want some advice on a nonhuman story please!

Cruel2BKind

Not Quite Here
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Feb 3, 2011
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http://www.literotica.com/s/the-half-breeds-journey

Above is a link for a nonhuman story I wrote. Its pretty short, and basically it is about a girl who gets lost in the woods, and finds a circle demon. The demon has no gender, it is basically an incubi and succubi in one. It can change its form, and even split into more then one person. It is called a circle demon because it is trapped inside a stonehenge-like structure. It's one purpose in life is to attract humans and animals into the circle and literally fuck them to death.

Anyway, in the world I created, humans are the only creatures that can lie. The girl makes a deal with the demon. She is hungry and cold and alone, and she makes the demon promise not to hurt her, and to only screw her for three hours, in exchange for him telling her the way back home. The demon is angry, but it needs sex so bad that it agrees.

There is a pretty hot sex scene, if I do say so myself ^_^, and the story ends with the girls sexual awakening, and the realization that she herself is not entirely human. She decides that instead of going back to her tiny village, she wants to explore the world.

I am already working on a second chapter. I meant for it to stand alone, but I got several comments and feedback asking for more. The second one is more mundane, with her seducing a shopkeeper in a slightly larger town to get the supplies she needs. I really don't know where to go from there.

This world I created is full of supernatural creatures. Pixies, druids, nymphs, humans, dragons, centaurs. I want her to make her way to the capitol, and eventually she will rise to be the madame of a multi-species whorehouse. Will people please post ideas for interesting sexy encounters with all kinds of creatures? I don't care if the creature isn't already on the list, I came here for ideas, and maybe there are some creatures I haven't thought of yet.

Thank you!
 
There's nothing wrong with a character who's supposed to be new at something starting out easy, as long as it forwards the overall plot and you don't linger on it to long, or over-do unimportant bits. By that I mean it's fine if she just seduces a shop keeper, but either keep it short so readers can move on to the next grand adventure without feeling like they missed anything, or make her inexperience the point of the story. I would recommend a mix of both.

You said in the heading to the story that it came out more "quest based" than you intended, but you might just take it and run with it. Maybe a whole side story about a sexually tinted quest, or maybe each story is a different quest. Maybe in the end her brothel is her retirement long after her adventures end. Just some thoughts.

If you don't mind some writing pointers, I thought the concepts overall were great, but you may think about finding an editor to help you develop your style. Setting, characters and plot all well thought out, just not presented well, which can make an otherwise good story impossible to read.
Remember: don't just tell us about your characters, demonstrate them through action.

Good start, though, and looking forward to more.
 
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