Want to try writing something non sexual.

[BusterGonad]

Hi guys,
You'll notice that this is my first post on the forum, but I've got a few stories up. Sorry about that, but I kinda like to keep this semi anonymous.

The thing is that I write these stories, but I don't know how well written they are. I keep typing "she did this, so he did that" and I think that there's got to be some way to break it up, but not sure how.

I keep telling myself that I should give "real" writing a go, but would like some feedback, not on how sexy my stories are, but how well they flow, how descriptive they are, what I could do to make them more evocative.

I'm on my phone just now, so I'm not sure how to link them, maybe I'll edit the post when I get to a computer.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=1178134&page=submissions

Thanks in advance.

BusterGonad

 

[PennLady]

Sorry I don't have time to look at your stories right now, but why can't a story with sex, or an erotic story, or whatever you want to call it, have all those elements -- flow, character development, etc.?

I'd suggest, as I often do, that you read other stories and see how those authors do it. There's no magic formula. Just keep practicing.

 

[lovecraft68]

Hi guys,
You'll notice that this is my first post on the forum, but I've got a few stories up. Sorry about that, but I kinda like to keep this semi anonymous.

The thing is that I write these stories, but I don't know how well written they are. I keep typing "she did this, so he did that" and I think that there's got to be some way to break it up, but not sure how.

I keep telling myself that I should give "real" writing a go, but would like some feedback, not on how sexy my stories are, but how well they flow, how descriptive they are, what I could do to make them more evocative.

I'm on my phone just now, so I'm not sure how to link them, maybe I'll edit the post when I get to a computer.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=1178134&page=submissions

Thanks in advance.

BusterGonad

You can certainly have a erotic story with plenty of plot.

Although a lot of people here do come here for "stroke" there is also a sizable audience that enjoys a good story spiced up with hot sex.

I have an incest series that went 50 chapters and had a half dozen plot lines running through it. I pretty much enjoyed great comments, feedback and scores. near the end I even had sexless chapters and never received one complaint.

 

[BusterGonad]

Thanks guys.
I don't mean to say that I don't believe sex stories can have a plot, or any elements a non sex story has. They wouldn't be stories if they didn't. What I mean is, if anyone has some time, can you give me some tips? Anything I'm doing right or wrong, so I can be better next time, and so I can try doing some non sexual stuff.
Also, I like writing here because there is feedback, and ratings. Is there a place like this where it's non mainly about sex?

 

[lovecraft68]

Thanks guys.
I don't mean to say that I don't believe sex stories can have a plot, or any elements a non sex story has. They wouldn't be stories if they didn't. What I mean is, if anyone has some time, can you give me some tips? Anything I'm doing right or wrong, so I can be better next time, and so I can try doing some non sexual stuff.
Also, I like writing here because there is feedback, and ratings. Is there a place like this where it's non mainly about sex?

There is a non erotic category and novels/novella's has a lot of non erotic stories. So if you want to post non sex stories for feedback you can post in those categories.

 

[sr71plt]

Google "short story writing critique sites" and you should come up with several possibilities to consider.

 

[BusterGonad]

Isaw that, I just don't know how active that part Of the site is. Thanks. I can't see how to thank your posts, either, lol.

 

[sr71plt]

You don't know how active the nonerotic category is at Literotica? Nearly 3,100 stories. That's as many stories as many short story sites have altogether.

You can review the category page here:

http://www.literotica.com/c/non-erotic-stories

 

[BusterGonad]

What about copyright? The site owns it, eh?

I mean, if I write something, and I think I can get it published, can I still do that?

Not that I think I have the chops

 

[sr71plt]

What about copyright? The site owns it, eh?

I mean, if I write something, and I think I can get it published, can I still do that?

Not that I think I have the chops

No, the copyright stays with the author. The site has nonexclusive use rights, which means the author can use it anywhere else he/she wants as well--including publishing it for profit. Nearly everything I have posted to the story file here is also in the market in some form.

 

[lovecraft68]

What about copyright? The site owns it, eh?

I mean, if I write something, and I think I can get it published, can I still do that?

Not that I think I have the chops

One thing to note, because you are new here. I you are writing for fun, and feedback, practice etc... this is a great place.

However, if you are at some point considering publishing know that any story you place here at some point will be lifted by pirates and end up all over other free sites without your permission.

If you try to publish on Amazon down the line this will be an issue as they will say your material is "freely available" everywhere.

Just something to keep in mind

 

[BusterGonad]

Yeah, a good point, thanks. It's good to know that I do own the copyright, even though putting it here makes it freely available. And its all for fun, feedback and practice.

Thanks all for the advice, patience, etc.

If anyone does read my stuff and would like to give me some constructive, destructive or instructive criticism, please do!

 

[BusterGonad]

Lol, suffered a setback today. Someone thinks my latest offering spuds like a kid wrote it, according to the public comments. I wonder what they mean...

