Wanted: Bush Speech Writers

[GratefulFred]

Ok people...I've just been handed an open assignment to come up with the best speech for President Bush for the Republican Convension. I've submitted one listed bellow but you all are encouraged in whatever format you deem fit, to offer this man our help.


GratefulFred's Submission...
(c) - GratefulFred

Thank you my fellow republicans. Ya know, I was talking with my Dick Chaney the other gay and he said "Wouldn't New York be a great place to toast a convension?"

(Applause)

But seriously tokes, (takes a deep breath) we live in a time of terrorism...

(Sudden quiet)

...and it's times like this when we need to be thankful for what we don't got. YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING PEOPLE!

(Sign goes up - Applause)

And I promise you that if you give me four whore years...we will find that Bin Ladin...and when we do...we will make him gay!

(Applause)

But seriously tokes, (takes a deep breath) we live in a time of terrorism...

(Sudden quiet)

And I want each and every republican American to leave no bone unturned, leave no child's behind, and boldly blow where no man has blown before...

(Sign goes up - Applause)

But seriously...

(Audience repeats after the bouncing ball...we live in a time of terrorism...

Now I wish to talk about that mud slinger for a change...

(Boooooo)

...that masked menace web crawler...

(Boooooo)

...that hamburgler flipper flopper...poopy pants...minimum wage bumblebee...

(Booooooo)

...that man who sent our troops to Iraq where Americans are dying every day...

(Boooooooo)

...that man who's wife says "Go shove it"...Shove it where I ask you?

(Ha Ha Ha)

But seriously folks (points to picture on screen of Bin Ladin)...

(Sudden Quietness)

A vote for him (Picture of Kerry appears on the screen) is a vote for him (picture of Bin Ladin next to it)

(Nooooooooooooooooooooo)

[The pictures merge together into one]

(Noooooooooooooooooooo)

...Just look at the sympathy between the two. Uncandy isn't it?

(Quiet)

Don't worry people. I'll take care of 'em...Texas style.

[Bush takes out a gun and blasts both pictures away as glass shatters on the floor. A few people in the background are knocked out bleeding and neglected)

(Temendous standing ovation)

In confusion... As your next President...I will fight terrorism and create blow jobs...every american will get a job...make that 2 jobs...I believe that America is the segragreatest country on this planet...a vote for me is a vote well spent...live long and prosper...hang ten and high five...and god undress the american peopler...thank you!

(Cheers...balloons...and get of jail monopoly cards fall from the sky)

 

[MagicFingers]

LMAO

Nice speach, speeck, speech
How about this one:

People,...for the good of the country, and to end the senseless bloodshed and loss of money and lives in a foreign country,
I hear-bye resign from the orifice of resedent of this fine country.
I have to go count my oil wells in Chad, or is it count chads by my oil wells?

 

[GratefulFred]

LMAO...

I thought for a second that people were so in love with Bush on this website that they were unwilling to contribute. Now I see I am not alone in these pointless struggle. Thanks MF.

 

[TheAlmightyZeus]

Ladies and Gentlemen, I George W. Bush (pause) have completely fucked up (pause) this(pause) once glorious country(pause) thus (pause) I will now (pause) commit Hari Kari (pause) on stage (pause) please do not (pause) mourn my loss (pause) for by this (pause) act (pause) I make the world (pause) a better place (pause). Farewell (pause)

That is my dream acceptance speech for the Republicna nomination.

 

[zephrbabe]

Actually, I think the president should go up there, with this majestic presentation:

Ladies and Gentlemen, the President of the United States of America, Dick Cheney! (Ovation, followed by a massive coronary before he gets to the podium.)

-Kathryn

 

[GratefulFred]

Last Second Speech

There are only three types of people in this world. George Bush and those who wish they were Geoge Bush. It was the great American philosophy Chaney who once said "Give not...but ah...carry a big dick". We are heading into troubling times now and what's needed is a president with some cheerleadership. Someone not afraid to make the big move or even the big dump...Someone who shall one day capture that Sadaam Hussein and bring him to just us...you know my opponent - Mr. Kerry served admirably in Viet King Kong and his attacks against my war time service in a key west water hole are a travesty and an abuse of public funds. 4 more years...make it 5 years is all we ask. That's only 800 days and in that time 500 million more americans will have vital death insurance in case they need to see a doctor. I have alot more to say to you american people but it doesn't really matter since I been lying to you anyways. God bless the united states of antartica...

Ok people it's showtime!