Voting for President . . . or

[OldnotDead]

What do your REALLY want in YOUR World Leader?

Good morning,

I was thinking of hijacking another thread, but decided that I would be brave enough to try and start my own. Here are the unenforceable rules of this thread.

1) It is NOT limited to suggestions for the head of the US.
1a) No one is limited to suggestions for their own country either.
2) I cannot think of a single other useful rule. If you do, add it.

Here are MY personal political platforms for the upcoming election season. I will unabashedly support the nominee of any party that endorses most, or even some of my platforms.

1) An advertising ban on feminine hygeine products, condoms and underarm deodorant.
2) Make it illegal in any medium to use the word 'overview' to decribe something without providing the 'underview'.
3) Give the "Dell Interns" real jobs, making the damn computers, and take them off the air.
4) If a product yanks the hair out of your body as a means of removal, pass a federal law requiring a warning label.
5) Make it illegal to send me promotional email for any kind of 'breast enlarging' product. In the future all email must say 'bigger pecs guaranteed'.

 

[MathGirl]

Dear OnD,
I'm with you on the platform as presented. I'd also like to see a ban on those ads for people who have to pee a lot. The commercials seem to guarantee that taking the product will put you on a golf course, shooting under par, and not needing to pee.
I tried one and shot 87.
MG
I have an interesting announcement, but it isn't worth starting a thread. May I use this one, after the initial excitement over the original subject starts to ebb?

 

[OldnotDead]

Dear OnD,
I'm with you on the platform as presented. I'd also like to see a ban on those ads for people who have to pee a lot. The commercials seem to guarantee that taking the product will put you on a golf course, shooting under par, and not needing to pee.
I tried one and shot 87.
MG
I have an interesting announcement, but it isn't worth starting a thread. May I use this one, after the initial excitement over the original subject starts to ebb?

Hey, MG!

I'm with you. And could we add the 'you don't need as much TP ad' with the bears - I mean, come on!!! We all know what THEY do in the woods and they would need a LOT of TP

As for an interesting announcement. In the words of Henny Youngman . . .
Take my thread . . . PLEASE!!!

 

[Svenskaflicka]

I second Old's demands, though I'd like to add an amendment to number 1:

If an ad makes reclam for tampons or sanitary towels, the fluid used to illustrate their efficiency HAS TO BE RED!
Not sterile blue, not cutesy pink - RED!

BLOOD RED! Preferebly dark red and rather congealed, like the real thing.

Hey, we see it several times a day, several days a month. We live with it.

You should, too.

 

[Guest]

I personally want to see a ban on the douche commercials. Sheesh!

 

[Icingsugar]

I second Old's demands, though I'd like to add an amendment to number 1:

If an ad makes reclam for tampons or sanitary towels, the fluid used to illustrate their efficiency HAS TO BE RED!
Not sterile blue, not cutesy pink - RED!

The blue thing is a foregin quirk, I think. Those commersials are mainly in the swedish Viasat channels, and it's in the law or sumpfin in whatever country that they operate from. I think it's the UK, but I'm not sure.

Anyway, I'll vote for King Of The World, anyone who can banish the followong people to a desolate island:

* Jay Leno. After you tell a somewhat funny joke, don't spend half a minute explaining it.

* Bill O'Reilly. Shut up. Just...shut up.

* Vin Diesel. ...and people used to think that Aahnold's performance was woody.

* Bert Karlsson. A swede. If you don't know, don't ask.

 

[Guest]

You could banish Vin to my house. I would take him .

 

[Quasimodem]

1)===>I don't actually dislike feminine product ads – at least no more than breakfast cereal, laundry detergent, furniture polish, floor wax, infant & adult diapers, constipation remedies, and haemorrhoid cream.

They are all more or less unpleasant, especially when foisted into the middle of a kick-boxing punch up, an intimate fondle between leading man and leading lady, or even a high speed car chase. More so, since I am forced to realize that one or more of those products have a much more likely chance of figuring in the movie of my own life, than the action before the commercial.

2)===>Overview means exactly what it says. I am going to look over the whole thing for an over view, rather than look closely for a detailed analysis. For that reason, overviews' invariably overlook some devil in the details.

Nothing wrong with the word. It's like junk food. Do you want a well balance meal, or do you want an overview of dinner at McDonalds.

