Wanting To Learn

[AlwaysBeTrue]

I recently learned there is alot more to doms and subs than I first thought. That it isnt all based on pain and or humiliation. Would anyone be willing to share some insight?

 

[Recidiva]

What direction would you care to move in?

It's certainly not all about pain or humiliation. It's much more, at least to me, about conscious control of and exploration into your sexuality.

 

[AlwaysBeTrue]

What direction would you care to move in?

It's certainly not all about pain or humiliation. It's much more, at least to me, about conscious control of and exploration into your sexuality.

I am normally a very controling person. I want to give that up. Other than that I dont know what I want to know. Its like I know there is something there but I dont even know the questions to ask to learn.

 

[Recidiva]

I am normally a very controling person. I want to give that up. Other than that I dont know what I want to know. Its like I know there is something there but I dont even know the questions to ask to learn.

What sort of control? Give me an example of the things you consider in yourself to be controlling traits.

 

[AlwaysBeTrue]

What sort of control? Give me an example of the things you consider in yourself to be controlling traits.

Honestly all aspects of my lift. All my personal relationships, work, sex ect

 

[Recidiva]

Honestly all aspects of my lift. All my personal relationships, work, sex ect

What does the feeling of being in control convey to you, what's in it for you?

 

[AlwaysBeTrue]

What does the feeling of being in control convey to you, what's in it for you?

Not sure really.. I guess its because I think if I dont do it then things wont be done right. If I dont hold things together they will fall apart.

Sometimes I just feel tired if that makes sense.

 

[Recidiva]

Not sure really.. I guess its because I think if I dont do it then things wont be done right. If I dont hold things together they will fall apart.

Sometimes I just feel tired if that makes sense.

I totally get it.

Sometimes this is the exploration between the difference of "feeling like you're in control" and actually being in control. There's a gray area there.

Particularly if this is an issue for you, there's anxiety attached to it, and letting go of the "feeling of control" releases some of the anxiety. You can back down from feeling hypervigilant and relax.

We're "in control" of things a lot less than we think, in general, that dawning realization can make people explore the differences between what we can and can't control, and why we want to.

 

[AlwaysBeTrue]

I totally get it.

Sometimes this is the exploration between the difference of "feeling like you're in control" and actually being in control. There's a gray area there.

Particularly if this is an issue for you, there's anxiety attached to it, and letting go of the "feeling of control" releases some of the anxiety. You can back down from feeling hypervigilant and relax.

We're "in control" of things a lot less than we think, in general, that dawning realization can make people explore the differences between what we can and can't control, and why we want to.

Well the anxiety I can fully atest to. And the knowledge that I dont control as much as I think. Yet that doesnt stop be from trying. How do you stop what you have done your whole life, even for a few minutes?

 

[Recidiva]

Well the anxiety I can fully atest to. And the knowledge that I dont control as much as I think. Yet that doesnt stop be from trying. How do you stop what you have done your whole life, even for a few minutes?

Practice. You have to carve out some new ways to think. The idea that you're in charge is comforting, but not exactly true. There are so many things in life we can't alter (having to eat, having to sleep, having to have sex, being in pain, knowing about death) and everyone shares this.

Wanting to control and not being able to control all the messy aspects of being human makes some people focus on the more controllable things (how we eat, how we sleep, how we have sex, how we process pain, how we want to think about dying) By seemingly controlling aspects of this stuff, we can seem like we're winning. But we're not. We're just rearranging things.

So instead of thinking about the way your life is arranged, shift your focus to life itself. A dash of humility and the less the idea of control might have over you, if you can face its chaotic nature and be willing to accept it.

 

[AlwaysBeTrue]

Practice. You have to carve out some new ways to think. The idea that you're in charge is comforting, but not exactly true. There are so many things in life we can't alter (having to eat, having to sleep, having to have sex, being in pain, knowing about death) and everyone shares this.

