Want vs Need

[NoJo]

A friend was talking to me about how what they "want" was bad for them, but what they "need" wasn't. I guess it's like tasty food that you know is bad for you.

But originally "want" just meant "lack". The word just meant something you were going without.

When it comes to sex (it often does), I'm not so sure of the distinction between "want" and "need".

Do you feel that your wants and needs are opposed?

 

[sophia jane]

How do you define a sexual "need?"


SJ

 

[NoJo]

How do you define a sexual "need?"


SJ

Without it, you get sick?

I guess it's when you say "I really need..." rather than "I really want..."

Of course it's not like water, but most people distinguish what's good, or somehow even "necessary" for them rather than a "selfish" craving or desire. Personally, I don't make that distinction, hence the thread.

I have to tread carefully answering your post, becuase you're so often on that thread.

 

[Guest]

Do you feel that your wants and needs are opposed?

Yes. Nothing further to add (in public anyway).

 

[sophia jane]

Without it, you get sick?

I guess it's when you say "I really need..." rather than "I really want..."

Of course it's not like water, but most people distinguish what's good, or somehow even "necessary" for them rather than a "selfish" craving or desire. Personally, I don't make that distinction, hence the thread.

I have to tread carefully answering your post, becuase you're so often on that thread.

Very funny. I may be on that thread, but I'm fairly sexually aware. And while I'm not having actual sex, I'm getting plenty of satisfaction.

The reason I asked for a clarification is that there are things I "need" during sex so that I can fully enjoy it. But some would probably see that those needs are actually wants. It's all a matter of perspective really.
There are also things that I want that aren't required at all, but would be a nice little bonus.

SJ

 

[impressive]

Do you feel that your wants and needs are opposed?

Not necessarily. Sure, they can be -- but don't HAVE to be.

Personally, having my "wants" fulfilled would make me a happier (and thus, healthier) individual -- and as such, they can be construed as needs. Sorta.

 

[NoJo]

Very funny. I may be on that thread, but I'm fairly sexually aware. And while I'm not having actual sex, I'm getting plenty of satisfaction.

The reason I asked for a clarification is that there are things I "need" during sex so that I can fully enjoy it. But some would probably see that those needs are actually wants. It's all a matter of perspective really.
There are also things that I want that aren't required at all, but would be a nice little bonus.

SJ

Yes, well then, you're lucky, neither your wants or your needs seem in any way opposed, and neither of them are probably in any way "wrong". But you are lucky. I think there are a lot of people who have "self-destructive" desires or cravings.

BUT: I don't really like the idea of pathology; I like to think that in all but the most extreme cases people fundamentally know what's good for them, and act better than we think as their own doctors/shrinks.

 

[sophia jane]

Yes, well then, you're lucky, neither your wants or your needs seem in any way opposed, and neither of them are probably in any way "wrong". But you are lucky. I think there are a lot of people who have "self-destructive" desires or cravings.

BUT: I don't really like the idea of pathology; I like to think that in all but the most extreme cases people fundamentally know what's good for them, and act better than we think as their own doctors/shrinks.

I know what you're saying. I am lucky, sexually, I guess, even though I don't actually get to have much sex. I think it's just my emotional needs that end up being self-destructive.

SJ

 

[Op_Cit]

Another tidbit that came out of that 60 minutes piece about the nomadic tribe of fishermen in the Indian Ocean (malkin? or some such name): Their language had no word for "want".

It's an interesting concept. They also did not measure time. No words for "yesterday", "tomorrow", "year", and none knew how old he was. It's interesting to think about: could "want" be an artificial/abstract concept that only ends up complicating things for us?

 

[impressive]

I wrote a want/need poem, even:

http://english.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=174991

It's a dichotomy that I find fascinating.

 

[Quiet_Cool]

I've always felt that needs are necessary, and wants are what you'd prefer, but can live without. Wants don't always lead down the wrong alley, but often, two "wants" conflict more than a want and a need seem to. Maybe it's because of different life experiences, or different viewpoints and interpretations of said experiences (if there's a God, only He realizes how much different I seem to think than those around me).

To say something that will make me less acceptable around here (or maybe jsut less wanted) Sex isn't a need at all. You won't die without it, as several nuns have proven by living lives longer and healthier and more fruitful than our own. I don't mean I plan on becoming celibate, or that I'll ever be willing to even try it (though against my own wishes, I've taken that path as of late -- ).

I guess my answer is no. Mostly, I want to be what I consider a good person, which means worrying mostly about my needs and trying not to make life any more complicated (for myself or others) as I absolutely have to. Or maybe that makes me lucky too, to have that one want over-shadow all others...?

Shit, now I'm confused again...

Q_C

 

[sincerely_helene]

As you stated previously, Joe, I think common sense prevails in most cases, be it on a sexual plain or otherwise.

Perhaps your friend has been in situations where that is not necessarily the case?

For example, one could easily confide in their partner it would turn their crank to be beaten brutally, raped, choked or verbally/mentally abused, etc. In his/her mission to satisfy, said partner might actually decide to comply with these fantasies without considering the long term effects.

To take this to an extreme, if you ever read the Dolcett comics, his/her work is composed primarily based on the sexual fantasies of females who have actually requested those particular scenarios. Though the characters featured may actually claim to "want it", being impaled and roasted on a spit or hung naked in a city square at dawn are likely not something they would look back fondly on (assuming they are able to look back at all in their after life).

It's just ain't what they need, though they may appear to want it at the time.

Probably a good way to look at it is:

Want: something we hope to experiance at the time.

Need: avoiding situations that may effect us negatively in the long run, even despite how much we may think we want it.

 

[NoJo]

You're looking well rested this morning, Helene. (9 a.m.)

 

[sincerely_helene]

You're looking well rested this morning, Helene. (9 a.m.)

Thanks. Present your neck now please, homo sapien.

 

[NoJo]

Thanks. Present your neck now please, homo sapien.

Who are you calling a sapien?

Which neck do you want?

 

[sincerely_helene]

Who are you calling a sapien?

Which neck do you want?

The one that supports your head, daaaaahling.

 

[NoJo]

The one that supports your head, daaaaahling.

Narrow it down, please.

I'm a little worried: Is that the real you, or is the pretty one you?

 

[sincerely_helene]

Narrow it down, please.

I'm a little worried: Is that the real you, or is the pretty one you?

You calling me ugly? (snarl, drool, grunt)

Oh, for just one man to accept me without make-up. (dramatic sob)

 

[NoJo]

You calling me ugly? (snarl, drool, grunt)

Oh, for just one man to accept me without make-up. (dramatic sob)

Well, you scrub up well. But just look what happens to you if you don't use hypoallergenic moisturiser.