3)===>You don't REALLY think those commercial thespians are Dell employees, do you? Why, most of them are almost photogenic! Where are the broken glasses held together with electrical tape? Where are the pocket protectors? What did they do with the guy with an ‘armpit' haircut? Which is the kid with adenoids? For these people to be factory techies, they would have had to come from some sheltered workshop that employs special attendants who chose and supervise their dressing.

4)===> Caveat Emptor!

5)===>Investigate ‘Spam Filters' or ‘Spam Blockers' for your email account. Check also for Pop Up Blockers (or Killers) also Pop Under, etc. If you employ an ‘Instant Messenger' start investigating ‘Spim Blockers' but you need not purchase/install one yet. Just set your IM to block everybody but your buddies. (And put your buddies names in the "Don't Block" list.)

Actually, I like getting email offering to sell me the secret of how to get bigger breasts. At my age it's comforting to hear about appearance enhancement technology – real or fictional – that I do not need!

Of course, in all this, I am only protecting my income.

 

[Icingsugar]

You could banish Vin to my house. I would take him .

Sure thang. As long as he stays the hell outta my silver screen.

 

[Seattle Zack]

How about getting rid of those strange commercials for the prescription drugs that never mention what the damn thing does? You see a happy young couple in a grassy field ... then a closeup of a bunny ... then a guy building a barbeque in his back yard. The sonorous voiceover: "Ask your doctor about Marzuphoplex."

Then the quick disclaimer: "May cause uncontrollable flatulence, a nervous tic in your left eyelid that will never go away, and strange blue pus oozing from every orifice. Side effects are generally mild..."

 

[Quasimodem]

May cause dry mouth, stomach cramps, diarrhea, distended bladder, chronic urination, flatulence, psoriasis, halitosis, runny nose, blurred vision, diabetes, mild epilepsy, projectile vomiting, pseudo-Parkinsonian effects, quasi-Tourettes syndrome, and mild, undiagnosed physiological and psychological episodes.

Payola metaphene is recommended by nine out of ten doctors.

Side effects in test subjects no greater than patients with similar diseases given placebos.

 

[A7inchPhildo]

What do your REALLY want in YOUR World Leader?

Well he must be able to spell Potato, or is that Potatoe, no Poetato.
Next if he smokes a Joint he better know how to inhale.

Must be smart enough to find a girl who will swallow.

Prefer a leader who can see that his wife is a dog and upgrades. (Good media move I think.)

Must be some one who speaks good english cause I have a fuck of a time following now and it is supposedly english! (quote "Read my lips") what the hell did that mean? Must have been that overview thing.

I think his known quote would NOT be, "I'll be back!," or, "Go ahead make my day!"
Personal quote should be, "See you in hell!"

Would like someone who has a bladder, nervous, alergy condition who never saw the comercials for medication due to the above posts censorship and sits in a small room with nothing in it but a big red button.

 

[Somme]

I personally want to see a ban on the douche commercials. Sheesh!

We have a world leader?
Is he/she either a 'douche' or a commercial or both?

 

[SomewhatSublime]

And for the love of Pete... let them be decent to look at!! Male or female, as long as they are pleasing to the eye. Ugh.. to make us spend 4 years looking at someone who is butt ugly should be a crime against humanity.

Yes. I'm shallow. But I'm cute! (maybe I should run for prez?)

 

[Dirty Slut]

Personally...

I'd vote for the one damn person on this planet that doesn't want the job.

DS

 

[snooper]

Re: Personally...

I'd vote for the one damn person on this planet that doesn't want the job.

DS

Hear, hear! (translation for US: Way to go)

I would also be much attracted by a politician who would ban taxpayer-funded public service broadcasters from showing nauseating advertisements for other channels which they have set up at my expense, but which I cannot receive, and probably never will be able to without an expensive satellite dish.

 

[whispering_surrender]

May cause dry mouth, stomach cramps, diarrhea, distended bladder, chronic urination, flatulence, psoriasis, halitosis, runny nose, blurred vision, diabetes, mild epilepsy, projectile vomiting, pseudo-Parkinsonian effects, quasi-Tourettes syndrome, and mild, undiagnosed physiological and psychological episodes.

Payola metaphene is recommended by nine out of ten doctors.

Side effects in test subjects no greater than patients with similar diseases given placebos.