Wanting to control and not being able to control all the messy aspects of being human makes some people focus on the more controllable things (how we eat, how we sleep, how we have sex, how we process pain, how we want to think about dying) By seemingly controlling aspects of this stuff, we can seem like we're winning. But we're not. We're just rearranging things.

So instead of thinking about the way your life is arranged, shift your focus to life itself. A dash of humility and the less the idea of control might have over you, if you can face its chaotic nature and be willing to accept it.

It will be a learning process to try. I love a challenge.

Now do these ideas tie into the sub/dom relationship? the lifestyle?
Or is that something completely differant?

 

[Recidiva]

It will be a learning process to try. I love a challenge.

Now do these ideas tie into the sub/dom relationship? the lifestyle?
Or is that something completely differant?

I don't think it's different. It's a way to practice. If you have an emotion or a thought or a symbol, an image or a fantasy, it gives you a reasonably safe framework to explore them.

 

[AlwaysBeTrue]

I don't think it's different. It's a way to practice. If you have an emotion or a thought or a symbol, an image or a fantasy, it gives you a reasonably safe framework to explore them.

So my fantasy of being bound could be a symbol?

 

[Recidiva]

So my fantasy of being bound could be a symbol?

There's something about the idea, the image or the experience that's attractive. So once you're in that space, you might understand what it is about it that you want or need.

As an example, you might feel too connected to everything when your will and motion is free. You might feel that you have no choice but to be in control over things. Being bound might give you that first step toward disconnection from your environment, having no choice but to be completely out of control, and in this case, have that be okay, with no negative consequences.

 

[AlwaysBeTrue]

There's something about the idea, the image or the experience that's attractive. So once you're in that space, you might understand what it is about it that you want or need.

As an example, you might feel too connected to everything when your will and motion is free. You might feel that you have no choice but to be in control over things. Being bound might give you that first step toward disconnection from your environment, having no choice but to be completely out of control, and in this case, have that be okay, with no negative consequences.

Then I think I have to find a way to live out this fantasy in order to see what happens

 

[Recidiva]

Then I think I have to find a way to live out this fantasy in order to see what happens

Good. Just getting into a physical space like this has an impact on the way you think and how you process things. It can be positive or negative, completely dependent on which direction you want to go, how well you understand yourself and how well you set up your environment.

 

[AlwaysBeTrue]

Good. Just getting into a physical space like this has an impact on the way you think and how you process things. It can be positive or negative, completely dependent on which direction you want to go, how well you understand yourself and how well you set up your environment.

I wouldnt know where to start to be honest. And my partner has no interest at all in helping me live this out.May have to remain a fantasy. Although I have had this fantqasy for years. And my desire for it has grown.

 

[Recidiva]

I wouldnt know where to start to be honest. And my partner has no interest at all in helping me live this out.May have to remain a fantasy. Although I have had this fantqasy for years. And my desire for it has grown.

Well, you don't always need someone else to help you with it. If you can isolate the issue, you can practice it in small ways yourself. Self binding almost as a meditation with a slip knot you can release yourself. Surely there's a way to do it safely.

Also, if you can articulate how or why you think you need it, hopefully your partner would be more willing to help. If not, that would be a tough one for me. I'd possibly have to consider a new partner or asking my partner that if they can't see their way clear to providing it, that's a serious issue.

 

[AlwaysBeTrue]

Well, you don't always need someone else to help you with it. If you can isolate the issue, you can practice it in small ways yourself. Self binding almost as a meditation with a slip knot you can release yourself. Surely there's a way to do it safely.

Also, if you can articulate how or why you think you need it, hopefully your partner would be more willing to help. If not, that would be a tough one for me. I'd possibly have to consider a new partner or asking my partner that if they can't see their way clear to providing it, that's a serious issue.

Very serious indeed.

This will take more thought.

 

[Recidiva]

Very serious indeed.

This will take more thought.

Good luck, and I hope you get to where you want to go

 

[AlwaysBeTrue]

Good luck, and I hope you get to where you want to go

Thank you for taking the time to talk to me.

 

[Recidiva]

Thank you for taking the time to talk to me.

Any time, it was a pleasure