Wandering

[wanderingparis]

I'm at a homeless point in my life. I would have said rootless but I know exactly where my roots were planted and I'm certain something remains of them, deep in the ground. Homeless seems such a misused word. I have two homes in a structural sense. I just don't feel at home in either of them. Home to me means in the embrace of someone who loves you and whom you love and I don't have anyone who really qualifies on either count.
Can I find a home here? Are there women who want to embrace and be embraced with love from afar? I'm a wanderer these days, not consumed by a need for money or power, just the excitement of love.
I am certain most readers will be unaffected by this post, probably even bored. It reveals no details about the externals of my person. It does say a lot about who I am these days. Is there a thinking, feeling, literary woman to whom it does speak? Can we have an adventure together?

 

[LostGirlTink]

I'm at a homeless point in my life. I would have said rootless but I know exactly where my roots were planted and I'm certain something remains of them, deep in the ground. Homeless seems such a misused word. I have two homes in a structural sense. I just don't feel at home in either of them. Home to me means in the embrace of someone who loves you and whom you love and I don't have anyone who really qualifies on either count.
Can I find a home here? Are there women who want to embrace and be embraced with love from afar? I'm a wanderer these days, not consumed by a need for money or power, just the excitement of love.
I am certain most readers will be unaffected by this post, probably even bored. It reveals no details about the externals of my person. It does say a lot about who I am these days. Is there a thinking, feeling, literary woman to whom it does speak? Can we have an adventure together?

I'm sorry you are struggling.
As a compulsive wanderer myself I can relate to what you are saying. I hope you find what you are looking for.

 

[wanderingparis]

I'm sorry you are struggling.
As a compulsive wanderer myself I can relate to what you are saying. I hope you find what you are looking for.

Just being acknowledged already offers me some comfort. Thanks

 

[wanderingparis]

Feelin' pretty good

A lot of very nice, intelligent women who know how to write on this site. Thanks for the PMs

 

[wanderingparis]

Today in Paris

A woman wrote me a marvelous PM about how she imagines me wandering in the Parisian sun. I did just that today. It was brisk and felt a little chillier than my weather app said it was but I realized that, with everything else, I am a lucky individual to be where I am, to have the financial resources to heal from my loss, and to be alive which is to have the opportunity to see things improve.

I did have a life-affirming experience today. I went to what we used to call a winebar in London for an end-of-the-day interlude. Got to talking with a tourist who told me she was there for her granddaughter's wedding. This put her about 30-40 years older than I am. We talked about movies versus literature as media. She loves the visual; I love to create the visual through words. We talked about ranking the arts on the basis of the pure esthetic versus mere representation... It was terrific.

As we got closer to her self-imposed curfew of 10 PM, she started to bring the conversation to a close. I got up to help her with her coat. She backed into me, ground herself against me, leaned back, and whispered, "Why not come up to my room?" This is a woman who would be older than my mother if she were still alive.

I wasn't disgusted. I was actually in admiration. Still girlish, flirty, and still attractive. Just not for me.

She hasn't surrendered to time. I won't surrender to mourning.

Wandering in Paris...