And! Is being used to treat social anxiety disorders....you'll be much more comfortable around others once the flatulence sets in....*rolls eyes*

Whisper

 

[dr_mabeuse]

How about getting rid of those strange commercials for the prescription drugs that never mention what the damn thing does? You see a happy young couple in a grassy field ... then a closeup of a bunny ... then a guy building a barbeque in his back yard. The sonorous voiceover: "Ask your doctor about Marzuphoplex."

The mystery-pharmaceutical ad I like is the older-but-still-virile guy running around in his back yard throwing that football through the tire, piercing that hole time and time again as his wife looks on admiringly from the porch.

I wonder why they didn't show him driving a powerful locomotive at full speed through a tunnel?

---dr.M.

 

[Gary Chambers]

He or she must ban ads for panty liners.

Recently a young girl I know came home to her mother, to find the older woman fuming over panty liners. Her mother had suddenly realised that panty liners have no purpose. If you are mildly incontinent you need Depends. If you are extremely incontinent you need surgery and possibly a catheter. If you are not incontinent but are menstruating, you need sanitary napkins or tampons. "So," her mother raged, "what's all this panty liner business about? It's just more useless crap they're selling us again; more junk for the landfills."

Her daughter said, "Mum, don't you realise what's happened? First they sold us all those hygiene sprays to put down there, to convince us our bodies are dirty and smelly. Once they had us scared of our bodies, they started pushing the panty liners, just in case all the feminine hygiene products wear off and the foul stench of our vaginas permeates every room we enter."

This piece of wisdom came from a 14-year-old girl. If she can figure it out, the new world leader should be able to do so as well.

 

[Quasimodem]

The mystery-pharmaceutical ad I like is the older-but-still-virile guy running around in his back yard throwing that football through the tire, piercing that hole time and time again as his wife looks on admiringly from the porch. ---dr.M.

It's not really a Mystery, Doc.
We really ARE supposed to know what's making him frolic about in slow motion.

I just think it would be a much more effective ad, if they had used the song from the Adult Musical: "Alice In Wonderland."

His ding-a-ling's up.
His ding-a-ling's up.
Today he fin'ly got his dinky up!

 

[oggbashan]

Have a King or Queen as Head of State

Don't elect your head of state: choose a family and make them Royal.

Educate the children that it is their DUTY to rule.

Don't actually give them any power except the right to call an election by dismissing the Prime Minister.

The Ruler's job is to tell the Prime Minister very occasionally (about once every five years) "That isn't a good idea."

The hours are long, the Ruler has to be unfailingly polite to complete assholes like elected (or non-elected) heads of state and the people that are met when opening old people's homes, new bridges etc.

You can't retire from the job.

Every half-assed journalist sees the Ruler and family as a target for criticism and will dig out any possible dirt based on evidence that would never be allowed in a court.

The armed forces, the courts and the civil service are responsible to the ruler and do things in the ruler's name which allows them sometimes to say no to politicians and continue running the country during an election or when the politicians are on holiday.

The ruler doesn't owe favours to anyone; doesn't have to repay election contibutions or buy votes by announcing government spending in key states.

I think the US tried a royal family with the Kennedys. Now it is the Bushes. The real thing works better.

If desperate, a ruler can be executed. Try that for politicians.

Og

 

[Uther_Pendragon]

Sorry, half of what you advocate is a direct violation
of the first amendment. Most of the rest doesn't have
anything to do with the presidency.
Despite what Dubya seems to think, the president of the
USA doesn't make laws, although he can propose laws.

 

[Colleen Thomas]

How bout a ruler who is literate, well read, respectful of those he governs and rich enough on his own merits to be incorruptible?

While I am at it I want a pony too santa

-Colly

 

[wornoutkeyboard]

Sorry, half of what you advocate is a direct violation
of the first amendment. Most of the rest doesn't have
anything to do with the presidency.
Despite what Dubya seems to think, the president of the
USA doesn't make laws, although he can propose laws.

Good lord...if you turn the handle just a little to the left the stick will slide out of your ass.

When you are done...check this link out:

(Enter with caution)

http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=satire

Lighten up, man.

~WOK

 

[snooper]

Re: Have a King or Queen as Head of State

If desperate, a ruler can be executed. Try that for politicians.

They have done, several times. Sometimes things got better, sometimes they didn't.