and contentment. Wanting to improve and grow is not a negative, you just need to realise it is possible and can be channeled in ways which will see you move forward in the areas you wish to.

Catalina

 

[Little_Kitten]

I'm not sure it is a bad thing. I have noticed in recent years that there is a definite movement in life and work toward downskilling, not doing your best, while still thinking you are doing a terrific job most especialy because you do not do it well. I can't relate to that, and thankfully nor can F...for us we always believe we can do better, can improve on things, even when in the eyes of others we do exceptionally well at them already, and in the long term it is that quality which has led us to self improvement and contentment. Wanting to improve and grow is not a negative, you just need to realise it is possible and can be channeled in ways which will see you move forward in the areas you wish to.

Catalina

Yea but the is a difference between wanting to improve yourself, and downright judging yourself to the point of giving up before even trying because I think "I can't do it".... It IS a problem for me, and i really really want to change it.
I just don't know if it's something that can be solved by myself, or if seeing a therapist would help...

 

[catalina_francisco]

Yea but the is a difference between wanting to improve yourself, and downright judging yourself to the point of giving up before even trying because I think "I can't do it".... It IS a problem for me, and i really really want to change my way it.
I just don't know if it's something that can be solved by myself, or if seeing a therapist would help...

Well you can spend money on a therapist if you want but my way of thinking is if you already recognise the problem, you are really the only one who can change it. If you tie yourself to a thought pattern which tells you it is impossible to do something, until you change that thought pattern yourself, and believe it, all the therapy in the world is not going to change anything except lighten your wallet.
And believe it or not, I am a qualified counsellor with a degree...I just don't believe therapy or counselling can change someone who is not prepared to change themselves.

Catalina

 

[FurryFury]

Yea but the is a difference between wanting to improve yourself, and downright judging yourself to the point of giving up before even trying because I think "I can't do it".... It IS a problem for me, and i really really want to change it.
I just don't know if it's something that can be solved by myself, or if seeing a therapist would help...

A combination might work best for you. Do you have a good RL support system of people?

Fury

 

[Little_Kitten]

Well you can spend money on a therapist if you want but my way of thinking is if you already recognise the problem, you are really the only one who can change it. If you tie yourself to a thought pattern which tells you it is impossible to do something, until you change that thought pattern yourself, and believe it, all the therapy in the world is not going to change anything except lighten your wallet.
And believe it or not, I am a qualified counsellor with a degree...I just don't believe therapy or counselling can change someone who is not prepared to change themselves.

Catalina

I try to improve myself alot.. But I really don't know where to start... it's not that easy to just wake up and say "Well... Today im totally gonna change myself"... It just doesnt work that way. I tried. But I cant just stop my brain from getting unnecessary and irrational thoughts... I know i have a problem, but I don't know how to get rid of it. I'm willing to, but I do need help.

 

[Little_Kitten]

A combination might work best for you. Do you have a good RL support system of people?

Fury

Hmm... Well i don't know... i cant talk to my parents about it... They never seem to help in cases like this. I can talk to my sister but she wouldnt be able to come with good advice. I have a friend who knows alot about psychology... I learn alot from him.. maybe i should talk to him, but I'm not all that comfortable talking to him about my personal issues... and the rest are people i can talk to, but still.. They never come with valid advice and stuff.

 

[HottieMama]

Perhaps what you need is just to be able to vent and express your insecurities... Maybe once you give them a "face," they will see easier to overcome.

 

[Little_Kitten]

Perhaps what you need is just to be able to vent and express your insecurities... Maybe once you give them a "face," they will see easier to overcome.

I like to vent my feelings alot... it's true that it help giving problems a face. Talking about stuff issues and stuff, always helps me understand them better.

 

[Ithica]

and the rest are people i can talk to, but still.. They never come with valid advice and stuff.

Perhaps why the advice and stuff doesn't seem valid is because that isn't what you are looking for. Maybe you just need to relax and don't think about it for a little bit. Take a break. Relax. Try to reconnect with what you are trying to express artistically and stop worrying about perfection.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Maybe a good place to start would be reading something like Louise Hay and Lynda Field . They both have a lot of good books, workbooks, etc., and I think Lynda Field also sends out a newsletter by email which has lots of good stuff in it last time I saw one. They can guide you in the direction of being proactive about what you feel, but like all areas of therapy, they can not do it for you. As stupid as it sounds, it really is about making that choice and saying you can and will do it...even if you have a face to face therapist it will come down to that. It isn't easy, but it is possible.

Catalina

 

[lil_slave_rose]

And believe it or not, I am a qualified counsellor with a degree...I just don't believe therapy or counselling can change someone who is not prepared to change themselves.

Catalina

i agree with this, BUT i believe she is recognizing the problem and she DOES want to fix it, but doesn't know how to fix it on her own. i don't think that's a case of not being prepared to change herself....therapy may very well work, maybe it's something inside herself that she feels she just isn't good enough. i am no therapist but it almost sounds like a self esteem/confidence issue.....

 

[Auraka6669]

For what it's worth.

The way I see it... You're running into a problem. And you're charging at it the same way, over and over again.

You put on your right sock, then your left sock. Right shoe, then the left. Same thing every time... will get your the same results.

How do we fix this? Try something random.

Put on your shoes and fuck the socks. It might work out better for you.

It's a rough analogy, but I hope it's helped.

My 2 cents.

 

[Etoile]

I have very, very similar problems to yours. I am not particularly creative, but everything I do is hampered by self-doubt. I am seeing a therapist for several things including this, and she recommended a book to me called Taming Your Gremlin. I have learned a lot and I'm only halfway through! I definitely recommend this book, there is a companion website - http://www.tamingyourgremlin.com/ - that you can check out, too.

 

[Netzach]

I try to improve myself alot.. But I really don't know where to start... it's not that easy to just wake up and say "Well... Today im totally gonna change myself"... It just doesnt work that way. I tried. But I cant just stop my brain from getting unnecessary and irrational thoughts... I know i have a problem, but I don't know how to get rid of it. I'm willing to, but I do need help.

Honestly, this sounds a great deal like my lovely, sweet, talented, and reasonably successful husband. There may or may not be a clinical basis for some of the things you're describing. I'm NOT a trained therapist or psychiatrist, but I will say that this is a complaint I hear from my husband and that therapy has helped him with some of the cyclical fixated negative thinking that he gets in sometimes.

You can "decide to do it" all you want - but if you can't get a hold of any tools with which to fix your issue, all the resolve in the world isn't going to help at all. I personally saw the money I've paid over the years in therapy as the cost of some tools. Some I never use, some I use every day.