Votes, feedback, the whole she-bang

[SavageGenius]

Howdy All.

Looking for a little criticism of my story "A Showman Chapter 1" in the Exhib & Voy genre.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=66595

And for those that care..I also wrote a "fun" little poem stemmiong from that little known vampire show....Just for fun.

Thanks in advance.

 

[the_bragis]

Hello SavageGenuis,

I just finished reading your first chapter. There's really very little to criticize.

Here's what I noted as I read:

'Wild Web World' that's cute, and it made me smile in the first 30 seconds I was reading. Actually much of your story made me smile, but I'm not going to be a plot pooper and give it away here.

See how I just typed 30 instead of thirty? I noticed you do that too, it really bugs some readers, so try to break the habit.

...certainly difficult and erotic.

I'm being picky here I know, but I think this should be 'but' not 'and' since 'difficult' and 'erotic' are contradictions. Well they are for me anyway.

Now inverted commas, I found some of these confusing especially in the directory list, I think the names and descriptions should have been enclosed. Someone with more expertise in grammar and punctuation could clarify that one.

You know when I got the end of reading this, I found myself thinking - and? I was a little frustrated at first, then I remembered this is only chapter one. You got me hooked.

I wish you well with your future writing.

Have a good day,

Alex (fem).

 

[SavageGenius]

Hello SavageGenuis,

I just finished reading your first chapter. There's really very little to criticize.

Let me first thank you for reading and posting.

See how I just typed 30 instead of thirty? I noticed you do that too, it really bugs some readers, so try to break the habit.

I always thought the rule was to write out the numbers from 1-10 and then use the numbers for everything over. This may be the strict rule for lazy people. I actually think I will take your advice and write out the numbers from now on. It seems to flow better that way.

...certainly difficult and erotic.

I'm being picky here I know, but I think this should be 'but' not 'and' since 'difficult' and 'erotic' are contradictions. Well they are for me anyway.

I think you are right...after reading it again, I see how climsy it is.

Now inverted commas, I found some of these confusing especially in the directory list, I think the names and descriptions should have been enclosed. Someone with more expertise in grammar and punctuation could clarify that one.

I think possibly using "NAME: Description" might work better.

You know when I got the end of reading this, I found myself thinking - and? I was a little frustrated at first, then I remembered this is only chapter one. You got me hooked.

I wish you well with your future writing.

Have a good day,

Alex (fem).

Glad I got you hooked. I don't mind the grammar mistakes so much (they can always be fixed) as long as people like the story and style.

I will probably do some more careful editing for the next chapter.

Thanks again.

 

[SavageGenius]

Oh, yeah.

Nice Av....

 

[the_bragis]

I always thought the rule was to write out the numbers from 1-10 and then use the numbers for everything over.

You're probably right you know, it wouldn't be the first time I got something wrong, so I'm going to check with someone who will know for sure, Whispersecret.

Alex

 

[Whispersecret]

LOL. I appreciate the confidence in my knowledge, but the reply I gave Alex is not substantiated with any type of bibliography. I looked in my Elements of Style but it only mentioned dates, really. So, I'm relying on my fallible brain.

With that disclaimer, I hand you over to Alex.

 

[the_bragis]

Whispersecret, thank you for your help, now I hope you don't mind me cutting and pasting part of your reply?

"Certainly anything under one hundred should be spelled out. Any number that's four or less words should probably be spelled out, like four hundred fifty-six. I'd say if you're going to type a number like 1,456, it's better to use the actual numerals, but most fiction writers won't need to use cumbersome numbers like that. "

So I guess there's not really a cut and dried rule for it.



SavageGenius, I bet you're hoping you don't run into too many pedantic readers like me.

Anyway your story got a 5, five, ***** , from me regardless.

Have a great day now,

Alex (fem).

 

[SavageGenius]

Well, since I may harbor a fantasy of actually writing a substantial piece one day, your attention to detail may help form a better writing technique on my part.

By the way, it is a lesser fantasy of mine to write something like that....but who knows what the future brings...

Thanks again. Also thanks to Whispersecret.

 

[Whispersecret]

My pleasure. I'm sure Weird Harold could give you a clearer answer.

 

[SavageGenius]

Bumping for business....