 

[lovecraft68]

Lol, suffered a setback today. Someone thinks my latest offering spuds like a kid wrote it, according to the public comments. I wonder what they mean...

Pay attention to the comment "decadent" left. It has some critique to it, but is also encouraging. They also make a great point about "anonymous"

Word of advice, never reply to anymouse as we call them. It will inspire them to come back and bash you again. The thing trolls hate most is to be ignored.

Also make sure above all else you are writing for yourself, not others. Can't please everyone so make sure you please you.

 

[RedMonkeyButt]

Hi guys,
You'll notice that this is my first post on the forum, but I've got a few stories up. Sorry about that, but I kinda like to keep this semi anonymous.

Welcome to the forums!

The thing is that I write these stories, but I don't know how well written they are. I keep typing "she did this, so he did that" and I think that there's got to be some way to break it up, but not sure how.

The "she did, so he did" thing works to a point. But if you can't break it up then maybe you need to try focusing on using only one POV. You can still describe the reaction of the other people in the story, but you have to tell it from the person you choose. Don't wander into the other character's thoughts or you risk making your story confusing to read.

I keep telling myself that I should give "real" writing a go, but would like some feedback, not on how sexy my stories are, but how well they flow, how descriptive they are, what I could do to make them more evocative.

I agree with some of the other posts. What makes erotica not "real" writing? Just because there is sex doesn't mean there isn't plot, flow, and a point to the story. It just happens to have some hot scenes in it.

Anyway, I do plan on getting to some actual feedback here in a sec.

I'm on my phone just now, so I'm not sure how to link them, maybe I'll edit the post when I get to a computer.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=1178134&page=submissions

I read Jamal and Orla Ch. 1 As far as flow goes, it moves OK. You get from point A to point B, and you did in within 2 Lit pages. The sex (even though you didn't want this feedback) is every teenage boy's wet dream - sex with the hot school nurse. My problem, however, was the POV. It's discordant and messy and made me not want to read past the second paragraph. But I did because I'm nice like that.

You need to choose one POV and stick with it. If you're going to use multiple POVs, you need to break them up cleanly. You didn't do this in this chapter. The first couple paragraphs or so are narrated by the ubiquitous "they" voice. Then you move on to Orla and her grandfather and her church. I understand from the first paragraphs that Orla's religion is going to play a big role later in the story. I get it, but it bored me to death reading about how when she puts her mind to something, she does it. Well, guess what? She didn't do it. She set out to see Jamal's cock, and at the end of her section she goes back to class. Anticlimactic is an understatement. (yes, I realize the swollen purple thing by his knee is the glans. but she doesn't, so in her mind she didn't see it)

Then you jump right to the nurse. No foreplay, just a slutty married woman who works for a school with no apparent dress code. It's a harsh transition, though you made the effort to try to make it smooth. Don't do this. I would rather see a page break that marks the transition than just another paragraph. It breaks up the flow of the story. One minute I'm reading Olga and the next minute I'm in the head of a horny nurse. It's disconcerting.

With the sex, even if you don't want to know how hot it is and whatnot, you repeat yourself a LOT. Her pussy, his big black cock, her pussy, her boobs, his balls. It goes on and on. Describe his cock to me a little better. It's big. I get that. But did it get bigger as he got hard? Describing his nuts as fuzzy black tennis balls isn't enough. Did they tighten up as he came to erection? You just have them sitting on a table.

Description is a strong tool, but please don't think I want you to describe everything tight down to the veins leading to his junk. Too much description is a bad thing. You make a good effort, but you fell short. I got caught up in repeated words and terms and lost the feel of the story.

And then you jump from the nurse to Jamal and leave me like what the fuck? Again, a page break would have made it an easier transition. With a page break, I know something is happening. Either some time is going to pass or someone else is going to take over the story.

All in all, the chapter fell flat for me. When you wrote as Orla, you really got into Orla. Then you ripped my perspective from Orla to the nurse, and you did the nurse really well. Then you ripped me out of the nurse and put me in Jamal, and it wasn't as good. It was a jarring experience, to say the least.

Thanks in advance.

Keep in mind I only read the one piece. I also wrote all of this off the top of my head all at once, so I'm sorry if it bounces around from point to point a lot. None of it is meant to be rude. If it helps, it helps and I'm glad. If not, well, there it is.

BusterGonad

My responses are bold.

RMB

 

[BusterGonad]

Awesome feedback, thanks monkeybutt. I'd say that the story you read was about the best one, the follow ons are a bit weaker. I'm going to work on a chapter of a different series atm, but I plan on finishing the Jamal and orla story before I try something more serious. To be honest, I like writing these sex stories, but I have ambitions, and I must drive! That's why I'm looking for your thoughts, and why I am happy that you point out my mistakes!

Gratefully received.