Want to keep your child? Stop Smoking

[Guest]

 

[neonflux]

Unless the divorce is very unusual or the marriage was, what I usually see is two parents, both of whom tend to want to simultaneously hurt each other and yet protect the children... The smoking thing alarms me because it's a symptom of increased governmental interference in our bedrooms. That judge made a custody decision based on the smoking habits of one parent; a judge in Medina County, Ohio, ordered a deadbeat dad not to father any more children and a judge in Summit County, Ohio ordered that a father was to only have supervised visitation with his kids because he had adult, heterosexual, 2-person vanilla porn on his hard drive.

While the smoking, if not done outside, does represent a danger to the child's health (the health educator in me will out at times), the intrusion of the courts into family life as you describe is also a threat to the child's and the family's well-being. I have certainly read of lesbians losing child custody battles (living in San Francisco is sometimes a real blessing), and have a friend (DJ) who is a great father but lost custody rights (fighting it now), because of his public involvement in the BDSM community - the irony, his ex participates privately in BDSM but has never done so in public, and she chucked all of the evidence before taking him to court.

Which goes back to your first point - that custody cases are usually about the parents and do nothing to benefit the child. (If smoking was the only reason for giving the father full custody, then this would seem to be an example of same.)

Neon

 

[Elsie Grey]

I'm fine, just fed up with people who have no children knowing what's best for people who DO.

Not that I'm getting innvolved in this but you'd be amazed at the number of people who think I know best for their children and them yet I most certainly do not have any of my own!

Elsie

xxx

 

[angelicminx]

Child custody cases like this one simply piss me off. Smoking was the deciding factor?!

I have plenty more to say, and I'm sure most of y'all don't want to hear it, but say it I will... as soon as I get back from my attorney's office.

 

[angelicminx]

What we don't know is how Dad interacted with little Joel. Or how Mom did for that matter. Did he get to do 'extra-curricular' activities? (Swimming, baseball, basketball, soccer, scouts, etc.) Who took him? Did both parents stay involved or was is one sided? (Doesn't matter which side.)

What about Joel's friends? Did Joel get a say in the matter or was he appointed a Guardian Ad Litem who decided what was best for him without ever talking to him? Divorce is disruptive enough, why disrupt his life further by pulling him out of the school he was in, away from everything and everyone he knows?

I realize the child is 6, but 6 doesn't equal stupid. At 6, a child can at least voice a coherent opinion.

 

[cloudy]

I won't quote you, but I feel for you, doll.

I'm facing much the same thing.

 

[angelicminx]

I won't quote you, but I feel for you, doll.

I'm facing much the same thing.

Thanks, hon. Adding you to my prayers.

I had NO idea things could get so ugly. Never expected it in a million years. "He's just not like that", I told everyone. LOL... joke's on me isn't it. All because my attorney told me that the judge wouldn't approve the divorce without child support, so I included the amount my ex and I had agreed on in May 2005. He did all of this over a measly $300 a month, which I might have returned to him once it began. SIGH.

 

[cloudy]

Thanks, hon. Adding you to my prayers.

I had NO idea things could get so ugly. Never expected it in a million years. "He's just not like that", I told everyone. LOL... joke's on me isn't it. All because my attorney told me that the judge wouldn't approve the divorce without child support, so I included the amount my ex and I had agreed on in May 2005. He did all of this over a measly $300 a month, which I might have returned to him once it began. SIGH.

I know mine's like that going in. I dread it like you wouldn't believe.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I'm psychotic because I don't have a maternal instinct and don't want kids? :| Ouch.

NO! No no no no no-

I know plenty of women who do not have, and do not want children.

But a woman who has children and does not care about them- especially when they are babies- is in deep trouble, one way or another.

I mean- hell, if a butch like me could be so motherly- those chemicals are STRONG!

 

[privyjo]

None of us know what all was presented as evidence in this custody case and I cannot base an opinion on the outcome of this particular case based on one news article. After spending 10 years in and out of court myself over custody issues I feel for ALL parents, fathers and mothers, who have to go through this, but I mostly feel for the kids because no matter how hard a parent on either side may try, hard feelings arise between the battling parents and the kids feel it.

As a lesbian I was terrified I would lose custody; as a smoker I was terrified I would lose custody (smoking is not a new thing in custody cases); as a single mother I was terrified I would lose custody - anything and everything about your life is fair game in a custody battle. I "won" my case if you wish to call it that simply because my son was old enough to tell the judge with whom HE wanted to live with and the judge honored my son's decision.

Custody issues cut to the bone of every parent.

 

[IveBeenMunsoned]

None of us know what all was presented as evidence in this custody case and I cannot base an opinion on the outcome of this particular case based on one news article. After spending 10 years in and out of court myself over custody issues I feel for ALL parents, fathers and mothers, who have to go through this, but I mostly feel for the kids because no matter how hard a parent on either side may try, hard feelings arise between the battling parents and the kids feel it.

As a lesbian I was terrified I would lose custody; as a smoker I was terrified I would lose custody (smoking is not a new thing in custody cases); as a single mother I was terrified I would lose custody - anything and everything about your life is fair game in a custody battle. I "won" my case if you wish to call it that simply because my son was old enough to tell the judge with whom HE wanted to live with and the judge honored my son's decision.

Custody issues cut to the bone of every parent.

Amen...